A recent article written for the Future of Music Coalition left me with mixed feelings.

The Effects of Media Consolidation on Urban Radio by Eric K Arnold analyzes how the Telecommunications Act of 1996 has impacted "Urban Radio". Don't worry, I didn't know what it was either. Here is the definition directly from Mr. Arnold's article.

"Generally speaking, urban radio is defined as programming whose primary demographic targets people of color living in urban areas."

Anyway, you could already guess the impact of governmental decisions on American business. Do you think it made things better or worse for big businesses? Do you think it made things better or worse for artists and small/indie businesses?

The effect is summed up in the first paragraph of the article:

"Let's cut to the chase: urban radio sucks. You know it, artists know it, and programmers know it too. It offers little room for creative programming, tends to favor established artists at the expense of new voices, and kills any halfway-decent song that does manage to land in rotation by playing it as much as three times an hour. Most of all, urban radio sucks because it rarely meets the needs of the local community from which its listeners are drawn. "

I agree wholeheartedly with all of this, *BUT* try this simple test: Reread the quote and replace the words "urban radio" with your own favorite genre of music. Country? Metal? Adult Urban Contemporary? It doesn't change the truth of the quote, does it? The bigger truth is that All Terrestrial Radio Sucks, for the exact same reasons. The problem isn't limited to Urban Radio at all.

So I have to take issue with Mr. Arnold's narrowing of the problem to how it only affects his chosen genre of music. Don't get me wrong, the article is truthful and accurate. But the conclusion we are left to draw is that the deregulation of terrestrial radio has ruined it for Black Urban America. It's not wrong, but it is being narrow minded at least.

So I'm all for whatever positive change can come from his article, and he mentions several things that YOU CAN DO to make things better, but I have a hard time endorsing discrimination, especially from a 'journalist' who should know better.

One thing Mr. Arnold does not mention regarding Things You Can Do to help is to grow some balls and not sell out if you are running a radio station. This is a part of the problem that cannot be overlooked. The stations that cared about the needs of the local community and used to play local music are gone because the owners sold off to the large corporates, or they tried to compete/cash in and started playing what everyone else was playing, to get a piece of the bigger pie. Either way, they had the option to continue playing independent music BUT THEY CHOSE NOT TO.

The Telecommunications Act of 1996 made it possible for large corporate radio stations to make buyout offers to the smaller independant stations, but did not force any of them to sell out. The owners and operators who sold out are more guilty than the government for what happened. You can look them up in the phone book and ask them why they didn't stand up for [fill in the genre] radio. Another thing you can do is open a radio station that plays local music. Then, when the big media moguls come around and offer you a fat wad of cash for your radio station, you can see what it's like to be in their shoes and see what kind of decision you would make.

Art Is Resistance
-Zero

Labels: Business Phenomena, Music Industry, Open Letter

Unfortunately, the full article on billboard.biz requires subscription, but you can read enough excerpts from the Motley Crue fan club site to get the point:

Gene Simmons is an Idiot with a Capitalist I.

He really thinks that all of this "Free Music" nonsense could have been prevented if the Recording Industry had taken action from the beginning. Quote:

The record industry doesn't have a f*cking clue how to make money. It's only their fault for letting foxes get into the henhouse and then wondering why there's no eggs or chickens. Every little college kid, every freshly-scrubbed little kid's face should have been sued off the face of the earth. They should have taken their houses and cars and nipped it right there in the beginning. Those kids are putting 100,000 to a million people out of work. How can you pick on them? They've got freckles. That's a crook. He may as well be wearing a bandit's mask.

Gene Simmons must be the RIAA's wet dream, so entrenched in "the way we've always done it" that it is simply outside of his understanding that the rules have changed.

Sorry Gene, that the internet has made things complicated for you. Here is something for you to think about (when you can break away from the book you are writing about all the prostitutes you've slept with): I can go online and view the Mona Lisa any time I want. For Free. I can also go to the Louvre and pay to see it for a short time. For slightly more money I can own a print copy. For an ungodly amount of money I could own the real thing.

Now, why on God's Green Earth would people pay to see the Mona Lisa, or pay for a copy of the Mona Lisa, or pay to own the Mona Lisa, when they can see it online for Free? OH MY FUCKING GOD! HOW CAN THE ARTIST MAKE ANY MONEY WHEN YOU CAN ACCESS THE ART ONLINE FOR FREEEEEEeeee..... [insert sound of Gene Simmons screaming as he falls into the abyss of his own stupidity here]

Gene, here is another thing for you to think about when you aren't reducing KISS to a laughable product (because we all need an electric toothbrush that plays "Rock & Roll All Night"): As a musician, I would rather give my music away for free (as a matter of fact, I do give it away for free) than to see a DIME go into the pockets of the Recording Industry. They are irrelevant. They are the middlemen who have leeched the money from the pockets of talented people for DECADES. THEY are the real thieves, and the internet has eliminated their usefulness. You think they still have some value because they helped make you rich? You are a fool. I bet you still listen to terrestrial radio.

It gets better:

Billboard: But some artist like RADIOHEAD and Trent Reznor are trying to find a new business model.

Simmons: That doesn't count. You can't pick on one person as an exception. And that's not a business model that works. I open a store and say "Come on in and pay whatever you want." Are you on f*cking crack? Do you really believe that's a business model that works?

Someone points the way out of Gene Simmons stupidity, and he asks them if they are on drugs. This is where it becomes clear why he is so upset; it isn't about the music with him, its about the *Business* of music. Music is just a vehicle to MAKE MONEY. No wonder he is upset.

You know Gene, as a matter of fact, opening a store with almost negligible overhead, upkeep and distribution costs, with GLOBAL DISTRIBUTION and open 24x7x365 then asking for donations is a fucking phenomenal business model. How do you think wikipedia.org is still in business? How do you think the projects on sourceforge are funded? Are you aware that Radiohead are actually making an average of $6 per download by Giving Away their art and letting people donate what they want? And not a penny goes to the RIAA middleman. $6 average per customer, Gene. Do YOU make that much?

This is all overlooking the fact that the music is more important than the money, but this is also outside Gene Simmon's frame of reference:

Billboard: So what if music just becomes free and artists make their living off of touring and merchandise?

Simmons: Well, therein lies the most stupid mistake anybody can make. The most important part is the music. Without that, why would you care? Even the idea that you're considering giving the music away for free makes it easier to give it away for free. The only reason why gold is expensive is because we all agree that it is. There's no real use for it, except we all agree and abide by the idea that gold costs a certain amount per ounce. As soon as you give people the choice to deviate from it, you have chaos and anarchy. And that's what going on.


Gene, you almost figured this out. Things have Always been worth what people are willing to pay for them. Now, change "CD"s into "Digital Bits on the internet", and stir... Calling this change "chaos and anarchy" is incorrect. It is Change; change from one system to another system, one that you don't like, because you can't see how it will make you money.

Gene, as a young boy, I looked up to you as a Hero, and now you tell the world there is no real use for music unless you sell it to make money.

Blow me, Gene Simmons, you're a fucking idiot.

You worked hard, and made some good music and you made some good money using the system you had available at the time, and it worked out well for you. You got yours. Hooray for you. But the system has changed, and it's time for you to shut the fuck up and let people work with the system they have.

Art Is Resistance
-Zero

Labels: Business Phenomena, consumerism, idiots, Music Industry, Open Letter

Someone asked if I was going to see the remake of Halloween. My initial response was 'Hell Yeah!', because the first Halloween is a truly scary classic.

Unfortunately, I had to change my decision after I realized that you were behind the filming. I can't really bring myself to see anything you are involved with after watching "House of 1000 Corpses" and "The Devil's Rejects" (You can read my review of The Devil's Rejects here)

Sorry Rob, but I can't even give you the benefit of the doubt now. I don't believe that you are capable of making a horror movie without making blowing the Hokey-Meter off the charts, and I won't let you wreck a timeless classic.

You should stick to the song you keep releasing over and over, it's really good, but your movies are worse than Suck-Squared.

KTHXBYE,
-CZ

Labels: anti, Movie News, movie reviews, Open Letter, Ubersuck

Dear Coca-Cola Corp.,

With more and more things changing from status as a Product to a Service (software, music, media, etc...) I thought you might like to change your line of beverages from a product to a service as well.

Please arrange with me to have a monthly fee automatically withdrawn from my bank account, and send me a "Coca-Cola Card" good for any of your beverage products, wherever they are sold. I should be able to swipe it through pop machines, use it at restaurants, airports, gas stations, etc. and send me monthly statements of how many gallons of Diet Coke I drink per month.

Oh yes, and if you could run a line to my house, similar to water/gas/electric, that would be great too.

I'm actually surprised your overpaid marketing executives have not figured this out already, but if you are interested in a new marketing CEO, I would be more than happy to take that position, and make sure they don't miss out on blatantly obvious income opportunities like this one. Trust me, I got plenty more where that came from.

KTHXBYE,
-CZ

Labels: consumerism, Million Dollar Idea, Open Letter

Dear Mr Sessions, thank you for sending me the copy of your movie "Dead Clowns" to review here on conradzero.com. You have heard correctly, I really enjoy reviewing quality low-budget horror films, and upon review of your feature film, I can say without a doubt that it was certainly, um, low-budget.

Where should I start...how about the sound? I thought it was interesting the way you added a heavy reverb to all ambient sound effects in the movie, as though they were recorded in a subway tunnel, but left the vocals dry. Can't say I've heard this done before, but it certainly made the sound, um, unique.

Another interesting aspect of the sound was your choice to make sounds that were far away from the camera louder than those that were close to the camera. For instance, the sound of rain outside the hotel room was louder than the dialog of the people talking to each other an arm's length apart, and in some cases, their dialog was nearly inaudible. A wise choice, as most of the dialog was unimportant and pretty bad. Did you actually make the actors read the script for the first time right there on camera? It explains why most of the dialog sounded so unnatural and contrived, and definitely added to the 'indie' feel of your movie.

The multiple plot threads were a nice touch. It was refreshing to see that for the most part, they never really meshed together into any form of a coherent 'whole'; a process I agree is overused in Hollywood, and you will no doubt be hailed as a visionary for abandoning it. Leaving the audience to contemplate just why those other people were in the movie at all is sheer genius. Making the audience think? Who does that anymore?

I liked your twist on the classic revenge formula. Usually people seeking revenge were wronged in some way, but in Dead Clowns, they come back from the dead and attack the town that loved them, and had nothing to do with the accident that killed them! Ha! Not to mention they waited for fifty years before coming back, so I doubt there was anyone left in the town who was around back when they bit it. That will certainly teach them for being the offspring of people who liked clowns!

BTW: Why fifty years? Why not forty-nine-and-two-fifths of a year due to rounding errors?The movie never explains why, and it's *that* kind of unresolved tension that makes independent film what it is today, that is to say, ah... independent.

Without a doubt, Brinke Stevens was the highlight of the movie. She did a fantastic job. Her character also looks remarkably young for someone who is an expert on the clown/train accident that happened fifty years ago, and the town completely forgot. Her description of the incident made it sound like she was actually there when it happened, which would make her...well, at least fifty. Using a young actress to play an older character, but still make her look young sounds like a makeup department's nightmare, but your crew handled the task swimmingly, because she doesn't look a day over thirty.

I couldn't help but notice many long, introspective shots of non-dialog/non-action/non-story, usually with the camera locked on someones face, (a trick you no doubt learned from Peter Jackson's version of 'King Kong') while many might find this annoying and unprofessional, it really shows you how overrated pacing is in the movie media. It was also nice not to have to pause the movie when going to the bathroom, or going to the kitchen to get another Tequila-Whisky-Coke, or going to the garage to replace the serpentine-belt tensioner in my 96 Saturn.

Regarding the songs in your movie, well...Switchblade Symphony was an excellent choice, but the rest of the songs sucked...oh wait a minute! I see you did the score yourself? Well, that explains it then! For future reference, I know of a band called Jagged Spiral who write some fantastic songs for horror movie soundtracks, and they don't involve the use of Every Single Cliche Known To Man. You should check them out if you are allowed...I mean, if you ever make another movie.

The effects were pretty good. The effect of clowns that had been buried underwater for fifty years and came out wearing brand-spanking-new costumes must have been difficult to manage. I'd have also thought them to be wet, after being in the water for fifty years and all, but no doubt your SFX crew must have had one hell of a time making them look clean and dry. Not to mention that for all their running around town and dismembering/skewering/eating people, none of the clowns get a drop of blood on their outfits. Kudos to the clowns for their fine table manners, and to your wardrobe department for keeping their outfits in pristine condition throughout the bloodbath.

Thanks again for the opportunity to review your film. Enclosed please find my invoice payable immediately on receipt. I generally charge by the hour, but in the case of your 95 min movie, you may notice that I've charged for six hours of labor. This may be especially confusing after I explain that I only spent about half an hour actually watching the movie. In your case, I made an exception and charged the amount of time IT SEEMED TO TAKE to watch your movie, even though I mashed the FF button so often during Dead Clowns that the batteries in the remote control died, (hence the extra charge for replacement batteries.)

You may also notice the an additional expense for a replacement DVD player. No, your DVD did not actually break my player, it simply seemed more prudent to burn my DVD player with your disk in it, and bury the ashes in my backyard, than to take the chance that the disk might fall into the hands of others. (The time spent burning/burying is NOT included in the six hours previously mentioned, but there is no charge for that ; I consider it a public service.)

And of course, as you requested, I will keep this review strictly confidential.

Sincerely,
Conrad Zero

Labels: indie movies, movie reviews, Open Letter, Ubersuck

Um...

IT'S STILL DOWN!

Yep, the bridge is still busted, people are still dead, including my coworker's brother, you still can't cross the river there, and I hear the president wasted a bunch of jet fuel flying over the damage instead of logging onto cnn.com who made the bridge collapse their lead story for five straight days.

Open Letter to the President: Isn't jet fuel expensive? Should you really be so wasteful as to fly Air Force One out to Flyover Land just so you can gawk? Or is it that you've seen the media manipulate tragedies so often that you don't believe it unless you see it for yourself? Yeah, maybe the whole thing was photoshopped! Hell, if you're gonna take personal trips on the taxpayers dime, why don't you also swing by Wisconsin Dells on the way over? Hey, when you are in Minneapolis, stop by and pick up a copy of Jagged Spiral's "Days From Evil" and I'll sign it for you.

Open Letter to CNN: Five Fucking Days? Don't you have Anything Else to report? Aren't we at War someplace? Maybe there's some positive story you could focus on? Here's a story for you, why are people who get their news through CNN less informed than those who get their news through The Onion?

Open Letter to Gawkers: What are you looking for? Lend a hand or get the fuck out of the way.

Open Letter to Fans Of Jagged Spiral: I know this kind of tragedy has followed Jagged Spiral around in the past, but I assure you we had nothing to do with it. We were racking our brains trying to come up with a way to cash in on the tragedy like everyone else, but it looks like everyone's pretty much got it covered. I mean, politicians are using it to get some free press, and some people are even starting to run scams like this. Genius.

KTHXBYE,
-CZ

Labels: anti, Culture, Open Letter, Politics, rant

Sounds like it's only a matter of time before you get rid of DRM and the idiot who signed off on it. You don't have a choice really. Without a massive worldwide task force to police every single online transmission, and punish offenders, you simply are not going to stop file sharing. Remember when CDs came out and people could make high-quality copies of new releases from CD to cassette tape ? Remember how you cried yourself to sleep thinking of all those lost dollars? What did you NOT learn from that experience?

Remember Buisness 101 Law of Supply and Demand? Until the price of songs comes down to meet the demand, people will simply P2P their music, or pass on it. Its a mixed blessing: the prevalence of instant music accessibility has driven down the price point. Accept it, and bring the prices down enough that your customers will gladly pay to download the song from you than to try and figure out how BitTorrent works. Hell, if songs were a quarter apiece, I'd probably pay you to download it again, instead of walking out to the car to get the CD!

Instead of crying about how the price of music has gone down, rejoice that your distribution costs have reduced exponentially! Rejoice that you can reach markets you never dreamed of, in countries where CDs have to be sent in by carrier pigeon or camel-ed across the desert!

Now that that's all cleared up, where is the next "Hotel California"? Where is the next "Jagged Little Pill"? Where is the next "Nevermind"? The crap you put out now is the 'Reality TV Programming' of music. You are quick to push shitbands like The Fray, but have you even heard of Vampire Hands? Jagged Spiral? Nothing Gained? Betty X? Where is the imagination? Where is the experimentation? Is Trent Reznor the only Visionary you could find? You need to MAKE new genres, not try to copy ones which were designed to poke fun at you. Let the kids have their "Indie", and make something they haven't even dreamed of.

Stop wasting your resources fighting a losing battle AGAINST YOUR OWN CUSTOMERS, and spend them on making it even easier to get music to your customers!

Get in bed with companies no one else could imagine. Fire your marketing staff, and hire some 16-year olds to run the think tank. Give away free mp3 downloads with Happy Meals or Apple Jacks or Little Debbies.

Figure out why people can't buy a song the second they hear it, anywhere, anytime. If there was a "MINE!" button on your radio, and it cost a quarter to push it, and whammo-o! people could own a copy of the song they were listening to... If there was a way to access the song purchase via cell phone... If there was a simple way for people to provide access to your downloads through links on their own website or e-mail signatures...

If you diverted your funding away from lawsuits against your customers and into technology like this......can your tiny minds grasp how much money you would make?

Also, get people to think about music when they are NOT near their computer, because if you read http://lefsetz.com/ he will tell you that radio simply isn't doing it.

One more thing, abolish Dashboard Confessional. In fact, abolish the entire Emo genre. It is the open chancre sore on the the face of music history.

No charge for this advice.

Love,
-CZ

Labels: DRM Sucks, Music Industry, Open Letter

High school reunions were invented by the 'popular people' from school, when popularity failed to follow them past graduation into their new career as a waitress/film-production-assistant's-assistant/phone-sex-operator.

So, in order to rekindle that narccistic flame of self-importance and bask in its feeble glow every ten years or so, they ask you to pay money to gather in the pleasure of their company. Their charisma. Their presence.

Their charismous presence. (Sorry)

It's hard to imagine why you would actually pay to eat with people who wouldn't let you sit near them at lunch before. While I never understood why people think you are interested in them simply because you were forced into the same building with them every weekday for part of your teenage years, I have managed to compile a valid list of reasons you might actually want to attend your High School Reunion.

Trolling - No joke, if you are looking for the hook-up, this is the place. There are only two types of people at the High School Reunion. Those who were More popular than you, and those Less popular than you. One group you have always wanted to nail, and the other group has always wanted to nail you. Bring plenty of protection, and make sure all your shots are up to date.

Revenge - Get-Backs! Remember when so-and-so stole your underwear in the Locker Room while you were in the shower? Remember when so-and-so spread all those nasty rumors about you? This is your chance to return the favor! Get their e-mail address and sign them up for a bunch of porn mail lists! Get them drunk and get a bunch of embarrassing details out of them to spread at the next reunion! Sleep with them, and never call them again! Oh yes, and definitely steal their underwear when you leave...

Selling - If you are into Amway, Mary Kay, Avon, or any Marketing-Scheme-Based business, you can't pass up this opportunity at potential clients. This includes selling of your religious views, so you Jehovah's Witnesses, Scientologists and Fire-N-Brimstone-Sermoners will have access to a new audience...

Redemption - Ah yes, let's not forget redemption, or 'Correcting the Sins of the Past'. So you've seen Flatliners one too many times, and feel the need to set things right? Well, here is your big chance! Go back and admit to so-and-so that you stole their underwear in the locker room while they were in the shower! Tell so-and-so that you started all those nasty rumors about them! Sleep with them, or buy them a drink, and get it all off your chest! Just think, all those years of being an asshole, and you can make amends for the price of a dinner!

Correction - So you were the one everyone made fun of in school, the one whose idea of a good day was finding a quiet place to sit during lunch/recess where you wouldn't be picked on. You were a misunderstood artiste, unfairly labeled as a 'freak', but finally, you can shed the labels of the past and change the misplaced public perception of yourself! You got your braces off now, and have long since traded in your DND books for a weapon collector's license. Rent yourself a pimped-out stretch SUV and a half-dozen female 'escorts', an Armani silk suit, and enough cologne to announce your arrival minutes before you actually arrive. Don't forget to work on a hint of foreign accent. Ah, the looks on their faces when you bust out a Colt .44 Anaconda Custom! That will change their opinion of you right-quick! Get ready to hear, "Wow, you've really changed..."

Show-Off - This might fall under the 'revenge' category in some cases and 'correction' category in others. But if you are doing well, there is no better place to show off your success and brag about how great you are, than to a group of people who are coming to see you and ask all about what you have been up to for the past ten years. This is the reason the popular people go, and the reason Reunions were invented in the first place. And even if you aren't doing that well, you can still lie...

Realization - If you grew up to be an average person - truly average - and for some reason feel that you should've/could've/would've done better, you owe it to yourself to go to your Reunion, and see the whack jobs who show up there. Go and see all the people preaching/selling/trolling/brandishing firearms. Go to see the prom queen with her third husband and eight misbehaving children. Go and see the Jock who used to push you around, but who now weighs over 300 lbs and the only thing he is pushing is a chair - up to the buffet table, because 'the plates are too damn small'. Go to remind yourself why you never talked to these people after graduation...

Blog on,
-CZ

Labels: Funny, Open Letter

Well, I was just going to write Dan Brown a scathing e-mail, with all kinds of nasty language and accuasations of plagarism.

>Four persons murdered around a city in a pattern.

Wow, that's not new. I'm sure that's been done before, and I've seen a map of a pentagram drawn over cities so often in movies that I actually make fun of it in my book...

>by a secret religious cult

Again, nothing new. Matter of fact, they are the ones most likely to bother murdering people in a pattern around a city, right? Almost cliche
...

>each of the murder victims marked with a symbol

...well of course they are marked with a symbol, they are dedicated to some greater cause. Of course the bodies are marked. Goes without saying....

>representing the four elements of air, earth, fire, and water.

Um, wow. That's cutting it kind of close. I mean...wow.

OK, so it's at this point that I start the e-mail to Dan Brown, that is so flaming hot I have to turn on the air conditioning in the house. I'm on the verge of throwing inanimate objects. I'm looking up Mr. Brown's address, and saving for a plane ticket. I have been working on The Demonslayers Handbook for TWO FUCKING YEARS, and how dare he swipe a major plot point from my work....

...except for one thing. Angels and Demons was published in 2000, and I started on The Demonslayers Handbook in 2004.

Great. So two years of work just got fucked because Mr. Brown had the idea four years earlier. Who will possibly believe that I came up this plot concept on my own?

No one.

This has suddenly become one of the saddest days of my life.

Fuck You, Dan Brown. I know it's not your fault, but Fuck You anyways...

Sincerely,
-Conrad Zero

Labels: Open Letter, The Demonslayers Handbook, Writing

Dear MSN and Windows Live Privacy,

Someone over there is either not reading, or not understanding my question. For the THIRD time, please read the clearly outlined question below, and don’t dream of sending me yet another copy of your privacy policy, since what I am asking for IS NOT COVERED THERE.

________________________________

I have read and understood your policies regarding your customer lists, also known as the 'account holders'. I am NOT asking about how that information is treated. I am asking about the Contact data the account holders store using Windows Live. Since this is confusing to you, I will use an example:

Pretend that your customer/account holder (Lets call him Bill Gates) opens his Windows Live Contacts Beta, and he puts in address, phone number, e-mail, birthday, SSN, etc for several people, (Lets call them Sally, Johnny, and Jimmy)

In this case, my question is: What are your privacy policies regarding Sally and Johnny and Jimmy's personal data? Is that data shared in any way, shape or form?

It is disturbing to know that you have access to the information of others and the ability to share it without their permission or knowledge. It is far more disturbing to see that your "Privacy Policy" only regards the account holder (Bill Gates, in our example) and says Nothing at all about how the data of other people (Sally, Johnny, and Jimmy in our example) is treated.

Hopefully you now understand what I am asking, and can send your response to me at your earliest convenience.
_________________________________

Last chance, so you really should try hard with this one.

Sincerely disappointed,
Conrad

Labels: idiots, Open Letter, Technology

Mr. J. A. Konrath,

I just read your entire ‘tips’ series on your site http://www.jakonrath.com/tips.html (including the video). Very informative and entertaining. This should be required reading for anyone considering writing as a career.

Thank you, sincerely, thank you for sharing your experience, and for the sheer volume of useful, real-world information about writing and the publishing industry. Based on what I have learned, I have decided to burn my own book before it is even finished (I will have to print it out first), and as a replacement, take up Everquest as my life’s pursuit.

I will also pick up copies of all your books, as payment in kind for the sage advice on my career path. It was well worth it.

A Future Fan, and Former Almost-Writer,
~Conrad Zero
conradzero@gmail.com
www.conradzero.com

Labels: Open Letter, Writing

If everyone in the USA, Canada, Belize, Antarctica and Micronesia did not purchase a drop of gasoline/petroleum for one year, and all at the same time, the oil companies would choke on their stockpiles!

At the same time, it would hit the entire industry with a net loss of over...well...billions and billions! It would end jobs for thousands of gas station workers and managers, truck drivers, refinery workers, utility companies, etc..., and most likely upset the global economy, but what's *really* important is that it will STICK IT TO OPEC!

Therefore, 2007 has been formally declared "Stick It To OPEC, Along With Thousands of Petroleum Industry Employees Year"! and no one should buy any gas or petroleum products for the entire year! Turn off the gas appliances in your house, (Stove, Clothes Dryer, Furnace...) and put all the keys for your gasoline-powered vehicles in a safe deposit box for just one year, and "Stick It To OPEC, Along With Thousands of Petroleum Industry Employees"!!!

The only way this can be done is if you forward this e-mail to as many people as you can, and as quickly as you can to get the word out! Waiting for the government to step in and control the prices is not going to happen. [Editors Note: Sorry, should have ended that last sentence with an exclamation point!]

Remember one thing - not only is the price of gasoline going up, but at the same time airlines are forced to raise their prices (OK, that's two things), trucking companies are forced to raise their prices (Fine, three things, but that's it!) which effects prices on everything that is shipped! Things like food, clothing, building materials, and Humvee parts! Who pays in the end? We do!

Make no mistake, we can make a difference! Think of how much tax money we can save in road repair alone by not driving on the roads for an entire year! Not to mention auto insurance and those expensive Humvee parts!

If they don't get the message after one year, then we will do it again and again!

So do your part and spread the word! Forward this e-mail to everyone you know! Mark your calendars and make 2007 a year that the citizens of USA, Canada, Belize, Antarctica and Micronesia band together and say, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"!


Blog on,
-Conrad Zero
www.conradzero.com

Labels: americans, idiots, Million Dollar Idea, Open Letter

Wow. This little ditty was pointed out to me by Avindair

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/games/wowworld.html

The author, David Wong, attempts to report on the upcoming Plague of Evil poised to sweep humanity away into a digital abyss straight of out a Phillip K Dick novel.

Of course, this is the kind of stuff that makes my Inner Philosopher pitch a Levi Pup Tent, if you know what I mean.

While there is a smattering of truth amidst the chaos, this list is so full of virtual paranoia/conpiracy theory/logic holes, I don’t even know where to start! I guess I will just comment on the list as given:


1. Everyone will look like a Greek god or goddess.
False. But it is true that very few people will look like their real selves. I like the concept of the Awesome You, but it really should be called the Virtual You, or Virt-You or something (Never cared for calling it an ‘avatar’), but not always Awesome, not necessarily Greek, and not necessarily God-like. I can imagine people thinking it is funny running around looking like [fill in name of current elected official here] while some will opt for the Sci-Fi look (Hi, my name is ‘7 of 9,000,000’) I myself would choose a character who constantly changes in all attributes: one moment, I am a 300 lb black woman wearing a muumuu, the next moment; I am a bald 6-year old boy with reptilian eyes; the next moment I am a formless blob of pink goo with 1500 eyes and a shotgun.

2. All will play in the same virtual world.
False. Virtual Worlds will exist side by side on the internet like websites, or the way channels do on television. The only thing they will have in common is the internet as a means of access. Perhaps there may be ways to use your Virtual Profile on multiple worlds, but I doubt it. If Sony or Microsoft are involved in any way, there will be a Proprietary Profile required which is not compatible with any other world....
The reason is supply and demand. If there is only one virtual world, whoever is running it will charge for it. This will undoubtedly prompt others to come out Worlds that are 'cheaper' or 'better' or both. Of course there will be the ‘Gold’ World, and the ‘Platinum’ World and 'Lindsay Lohan' World and so on. Oh, and don’t forget the 'Open Source' World...

3. Someone will go to jail for stealing a Bonebiter.
Doubtful. (I am assuming the author means “someone will go to jail in the Real World for stealing a virtual item off a person in the Virtual World”) The author makes a good point of comparing the theft of a virtual item to the theft of an .mp3, but the difference is that the .mp3 has value for its use in the real world, it is a product, marketed for the purpose of creating income. Meanwhile, a Bonebiter is only useful inside the game world it was created for, and it was only created for use in that world. If Bonebiters were patented and had a UPC code on them, then perhaps the court system might recognize it as a real ‘theft’.
In other-other words, just try to get your insurance company to cover your Sims house, or your Elvish Boots Of Levitation, or your Bonebiter sword. They will be more than happy to explain that Virtual Property is not property (although this could open a new line of business for Sims characters or even Virtual World Moderators...)

4. You'll meet someone who plays an MMORPG for a living.
True. More than true, you may meet teams or even businesses who play the games for a living. It could even become a syndicated sport, and something I would watch any day over any sport which ends with the word “...ball” Good Lord, if people actually watch fucking NASCAR, then clearly there is a desperation to watch people who are good at things, and if driving 500 miles in a circle qualifies, then there needs to be an Everquest Channel. I can even see Quake 5 as a Virtual Olympic sport.

5. They'll take the "G" out of "MMORPG."
True. Everquest already has a >pizza command, that allows you to order a pizza from your local Domino’s THROUGH AN IN-GAME COMMAND. I’m not kidding. So it is a small marketing step to put a ‘Ye Olde Target’ store in downtown World Of Warcraft, where you can buy junk off target.com through your EQ account. Posters for the upcoming Tool Concert will sit on the Town Square Bulletin Board. You can pick up a pair of Lindsay Lohan Barettes +2 vs Split Ends, LL Cool J Boots Of +10 Coolness, and a ‘Please +6 WarHammer Don’t Hurt Em’... Video games will be slathered with more product placement ads than a 10 second clip of NASCAR....
But taking the G out of MMORPG is not all bad. I agree with the author that the virtual world is where concerts and movies will be shown: Who wouldn’t want to wander around on-stage during the next Rush Concert, with their Controls set to View>OtherAudienceMembers>OFF and View>VenueSetting>MartianSunset... Imagine following Frodo through the entire LOTR Trilogy World, seeing everything from his first-person point of view? Sign me up.

6. You will find yourself momentarily forgetting whether you're in the real or virtual world.
True (And a no-brainer at that.) Bring on the holodeck!

7. You'll meet a couple who have been married for years and have never seen each other's real-life faces.
I’m not entirely sure what an ‘online marriage’ would even mean, and the author does not define the term. I think the author would have done better to write, “You will meet people who have worked together for years and never seen each other’s real-life faces”. They might be engineering a new product for years in a virtual lab, or on an Olympic Everquest Dragonslaying Team, but yes, there will come a day when you can actually work for a corporation for years and never see your co-workers in the real world.
This is kind of a pointless point.

8. There will be a branch of government to rule the virtual world.
False. The author dismisses his own point by realizing that any rules to follow would have to be worldwide rules. This would most likely require the dreaded One-World-Government to administrate. Until we are capable of holding a United Nations meeting with all nations meeting amicably, this item is a moot point.
Of course the RealWorld government will use Virtual Worlds to track down people committing RealWorld crimes, but that is not the same issue.
All the author’s arguments here about virtual rape and virtual sex are contrived for shock and amusement only. This point is simply paranoid schizophrenia crossed with a short-deadline creative writing exercise...

9. There will be a whole class of wealthy people without a dime to their name.
True but a non-point. What the author should have said is that “money is meaningless in the virtual world”. Like I said; non-point.
The fact that the author goes on and on about virtual money and virtual property only shows how seriously rooted in the material world he is, and how little he grasps the concept of Virtual Worlds. Virtual Worlds are (at this point) mostly ENTERTAINMENT. People don’t really go to Sims World to work in a virtual factory, any more than people play Pac-Man because they want to eat all the little white pellets lying around. Its a game. Its funny and its fun. Unlike the real world, things in Virtual Worlds are levered in our favor because if people don’t have fun there, they won’t come back.
The magical ‘interface’ the author keeps referring to (which allows Virtual World Travellers to eat, sleep and have sex in the Virtual World) is the Pixie Dust which just shows that the author got all his/her info on virtual reality from the movie “The Matrix”

10. The rise of the metaverse will go almost completely unopposed.
Absolutely False, because this relies on #2 above, which is not true. I have a prediction too: “This author’s predictions will go almost completely unvalidated.”

Surprisingly, after raising all these points against the plague of the supposedly unopposed, unstoppable debauchery of the New (Virtual) World Order, he acquiesces and admits that he welcomes it. Weird..

As much as I don't agree with David Wong's points in this article, his fiction is much better. He is a great writer, and you should seriously check out his latest book. Read it online for free, or better yet, buy a copy. David could use the cash to take a class on investigative journalism.

Blog on,
-CZ

Labels: Open Letter, Technology, Video Games