Getting your book printed is easy. I just did a blog post about Print On Demand technology, and you can read about that here.

Getting your book printed is easy. But getting it to the people, you are gonna need some help. For marketing and distribution of books today, Amazon.com is king - and according to Writers Weekly, the King just laid down the law:

Thou shalt have no other POD service providers before me.

Now if you want to release your POD book on Amazon, it must be printed on *their* POD service provider, called BookSurge. Of course, the whole POD industry is in an uproar because Amazon realized they could in-source the POD publishing themselves.

No.
Fucking.
Shit.
Sherlock.

Let's see, people step up and start offering POD, and a route to Amazon for independent authors. They start making a bazillion dollars, proving a huge ROI. Amazon says, "Thanks for verifying there's a market, now we'll do it ourselves. Blow us."

The only surprise here is that anyone is surprised.

You can listen to Amazon.com corporate execs blow smoke up your ass here. They claim it's all about making the process faster which is complete and utter bullshit. PODs can take the order from Amazon and ship direct to the customer, so 'making the process faster' is a flat-out lie. But there's no lie about how much $kaching$ Amazon is going to make.

Be careful, some people are mistakenly proclaiming that this means you have an "Exclusive" agreement with Amazon, (meaning you can't release your book through other POD publishers or other distribution methods) which is NOT true. Mark Jeffrey at the Huffington Post, for example, clearly DID NOT read the entire release from amazon which can be found here.

The agreement is Non-Exclusive, meaning you can still send your POD works through other POD presses, but if you want to sell those copies through Amazon, you will have to have a minimum quantity (as few as five copies) printed and sent to Amazon for stocking through Amazon's "Advantage Program". You can also release POD through Amazon/BookSurge, AND through as many other POD or traditional publishers as you like. You just can't tie Amazon orders to your POD publisher anymore. You wanna do POD on Amazon? You gotta use BookSurge, and you are going to pay whatever they want.

Sounds evil, but it's just a smart business move for Amazon to eliminate the middlemen. A clever businessperson would have seen this coming. Another clever businessperson would see this as the opportunity to step in and take the place of the 'Old' Amazon business model. Those people who were riding the POD gravytrain and are out of business because they put all their eggs in the Amazon basket can shut the fuck up and take this time of unemployment to take a class on simple business economics and examining market trends...

Art Is Resistance
-Zero

Labels: Authors, Business Phenomena

Before you think I'm about to rail on the group POD (Short for Payable On Death) I'm not. They are P.O.S., but they aren't my subject here.

The POD I'm talking about is Print On Demand and sometimes incorrectly called "Publish On Demand", this is the replacement for what used to be called the "Vanity Press".

Back in the day, anyone with personal issues, a typewriter, and a couple grand to blow could become a 'published' author. Simply take your maysterpeasce to the printer, and pay them to make you a book. Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy, right?

Right.

So, you ended up with a truckfull of books that sat in your garage. You gave one to your mom, sold a handful to any friends and family you could guilt into a purchase, gave away more copies as Christmas Presents, and a year or two later you had....

...a truckfull of books sitting in your garage.

Fast-Forward to 2008, and although we don't have any fucking flying cars yet, we have made some fabulous advances in print technology. Some printers decided to make short runs of books available, as little as ONE copy. Submit your book over the interwebs, and order as many as you need, as often as you like, when you need them. And thus, POD was born.

So now anyone with personal issues, a personal computer and a couple hundred to blow can become a 'published' author, and they still have room in the garage for their car.

Now, authors ('real' authors, mind you) who went through the traditional route of agent > publisher > editor > marketing... would argue the self-published author is as much an "Author" as someone who purchases a medical degree online is a "Doctor".

And publishers? Wow, don't even get them started.

I attended the Authors Book Fair as the Bloomington Art Center last weekend, and got to hear a panel of publishers rail on POD publishing. You can imagine what they had to say. They railed on the quality, and their mantra was, "You get what you pay for." They cried about how the POD business is cutting into the Publishers market.

But then they proceeded to tell us how our books weren't going to be published without some sort of track record, and a marketing plan, and some visionary (or what *they* thought was visionary) manuscript.

What I didn't hear was the side of the POD businesses, who likely weren't invited to attend the presentation.

So, let's add this up - Independent artists, working around the existing system, directly targeting their audience through the internet with crappy quality product, and undercutting an industry which makes money by selling someone else's work?

Whoa! I thought we were talking about books, but it seems we've ended up talking about the music industry...

So getting a book deal with a publisher is pretty much like getting a record deal with a major label. Even the contracts and advances are based on the same business model. Because they have the money and distribution connections, they make the rules, and they pick what they think will sell. The hand full of successes cover the losses of the hundreds of other artists who "fail".

Meanwhile, the internet comes along, and I discovered that the Major Publishers are simply another middleman. Indie Publishers might be a different story, the way there are still some Indie Record Labels that are worth their salt.

For a while there, I was torn about how to proceed with The Demonslayer's Handbook, I was waffling about getting an agent and all that, but making the mental connection between the publishers and the RIAA made this decision a little easier.

I still need more info, but I don't think I need an agent. My options now are a little clearer.

I can choose to Print On Demand. This would be like running my own business, something I continue to do, so invoicing, book keeping, and filling out a Schedule C don't frighten me. This is probably the best option for me at this time.

I can choose to approach smaller Independent Publishers on my own. I'm not likely to find one interested enough in my book, but it's worth getting a couple form rejection letters to put up.

Art Is Resistance
-Zero

Labels: Authors, Business Phenomena

It's almost impossible to have an interest in the Minneapolis music scene without hearing rumors of the sordid history of the Replacements; mostly filtered through elder hipsters who like to rant about how awesome it was to be here in the 80s. [Editor's Note: The 80's weren't really that great, it was just that the 70's sucked SO BAD that the 80's just seemed better than they were.]

I managed to miss out on the lot of it by leaving Minnesota for a few years. By the time I got back in the early 90's, the Replacements had broken up. "I'll Be You" was still on the radio, but Matthew Sweet and Bob Mould were getting all the airplay. I dived headfirst into the local music scene, working at a recording studio in Minneapolis, and habitually reading the Reader and the City Pages, always on the lookout for new and interesting bands. The Nixon Pupils, Johnny Clueless and Mile One were the bands to see live then, and Grunge was king. I was playing solo-acoustic-folk-rock (like my hero at the time, Stuart Davis) in coffee shops you ain't even heard of, (and couldn't find even if you had) and my circle of friends coulda cared a whole lot less for "The Greatest Band That Never Was". I listened to "The Replacements A to Z" on KQ92, and was unimpressed. Eventually, I ended up with "All for Nothing and Nothing for All" the Replacement's Greatest Hits (kind of), and what I was told was their definitive album, "Tim". Again, color me unimpressed.

It wasn't till recent years that I would hear the whispered bits and pieces. Rumors of a band from Long Ago, who shone so bright they burned a hole in the heart of Minneapolis. Every rumor put a look on my face as if I had just taken a bite of my Mom's Homemade Chocolate Chip Cookies and discovered that she had substituted Vanilla Extract with Windex.

"They stole back their own master tapes from the record company, and tossed them in the Mississippi River?"

"They played 'Hello Dolly' until everyone left?"

"They did entire gigs without finishing a single song?"

Honestly, I heard more about the Replacements antics than I ever did their music.

So, I was pleased to hear that a book about the Replacements was being released. "The Replacements - All over but the Shouting" was released by Jim Walsh on 15 Nov 2007. I got a signed copy, and read the entire book over three consecutive evenings.

"The Replacements - All Over But The Shouting" is an Oral History (which is an oxymoron for a book, but there you are.) The book is written in quotes from a large number of people, including the band. It's interesting to read the different perspectives on key moments of the band history.

But remember, this is the current-day perception of the band, a conglomeration of The Replacements as These People Remember Them. There are some assumptions made that you know certain things, and there are undoubtedly people who either cannot or did not participate in the book. So keep that in mind. Those looking for the real documented history of the Replacements might want to look elsewhere, but I don't think that was Jim Walsh's intention in writing the book. I think Jim Walsh wanted to capture the spirit of the band, and he managed to do that pretty effectively, because that's what survives in people's memories; the brightest and darkest moments.

However, the quotes of the 'oral history' did make the book a bit disjointed to read. It wasn't till I was halfway through the book that I stumbled upon a glossary of names in the back, which makes the book easier to trudge through. Better still would have been to give a description of each contributor the first time they were quoted, because many of the quotes required that information to process.

It amazes me how hard the Replacements tried to sabotage their own success, and how everything they did simply made them more and more famous. It makes me think some bands are destined to be famous, and have no choice. The Replacements seemed to be dragged kicking and screaming into popularity, confounded by the personality of Paul Westerberg, which glares through the cracks of the writing.

After reading it, I can say that the Replacements deserve a book like this. Jim Walsh has done a great job, and I'm glad I read it. It should be required reading for anyone who is in a bar band in Minneapolis, because whether you know it or not, you are living under the shadow of a glorious tragedy.

Art Is Resistance
-Zero

Labels: Authors, Book Review

"You look like Bono."

"Um," I stammered, "Come again?"

"Spitting image, I swear. You must hear it all the time."

I handed Jim Walsh my purchase, not thirty seconds old. It was the book he had just released: "The Replacements - All Over But The Shouting".

Revolver Modele had just finished up their set, and a giant projection screen descended from the ceiling, separating the First Ave stage from the audience. I had just watched Jim Walsh onstage, pouring his drink all over the guitar player, and pushing him to the floor while he played. He even jumped on the mic for a verse or two. He wisely left the bass player alone.

The screen lit up with giant, glowing Tom and Jerry cartoons, as 'One For The Team' began setting up to perform the next set of Replacements covers.

Jim opened the book and paused, pen in hand, clearly drunk, off alcohol or the event or both, and clearly having the time of his life.

"Conrad Zero," I said, holding my right hand up in what I hoped conveyed a manual representation of a 'zero' but possibly also could have been interpreted as jacking off.

He started scribbling my name down in the book.

"Never heard that before?" he asked.

"I guess I've never seen Bono without sunglasses on," I responded, and suddenly wanted to talk about something else. "I tried to make it out to your book reading at Treehouse...," I started, in an attempt to change the subject.

"Oh, what good are book readings?" Jim interrupted with a laugh, "I mean you read the book to people, what is that? People can read it themselves, right?"

"Yeah," I laughed, "...and you had said that the reading was on the Wednesday *before* Thanksgiving, but..."

"Hey," Jim said, turning to one of the ladies at the nearby booth for 'The Onion', "Doesn't this guy look like Bono?"

She nodded her disapproval.

"No," I said, "usually it's Sean Bean. People always say I look like Boromir."

Jim started laughing, and had to pause in the middle of signing.

"Sorry," he laughed, "I don't want to screw up your book."

"It's not my book," I corrected, "it's yours." This just made him laugh more.

"No," he said, finishing the dedication and handing it over, "it's your book now. I hope you enjoy it."

"Um, thanks."

'One for the Team' got a great set of Replacements songs (Skyway among them, my favorite), and did a fine job with them. I left shortly afterward, book clutched in my December-chilled-and-chaffed hands, went home, and looked up Bono on the internet.

Review to come....

Art Is Resistance
-Zero

Labels: Authors, Concert, Cool Event, Minneapolis Event

In a previous blog post, I raved about Neil Gaiman after reading 'Good Omens' (which he co-wrote with Terry Pratchett), subscribing to his blog, and starting on his latest work - Fragile Things.

I knew Fragile Things was a collection of short stories, and I thought it would be a good way to cover more ground with Neil Gaiman and get a more definitive sense of his writing style. I was right, but I was wrong to approach his writing that-a-way. In the end, Fragile Things was a slight disappointment.

Don't get me wrong, Neil Gaiman is a very good writer. He has a good tongue, (or voice, or pen, or penchant, or keyboard, whatever...) for telling stories. Fragile Things runs through past, present and future periods of fantasy and poetry, adult fairy-tales and Gothic nearly-horror. He writes with clever turns of phrase, alternate realities, twisted mythologies, and interesting points-of-view.

But, the Things inside Fragile Things are just too Fragile; unfinished snippets or unused plot branches from other works; roughed-out ideas collected and published once the name "Neil Gaiman" on the cover of the book would sell more copies than anything inside it. (Hint: Check the last few pages to see where all the stories came from and when.) few of the stories let me in deeply enough to really enjoy them.

So I got what I wanted, but it turns out it wasn't what I wanted after all. Like I said, the ideas were clever, but not very flushed out. Fragile Things is like walking past the bakery and having a look and a sniff of the whole lot, instead of a solid taste of anything in particular.

So, I can't really recommend Fragile Things to anyone but the most hardcore Neil Gaiman fans who have read Everything Else and still want more. I've added 'Neverwhere' and 'Death: The High Cost Of Living' to my Christmas list, in the hopes of getting something a little less fragile...

Art Is Resistance
-Zero

Labels: Authors, Book Review

The name Jim Walsh is nearly-famous here in flyover land, as was the band he writes about in his new book, "The Replacements: All Over But The Shouting". The book release party is coming up, one week from today. (See details below) I've mentioned this gig before, but it is worth mentioning.

As a musician, your art will be referenced to where you make it, and I suspect that if the Replacements had been birthed in California, they wouldn't have made a single wave, but to flaunt that kind of arrogance and energy here *Here* in Flyover Land? It's all about being in the right place at the right time, and the Replacements certainly were.

For those of us who "missed out" on the heyday of the Replacements Era, Jim Walsh lived through it, and kindly provides us a look back into what was happening at the time. His unauthorized documentary on the band, "The Replacements: All Over But The Shouting" was just released on 15 Nov 2007. I haven't read it yet, and in fact, I meant to go to the Treehouse Records reading/signing tonight, but I discovered that what Jim Walsh meant by "The Wednesday before Thanksgiving" was actually "The Wednesday BEFORE the Wednesday before Thanksgiving" In other words...I missed it. But I fully intend to pick it up at the release party, and I'm really looking forward to some cool bands like Revolver Modele maybe covering a bit of Replacements material for us? (I bet the bands all will fight over who gets to play "Bastards of Young"...)

Wednesday, November 28
First Avenue Mainroom & The 7th Street Entry 7:00 PM / 18+
89.3 THE CURRENT PRESENTS...
JIM WALSH'S THE REPLACEMENTS:
"ALL OVER BUT THE SHOUTING"
BOOK RELEASE PARTY FEATURING

THE ALARMISTS, BIRTHDAY SUITS, THE EVENING RIG, THE FALLS, THE HONEYDOGS, JEREMY MESSERSMITH, KRUDDLER, THE MAMMYS, MARTIN DEVANEY, ONE FOR THE TEAM with DAVE CAMPBELL, RED FLAGS, REVOLVER MODELE , TERRY WALSH, and TODD NEWMAN
$6.00 advance / $8.00 door

Art Is Resistance
-Zero

Labels: Authors, Concert, Cool Event, Ubercool

For all of you Replacements fans out there (sorry, but I refuse to call them 'Mats'. They aren't fucking Mats so stop calling them that. Call them 'Mints' or something.) Writer for City Pages and Reveille Magazine, musician and all-around local troublemaker, Jim Walsh, has written a book detailing the rise and rise of the Replacements.

The book release at First Avenue should be quite the shindig, and has a slew of bands covering Replacements songs. Revolver Modele will be there, so you should too.

Wed Nov 28th
First Avenue
7PM
18+

Tickets are $5.50 plus whatever "Fees" TicketBastard charges. I recommend stopping by First Ave and pick them up in advance yourself.

I have a couple 'essential' Replacements CDs, and I recorded "The Replacements A to Z" when it aired on KQ92 many years ago. But I don't share the popular opinion that they were the Greatest Minnesota Band That Never Was (although I do allude to that in The Demonslayer's Handbook) Then again, I never saw the Replacements live, and it sounds like they got more reputation from their live antics than their music. So it should be interesting to experience them second and third hand from people who lived through the chaos.

I can't wait to read the book, and might even make it out to the Reading/Signing at Treehouse Records on Thanksgiving Eve.

Art Is Resistance
-Zero

Labels: Authors, Concert, Cool Event, Minneapolis Event, new release

As The Demonslayer's Handbook nears completion, I have found myself casting the net of Googleness into the icy vastness of the interweb, hunting for morsels of information about what the hell I'm supposed to do with this stack of 120,000 words.

There's plenty of info out there on the process of landing a book deal, and you can get some good stuff from writers who have been through the whole rigamarole, but if you asked me for one source which would give you the layman's low-down on agents/inquirys/submissions/slushpiles/publications and everything leading up to any kind of "Book Deal"...

I would send you to Miss Snark. I have read her blog posts every week for at least the past six months, and saved/memorized/internalized as much as I could.

Yesterday, Miss Snark announced her retirement from the blog, and while I'm flummoxed and saddened, I'm not too surprised. There are only so many ways you can keep answering the same questions.

Her archives will remain open for those who get to the point of seeking agents/publication, and seekers will find a lot of harsh reality there for them.

I'm sad to see her retire, but also pleased that she was aware enough to know when it was time to move on. Off the top of my head, I can give you the very best of her advice:

-Write well
-Follow the damn instructions
-Focus on the writing
-Query much and widely
-Keep Writing (well)

Goodbye Miss Snark, and thanks for the good laughs and the good info. I hope you and Killer Yapp have fun slurping from the Gin Pail with George Clooney...

Blog on,
-CZ

Labels: Authors, Cool Website, Praise, Writing

I love Neil Gaiman.

I mean in a *manly* sort of way...you know, like the movie "300", like, "Dude! You're an author, and I'm almost an author..I mean, we both write right? Let's go Man Up and run half-nekked across the moors with swords and cut down enemy forces outnumbering us one-hundred-and-fifty to one! See those three-hundred Spartans over there with their tiny little abs, HA! Dare they pit their ten or twelve tiny chicklet abs against my giant one? Why settle for a 6-pack when you can have a pony keg!"

Then Neil and I could open a can of Whoop-Ass, clean up, do lunch, and talk about writing. We would be sure to sit on opposite sides of the table though. Manly, like I said.

Anyway, I'm reading Neil Gaiman's 'Fragile Things' right now. It's quite good. I'm on page 3. I'll let you know when I have enough info to augment my opinion.

But I did read Good Omens long ago. Great book. Very funny. If you enjoy a 'dry as a funeral drum' sense of humor not too dissimilar from Douglas Adams, then you will like it. I have somehow managed to avoid reading the Sandman series; I keep meaning to stop over at Dreamhaven Books and pick up a copy of Ultimate Sandman when Neil is visiting there and tell him how much I love the first three pages of his new book, but our schedules don't seem to mesh.

How can you Not like Neil Gaiman? He's a famous author who doesn't act famous. He answers his fan mail. And he has a cool accent.

He links to cool things like this.

And this.

Meanwhile, I just rip him off, and post the cool links here.

(On the other hand, I do make sure to give him credits.)

On the other-other hand (?) I notice that Neil has enough fan mail to run his entire blog just off simply responding to them. I do get some questions from fans, but they don't seem very blog-worthy. Here is an example:

Dear Zero,

I just read the synopsis of your upcoming book, "The Demonslayer's Handbook". What the hell is wrong with you?

Signed,
Disturbed


See what I mean? Anyone who reads my blog should know that I don't like Disturbed. Their cover of Genesis's' "Land of Confusion" was pretty good though.

But Neil Gaiman gets the Ubercool Seal of Approval in my book.

Blog on,
-CZ

Labels: Authors, Book Review, Praise, Ubercool

Oddly enough, I did not buy "Dead Man Rising" for its front cover of a dark, attractive heroine; sword in one hand and a pistol in the other. I bought it for the back cover, which was facing out because someone at Shinder's didn't bother to put it back in the rack correctly.

The words "When the dead call, she answers" immediately piqued my interest. The rest of the jacket copy went on to tell of a half-demon-female bounty hunter in a futuristic/paranormal setting. At that point, my money was already spent. Then I flipped through the book, and found a glossary in the back (fantastic!) and even a transcript of a lecture on the Nine Canons of Magic, and a term paper on Demons. Seeing this level of detail in other books always makes me feel the story has more weight and depth to it. I did the same when I wrote "The Demonslayers Handbook", adding a glossary of terms and a description of how demons work. I'm thrilled to see other authors take this level of time and effort to enrich their works.

After reading "Dead Man Rising", I can say that Lilith Saintcrow is a Very Good Writer. Her work flows well and her story has excellent pacing. The world of Dante Valentine combines high-tech futuristica with a magical environment. For you gamers out there, just think Shadowrun. For the rest of you, imagine the world after an 'Enlightenment' of magic, where witches and shamans go to school to learn how to hone their abilities of spellcasting, and necromaces can commune with the recently dead. Demons, werewolves (called werecain), sexwitches and magicians living more or less together in a world loaded with high-technology. High-tech weapons, automated flying cars [Editor's Note: Don't even get me started about flying cars...] and hyper-synthetic materials. (Molecule-Drip Nail Polish? Plasteel? Reactive Paint?) All in all, a rich, well-conceived world, and Miss Saintcrow holds you in that world, never letting you forget where you are.

Miss Saintcrow writes from First Person Perspective only, which I despise, but since so many authors are doing it now, I won't dismiss a book right off for using it. Dead Man Rising is told from the perspective of the heroine, Dante (Danny) Valentine. Miss Saintcrow is truly able to put the reader into the head of the heroine, and remain in that perspective throughout the story. (Unlike Laurell K Hamilton's "Guilty Pleasures", which jumped noticably OUT of First Person on more than one distracting occasion.) Unfortunately, it is exactly this ability of Miss Saintcrow to put the reader into the head of her main character which ruined "Dead Man Rising" for me.

This is because I found the character Dante Valentine completely unlikable, and that's putting a heavy sugar-coat on it. Getting inside her head properly, as Miss Saintcrow arranges, only makes it worse. Telling the entire story from Dante Valentine's point of view only multiplies the problem ten-thousandfold.

Here's why:

-Dante Valentine is beautiful. Very very very beautiful. In fact, Dante Valentine continually reminds you about her beautiful, unblemished golden skin, and her black, Molecule-Drip Nail Polish, and how she looks like a holovid star, with her golden skin, and beautiful ringlets of dark hair. Of course it goes without saying that her bosoms are beautiful and natural, but Dante Valentine says it anyways, and...did I mention that her skin is golden? I did? Good, I wouldn't want you to forget, because Dante Valentine wouldn't let me forget how goldeny-smooth her golden skin was when she mentioned it in every chapter.

-Dante Valentine is powerful. Very powerful. If you thought she was beautiful, that ain't shit compared to how powerful she is. Sekhmet sa'es, she's a Half-Demon for Anubis' sake! Just her raised voice can wreck your house and set off car alarms in neighboring counties! The Power she wields would be devistating if unchecked by her only-slightly-more-powerful self control. When Dante Valentine isn't reminding you of how beautiful she is, she's reminding you of how much Power she has at her disposal. Simply too much for mere human "normals" (Interestingly, in "The Demonslayer's Handbook", I call them "Regulars"...)

-Dante Valentine hates everyone (except her Full-Blooded Demon Lover Who Was Killed By Satan And Died Tragically In Her Golden Arms). Examples of Dante Valentine's bitch-ness abound, but the most blatant and recurring examples involve her tagalong, normal-human-male-boytoy-servant "Jace", who follows her throughout the story like a puppy-dog, groveling for her attention and doing as he is told. Some of Jaces contributions to the story:

• Cleared a space off the table for Dante to work


• Booked her a hoverlimo for the evening, then stayed quietly at home as he was told. Good boy.


• Arranged meetings for Dante Valentine with various people, and sometimes he was even allowed to follow Dante Valentine to the meetings, as long as he stayed behind her and off to one side. Quietly. Who's a Good Boy? That's right! Jace! Jace is a Good Boy!


• Miscellaneous Manual Labor, and Looking Hot With His Shirt Off


• Researched all people on a list to see who was still living in the city


• Got Drunk and sleept nude in the same bed as Dante Valentine, but No Touch-Touchy! Because if you remember, Dante Valentine is Very Powerful, and one Powerful Touch of Her Goldeny Smooth Skin (I mentioned the golden skin before right?) and poor-old Jace would be ripped limb from limb by the devistating release of Powerful Power! Because in case you forgot...

-Dante Valentine is Powerful. Very Very powerful. She beats her own sensai at staff-fighting, bosses around the chief-of-police, and kills off werecain just as fast as her skin can instantly heal back to a goldeny smoothness. She can inject healing Power right into others! She can cast runes and spells, talk with the dead, and see into the future! She can see in almost total darkness! She has heightened speed and reflexes! She eats enough food to feed three football teams in a single evening and never gains a pound due to her Demonic Metabolism! Like Steven King said, she probably "farts purfume and shits petunias..."

-Dante Valentine is Misunderstood! Sure she's a stark raving bitch in the even numbered chapters and an erotic tease in the even numbered ones, but if they only knew about the italicized first person rationalizations, then they would know better than to..

• Disagree with Dante Valentine


• Question Dante Valentine's decisions


• Not jump when Dante Valentine tells them to clear the damn table off so she can have a place to work, and then sit quietly in the corner as they are told.


• Fail to notice her golden skin[Editor's note: Saw that one coming, didn't you? I'm telling you this isn't half as often as it's mentioned in the book.]


• Fuck with Dante Valentine! Who would dare to Mess with her? Don't they know....

-Dante Valentine is POWERFUL! VERY VERY VERY FUCKING POWERFUL! She does not age, and when she either outlives or kills off all the other Gods, her skin will still be golden and smooth. When The Devil (Yes, the Devil) calls her on the telephone because he can't breach her defensive spells, here is how Danny Valentine talks to him, "...you're just lucky I don't come after you..." and "Look here, you son of a bitch..." [Editors Note to Self: DO NOT FUCK WITH DANTE VALENTINE!]

So, you might like "Dead Man Rising" by Lilith Saintcrow if you can identify with a self-centered, egotistical bitch with the power of God herself and sexy, golden skin, who was continually demeaning to others, and then rationalizing it to the reader through First Person Italicized Thoughts.

I couldn't, so it brought "Dead Man Rising" from an 8 down to a 5. Plus, I learned a valuable lesson. Good writing skills are only half the story.

Read on,
-CZ

Labels: Authors, Book Review, Writing

I wish I hadn't heard this. It sticks to the roof of your mind like, well, like something that isn't trite, utter shite.

http://www.fabulist.org/archives/2006/11/to_rouse_you_fr.html

Ok, so maybe it is trite. But to me, it's a case of people who can make a catchy song with an interesting video, while not taking themselves seriously. Unlike this video, which tries REALLY REALLY HARD not to take itself seriously, and the song sucks too.

Thanks to Neil Gaiman for the link...

...kind of.

Blog on,
-CZ

Labels: Authors, Caffeine, music, Music Videos