Thursday, November 15, 2007
Open Letter to Gene Simmons - RIAA Spokesperson and Douchebag
Unfortunately, the full article on billboard.biz requires subscription, but you can read enough excerpts from the Motley Crue fan club site to get the point:
Gene Simmons is an Idiot with a Capitalist I.
He really thinks that all of this "Free Music" nonsense could have been prevented if the Recording Industry had taken action from the beginning. Quote:
The record industry doesn't have a f*cking clue how to make money. It's only their fault for letting foxes get into the henhouse and then wondering why there's no eggs or chickens. Every little college kid, every freshly-scrubbed little kid's face should have been sued off the face of the earth. They should have taken their houses and cars and nipped it right there in the beginning. Those kids are putting 100,000 to a million people out of work. How can you pick on them? They've got freckles. That's a crook. He may as well be wearing a bandit's mask.
Gene Simmons must be the RIAA's wet dream, so entrenched in "the way we've always done it" that it is simply outside of his understanding that the rules have changed.
Sorry Gene, that the internet has made things complicated for you. Here is something for you to think about (when you can break away from the book you are writing about all the prostitutes you've slept with): I can go online and view the Mona Lisa any time I want. For Free. I can also go to the Louvre and pay to see it for a short time. For slightly more money I can own a print copy. For an ungodly amount of money I could own the real thing.
Now, why on God's Green Earth would people pay to see the Mona Lisa, or pay for a copy of the Mona Lisa, or pay to own the Mona Lisa, when they can see it online for Free? OH MY FUCKING GOD! HOW CAN THE ARTIST MAKE ANY MONEY WHEN YOU CAN ACCESS THE ART ONLINE FOR FREEEEEEeeee..... [insert sound of Gene Simmons screaming as he falls into the abyss of his own stupidity here]
Gene, here is another thing for you to think about when you aren't reducing KISS to a laughable product (because we all need an electric toothbrush that plays "Rock & Roll All Night"): As a musician, I would rather give my music away for free (as a matter of fact, I do give it away for free) than to see a DIME go into the pockets of the Recording Industry. They are irrelevant. They are the middlemen who have leeched the money from the pockets of talented people for DECADES. THEY are the real thieves, and the internet has eliminated their usefulness. You think they still have some value because they helped make you rich? You are a fool. I bet you still listen to terrestrial radio.
It gets better:
Billboard: But some artist like RADIOHEAD and Trent Reznor are trying to find a new business model.
Simmons: That doesn't count. You can't pick on one person as an exception. And that's not a business model that works. I open a store and say "Come on in and pay whatever you want." Are you on f*cking crack? Do you really believe that's a business model that works?
Someone points the way out of Gene Simmons stupidity, and he asks them if they are on drugs. This is where it becomes clear why he is so upset; it isn't about the music with him, its about the *Business* of music. Music is just a vehicle to MAKE MONEY. No wonder he is upset.
You know Gene, as a matter of fact, opening a store with almost negligible overhead, upkeep and distribution costs, with GLOBAL DISTRIBUTION and open 24x7x365 then asking for donations is a fucking phenomenal business model. How do you think wikipedia.org is still in business? How do you think the projects on sourceforge are funded? Are you aware that Radiohead are actually making an average of $6 per download by Giving Away their art and letting people donate what they want? And not a penny goes to the RIAA middleman. $6 average per customer, Gene. Do YOU make that much?
This is all overlooking the fact that the music is more important than the money, but this is also outside Gene Simmon's frame of reference:
Billboard: So what if music just becomes free and artists make their living off of touring and merchandise?
Simmons: Well, therein lies the most stupid mistake anybody can make. The most important part is the music. Without that, why would you care? Even the idea that you're considering giving the music away for free makes it easier to give it away for free. The only reason why gold is expensive is because we all agree that it is. There's no real use for it, except we all agree and abide by the idea that gold costs a certain amount per ounce. As soon as you give people the choice to deviate from it, you have chaos and anarchy. And that's what going on.
Gene, you almost figured this out. Things have Always been worth what people are willing to pay for them. Now, change "CD"s into "Digital Bits on the internet", and stir... Calling this change "chaos and anarchy" is incorrect. It is Change; change from one system to another system, one that you don't like, because you can't see how it will make you money.
Gene, as a young boy, I looked up to you as a Hero, and now you tell the world there is no real use for music unless you sell it to make money.
Blow me, Gene Simmons, you're a fucking idiot.
You worked hard, and made some good music and you made some good money using the system you had available at the time, and it worked out well for you. You got yours. Hooray for you. But the system has changed, and it's time for you to shut the fuck up and let people work with the system they have.
Art Is Resistance
-Zero
3 Comments
Permalink
Gene Simmons is an Idiot with a Capitalist I.
He really thinks that all of this "Free Music" nonsense could have been prevented if the Recording Industry had taken action from the beginning. Quote:
The record industry doesn't have a f*cking clue how to make money. It's only their fault for letting foxes get into the henhouse and then wondering why there's no eggs or chickens. Every little college kid, every freshly-scrubbed little kid's face should have been sued off the face of the earth. They should have taken their houses and cars and nipped it right there in the beginning. Those kids are putting 100,000 to a million people out of work. How can you pick on them? They've got freckles. That's a crook. He may as well be wearing a bandit's mask.
Gene Simmons must be the RIAA's wet dream, so entrenched in "the way we've always done it" that it is simply outside of his understanding that the rules have changed.
Sorry Gene, that the internet has made things complicated for you. Here is something for you to think about (when you can break away from the book you are writing about all the prostitutes you've slept with): I can go online and view the Mona Lisa any time I want. For Free. I can also go to the Louvre and pay to see it for a short time. For slightly more money I can own a print copy. For an ungodly amount of money I could own the real thing.
Now, why on God's Green Earth would people pay to see the Mona Lisa, or pay for a copy of the Mona Lisa, or pay to own the Mona Lisa, when they can see it online for Free? OH MY FUCKING GOD! HOW CAN THE ARTIST MAKE ANY MONEY WHEN YOU CAN ACCESS THE ART ONLINE FOR FREEEEEEeeee..... [insert sound of Gene Simmons screaming as he falls into the abyss of his own stupidity here]
Gene, here is another thing for you to think about when you aren't reducing KISS to a laughable product (because we all need an electric toothbrush that plays "Rock & Roll All Night"): As a musician, I would rather give my music away for free (as a matter of fact, I do give it away for free) than to see a DIME go into the pockets of the Recording Industry. They are irrelevant. They are the middlemen who have leeched the money from the pockets of talented people for DECADES. THEY are the real thieves, and the internet has eliminated their usefulness. You think they still have some value because they helped make you rich? You are a fool. I bet you still listen to terrestrial radio.
It gets better:
Billboard: But some artist like RADIOHEAD and Trent Reznor are trying to find a new business model.
Simmons: That doesn't count. You can't pick on one person as an exception. And that's not a business model that works. I open a store and say "Come on in and pay whatever you want." Are you on f*cking crack? Do you really believe that's a business model that works?
Someone points the way out of Gene Simmons stupidity, and he asks them if they are on drugs. This is where it becomes clear why he is so upset; it isn't about the music with him, its about the *Business* of music. Music is just a vehicle to MAKE MONEY. No wonder he is upset.
You know Gene, as a matter of fact, opening a store with almost negligible overhead, upkeep and distribution costs, with GLOBAL DISTRIBUTION and open 24x7x365 then asking for donations is a fucking phenomenal business model. How do you think wikipedia.org is still in business? How do you think the projects on sourceforge are funded? Are you aware that Radiohead are actually making an average of $6 per download by Giving Away their art and letting people donate what they want? And not a penny goes to the RIAA middleman. $6 average per customer, Gene. Do YOU make that much?
This is all overlooking the fact that the music is more important than the money, but this is also outside Gene Simmon's frame of reference:
Billboard: So what if music just becomes free and artists make their living off of touring and merchandise?
Simmons: Well, therein lies the most stupid mistake anybody can make. The most important part is the music. Without that, why would you care? Even the idea that you're considering giving the music away for free makes it easier to give it away for free. The only reason why gold is expensive is because we all agree that it is. There's no real use for it, except we all agree and abide by the idea that gold costs a certain amount per ounce. As soon as you give people the choice to deviate from it, you have chaos and anarchy. And that's what going on.
Gene, you almost figured this out. Things have Always been worth what people are willing to pay for them. Now, change "CD"s into "Digital Bits on the internet", and stir... Calling this change "chaos and anarchy" is incorrect. It is Change; change from one system to another system, one that you don't like, because you can't see how it will make you money.
Gene, as a young boy, I looked up to you as a Hero, and now you tell the world there is no real use for music unless you sell it to make money.
Blow me, Gene Simmons, you're a fucking idiot.
You worked hard, and made some good music and you made some good money using the system you had available at the time, and it worked out well for you. You got yours. Hooray for you. But the system has changed, and it's time for you to shut the fuck up and let people work with the system they have.
Art Is Resistance
-Zero
Labels: Business Phenomena, consumerism, idiots, Music Industry, Open Letter
Monday, January 08, 2007
I want to work for Guitar Center
So one of those ridiculous Guitar Center ads came on the radio last week, proclaiming "Musicians, if you have 39 bucks, or your mom, girlfriend, or life partner has 39 bucks..."
...well, you've heard the commercials. Anyways, they mentioned a sale (this weekend only, of course) Ibanez Bass Guitars were Half Off! This is significant, especially for someone I know who is in the market for an Ibanez Bass Guitar. Me.
So I bopped down to the Guitar Center in Edina. After half an hour of trying to find someone to help me, I asked them about the sale. They had not heard of any sale on Bass Guitars, much less on Ibanez Bass Guitars. "Nope, sorry dude."
So I sahsayed up to Guitar Center in Roseville. They had not heard of the sale either. "Hmm, I don't know, dude. The prices are listed on each guitar..."
Can't find it on their website, so I chatted with a Guitar Center rep online, and explained the situation. His response?
"I haven't heard of it either, sorry."
Wow, that's um, awesome. Thanks for the non-help. By the way, you forgot to call me 'dude'.
I'm not P.O.ed that they hadn't heard of the sale. I'm not P.O.ed that perhaps the radio station played the wrong commercial, or the sale Guitar Center was supposed to have was not communicated to the stores properly, or whatever happened. I'm P.O.ed that the employees didn't expend an ounce of energy beyond mumbling, "Huh, sorry dude..."
So I've decided that I want to work for Guitar Center. Think about it,
-no drug testing
-no background checks
-no experience necessary
-no brains necessary
-no motivation necessary
I honestly wish MARS music had not gone out of business. G.C. needs some competition to keep them on their toes. (And Schmitt Music? Wow, um, yeah, right, ...dude). I would much rather give my business to Mom and Pop music stores, but finding a good one is a challenge.
Blog on,
-CZ
2 Comments
Permalink
...well, you've heard the commercials. Anyways, they mentioned a sale (this weekend only, of course) Ibanez Bass Guitars were Half Off! This is significant, especially for someone I know who is in the market for an Ibanez Bass Guitar. Me.
So I bopped down to the Guitar Center in Edina. After half an hour of trying to find someone to help me, I asked them about the sale. They had not heard of any sale on Bass Guitars, much less on Ibanez Bass Guitars. "Nope, sorry dude."
So I sahsayed up to Guitar Center in Roseville. They had not heard of the sale either. "Hmm, I don't know, dude. The prices are listed on each guitar..."
Can't find it on their website, so I chatted with a Guitar Center rep online, and explained the situation. His response?
"I haven't heard of it either, sorry."
Wow, that's um, awesome. Thanks for the non-help. By the way, you forgot to call me 'dude'.
I'm not P.O.ed that they hadn't heard of the sale. I'm not P.O.ed that perhaps the radio station played the wrong commercial, or the sale Guitar Center was supposed to have was not communicated to the stores properly, or whatever happened. I'm P.O.ed that the employees didn't expend an ounce of energy beyond mumbling, "Huh, sorry dude..."
So I've decided that I want to work for Guitar Center. Think about it,
-no drug testing
-no background checks
-no experience necessary
-no brains necessary
-no motivation necessary
I honestly wish MARS music had not gone out of business. G.C. needs some competition to keep them on their toes. (And Schmitt Music? Wow, um, yeah, right, ...dude). I would much rather give my business to Mom and Pop music stores, but finding a good one is a challenge.
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: anti, consumerism, idiots
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Youparklikeanasshole.com
Not much to explain, really. Useful, intuitive design. Wonderfully executed.
Make sure to download/printout the infraction forms and keep them in your glovebox for violators.
Blog on,
-CZ
0 Comments
Permalink
Make sure to download/printout the infraction forms and keep them in your glovebox for violators.
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: anti, Cool Website, Etiquette, idiots
Friday, November 03, 2006
Get OFF my side!
You might think I would agree with this article at the Inquirer written by Charlie Demerjian, which takes a stab at DRM.
But I don't. While DRM is just plain evil, Charlie Demerjian ties the concept only to Microsoft, and specifically uses it to bash Windows Media Player 11, which, Charlie point out, no longer lets you back up licenses for DRM-infected content.
That much is accurate, and one more compelling reason to avoid DRM-infected content, but the rest of his article is useless anti-Microsoft flaming, like this:
What WiMP11 represents is one of the biggest thefts of your rights that I can think of. MS planned this...
Microsoft did not invent DRM, nor is Microsoft the only user of DRM. Does your article even mention iTunes and other sites that use DRM? No. Does your article offer alternatives to Windows Media Player? No.
DOES YOUR ARTICLE MENTION THAT ANYONE WHO CAN SPELL DRM CAN TURN IT OFF IN WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER?
Charlie Demerjian, you are an Idiot. Get off my side. I'm pleased with your abject hatred of DRM, but taking that hatred out on MS and Windows Media Player is not only unwarranted but bad journalism.
Blog on,
-CZ
0 Comments
Permalink
But I don't. While DRM is just plain evil, Charlie Demerjian ties the concept only to Microsoft, and specifically uses it to bash Windows Media Player 11, which, Charlie point out, no longer lets you back up licenses for DRM-infected content.
That much is accurate, and one more compelling reason to avoid DRM-infected content, but the rest of his article is useless anti-Microsoft flaming, like this:
What WiMP11 represents is one of the biggest thefts of your rights that I can think of. MS planned this...
Microsoft did not invent DRM, nor is Microsoft the only user of DRM. Does your article even mention iTunes and other sites that use DRM? No. Does your article offer alternatives to Windows Media Player? No.
DOES YOUR ARTICLE MENTION THAT ANYONE WHO CAN SPELL DRM CAN TURN IT OFF IN WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER?
Charlie Demerjian, you are an Idiot. Get off my side. I'm pleased with your abject hatred of DRM, but taking that hatred out on MS and Windows Media Player is not only unwarranted but bad journalism.
Blog on,
-CZ
Friday, July 14, 2006
Splog
I went looking for some new virtual real estate, as I am thinking of starting a business venture, and one of the names I looked into was Zerovision. So of course, I checked out zerovision.com you can check the site yourself, but I don't recommend you do, because it is a splog Someone bought up the domain name just to turn round and sell it at a profit.
Of course now there are rules against this, you can't simply buy up a made up domain name and not use it, waiting for some company with that name to buy it from you. Not to mention that there is a cost to register the domain, and a yearly fee to keep the name registered to you. Of course this will not keep any determined vulture from wanting to cash in, and thus was born the splog.
I think zerovision.com is a particular kind of splog called a scraper site. There is NO CONTENT on the site at all. The entire site is made of buzzwords scraped together (hence the name) from high-ranking websites, to place it as high as possible on search engines, and generate any traffic at all to their site. Where the content is supposed to be (in the body center of the page) is...you guessed it, advertisements. Tons and Tons of ads, which probably generate a small bit of revenue.
Now the vulture can say they are actually using the domain name, and the site might actually make a couple bucks from ads, although if they made enough to offset the yearly registration fee, I would be surprised. The real money is made by reselling the name.
I e-mailed the owner of the website/splog zerovision.com, and asked them how much they would sell the name for. I have copied the e-mail below. I have reversed the order of this e-mail trail so you can read it from the top down, but I have not changed any content. Keep in mind that a website name costs about ten bucks to register.
I know it looks like something I would make up, but I assure you this is the real thing.
***********************************************************
-----Original Message-----
From: DomainSpa.com e-mailer [mailto:mailbot@domainspa.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 13, 2006 11:36 AM
To: exoticdomains@domainspa.com
Subject: [zerovision.com] Inquiry
Domain: 'zerovision.com'
Date: '7/13/2006'
From: 'conradzero@gmail.com'
Subject: 'Inquiry'
Message follows:
how much to buy this domain name, zerovision.com?
-C
-----Original Message-----
From: ExoticDomains [mailto:exoticdomains@domainspa.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 13, 2006 11:38 AM
To: conradzero@gmail.com
Subject: RE: [zerovision.com] Inquiry
$5000
-----Original Message-----
From: Conrad Zero [mailto:conradzero@gmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 13, 2006 1:37 PM
To: exoticdomains@domainspa.com
Subject: RE: [zerovision.com] Inquiry
That's funny.
But seriously, how about two hundred, and I will still call you a thief
afterwards?
Sincerely,
-C
-----Original Message-----
From: ExoticDomains [mailto:exoticdomains@domainspa.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 13, 2006 12:49 PM
To: 'Conrad Zero'
Subject: RE: [zerovision.com] Inquiry
How about I will call you an asshole now?
*******************************************************
How about? Heh.
Of course, I reported the site as a scraper site to google, which should jerk their search results out from under them...
...and Now, I'm an asshole.
Splog on,
-CZ
0 Comments
Permalink
Of course now there are rules against this, you can't simply buy up a made up domain name and not use it, waiting for some company with that name to buy it from you. Not to mention that there is a cost to register the domain, and a yearly fee to keep the name registered to you. Of course this will not keep any determined vulture from wanting to cash in, and thus was born the splog.
I think zerovision.com is a particular kind of splog called a scraper site. There is NO CONTENT on the site at all. The entire site is made of buzzwords scraped together (hence the name) from high-ranking websites, to place it as high as possible on search engines, and generate any traffic at all to their site. Where the content is supposed to be (in the body center of the page) is...you guessed it, advertisements. Tons and Tons of ads, which probably generate a small bit of revenue.
Now the vulture can say they are actually using the domain name, and the site might actually make a couple bucks from ads, although if they made enough to offset the yearly registration fee, I would be surprised. The real money is made by reselling the name.
I e-mailed the owner of the website/splog zerovision.com, and asked them how much they would sell the name for. I have copied the e-mail below. I have reversed the order of this e-mail trail so you can read it from the top down, but I have not changed any content. Keep in mind that a website name costs about ten bucks to register.
I know it looks like something I would make up, but I assure you this is the real thing.
***********************************************************
-----Original Message-----
From: DomainSpa.com e-mailer [mailto:mailbot@domainspa.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 13, 2006 11:36 AM
To: exoticdomains@domainspa.com
Subject: [zerovision.com] Inquiry
Domain: 'zerovision.com'
Date: '7/13/2006'
From: 'conradzero@gmail.com'
Subject: 'Inquiry'
Message follows:
how much to buy this domain name, zerovision.com?
-C
-----Original Message-----
From: ExoticDomains [mailto:exoticdomains@domainspa.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 13, 2006 11:38 AM
To: conradzero@gmail.com
Subject: RE: [zerovision.com] Inquiry
$5000
-----Original Message-----
From: Conrad Zero [mailto:conradzero@gmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 13, 2006 1:37 PM
To: exoticdomains@domainspa.com
Subject: RE: [zerovision.com] Inquiry
That's funny.
But seriously, how about two hundred, and I will still call you a thief
afterwards?
Sincerely,
-C
-----Original Message-----
From: ExoticDomains [mailto:exoticdomains@domainspa.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 13, 2006 12:49 PM
To: 'Conrad Zero'
Subject: RE: [zerovision.com] Inquiry
How about I will call you an asshole now?
*******************************************************
How about? Heh.
Of course, I reported the site as a scraper site to google, which should jerk their search results out from under them...
...and Now, I'm an asshole.
Splog on,
-CZ
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
America the Strange
Ugly = Beautiful Just ask the designers of the H2, Aztec, and all the other square Humvee-Wannabees. Just ask the people who put Julia Roberts face on magazines.
Stupid = Clever Just ask the marketing genius behind Arby’s “Oven Mitt” ad campaign.
Untalented = Talented Dashboard Confessional, Kid Rock, q.e.d.
Old = New Starsky and Hutch? The Dukes Of Hazzard?
Boring = Interesting – The Apprentice, Survivor, and pretty much any “reality” TV show nameable. Brad and Jen.
Not Funny = Funny King of the Hill, South Park, Family Guy. Tom Green. Adam Sandler. I could go on and on...
Poor Quality = Good Quality Especially in the music spectrum (where it is called “Indie” or “Lo Fi”) but also in video (Blair Witch Project, Independent Films...)
Evil = Good I will let you PoliSci Majors fill this one in for me
And people wonder how I am able to use the word “American...” as a condescending adjective. Heh. People who call used cars “pre-owned” as though it were some kind of advantageous selling point? People who use SUV’s as a single passenger vehicle, driving them to work each day and complaining about the price of gasoline?
I've decided that I am from Canada.
Blog on,
-CZ
0 Comments
Permalink
Stupid = Clever Just ask the marketing genius behind Arby’s “Oven Mitt” ad campaign.
Untalented = Talented Dashboard Confessional, Kid Rock, q.e.d.
Old = New Starsky and Hutch? The Dukes Of Hazzard?
Boring = Interesting – The Apprentice, Survivor, and pretty much any “reality” TV show nameable. Brad and Jen.
Not Funny = Funny King of the Hill, South Park, Family Guy. Tom Green. Adam Sandler. I could go on and on...
Poor Quality = Good Quality Especially in the music spectrum (where it is called “Indie” or “Lo Fi”) but also in video (Blair Witch Project, Independent Films...)
Evil = Good I will let you PoliSci Majors fill this one in for me
And people wonder how I am able to use the word “American...” as a condescending adjective. Heh. People who call used cars “pre-owned” as though it were some kind of advantageous selling point? People who use SUV’s as a single passenger vehicle, driving them to work each day and complaining about the price of gasoline?
I've decided that I am from Canada.
Blog on,
-CZ
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Microsoft Privacy: Take Three
Dear MSN and Windows Live Privacy,
Someone over there is either not reading, or not understanding my question. For the THIRD time, please read the clearly outlined question below, and don’t dream of sending me yet another copy of your privacy policy, since what I am asking for IS NOT COVERED THERE.
________________________________
I have read and understood your policies regarding your customer lists, also known as the 'account holders'. I am NOT asking about how that information is treated. I am asking about the Contact data the account holders store using Windows Live. Since this is confusing to you, I will use an example:
Pretend that your customer/account holder (Lets call him Bill Gates) opens his Windows Live Contacts Beta, and he puts in address, phone number, e-mail, birthday, SSN, etc for several people, (Lets call them Sally, Johnny, and Jimmy)
In this case, my question is: What are your privacy policies regarding Sally and Johnny and Jimmy's personal data? Is that data shared in any way, shape or form?
It is disturbing to know that you have access to the information of others and the ability to share it without their permission or knowledge. It is far more disturbing to see that your "Privacy Policy" only regards the account holder (Bill Gates, in our example) and says Nothing at all about how the data of other people (Sally, Johnny, and Jimmy in our example) is treated.
Hopefully you now understand what I am asking, and can send your response to me at your earliest convenience.
_________________________________
Last chance, so you really should try hard with this one.
Sincerely disappointed,
Conrad
0 Comments
Permalink
Someone over there is either not reading, or not understanding my question. For the THIRD time, please read the clearly outlined question below, and don’t dream of sending me yet another copy of your privacy policy, since what I am asking for IS NOT COVERED THERE.
________________________________
I have read and understood your policies regarding your customer lists, also known as the 'account holders'. I am NOT asking about how that information is treated. I am asking about the Contact data the account holders store using Windows Live. Since this is confusing to you, I will use an example:
Pretend that your customer/account holder (Lets call him Bill Gates) opens his Windows Live Contacts Beta, and he puts in address, phone number, e-mail, birthday, SSN, etc for several people, (Lets call them Sally, Johnny, and Jimmy)
In this case, my question is: What are your privacy policies regarding Sally and Johnny and Jimmy's personal data? Is that data shared in any way, shape or form?
It is disturbing to know that you have access to the information of others and the ability to share it without their permission or knowledge. It is far more disturbing to see that your "Privacy Policy" only regards the account holder (Bill Gates, in our example) and says Nothing at all about how the data of other people (Sally, Johnny, and Jimmy in our example) is treated.
Hopefully you now understand what I am asking, and can send your response to me at your earliest convenience.
_________________________________
Last chance, so you really should try hard with this one.
Sincerely disappointed,
Conrad
Labels: idiots, Open Letter, Technology
Motorcycles
Got an e-mail from a friend today; a Chicago Tribune article telling about how the author sold his motorcycle.
Because they are dangerous and you could die by riding one.
Really?
The e-mail was much longer than that of course, and well written, with lovely colorful descriptions of a motorcycle accident you could pull out of any newspaper on any given month. The author's point, near as I can tell, boils down to this line: "...at least I won't die on a motorcycle."
Hmm. Sold his motorcycle because then he won't die on one. That makes some kind of sense.
But I'm wondering if he also sold his car so that he would not die in a car crash? Did he also sell his home so he would not die in a house fire? Did he give up fast food and simple carbs and Evil White Bread...?
Probably not.
My take on the article was that the author was becoming more and more concerned about dying as he got older, and getting rid of the motorcycle was simply making him better odds. I can respect that. Motorcycling is a hobby (unless you are counting it as a cheap mode of transportation) and if it isn't enjoyable to you anymore, then you should sell your bike. But don't call the kid you sold it to 'dumb' just because you're a coward.
Personally, I would much rather die in a fiery explosion of gasoline and metal shrapnel, my last words being ones my mother would not approve of, than to die of a heart attack muttering feeble prayers of forgiveness for all those years of not going to church. Closed casket, definitely.
Maybe someday I will change my mind and decide my reflexes aren't what they used to be, or perhaps a near-miss close enough to make me wet myself will give me a new perspective. Regardless, if I hand my motorcycle over to someone else, I won't write a story about how stupid and dangerous it is to ride one...
Blog on,
-CZ
PS: (Is White Bread still Evil? What about Eggs? I never keep up with the food fashion trends...)
0 Comments
Permalink
Because they are dangerous and you could die by riding one.
Really?
The e-mail was much longer than that of course, and well written, with lovely colorful descriptions of a motorcycle accident you could pull out of any newspaper on any given month. The author's point, near as I can tell, boils down to this line: "...at least I won't die on a motorcycle."
Hmm. Sold his motorcycle because then he won't die on one. That makes some kind of sense.
But I'm wondering if he also sold his car so that he would not die in a car crash? Did he also sell his home so he would not die in a house fire? Did he give up fast food and simple carbs and Evil White Bread...?
Probably not.
My take on the article was that the author was becoming more and more concerned about dying as he got older, and getting rid of the motorcycle was simply making him better odds. I can respect that. Motorcycling is a hobby (unless you are counting it as a cheap mode of transportation) and if it isn't enjoyable to you anymore, then you should sell your bike. But don't call the kid you sold it to 'dumb' just because you're a coward.
Personally, I would much rather die in a fiery explosion of gasoline and metal shrapnel, my last words being ones my mother would not approve of, than to die of a heart attack muttering feeble prayers of forgiveness for all those years of not going to church. Closed casket, definitely.
Maybe someday I will change my mind and decide my reflexes aren't what they used to be, or perhaps a near-miss close enough to make me wet myself will give me a new perspective. Regardless, if I hand my motorcycle over to someone else, I won't write a story about how stupid and dangerous it is to ride one...
Blog on,
-CZ
PS: (Is White Bread still Evil? What about Eggs? I never keep up with the food fashion trends...)
Labels: A Day In The Life, idiots
Monday, May 08, 2006
Stick It To The Man - No Gas in 2007!
If everyone in the USA, Canada, Belize, Antarctica and Micronesia did not purchase a drop of gasoline/petroleum for one year, and all at the same time, the oil companies would choke on their stockpiles!
At the same time, it would hit the entire industry with a net loss of over...well...billions and billions! It would end jobs for thousands of gas station workers and managers, truck drivers, refinery workers, utility companies, etc..., and most likely upset the global economy, but what's *really* important is that it will STICK IT TO OPEC!
Therefore, 2007 has been formally declared "Stick It To OPEC, Along With Thousands of Petroleum Industry Employees Year"! and no one should buy any gas or petroleum products for the entire year! Turn off the gas appliances in your house, (Stove, Clothes Dryer, Furnace...) and put all the keys for your gasoline-powered vehicles in a safe deposit box for just one year, and "Stick It To OPEC, Along With Thousands of Petroleum Industry Employees"!!!
The only way this can be done is if you forward this e-mail to as many people as you can, and as quickly as you can to get the word out! Waiting for the government to step in and control the prices is not going to happen. [Editors Note: Sorry, should have ended that last sentence with an exclamation point!]
Remember one thing - not only is the price of gasoline going up, but at the same time airlines are forced to raise their prices (OK, that's two things), trucking companies are forced to raise their prices (Fine, three things, but that's it!) which effects prices on everything that is shipped! Things like food, clothing, building materials, and Humvee parts! Who pays in the end? We do!
Make no mistake, we can make a difference! Think of how much tax money we can save in road repair alone by not driving on the roads for an entire year! Not to mention auto insurance and those expensive Humvee parts!
If they don't get the message after one year, then we will do it again and again!
So do your part and spread the word! Forward this e-mail to everyone you know! Mark your calendars and make 2007 a year that the citizens of USA, Canada, Belize, Antarctica and Micronesia band together and say, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"!
Blog on,
-Conrad Zero
www.conradzero.com
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At the same time, it would hit the entire industry with a net loss of over...well...billions and billions! It would end jobs for thousands of gas station workers and managers, truck drivers, refinery workers, utility companies, etc..., and most likely upset the global economy, but what's *really* important is that it will STICK IT TO OPEC!
Therefore, 2007 has been formally declared "Stick It To OPEC, Along With Thousands of Petroleum Industry Employees Year"! and no one should buy any gas or petroleum products for the entire year! Turn off the gas appliances in your house, (Stove, Clothes Dryer, Furnace...) and put all the keys for your gasoline-powered vehicles in a safe deposit box for just one year, and "Stick It To OPEC, Along With Thousands of Petroleum Industry Employees"!!!
The only way this can be done is if you forward this e-mail to as many people as you can, and as quickly as you can to get the word out! Waiting for the government to step in and control the prices is not going to happen. [Editors Note: Sorry, should have ended that last sentence with an exclamation point!]
Remember one thing - not only is the price of gasoline going up, but at the same time airlines are forced to raise their prices (OK, that's two things), trucking companies are forced to raise their prices (Fine, three things, but that's it!) which effects prices on everything that is shipped! Things like food, clothing, building materials, and Humvee parts! Who pays in the end? We do!
Make no mistake, we can make a difference! Think of how much tax money we can save in road repair alone by not driving on the roads for an entire year! Not to mention auto insurance and those expensive Humvee parts!
If they don't get the message after one year, then we will do it again and again!
So do your part and spread the word! Forward this e-mail to everyone you know! Mark your calendars and make 2007 a year that the citizens of USA, Canada, Belize, Antarctica and Micronesia band together and say, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"!
Blog on,
-Conrad Zero
www.conradzero.com
Labels: americans, idiots, Million Dollar Idea, Open Letter
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
We Hates Weatherbug!
Alright, for those who don't know, I am (among many other things) 'The I.T. Guy' where I work. And Lo, it came to pass, that on one particular 25th of April in the Year Of Our Lord Two-Thousand-And-Six, that I found myself sitting between two identical computers. Two twins from Dell that have never been more than ten feet apart since their manufacture. Here are the stats for those who care of such things:
Hardware: Dell Optiplex GX100 666MHZ PIII 128MB Ram WinXP SP2 Blah Blah Blah
Software: Acrobat Reader 7, NAV 10, and MS Office Pro 97
Really these are simple Internet/E-Mail/Light Office Use machines. Same hardware, same software (or so I thought).
So I'm updating the antivirus and tossing another 128MB memory in each, when I notice a significant difference in speed between the two machines.
That's right. A Difference between two machines that are supposedly the same. What do you suppose the difference was? Any IT person could tell you, and although I knew it intuitively, I now have proof. The difference was User1 had not loaded any software, but User2 did.
iTunes
Adobe Photoshop Elements 2.0
Yahoo Toolbar
Cubis Gold
That is all. But that is all it took for User2's computer to open the door for the Adware.180search spyware to crawl onboard and hose the works. The difference in performance is staggering - at least a fifty percent decrease in the speed of User2's computer for common tasks like startup and launching Outlook.
No, little freeware programs that run in the background *aren't* supposed to have any measurable impact on system performance. Sorry, I meant they aren't *supposed* to have any measurable impact. But they do.
Just realize that when your IT person walks away from the initial setup of your machine, IT IS NOT GOING TO GET FASTER. Like when you drove that 1978 GMC Gremlin off the showroom floor, that is the most power, speed, torque, acceleration, etc, you will get from it. Loading Windows onto the computer is like installing a ball hitch and pulling a trailer from the back of it. Every application you add is going to fill up that trailer and slow down the works (unless it removes other applications...) So if you load Weatherbug(shudder), and music software, and every gorram toolbar for Internet Explorer, you will soon end up pulling a trailerhome full of shit.
And then, when you complain to your IT person, "Goodness! I've been meaning to tell you! My computer is So Slow! Whatsoever could be wrong with it?" That IT person goes and blogs about how stupid you are.
Now you know.
Blog on,
-CZ
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Hardware: Dell Optiplex GX100 666MHZ PIII 128MB Ram WinXP SP2 Blah Blah Blah
Software: Acrobat Reader 7, NAV 10, and MS Office Pro 97
Really these are simple Internet/E-Mail/Light Office Use machines. Same hardware, same software (or so I thought).
So I'm updating the antivirus and tossing another 128MB memory in each, when I notice a significant difference in speed between the two machines.
That's right. A Difference between two machines that are supposedly the same. What do you suppose the difference was? Any IT person could tell you, and although I knew it intuitively, I now have proof. The difference was User1 had not loaded any software, but User2 did.
iTunes
Adobe Photoshop Elements 2.0
Yahoo Toolbar
Cubis Gold
That is all. But that is all it took for User2's computer to open the door for the Adware.180search spyware to crawl onboard and hose the works. The difference in performance is staggering - at least a fifty percent decrease in the speed of User2's computer for common tasks like startup and launching Outlook.
No, little freeware programs that run in the background *aren't* supposed to have any measurable impact on system performance. Sorry, I meant they aren't *supposed* to have any measurable impact. But they do.
Just realize that when your IT person walks away from the initial setup of your machine, IT IS NOT GOING TO GET FASTER. Like when you drove that 1978 GMC Gremlin off the showroom floor, that is the most power, speed, torque, acceleration, etc, you will get from it. Loading Windows onto the computer is like installing a ball hitch and pulling a trailer from the back of it. Every application you add is going to fill up that trailer and slow down the works (unless it removes other applications...) So if you load Weatherbug(shudder), and music software, and every gorram toolbar for Internet Explorer, you will soon end up pulling a trailerhome full of shit.
And then, when you complain to your IT person, "Goodness! I've been meaning to tell you! My computer is So Slow! Whatsoever could be wrong with it?" That IT person goes and blogs about how stupid you are.
Now you know.
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life, idiots, Technology
Monday, April 03, 2006
April Fools
It recently came up that I don't approve/endorse/enjoy/participate in 'practical jokes' on April Fools Day. I just wanted to reassure people that I do, in fact, have a sense of humor. Its just that I have never found 'practical' jokes funny. Pulling someone's chair out from under them as they are about to sit down? Mixing blue food coloring into the shampoo? Hiding their car keys?
Yeah, hysterical.
I am trapped on a planet with enough fools to make every day Fool's Day. Two examples from last week should suffice:
Thursday - I'm making a left-hand turn at a lighted intersection, and some Fool comes the other way barrels through a Red Light making that infamous "Right Turn On Red Without Stopping Or Looking" Then when I slam on my brakes to avoid taking his pathetic life...
...he flips me off.
Friday - I'm in the grocery store, and I'm in a hurry. (Of course, these things never happen when I am not in a hurry) For some reason, the store is filled with only Senior Citizens. While I have to problem with this, they teeennnnd tooooooo mooooovvvveee sssssssssllllllllllloooooooowwwwwwwlllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. So, I do my best mad dash through the store and around several surprised patrons to get pork chops/toilet brush/I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, and race for the one checkout which just opened up. Amazingly, this little old lady with a nearly-full grocery cart, whose rate of speed could be most effectively measured in inches per hour, suddenly turns into a fucking Human Lightning Bolt, dashing as though she had just downed an entire 695mL bottle of Jolt Cherry Bomb, and she was trying out for the Olympics fifteen-meter dash. Guess what happens once she is in front of me in line? Yyyyyyyooooooouuuuuu gggguuuueeeeeesssseeeddddd iiiiittttttt.......
Shit like this happens to me all the time, and it proves two things:
1)There is a God
2)God thinks that every day Is April Fools Day
When I die, I am going to break into God's house, and put Saran Wrap over her toilet, so when she takes a leak, it's going all over her bathroom floor. Then we will see how funny it is...
Blog on,
-CZ
0 Comments
Permalink
Yeah, hysterical.
I am trapped on a planet with enough fools to make every day Fool's Day. Two examples from last week should suffice:
Thursday - I'm making a left-hand turn at a lighted intersection, and some Fool comes the other way barrels through a Red Light making that infamous "Right Turn On Red Without Stopping Or Looking" Then when I slam on my brakes to avoid taking his pathetic life...
...he flips me off.
Friday - I'm in the grocery store, and I'm in a hurry. (Of course, these things never happen when I am not in a hurry) For some reason, the store is filled with only Senior Citizens. While I have to problem with this, they teeennnnd tooooooo mooooovvvveee sssssssssllllllllllloooooooowwwwwwwlllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. So, I do my best mad dash through the store and around several surprised patrons to get pork chops/toilet brush/I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, and race for the one checkout which just opened up. Amazingly, this little old lady with a nearly-full grocery cart, whose rate of speed could be most effectively measured in inches per hour, suddenly turns into a fucking Human Lightning Bolt, dashing as though she had just downed an entire 695mL bottle of Jolt Cherry Bomb, and she was trying out for the Olympics fifteen-meter dash. Guess what happens once she is in front of me in line? Yyyyyyyooooooouuuuuu gggguuuueeeeeesssseeeddddd iiiiittttttt.......
Shit like this happens to me all the time, and it proves two things:
1)There is a God
2)God thinks that every day Is April Fools Day
When I die, I am going to break into God's house, and put Saran Wrap over her toilet, so when she takes a leak, it's going all over her bathroom floor. Then we will see how funny it is...
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life, idiots
Friday, March 24, 2006
How Things Work: Sales
Apparently, many people don't understand how things work in terms of sales, because they call me on the phone, and ask things like the following:
-"...just wondering if your company is prepared to make the switch to VOIP..."
-"...if all your printer and toner cartridge needs are being filled..."
-"...if you had any networking or computer hardware/software needs in the immediate future..."
-"...if you have taken Jesus into your heart..."
Tell you what, you Gorram idiots: Time for the lesson: When the customer (The one seeking the product or service) wants to buy something, they will seek out the supplier (the one with the product or service available) and NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!
I have begun a blacklist of companies. Those who cold call me are henceforth on the list, and I will go out of my way to smear them. I have nothing against the poor boob who is forced to make X calls per day to meet their quota, but I will no longer do business with companies with a policy of cold calling to drum up business.
FREE BUSINESS TIP: Take the resources your business wastes pissing off potential customers by making cold calls, and apply it to Internet Presence, Advertising, and best of all - Knowledge Of The Products You Sell (WOW, Fucking-Jump-Back! The Man's a Gorram Genius!). Then, when the customer looks for a product, they find your well-informed and highly-Google-Ranked business.
Here endeth the lesson.
And FYI, Jesus and I had a nasty breakup long ago, and we haven't spoken since. If you see him, tell him I want my Pantera CD's back, especially the one with Dimebag's signature on it. That thing is worth some money now...
Blog on,
-CZ
0 Comments
Permalink
-"...just wondering if your company is prepared to make the switch to VOIP..."
-"...if all your printer and toner cartridge needs are being filled..."
-"...if you had any networking or computer hardware/software needs in the immediate future..."
-"...if you have taken Jesus into your heart..."
Tell you what, you Gorram idiots: Time for the lesson: When the customer (The one seeking the product or service) wants to buy something, they will seek out the supplier (the one with the product or service available) and NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!
I have begun a blacklist of companies. Those who cold call me are henceforth on the list, and I will go out of my way to smear them. I have nothing against the poor boob who is forced to make X calls per day to meet their quota, but I will no longer do business with companies with a policy of cold calling to drum up business.
FREE BUSINESS TIP: Take the resources your business wastes pissing off potential customers by making cold calls, and apply it to Internet Presence, Advertising, and best of all - Knowledge Of The Products You Sell (WOW, Fucking-Jump-Back! The Man's a Gorram Genius!). Then, when the customer looks for a product, they find your well-informed and highly-Google-Ranked business.
Here endeth the lesson.
And FYI, Jesus and I had a nasty breakup long ago, and we haven't spoken since. If you see him, tell him I want my Pantera CD's back, especially the one with Dimebag's signature on it. That thing is worth some money now...
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: Business Phenomena, idiots, Million Dollar Idea
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Letter to Councilman Lindsay Krantz, Ward 3, Crystal MN
Dear Councilman Krantz,
Thank you for the invitation to the meeting concerning the recent pedestrian accident at Co. Rd. 81 near 48th Ave.
While I don’t mean to belittle the accident, it was an isolated incident, and certainly not any kind of trend. The accident rate for Co. Rd 81 is far lower than anyone would expect; given the volume of traffic on 81, and the neighboring population density. Therefore, to suddenly come to the decision/reaction that, '...something must be done to make this stretch of road safer...' is a poor one, when compared to other areas we could focus resources on. For example, on 12 October, 2005, a group of masked men broke into the house next door, and beat and robbed their family at gunpoint, which, to me is much more horrifying than a traffic accident, and if you will check the statistics; Much More Common. I don’t recall any mailings sent out about it, or meetings to discuss '...what we want done, and how we should go about getting it done.'
I don’t agree with using up resources on sensationalistic and extremely rare occurrences, when they could be used more effectively to handle daily problems like crime, pollution, disabled access, etc... In other words, I would rather see the City of Crystal install cameras at major intersections to deter crime, than to install a giant grounding rod because someone walking through town was hit by lightning.
The meeting is a good idea - it allows those feeling outraged and powerless over this extremely emotional event to vent their frustrations, and feel as though they have ‘done’ something. But, before anyone decides to build a bridge, or fence, or tunnel, or run floodlights down the entire length of 81, please make sure the decision is based on reason and statistics, not emotions. Otherwise, we end up with a really expensive memorial that provides little value to the people who have to pay for it.
Respectfully,
Conrad...
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Thank you for the invitation to the meeting concerning the recent pedestrian accident at Co. Rd. 81 near 48th Ave.
While I don’t mean to belittle the accident, it was an isolated incident, and certainly not any kind of trend. The accident rate for Co. Rd 81 is far lower than anyone would expect; given the volume of traffic on 81, and the neighboring population density. Therefore, to suddenly come to the decision/reaction that, '...something must be done to make this stretch of road safer...' is a poor one, when compared to other areas we could focus resources on. For example, on 12 October, 2005, a group of masked men broke into the house next door, and beat and robbed their family at gunpoint, which, to me is much more horrifying than a traffic accident, and if you will check the statistics; Much More Common. I don’t recall any mailings sent out about it, or meetings to discuss '...what we want done, and how we should go about getting it done.'
I don’t agree with using up resources on sensationalistic and extremely rare occurrences, when they could be used more effectively to handle daily problems like crime, pollution, disabled access, etc... In other words, I would rather see the City of Crystal install cameras at major intersections to deter crime, than to install a giant grounding rod because someone walking through town was hit by lightning.
The meeting is a good idea - it allows those feeling outraged and powerless over this extremely emotional event to vent their frustrations, and feel as though they have ‘done’ something. But, before anyone decides to build a bridge, or fence, or tunnel, or run floodlights down the entire length of 81, please make sure the decision is based on reason and statistics, not emotions. Otherwise, we end up with a really expensive memorial that provides little value to the people who have to pay for it.
Respectfully,
Conrad...
Labels: americans, idiots, Open Letter, political
Friday, February 10, 2006
Aspartame Kills!
I'm sorry to disprove the findings of the site www.aspartamekills.com, but I have proof that aspartame does (in fact) NOT truly kill.
Because I drink 1.5 Litres of Diet Coke per day.
Before Lunch.
On a good day.
And I don't have many good days.
So get a fucking life.
You
Gorram
Freaking
Idiots.
Say, how are those commodity shares doing, boys? Sugar prices doing OK with all that FUD you are spreading? Super.
Hey, go right ahead and tell the people aspartame kills you. I think that's great, because it keeps the price of Diet Coke down. Long as I don't have to buy it in an alley and inject it (because I totally would)
Blog on,
-CZ
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Permalink
Because I drink 1.5 Litres of Diet Coke per day.
Before Lunch.
On a good day.
And I don't have many good days.
So get a fucking life.
You
Gorram
Freaking
Idiots.
Say, how are those commodity shares doing, boys? Sugar prices doing OK with all that FUD you are spreading? Super.
Hey, go right ahead and tell the people aspartame kills you. I think that's great, because it keeps the price of Diet Coke down. Long as I don't have to buy it in an alley and inject it (because I totally would)
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: anti, consumerism, idiots
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Why is this funny?
I was recently approached by a fledgling non-profit organization who wanted me to set up Audio and Video for their Inaugural Launch meeting: five microphones through a mixing board to a house PA system, and live video pushed to monitors in another section of the facility. Why is this funny?
The group is Minnesota Women in Film and Television:
a fledgling non-profit organization set up by 40 women taking a pro-active approach to helping women seek success in the male-dominated film and television industry.
hmm...
Don't get me wrong, I am all for groups wanting to help others "seek success" (even if they are blatantly sexist) Not to mention the person who started the organization is a personal acquantance of mine, and a former news celebrity. I would gladly help them if I could, and if they had a webpage I would gladly link to it.
But 40 women who want to seek success in the film and TV industry and none of them can work a mixing board? So they hire a mook to do it? Why is that funny?
Blog on,
-CZ
0 Comments
Permalink
The group is Minnesota Women in Film and Television:
a fledgling non-profit organization set up by 40 women taking a pro-active approach to helping women seek success in the male-dominated film and television industry.
hmm...
Don't get me wrong, I am all for groups wanting to help others "seek success" (even if they are blatantly sexist) Not to mention the person who started the organization is a personal acquantance of mine, and a former news celebrity. I would gladly help them if I could, and if they had a webpage I would gladly link to it.
But 40 women who want to seek success in the film and TV industry and none of them can work a mixing board? So they hire a mook to do it? Why is that funny?
Blog on,
-CZ
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Dark Dungeons
Alright all you D&D Heathens, rise from the depths (of your parent's basement..)it's time for the sermon!
(Try not to pee your pants laughing...)
[Editor's Log: Stardate March 2007 - I just checked this link for validity, and it is still as funny as ever! I'm sooo glad there are whack-O's like this among us, they make life so much more...diverse.]
-C
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(Try not to pee your pants laughing...)
[Editor's Log: Stardate March 2007 - I just checked this link for validity, and it is still as funny as ever! I'm sooo glad there are whack-O's like this among us, they make life so much more...diverse.]
-C
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Open Letter to Podcasters (on Keeping it Short)
Somehow, in the initial excitement of podcasting, many have the misconceived notion of a podcast format as an hour long production, as though they were a syndicated radio talk show. There aren’t many reasons that a podcast post should be longer than a Blog post. Would you subscribe to a Blog that posted hours worth of reading material? Every day? NEWS FLASH: PODCASTED AUDIO IS NOT FREE TO THE SUBSCRIBER! It takes bandwidth to download, MB to store, and most importantly - time to listen to it.
Blog postings over two pages are LONG… Podcasts longer than a voicemail message are LONG. Podcasts over 10 minutes are REALLY LONG, and require people to schedule the listening into their free time somewhere. The longer the post, the less likely it is that people will make time to hear it. More than a half-hour per day is nearly insane, and you either need to be Really Interesting, or have some Really Good Information (or both) to maintain subscribers.
With this in mind, here are two tips I can offer to reduce the size of your posts, thereby increasing your number of subscribers:
1) BREAK IT DOWN: Break your recording into sections and label them like Blog posts so people can pick and choose what they listen to, as well as skip to the next post without having to listen to the entire thing. For example, instead of releasing an entire CD as a single post, release each track separately. Instead of releasing an Hour long talk show, release each topic as a separate 5-10 min post (Are you listening Engadget? Dave Slusher?)
2) EDIT: No one expects podcasts to be professional; it is part of the geeky, quirky, kitchiness of the medium that makes it interesting (HEY! I’m a geek with a microphone! Here me babble, and say “Ummmm…” and “Ahhhhhh…”!!! How Unprofessional! And it’s reaching the Entire Blogosphere! Hehehe...) So editing mistakes out is probably a mistake -leave them in. But editing for content is another matter. If you drift off topic for too long, or experience technical problems, you owe it to your audience to cut that crap right straight out. If you are tech savvy enough to do a podcast, you can also cut up or re-record your audio before posting it.
A prime example of "How NOT To..." is Adam Curry’s 1-7-05 “Source Code” post, weighing in at just over 43min long, After 4 min into it, he still had not started yet! Instead, he rambles disjointedly about how the previous recording didn’t work, and how he bought a coconut, and how good the coconut tastes, and how a coconut makes an unwieldy drinking container, and that the ceiling fan in his hotel room is noisy, and he actually turns it on for you to prove it, and he did actually BLOW HIS NOSE, which was a thoughtful way for him to waste his listeners' time, as well as space in their mp3 players, and makes him come off as someone who just likes to hear his own voice, or someone who thinks you are fascinated enough with his life to want to hear the sounds he makes in the bathroom.
I am picking on Adam Curry because he should know better, given his background, and being a forerunner and evangelist in the field of podcasting. He should be setting the standard. 'Mikes Manic Minute' is a bit extreme in the other direction, but something between these two extremes better suits the standard.
Drifting off-topic for a moment is OK and fun and sometimes funny, but pissing away the first 4 min of a 45 min post is rude to the listener. Expect them to do what I did: Unsubscribe. Worse, if the majority of podcasts behave this way, the entire technology will not see the adoption rate I’m sure we would all like.
On a side note, I would just like to say that I hate the term “podcasting” more than anyone, but even I realize it’s too late to change it now. Just let it go. As bad as it is, I can’t image a term for anything worse than “Blog”, which is one of the sounds a toilet makes, and no one seems to mind that….
Conrad Zero
www.conradzero.com
conrad@conradzero.com
0 Comments
Permalink
Blog postings over two pages are LONG… Podcasts longer than a voicemail message are LONG. Podcasts over 10 minutes are REALLY LONG, and require people to schedule the listening into their free time somewhere. The longer the post, the less likely it is that people will make time to hear it. More than a half-hour per day is nearly insane, and you either need to be Really Interesting, or have some Really Good Information (or both) to maintain subscribers.
With this in mind, here are two tips I can offer to reduce the size of your posts, thereby increasing your number of subscribers:
1) BREAK IT DOWN: Break your recording into sections and label them like Blog posts so people can pick and choose what they listen to, as well as skip to the next post without having to listen to the entire thing. For example, instead of releasing an entire CD as a single post, release each track separately. Instead of releasing an Hour long talk show, release each topic as a separate 5-10 min post (Are you listening Engadget? Dave Slusher?)
2) EDIT: No one expects podcasts to be professional; it is part of the geeky, quirky, kitchiness of the medium that makes it interesting (HEY! I’m a geek with a microphone! Here me babble, and say “Ummmm…” and “Ahhhhhh…”!!! How Unprofessional! And it’s reaching the Entire Blogosphere! Hehehe...) So editing mistakes out is probably a mistake -leave them in. But editing for content is another matter. If you drift off topic for too long, or experience technical problems, you owe it to your audience to cut that crap right straight out. If you are tech savvy enough to do a podcast, you can also cut up or re-record your audio before posting it.
A prime example of "How NOT To..." is Adam Curry’s 1-7-05 “Source Code” post, weighing in at just over 43min long, After 4 min into it, he still had not started yet! Instead, he rambles disjointedly about how the previous recording didn’t work, and how he bought a coconut, and how good the coconut tastes, and how a coconut makes an unwieldy drinking container, and that the ceiling fan in his hotel room is noisy, and he actually turns it on for you to prove it, and he did actually BLOW HIS NOSE, which was a thoughtful way for him to waste his listeners' time, as well as space in their mp3 players, and makes him come off as someone who just likes to hear his own voice, or someone who thinks you are fascinated enough with his life to want to hear the sounds he makes in the bathroom.
I am picking on Adam Curry because he should know better, given his background, and being a forerunner and evangelist in the field of podcasting. He should be setting the standard. 'Mikes Manic Minute' is a bit extreme in the other direction, but something between these two extremes better suits the standard.
Drifting off-topic for a moment is OK and fun and sometimes funny, but pissing away the first 4 min of a 45 min post is rude to the listener. Expect them to do what I did: Unsubscribe. Worse, if the majority of podcasts behave this way, the entire technology will not see the adoption rate I’m sure we would all like.
On a side note, I would just like to say that I hate the term “podcasting” more than anyone, but even I realize it’s too late to change it now. Just let it go. As bad as it is, I can’t image a term for anything worse than “Blog”, which is one of the sounds a toilet makes, and no one seems to mind that….
Conrad Zero
www.conradzero.com
conrad@conradzero.com
Labels: Blogging, idiots, Open Letter, podcast, rant
Friday, November 12, 2004
A Valuable Lesson
OK, so today I learned a valuable lesson, which I thought I would pass along to you at no cost other than your time spent reading about it. Today, I received yet-another-message-designed-to-spread-fear-insecurity-and-paranoia. (This one involved a woman filling her car at a gas station, and an assailant who jumped in the backseat, etc...) I checked it out at snopes.com and discovered what I already knew, that this e-mail is as old as e-mail itself, and maybe (just maybe) based on a half-truth.
I hit Reply, and told this person (My Tae Kwon Do Instructor) that the e-mail was junk, and he shouldn't pass things along of this nature without checking them out, further, that it was better not to pass them along at all. Perhaps a touch cold, but certainly how I felt. I decided that he could send a retraction to Tae Kwon Do School if he thought it was necessary.
I was surprised when immediately after sending my reply, it returned to my own mailbox! On closer inspection, I realized when I hit Reply, the message went the the Entire Group at Yahoo.com!!!! All the students, All the other instructors. (Oh boy.)
Needless to say, I am still in shock, (just realized this ten minutes ago...) But the lesson I learned is this. In E-mail, when leaving phone messages, when writing letters, etc. Realize your communication could be repeated, forwarded, posted, blogged, recorded and shown on COPS, etc, so don't say something through other mediums that you wouldn't say to the person, um..., in person.
...and double check the address before you press Send...
Blog on,
-C
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I hit Reply, and told this person (My Tae Kwon Do Instructor) that the e-mail was junk, and he shouldn't pass things along of this nature without checking them out, further, that it was better not to pass them along at all. Perhaps a touch cold, but certainly how I felt. I decided that he could send a retraction to Tae Kwon Do School if he thought it was necessary.
I was surprised when immediately after sending my reply, it returned to my own mailbox! On closer inspection, I realized when I hit Reply, the message went the the Entire Group at Yahoo.com!!!! All the students, All the other instructors. (Oh boy.)
Needless to say, I am still in shock, (just realized this ten minutes ago...) But the lesson I learned is this. In E-mail, when leaving phone messages, when writing letters, etc. Realize your communication could be repeated, forwarded, posted, blogged, recorded and shown on COPS, etc, so don't say something through other mediums that you wouldn't say to the person, um..., in person.
...and double check the address before you press Send...
Blog on,
-C
Labels: A Day In The Life, Etiquette, idiots
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Buy Nothing Day
Historically, the day after Thanksgiving is one of the biggest shopping days of the year. The people who put together the "Buy Nothing Day" campaign are upset with the Zombie Consumerism Mentality they see peak at this time of year, the endless marketing hype, and the endless lines of consumers (re)acting like mindless automata.
Sadly, noone told the folks at BuyNothingDay that this is what you get when you mix Free Market + Stupid People. I could sell freeze-dried shit on E-Bay and some fool would buy it. And if I mixed it with carbonated water, a pound of sugar, a little Emo/Rap/Hip/Pop sound, a catchy name (Poopsie? Croak? ShittyPop?) some cool marketing catch phrases (Stick it to the MAN! Drink who you ARE! Drink ShittyPop!"), and showed a teenage midriff or two, PEOPLE WOULD LINE UP FOR IT!
While I agree it makes one want to revoke your American citizinship (See my other blog post about that below), taking it out on the retailers is NOT the solution.
Their suggestion to walk around the stores clogging the isles dressed as Zombies is hysterical, but the practice of buying a bunch of stuff and then returning it immediately over and over is misdirected and wrong. They should know by now the 'stick it to the man' tactics like that only rebound to hurt everybody EXCEPT those whom they are intended for.
If you are upset that the Consumerist Zombies buy everything from WalMart because its cheaper there, there are other things you can do than impeding their freedom to make an uninformed decision. (And if you can't think of any, then you are a different kind of Zombie, and no better than the consumerist ones...)
Blog on,
-C
0 Comments
Permalink
Sadly, noone told the folks at BuyNothingDay that this is what you get when you mix Free Market + Stupid People. I could sell freeze-dried shit on E-Bay and some fool would buy it. And if I mixed it with carbonated water, a pound of sugar, a little Emo/Rap/Hip/Pop sound, a catchy name (Poopsie? Croak? ShittyPop?) some cool marketing catch phrases (Stick it to the MAN! Drink who you ARE! Drink ShittyPop!"), and showed a teenage midriff or two, PEOPLE WOULD LINE UP FOR IT!
While I agree it makes one want to revoke your American citizinship (See my other blog post about that below), taking it out on the retailers is NOT the solution.
Their suggestion to walk around the stores clogging the isles dressed as Zombies is hysterical, but the practice of buying a bunch of stuff and then returning it immediately over and over is misdirected and wrong. They should know by now the 'stick it to the man' tactics like that only rebound to hurt everybody EXCEPT those whom they are intended for.
If you are upset that the Consumerist Zombies buy everything from WalMart because its cheaper there, there are other things you can do than impeding their freedom to make an uninformed decision. (And if you can't think of any, then you are a different kind of Zombie, and no better than the consumerist ones...)
Blog on,
-C
Labels: americans, Business Phenomena, consumerism, idiots
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