Why I Hate Dan Brown
Disturbing News
I was going to write Dan Brown a scathing e-mail, with all kinds of nasty language and accusations of plagiarism.
Four persons murdered around a city in a pattern.
Wow, that’s not new. I’m sure that’s been done before, and I’ve seen a map of a pentagram drawn over cities so often in movies that I actually make fun of it in my book.
…by a secret religious cult…
Again, nothing new. Matter of fact, they are the ones most likely to bother murdering people in a pattern around a city, right?
…each of the murder victims is marked with a symbol…
Well of course they are marked with a symbol, they are dedicated to some greater cause. Of course the bodies are marked. Goes without saying….
…representing the four elements of air, earth, fire, and water.
Um, wow. That’s cutting it kind of close. I mean…wow.
OK, so it’s at this point that I start the e-mail to Dan Brown, that is so flaming hot I have to turn on the air conditioning. I’m on the verge of throwing inanimate objects. I’m looking up Mr. Brown’s address, and saving for a plane ticket. I have been working on The Demonslayers Handbook for TWO FUCKING YEARS, and how dare he swipe a major plot point from my work….
…except for one thing. Dan Brown’s “Angels and Demons” was published in 2000, and I started on The Demonslayers Handbook in 2004.
Great. So two years of work just got fucked because Mr. Brown had the idea four years earlier. Who will possibly believe that I came up this plot concept on my own?
No one.
This has suddenly become one of the saddest days of my life.
Curse You, Dan Brown. I know it’s not your fault, but Curse You anyways…
Sincerely,
-Conrad Zero
