Friday, January 18, 2008
A Day In The Life Of First Avenue
Just thought I should point out this article on First Avenue, which appeared in today's Star Tribune, and clear up some possible misconceptions:
-No, it is NOT my ass in the photo.
-Yes, it IS my star on the wall of First Avenue.
-No, none of the Conrads mentioned in the article are me.
No problem, happens all the time.
Art Is Resistance
-Zero
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-No, it is NOT my ass in the photo.
-Yes, it IS my star on the wall of First Avenue.
-No, none of the Conrads mentioned in the article are me.
No problem, happens all the time.
Art Is Resistance
-Zero
Labels: A Day In The Life, Culture
Friday, November 09, 2007
Jagged Spiral Dot Com
Ah yes, so this is what this blog looks like. I'd almost forgotten about it; guess you could say I've been away on vacation, the way some people go up to the cabin for hunting, or south to their summer home for the winter. For those wondering what I've been up to, you can check here:
http://www.jaggedspiral.com/
I did all of the code and 99.9 percent of the content. The band is gearing up for it's first CD release, two years of work entitled "Days From Evil". The songs are licensed under Creative Commons, which means they are free to download from the merch page, although you can make a donation through strategically placed buttons on the website. One new track from the album will be released each week, you can check the countdown timer on the website for the release date of each track.
The band is working on art for the Days From Evil CD and hope to have it done by the end of 2007.
Oh, and I've also been known to camp out here for some lengths of time:
http://www.adagioholistic.com/
I did all of the code and none of the content, and it is my first paid venture in web programming. Kim Hart is as close as Minneapolis is going to get to a spiritual healer, she makes frequent trips to South America for training on healing techniques, and her business, Adagio Holistic, offers all kinds of alternative medicinal treatments, therapeutic massage, energy work, etc. Check their treatments page for more info.
If either of the sites looks screwed up, shoot me an email.
So I think the vacation is over, and it's good to be home again. Hmm, seems this place could use a little sprucing up...
Art Is Resistance
-Zero
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Permalink
http://www.jaggedspiral.com/
I did all of the code and 99.9 percent of the content. The band is gearing up for it's first CD release, two years of work entitled "Days From Evil". The songs are licensed under Creative Commons, which means they are free to download from the merch page, although you can make a donation through strategically placed buttons on the website. One new track from the album will be released each week, you can check the countdown timer on the website for the release date of each track.
The band is working on art for the Days From Evil CD and hope to have it done by the end of 2007.
Oh, and I've also been known to camp out here for some lengths of time:
http://www.adagioholistic.com/
I did all of the code and none of the content, and it is my first paid venture in web programming. Kim Hart is as close as Minneapolis is going to get to a spiritual healer, she makes frequent trips to South America for training on healing techniques, and her business, Adagio Holistic, offers all kinds of alternative medicinal treatments, therapeutic massage, energy work, etc. Check their treatments page for more info.
If either of the sites looks screwed up, shoot me an email.
So I think the vacation is over, and it's good to be home again. Hmm, seems this place could use a little sprucing up...
Art Is Resistance
-Zero
Labels: A Day In The Life, Cool Website, Days From Evil, Jagged Spiral
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Hardcore Dave
If you hit the Twin Cities' clubs back in the 90's then you probably met Hardcore Dave. Hardcore Dave was at every single live music performance. Every one. I know you think this is impossible, but it isn't, because Hardcore Dave is a God. His official title is "Hardcore Dave, Rock God of the Twin Cities".
Last time I saw Hardcore Dave was when SchaffDog and I were down at the Cabooze, where we had paid five bucks and sat through a god-awful band called The Billies who actually made a whole song out of the Juicy Fruit Gum jingle. A whole fucking song. With a guitar solo and everything. It sucked, but you guessed that already.
But we suffered through it to see a band we really liked, The Nixon Pupils. It was worth the wait. They previewed a song they had just made up, a kind of beat poetry piece called "The Spirit of a Saturday Night". And for an encore, they invited Hardcore Dave on stage, and they played "Wild Thing" together, and the crowd went absolutely psychotic.
Hardcore Dave was at the top of his game back then. Everyone knew who he was, and those who didn't, pretended that they did. I was pretty thick into the Minneapolis music scene in the 90's and ran into Dave all the time, but I didn't know any more about him than his name. I thought that maybe he was an industry exec or a talent scout, but he sure didn't act like one. Turns out that he was simply a professional fan of live music like me.
On Sept 25, 1996, exactly Eleven Years Ago, this article came out. It gives you a glossy overview of Hardcore Dave, and what makes him tick.
It was exactly Eleven Years later that I ran into Hardcore Dave. Today. Sept 25, 2007. Eleven Years to the Day.
More correctly, I should say that Hardcore Dave ran into me. At, of all places, the gas station. I was wandering around in an uncaffinated haze, my mind functioning just enough to push my body towards the nearest source of caffeine. I was just thinking that was probably how it felt to be a zombie in Resident Evil: Extinction, (except replace 'Caffeine' with 'Brains') when I noticed someone talking near me. Talking towards me.
Talking *to* me.
"...there he is!"
My eyes came into focus on a well-dressed bald man with a large friendly grin.
"Dave?" I asked, my hand half-extended in case I was wrong, "Hardcore Dave?"
It was. He didn't look much different from how I remembered him.
Anyway, we got to talking and he said he recognized me right away. From eleven years ago, and of all the people he ever met (and never spoke to) *he* recognized *me*.
Strange days, indeed.
I told him the story of Jagged Spiral And The Very-Very-Nearly-Finished Recording "Days From Evil". He made me promise to get him a copy of the album, and he asked if I could sign it.
Hardcore Dave asked me for my autograph.
What an awesome day...
Art Is Resistance
-Zero
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Permalink
Last time I saw Hardcore Dave was when SchaffDog and I were down at the Cabooze, where we had paid five bucks and sat through a god-awful band called The Billies who actually made a whole song out of the Juicy Fruit Gum jingle. A whole fucking song. With a guitar solo and everything. It sucked, but you guessed that already.
But we suffered through it to see a band we really liked, The Nixon Pupils. It was worth the wait. They previewed a song they had just made up, a kind of beat poetry piece called "The Spirit of a Saturday Night". And for an encore, they invited Hardcore Dave on stage, and they played "Wild Thing" together, and the crowd went absolutely psychotic.
Hardcore Dave was at the top of his game back then. Everyone knew who he was, and those who didn't, pretended that they did. I was pretty thick into the Minneapolis music scene in the 90's and ran into Dave all the time, but I didn't know any more about him than his name. I thought that maybe he was an industry exec or a talent scout, but he sure didn't act like one. Turns out that he was simply a professional fan of live music like me.
On Sept 25, 1996, exactly Eleven Years Ago, this article came out. It gives you a glossy overview of Hardcore Dave, and what makes him tick.
It was exactly Eleven Years later that I ran into Hardcore Dave. Today. Sept 25, 2007. Eleven Years to the Day.
More correctly, I should say that Hardcore Dave ran into me. At, of all places, the gas station. I was wandering around in an uncaffinated haze, my mind functioning just enough to push my body towards the nearest source of caffeine. I was just thinking that was probably how it felt to be a zombie in Resident Evil: Extinction, (except replace 'Caffeine' with 'Brains') when I noticed someone talking near me. Talking towards me.
Talking *to* me.
"...there he is!"
My eyes came into focus on a well-dressed bald man with a large friendly grin.
"Dave?" I asked, my hand half-extended in case I was wrong, "Hardcore Dave?"
It was. He didn't look much different from how I remembered him.
Anyway, we got to talking and he said he recognized me right away. From eleven years ago, and of all the people he ever met (and never spoke to) *he* recognized *me*.
Strange days, indeed.
I told him the story of Jagged Spiral And The Very-Very-Nearly-Finished Recording "Days From Evil". He made me promise to get him a copy of the album, and he asked if I could sign it.
Hardcore Dave asked me for my autograph.
What an awesome day...
Art Is Resistance
-Zero
Labels: A Day In The Life, Days From Evil
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
8-Legged HitchHiker
Alright, so I don't like spiders. There is a simple rule in my house:
if (creature.legs > 4) then KillItToDeath(fast);
Being that spiders have more than four legs, the outcome of any event of spiders in my house should be obvious. I've never had to worry about applying the rule outside of my home until this week.
I first noticed single strands of webbing in my car on the daily commute last week. A new single strand every day. Fine. I'm not going to waste my time looking for it. I figured that if multiple listenings to the preproduction copy of 'Days From Evil' didn't kill it, the extended holiday weekend would. So, I left my black car with the black interior parked outside in the sun, with the windows up all weekend long.
"Live through *that*," I thought to myself.
Something did.
I was cruising back from Caribou Coffee today when I saw it. A spider. A big spider. I mean, like Big, OK? And he was hungry from the lack of food, deranged from all the heat, and pissed off from going cold-turkey off a Jagged Spiral binge.
Hungry, Deranged and Pissed.
And BIG.
Of course, I did what any rational person would do. I leaped at it.
OMFG! ITS FUCKING HUGE! I've only seen spiders that big in the movies! WHERE'S MY GUN?!!!
As I wrestled with the mutant spider in the backseat (My ColdPress Coffee in one hand and steering the car with my foot, thank you very much). Other drivers on the highway were, shall we say, Not Impressed with my ability to multitask. Thankfully, I had the windows open, and yelled at the nearest car,
"Help! Help! Call 911! I'm being carjacked by an Arachnid! The pistol isn't big enough! Someone throw me a Nailgun!"
Of all the days Not to bring my fucking Nailgun. If we were in California, someone would have passed me a shotgun or harpoon gun or something. But here in Minnesota, you yell for help and people just pretend not to hear you.
Did I mention it was Fast too? Yes, it was Hungry, Deranged, Pissed-Off and Quick spider. And BIG. Did I mention it had a tattoo of a person on it's leg? I mean, it was fracking XXL.
The damned thing got away too. I barely escaped with my coffee, although I really didn't need it after a refreshing wrestle with a giant spider.
I've decided to burn the car and walk home. I'm also taking up Tae Kwon Do again. My next car will have a handy place to keep a spare nailgun.
KTHXBYE,
-CZ
1 Comments
Permalink
if (creature.legs > 4) then KillItToDeath(fast);
Being that spiders have more than four legs, the outcome of any event of spiders in my house should be obvious. I've never had to worry about applying the rule outside of my home until this week.
I first noticed single strands of webbing in my car on the daily commute last week. A new single strand every day. Fine. I'm not going to waste my time looking for it. I figured that if multiple listenings to the preproduction copy of 'Days From Evil' didn't kill it, the extended holiday weekend would. So, I left my black car with the black interior parked outside in the sun, with the windows up all weekend long.
"Live through *that*," I thought to myself.
Something did.
I was cruising back from Caribou Coffee today when I saw it. A spider. A big spider. I mean, like Big, OK? And he was hungry from the lack of food, deranged from all the heat, and pissed off from going cold-turkey off a Jagged Spiral binge.
Hungry, Deranged and Pissed.
And BIG.
Of course, I did what any rational person would do. I leaped at it.
OMFG! ITS FUCKING HUGE! I've only seen spiders that big in the movies! WHERE'S MY GUN?!!!
As I wrestled with the mutant spider in the backseat (My ColdPress Coffee in one hand and steering the car with my foot, thank you very much). Other drivers on the highway were, shall we say, Not Impressed with my ability to multitask. Thankfully, I had the windows open, and yelled at the nearest car,
"Help! Help! Call 911! I'm being carjacked by an Arachnid! The pistol isn't big enough! Someone throw me a Nailgun!"
Of all the days Not to bring my fucking Nailgun. If we were in California, someone would have passed me a shotgun or harpoon gun or something. But here in Minnesota, you yell for help and people just pretend not to hear you.
Did I mention it was Fast too? Yes, it was Hungry, Deranged, Pissed-Off and Quick spider. And BIG. Did I mention it had a tattoo of a person on it's leg? I mean, it was fracking XXL.
The damned thing got away too. I barely escaped with my coffee, although I really didn't need it after a refreshing wrestle with a giant spider.
I've decided to burn the car and walk home. I'm also taking up Tae Kwon Do again. My next car will have a handy place to keep a spare nailgun.
KTHXBYE,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life, Funny
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Goodbye Nana
Thinking back on it all now makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time, either emotional reaction being perfectly acceptable...
...but I get ahead of myself...
It was a good day for a funeral. Uncomfortably humid, but not too hot, and not raining. Boards of snapshots scattered throughout the foyer tried to convey the life of a feisty young damsel from Yonkers, NY: Bowling, Touring the World, Riding a Freaking Camel in Egypt fer crissake. I can only imagine what she was really like, having known her for so short a time; at the end of a life well-lived.
Nana gave us a month to come to terms with the upcoming World-With-No-More-Nana. That month was a roller-coaster of near-joy and near-despair as she teetered back and forth between worlds. In the end, she left us in her sleep. It was only days before that she had threatened to tie the sheets together and climb out the window.
The small procession of four cars made its way across Post-Apocalyptic Minneapolis, now missing its 35W Vena Cava, and convened at Fort Snelling Graveyard. The priest came and said some words meant to be comforting. I remember trying to participate, but my Catholic is a bit rusty. Not many tears; like I said, we had plenty of time to grieve and try to get used to this end. Afterward, the small group made their way out to where Nana's husband is buried, a nearby predug hole in the ground didn't make it any easier to find.
As we stood around, solemnly contemplating Nana's soon-to-be resting place forever and ever amen, a frontloader arrived, followed by a truck full of dirt, a dozen grungy and crabby-looking workers, and a flatbed carrying, low-and-behold, Nana herself. The pink Cadillac of a coffin carefully packed into a quarter-ton of cement (called a vault) and gracelessly craned over into the hole. And we were asked to leave...
"Um, excuse me?"
"Sorry, but we can't have you standing around, someone might get hurt with all this machinery, and our insurance, well...you know."
...No, in fact I *don't* fucking know. I don't know why we can't follow our dearly beloved Nana to the end of the line, her Final resting place.
But what do you do, slug some worker-bee in the face for doing his job? Drop him in the hole and drop Nana's three-quarter-ton hermetically-sealed home on top of him, just because he followed orders written down by an insensitive boob? Course not. So we sadly and slowly walked back to the car.
I wish the story ended there, but there's just the least bit more to go.
We made our way back to our cars, and navigated the maze out from the cemetery, we chanced to pass by Nana one last time. The trucks were gone now, save one, and one lone worker ran a dirt-packer over the top of Nana's freshly filled grave. Much like a jackhammer with a phone book on the end of it, the dirt-packer hammers the dirt down, pushing the air out, making sure that no settling occurs later on.
Guess Fort Snelling has a schedule to keep. Bodies to bury. And they ain't got no time for shit like respect for the living or the dead. They couldn't let us actually view the internment, and couldn't wait five fucking minutes for us to leave before running a fucking dirt-packer over the top of our dearly-beloved.
Like I said, laugh or cry, take your pick.
Well Nana, hope the dirt packer didn't tick you off as much as it did me. And say "hi" to Gramps and Gabby for me...
KTHXBYE,
-CZ
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...but I get ahead of myself...
It was a good day for a funeral. Uncomfortably humid, but not too hot, and not raining. Boards of snapshots scattered throughout the foyer tried to convey the life of a feisty young damsel from Yonkers, NY: Bowling, Touring the World, Riding a Freaking Camel in Egypt fer crissake. I can only imagine what she was really like, having known her for so short a time; at the end of a life well-lived.
Nana gave us a month to come to terms with the upcoming World-With-No-More-Nana. That month was a roller-coaster of near-joy and near-despair as she teetered back and forth between worlds. In the end, she left us in her sleep. It was only days before that she had threatened to tie the sheets together and climb out the window.
The small procession of four cars made its way across Post-Apocalyptic Minneapolis, now missing its 35W Vena Cava, and convened at Fort Snelling Graveyard. The priest came and said some words meant to be comforting. I remember trying to participate, but my Catholic is a bit rusty. Not many tears; like I said, we had plenty of time to grieve and try to get used to this end. Afterward, the small group made their way out to where Nana's husband is buried, a nearby predug hole in the ground didn't make it any easier to find.
As we stood around, solemnly contemplating Nana's soon-to-be resting place forever and ever amen, a frontloader arrived, followed by a truck full of dirt, a dozen grungy and crabby-looking workers, and a flatbed carrying, low-and-behold, Nana herself. The pink Cadillac of a coffin carefully packed into a quarter-ton of cement (called a vault) and gracelessly craned over into the hole. And we were asked to leave...
"Um, excuse me?"
"Sorry, but we can't have you standing around, someone might get hurt with all this machinery, and our insurance, well...you know."
...No, in fact I *don't* fucking know. I don't know why we can't follow our dearly beloved Nana to the end of the line, her Final resting place.
But what do you do, slug some worker-bee in the face for doing his job? Drop him in the hole and drop Nana's three-quarter-ton hermetically-sealed home on top of him, just because he followed orders written down by an insensitive boob? Course not. So we sadly and slowly walked back to the car.
I wish the story ended there, but there's just the least bit more to go.
We made our way back to our cars, and navigated the maze out from the cemetery, we chanced to pass by Nana one last time. The trucks were gone now, save one, and one lone worker ran a dirt-packer over the top of Nana's freshly filled grave. Much like a jackhammer with a phone book on the end of it, the dirt-packer hammers the dirt down, pushing the air out, making sure that no settling occurs later on.
Guess Fort Snelling has a schedule to keep. Bodies to bury. And they ain't got no time for shit like respect for the living or the dead. They couldn't let us actually view the internment, and couldn't wait five fucking minutes for us to leave before running a fucking dirt-packer over the top of our dearly-beloved.
Like I said, laugh or cry, take your pick.
Well Nana, hope the dirt packer didn't tick you off as much as it did me. And say "hi" to Gramps and Gabby for me...
KTHXBYE,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Gabby Revisited
It was nearly 3AM when I finally forced myself to lay down and take a nap before work. It wasn't long before I was roused from a very near-sleep by my cat, Gabby, jumping up on the bed. Nothing I haven't ignored ten-thousand times in the past, but this was new and noteworthy...
...because Gabby's been dead for over a year now.
So, my very near-sleep quickly turned into not-remotely-near-sleep-anymore. I hadn't noticed any particular 'Gabby-like presence' after she passed. I did however, continually forget that she was gone and I would return home, open the door (where she would generally greet me and tell me all about her busy day) and the realization would hit me that she just wasn't there anymore. But there were no signs, sounds, feelings or even the ghost of a hairball to advertise her continuing presence in the house.
So I lie there (wide awake, natch) wondering why her ghost would show up well over a year later. Did she want something? Something she forgot? Do they let cats out of hell for vacation once per year?
You can see a video of Gabby in hell here:
I don't fucking know. All I know is I'm really tired today...
KTHXBYE,
-CZ
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Permalink
...because Gabby's been dead for over a year now.
So, my very near-sleep quickly turned into not-remotely-near-sleep-anymore. I hadn't noticed any particular 'Gabby-like presence' after she passed. I did however, continually forget that she was gone and I would return home, open the door (where she would generally greet me and tell me all about her busy day) and the realization would hit me that she just wasn't there anymore. But there were no signs, sounds, feelings or even the ghost of a hairball to advertise her continuing presence in the house.
So I lie there (wide awake, natch) wondering why her ghost would show up well over a year later. Did she want something? Something she forgot? Do they let cats out of hell for vacation once per year?
You can see a video of Gabby in hell here:
I don't fucking know. All I know is I'm really tired today...
KTHXBYE,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life, Videos
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Greetings from Germany
My initial perception of Berlin is pretty good. I'm not going through any culture shock, because Berlin is a lot like Minneapolis. I guess aside from the language, here are the few exceptions I've found so far:
=In Berlin, Everyone smokes. Everyone.
=In Berlin, Everyone wears black. Everyone. I'm pretty sure anyone wearing all white would be shot on sight.
=In Berlin, people follow the rules, especially when driving or walking, and there is little tolerance for rulebreakers.
=The beer in Berlin makes the beer in Minneapolis taste like piss
=Berlin has a bunch of Internet Cafe's with fucked up kezböärds
=Lots and Lots and LOTS of art in Berlin. Statues, memorials, museums, you name it.
=Lots and Lots and LOTS of graffiti in Berlin.
=Minneapolis has never been bombed.
But most importantly, Minneapolis has more live music than Berlin. Or perhaps I should say, the live music is easier to find in Minneapolis. Even a cover band would be better than fucking DJs, because we all know DJ's are useless hack wannabes, they can't make music, so they make a living 'spinning' other people's records. For some reason, people think DJ's can be good at this.
I'm in Köln now, and moving south, but it's back to Berlin by the 24th for the Marilyn Manson concert in Citadelle Spandeau...
Tchüss...
KTHXBYE,
-CZ
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=In Berlin, Everyone smokes. Everyone.
=In Berlin, Everyone wears black. Everyone. I'm pretty sure anyone wearing all white would be shot on sight.
=In Berlin, people follow the rules, especially when driving or walking, and there is little tolerance for rulebreakers.
=The beer in Berlin makes the beer in Minneapolis taste like piss
=Berlin has a bunch of Internet Cafe's with fucked up kezböärds
=Lots and Lots and LOTS of art in Berlin. Statues, memorials, museums, you name it.
=Lots and Lots and LOTS of graffiti in Berlin.
=Minneapolis has never been bombed.
But most importantly, Minneapolis has more live music than Berlin. Or perhaps I should say, the live music is easier to find in Minneapolis. Even a cover band would be better than fucking DJs, because we all know DJ's are useless hack wannabes, they can't make music, so they make a living 'spinning' other people's records. For some reason, people think DJ's can be good at this.
I'm in Köln now, and moving south, but it's back to Berlin by the 24th for the Marilyn Manson concert in Citadelle Spandeau...
Tchüss...
KTHXBYE,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life, Culture
Friday, June 08, 2007
Vacation and DSH update
If you've noticed that the blog posts here at conradzero.com were few and far between...
...then you should cut back on your blog reading.
But, for the faithful two or three of you who come here for your fix, I wanted to warn you that the postings are about to become fewer and farther between.
I'm taking a well-earned break from Things-That-Plug-Into-The-Wall, and I should be back in a few weeks, unless I happen across a Cyber Cafe / Hash Bar in Amsterdam, in which case I will update, but it probably wont be legible or intelligible, OR if Turkish Police happen across ME, it might be a while before my next post.
Oh yes, by the way, The First Complete Draft of The Demoslayers Handbook...
...is finished.
KTHXBYE,
-CZ
1 Comments
Permalink
...then you should cut back on your blog reading.
But, for the faithful two or three of you who come here for your fix, I wanted to warn you that the postings are about to become fewer and farther between.
I'm taking a well-earned break from Things-That-Plug-Into-The-Wall, and I should be back in a few weeks, unless I happen across a Cyber Cafe / Hash Bar in Amsterdam, in which case I will update, but it probably wont be legible or intelligible, OR if Turkish Police happen across ME, it might be a while before my next post.
Oh yes, by the way, The First Complete Draft of The Demoslayers Handbook...
...is finished.
KTHXBYE,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life, Blogging, The Demonslayers Handbook
Friday, March 23, 2007
24 March 2007 - Shutdown Day
Shut off your damn computer! Tomorrow, Saturday 24 Mar 2007 is Shutdown Day!
You can read more about shutdown day at shutdownday.org.
I would take it a step further, and say take a break from technology altogether! Skip the Cellphone and the TV/DVD/Cable/Sattelite, and Things-That-Plug-Into-The-Wall. If the weather is anything like today, it's time to be thinking spring thoughts!
Read a book, or write one.
Take a drive up to Frisky's in Coon Rapids, I think they still deliver food out to your car. If not, Wagner's off of Hwy81 and Broadway will.
Go see a live band.
Clean your garage.
Go on a bike ride around Lake Calhoun.
And if you have a dirty mind like me, just a look at the shutdown logo and see what other low-tech activities come to mind....
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life, Culture, Technology
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Power Tools
I recently became the owner of brand-spanking-new Ryobi Hammer Drill! Ah, the joys of power tool ownership! Ah, the creativity of thinking up new and unexpected applications (mixing drinks? abstract painting tool? personal hygine? home defense? marital aid? quick hair-braiding? new musical instrument?)
In a fit of un-Zero-ness, I actually sat down with the fifty page manual in as many languages which explains the details of this complicated piece of electronic wizardry.
TURNING THE HAMMER DRILL ON/OFF
Um, candles don't come with instructions. Neither does silverware, staplers and picture frames, and some of them are more complicated than a drill. I guess the product manufacturer cannot assume that if you buy a drill that you know how it works, but why is the manual for my drill larger than the manual that comes with Battlefield 2142?
And what about the Registration Card? Does ANYONE fill those things out? Wisely, instead of a snail-mail warranty card, Ryobi provides a website where you can register your tool in 'your online toolbox'. But why would you be so stupid?
Here are the supposed benefits, followed by my translation
-Confidential, hassle free registration for ALL your Ryobi tools.
-Exciting new product information
-Special offers and discounts
-Weekly drawings for cool Ryobi products
[Translation: Hassle-free addition to our automated SPAM system.]
-Tool tips and FAQ's
[Translation: We replaced our entire support department with a computer and a 9-year old Taiwanese girl who keeps it running for a nickel a week.]
and last, but not least...
-Through the Ryobi SuperConsumer panel, you can make a difference by giving feedback on Ryobi products
[Translation: We replaced our entire product engineering department with a computer and a 12-year old Taiwanese boy.]
Ah well, I guess I will pass on the "Exciting" product information. Well, I'll let you know how it works for personal hygine; I'm off to trim my nasal hair...
Blog on,
-CZ
0 Comments
Permalink
In a fit of un-Zero-ness, I actually sat down with the fifty page manual in as many languages which explains the details of this complicated piece of electronic wizardry.
TURNING THE HAMMER DRILL ON/OFF
- To turn the drill on, depress the switch trigger.
- To turn the drill off, release the switch trigger.
Um, candles don't come with instructions. Neither does silverware, staplers and picture frames, and some of them are more complicated than a drill. I guess the product manufacturer cannot assume that if you buy a drill that you know how it works, but why is the manual for my drill larger than the manual that comes with Battlefield 2142?
And what about the Registration Card? Does ANYONE fill those things out? Wisely, instead of a snail-mail warranty card, Ryobi provides a website where you can register your tool in 'your online toolbox'. But why would you be so stupid?
Here are the supposed benefits, followed by my translation
-Confidential, hassle free registration for ALL your Ryobi tools.
-Exciting new product information
-Special offers and discounts
-Weekly drawings for cool Ryobi products
[Translation: Hassle-free addition to our automated SPAM system.]
-Tool tips and FAQ's
[Translation: We replaced our entire support department with a computer and a 9-year old Taiwanese girl who keeps it running for a nickel a week.]
and last, but not least...
-Through the Ryobi SuperConsumer panel, you can make a difference by giving feedback on Ryobi products
[Translation: We replaced our entire product engineering department with a computer and a 12-year old Taiwanese boy.]
Ah well, I guess I will pass on the "Exciting" product information. Well, I'll let you know how it works for personal hygine; I'm off to trim my nasal hair...
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Inner Rebel or, How 2 write right
I distinctly remember at a rather large Easter gathering, my aunt Ginny stood and seemed to speak for the entire Family (possibly the entire Human Race) when she yelled at me,
"If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff too?"
Without a millisecond of pause, I said (With an equal amount of volume and grandoiseness)
"Does that mean if all Your friends did Not jump off a cliff, then you Would?"
I think that was the last time my Aunt Ginny ever spoke to me. I think I was eight.
My gut-reaction-response surprised even me, because it implied that rebellousness is not always the answer. Sometimes everyone does things because it's just the right thing to do, like eating oatmeal. (Ask Wilford Brimley)
Since I didn't retain the lesson, I needed to be taught it again. So, during a period of my life when I felt severely unappreciated, I decided, in a fluster of rebellousness, that I would run away from home. I talked this plan over with my good friend, The Gooch, and he kindly volunteered the underneath of his stairs as a good place to sit tight for a day or two, and i could eat leftovers, of which he assured me there were plenty. My mom would worry and cry, and I would return home with a story of aliens or ninjas, (something I would make up while hiding out), and for a day or two of suffering, I would gain a newfound appreciation from my family, and probably sell the book rights later on.
I realized that I could get the same effect with a lot less work if I simply dropped a hint that I was thinking of leaving, (and I wouldn't have to eat leftovers.) So, I asked my mother how she would feel if I ran away from home.
"I would be very sad," she said seriously, "but I wouldn't let you come back."
"Um, what?" I asked, as my brain sifted through my finely-laid plan to come up with a workaround for this rather large loophole.
"Well," she said, "if you weren't happy here, I certainly wouldn't want you to live here. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, just wondering 's all."
When she called my bluff, I was reminded that rebelousness isn't always the answer. Hey, even if I was unappreciated, the food and lodging were still better than the alternative.
But you can imagine what I think when people tell me 'how to write right'.
Don't do [fill in the blank]
Always [fill in the blank]
And Never, Ever [fill in the blank]
For instance, 'never end a sentence with a preposition' What the hell is that about? Prepositions are wonderful things to end a sentence with. I don't agree that isn't what they should be used for. As a matter of fact, it's something I use lots of. In the Upper Midwest, it is something people are very used to. It's certainly nothing to get upset about.
Most of this ALWAYS and NEVER pesudo-info comes from people with experience or authority in the matter. People like this for instance. Ah well, you have to sift through the ALWAYS and NEVER comments, and realize them for what they are. Opinions.
I think it's the people who break the ALWAYS and NEVER rules who start the new trends which are accepted are hailed as the visionaries later on. Those who start new trends that fail are called crackpots.
Blog on,
-CZ
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Permalink
"If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff too?"
Without a millisecond of pause, I said (With an equal amount of volume and grandoiseness)
"Does that mean if all Your friends did Not jump off a cliff, then you Would?"
I think that was the last time my Aunt Ginny ever spoke to me. I think I was eight.
My gut-reaction-response surprised even me, because it implied that rebellousness is not always the answer. Sometimes everyone does things because it's just the right thing to do, like eating oatmeal. (Ask Wilford Brimley)
Since I didn't retain the lesson, I needed to be taught it again. So, during a period of my life when I felt severely unappreciated, I decided, in a fluster of rebellousness, that I would run away from home. I talked this plan over with my good friend, The Gooch, and he kindly volunteered the underneath of his stairs as a good place to sit tight for a day or two, and i could eat leftovers, of which he assured me there were plenty. My mom would worry and cry, and I would return home with a story of aliens or ninjas, (something I would make up while hiding out), and for a day or two of suffering, I would gain a newfound appreciation from my family, and probably sell the book rights later on.
I realized that I could get the same effect with a lot less work if I simply dropped a hint that I was thinking of leaving, (and I wouldn't have to eat leftovers.) So, I asked my mother how she would feel if I ran away from home.
"I would be very sad," she said seriously, "but I wouldn't let you come back."
"Um, what?" I asked, as my brain sifted through my finely-laid plan to come up with a workaround for this rather large loophole.
"Well," she said, "if you weren't happy here, I certainly wouldn't want you to live here. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, just wondering 's all."
When she called my bluff, I was reminded that rebelousness isn't always the answer. Hey, even if I was unappreciated, the food and lodging were still better than the alternative.
But you can imagine what I think when people tell me 'how to write right'.
Don't do [fill in the blank]
Always [fill in the blank]
And Never, Ever [fill in the blank]
For instance, 'never end a sentence with a preposition' What the hell is that about? Prepositions are wonderful things to end a sentence with. I don't agree that isn't what they should be used for. As a matter of fact, it's something I use lots of. In the Upper Midwest, it is something people are very used to. It's certainly nothing to get upset about.
Most of this ALWAYS and NEVER pesudo-info comes from people with experience or authority in the matter. People like this for instance. Ah well, you have to sift through the ALWAYS and NEVER comments, and realize them for what they are. Opinions.
I think it's the people who break the ALWAYS and NEVER rules who start the new trends which are accepted are hailed as the visionaries later on. Those who start new trends that fail are called crackpots.
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life, anti, Writing
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Assault on the Senses
I was recently having a peaceful lunch as a local fast-food establishment, when suddenly I was assaulted by a woman whom I don't even know. It seems that the perfume she wore was purchased by the gallon, and instead of applying it, she marinated in it. My eyes were watering, it was that bad.
Now, my father always said that if a woman wears too much perfume, she's trying to cover something up.
Later that same day, I was reading vita.mn's review of Panic at the Disco. Their shows look like Cirque De Soleil meets Wayne Newton meets Vaudeville meets Sgt Pepper. My eyes were watering, it was that bad.
I'm all for putting on a show, but Son, I'm telling you that if a band has too many performers on stage, they're trying to cover something up.
Blog on,
-CZ
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Permalink
Now, my father always said that if a woman wears too much perfume, she's trying to cover something up.
Later that same day, I was reading vita.mn's review of Panic at the Disco. Their shows look like Cirque De Soleil meets Wayne Newton meets Vaudeville meets Sgt Pepper. My eyes were watering, it was that bad.
I'm all for putting on a show, but Son, I'm telling you that if a band has too many performers on stage, they're trying to cover something up.
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life
Monday, October 30, 2006
Helly Halloween 2006
Attended The Halloween costume party on Saturday, it was a blast.
Not quite as frightening as the GWAR concert tonight at First Ave I suspect.
Xtina and I took second and third place, Spoon took first place dressed as a drowned cat.
Saveau, was there, and Avindair and the lovely Geek Goddess herself, not to mention the band (Whom I can now formally introduce as Jagged Spiral)
Yes, we have a myspace page. Who doesn't, right? I mean even God has one, and He even decided to be one of our friends. Hmm... Just don't expect too much content, we're focusing on recording. Plenty of time for marketing later...
Blog on,
-CZ
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 |
| 2006 Halloween |
Not quite as frightening as the GWAR concert tonight at First Ave I suspect.
Xtina and I took second and third place, Spoon took first place dressed as a drowned cat.
Saveau, was there, and Avindair and the lovely Geek Goddess herself, not to mention the band (Whom I can now formally introduce as Jagged Spiral)
Yes, we have a myspace page. Who doesn't, right? I mean even God has one, and He even decided to be one of our friends. Hmm... Just don't expect too much content, we're focusing on recording. Plenty of time for marketing later...
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life, Cool Event
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Birth of a Band
I obviously haven't been posting much lately, but not for a lack of things to write about. Quite the opposite. School, sickness, the book, the album, the band... all combined to make September seem like an entire year in itself without two spare seconds for me to rub together.
School - Sucks. All the kids know this, and when I was a kid, I knew it too. While my thirst for knowledge has not waned, I find that classes and homework are keeping me from other things...
Sick - ...and being sick is not one of those things. Being Sick Really Truly sucks. Everyone knows this. Whatever I had hung on for a solid week and a half of misery, another week and a half of discomfort, and now (one MONTH to the day) it still manages to annoy. I'm sure there are worse things than being labled as a 'walking snot factory' but I'm just hoping it won't affect my vocals on...
The Album - Right. Drums are done. Basslines are half finished. The goal was to have all basslines done this week, Guitar and Vocals done around Oct 20th, and a final rough mix by Halloween. Like I said: Right.
The Band - Some guys go bowling, some get together to watch 'the game', some play poker, but there We were, meeting on Tuesdays after work: recording, arranging, cutting, pasting, looping, and critiquing, punctuated by the inevitible Windows reboot. We also listened to bands from Lamb of God to Blondie, From Motörhead to Ray (not to mention all the Ray Remixes).
For well over a year; just some guys who might just as well have been playing Dungeons and Dragons. In all this time, it never once felt like a band. Until last Tuesday. Strangely, we didn't get much recorded that night, just some rough tracks to use as placeholders. But we got several things done which made it seem like we were finally a real band.
We decided on a name
We listed a myspace page
We registered a website
But really, the first thing that made it feel like a real band (for me, anyways) was taking our first band photo.
...'But what of the Book?' you ask. Believe me, it tries my patience more than yours to not have the draft finished. I've learned that it writes itself, and everytime I put a date on it, it stops writing itself just so it can show me that I don't have total control over it. It can't be finished soon enough.
More to come.
Blog on,
-CZ
2 Comments
Permalink
School - Sucks. All the kids know this, and when I was a kid, I knew it too. While my thirst for knowledge has not waned, I find that classes and homework are keeping me from other things...
Sick - ...and being sick is not one of those things. Being Sick Really Truly sucks. Everyone knows this. Whatever I had hung on for a solid week and a half of misery, another week and a half of discomfort, and now (one MONTH to the day) it still manages to annoy. I'm sure there are worse things than being labled as a 'walking snot factory' but I'm just hoping it won't affect my vocals on...
The Album - Right. Drums are done. Basslines are half finished. The goal was to have all basslines done this week, Guitar and Vocals done around Oct 20th, and a final rough mix by Halloween. Like I said: Right.
The Band - Some guys go bowling, some get together to watch 'the game', some play poker, but there We were, meeting on Tuesdays after work: recording, arranging, cutting, pasting, looping, and critiquing, punctuated by the inevitible Windows reboot. We also listened to bands from Lamb of God to Blondie, From Motörhead to Ray (not to mention all the Ray Remixes).
For well over a year; just some guys who might just as well have been playing Dungeons and Dragons. In all this time, it never once felt like a band. Until last Tuesday. Strangely, we didn't get much recorded that night, just some rough tracks to use as placeholders. But we got several things done which made it seem like we were finally a real band.
We decided on a name
We listed a myspace page
We registered a website
But really, the first thing that made it feel like a real band (for me, anyways) was taking our first band photo.
...'But what of the Book?' you ask. Believe me, it tries my patience more than yours to not have the draft finished. I've learned that it writes itself, and everytime I put a date on it, it stops writing itself just so it can show me that I don't have total control over it. It can't be finished soon enough.
More to come.
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life, Jagged Spiral, The Demonslayers Handbook
Monday, September 11, 2006
Pissing Cherry Nyquil
For those wondering, yes the 102 fever for a couple days has put me on edge. Four days of complete peace, quiet and relaxation have left me about a fifty-cent cab ride from a nervous breakdown. I've read a fourth of four different books and the entire "Kurt Cobain Journals" which turned out to be not such a good idea. (Did you know he's *DEAD*??? What a fucking *downer*!) Four days without caffeine probably hasn't helped either. I'm pissing Cherry Nyquil and I wish I could summon the strength to take a shower.
Anyway, watching The Big Lebowski cheered me up a bit, and this movie was surprisingly good (if you don't agree, then blame the Cherry Nyquil) This movie however, well I didn't pick it out, and I was too weak to walk out on it. How many chances do we have to hand Christopher Lambert after Highlander One?
Meanwhile, if there is anything you need recorded in a Barry White voice, make your request now.
Blog on,
-CZ
0 Comments
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Anyway, watching The Big Lebowski cheered me up a bit, and this movie was surprisingly good (if you don't agree, then blame the Cherry Nyquil) This movie however, well I didn't pick it out, and I was too weak to walk out on it. How many chances do we have to hand Christopher Lambert after Highlander One?
Meanwhile, if there is anything you need recorded in a Barry White voice, make your request now.
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Personal Experience: Belkin Tech Support
11:05 - Called Belkin tech support. After navigating the phone push-button menu hell which was designed for those not paid by the hour, I was placed into the waiting que. The great thing about being on hold with Tech Support is that I can do almost anything and it still counts as work (to me, anyways). That includes internet research...
11:47 - The words "Your call is important to us" have burned into my brain along with the smooth jazz music to create a kind of annoying emo song that I am certain I could sell to Dashboard Confessional, I'm sure they would play it exactly the way it sounds in my head, and I'm sure I would hate it royally.
12:09 - Much to my surprise, someone answers the phone.
Belkin Tech Support Dude 1: "So what is the problem?"
Me: "The new, Belkin Gigabit Ethernet card model F5D5005 wont connect to the network switch at one Gig speed."
Tech1: "A gig?"
Me: "Yeah, one thousand Meg. It will only connect at 100 Meg. I've downloaded the latest drivers..."
Tech1: "Um, what internet service provider do you have?"
Me: "This has nothing to do with my internet service provider, I can't connect to the network switch at one gig speed."
Tech1: "Network?"
Me: "Yes, this is a business, we have a network, and the card will only connect to the switch at 100 meg. Not at one Gig, like it's supposed to."
Tech1: "Hmm. Well, if you could tell me your internet service provider..."
Me: "This problem is not related to the internet, it's the configuration of the card or the driver software. Our internet service provider can't help you."
Tech1: "I'm sorry, I can't process a ticket without knowing your internet service provider."
Me: "Sure. Fine. My internet service provider is a company called 'N Slash A'. That's 'N' as in Nancy..."
Tech1: "Could you hold please?"
12:09 - Put back on hold.
12:11 - New support person Tech2. Redescribed problem. He asked what OS I was running.
12:13 - Put back on hold.
12:15 - New tech support person.
Tech3: "Are you sure the hub you are trying to connect to is a gigabit hub?"
Me: "Yes, it's a Belkin Gigabit 8-port switch, model F5D5141-8. I have five other people connected to it at one Gig, so I know it works."
Tech3: "Hold on."
12:16 - back on hold. I'm wondering at this point if they realize that I'm enjoying the quiet time they are giving me. At least three people poked their head in and the speakerphone pumping out smooth jazz and assurances of how bloody important my call is keep them all at bay. Good thing I called so early in the day. I've completely caught up on all my e-mail, news, and blogs at this point. Even sent an e-mail request to Belkin's online tech support to see if the e-mail support might be faster, which would be kind of funny.
12:20 - Just about to try validating playing sugarcrash at work when an voice rudely interrupts my websurfing.
Tech4: "What I want you to do is to uninstall and reinstall the card please."
Me: "I already did that."
Tech4: "I know, but sometimes these things just get screwed up, and uninstalling then reinstalling fixes the problem."
Me: (internally - 'Um, that's why I already tried it...') "Sure. Fine. I need to go get a screwdriver, can you hold on?"
Tech4: "Yes."
12:24 - Tech4 is on hold as I look for a screwdriver. I couldn't find one in the bathroom, (although I did take the opportunity to use the facilities and wash my hands. Twice.) Also could not find a screwdriver in the breakroom, although someone had left some orange juice in the fridge, so that was pretty close. I settled for a Diet Coke.
12:28 - Finally found a screwdriver in my office, and returned to the computer and (surprisingly) tech4, still on hold.
Me: "Are you still there?"
Tech4: "Mmm Hmm."
12:30 - I proceed to remove the card, restart the computer, remove and reload the drivers. Shutdown, insert the card, restart the computer. The problem is still there.
12:45 - back on hold
12:48 - Another tech (not tech4 or tech1, but possibly tech2) tells me the card is bad, and they are sending another one. I can't wait, because the problem is not with the card, and I could use another hour of relaxing 'tech support time'...
Blog on,
-CZ
4 Comments
Permalink
11:47 - The words "Your call is important to us" have burned into my brain along with the smooth jazz music to create a kind of annoying emo song that I am certain I could sell to Dashboard Confessional, I'm sure they would play it exactly the way it sounds in my head, and I'm sure I would hate it royally.
12:09 - Much to my surprise, someone answers the phone.
Belkin Tech Support Dude 1: "So what is the problem?"
Me: "The new, Belkin Gigabit Ethernet card model F5D5005 wont connect to the network switch at one Gig speed."
Tech1: "A gig?"
Me: "Yeah, one thousand Meg. It will only connect at 100 Meg. I've downloaded the latest drivers..."
Tech1: "Um, what internet service provider do you have?"
Me: "This has nothing to do with my internet service provider, I can't connect to the network switch at one gig speed."
Tech1: "Network?"
Me: "Yes, this is a business, we have a network, and the card will only connect to the switch at 100 meg. Not at one Gig, like it's supposed to."
Tech1: "Hmm. Well, if you could tell me your internet service provider..."
Me: "This problem is not related to the internet, it's the configuration of the card or the driver software. Our internet service provider can't help you."
Tech1: "I'm sorry, I can't process a ticket without knowing your internet service provider."
Me: "Sure. Fine. My internet service provider is a company called 'N Slash A'. That's 'N' as in Nancy..."
Tech1: "Could you hold please?"
12:09 - Put back on hold.
12:11 - New support person Tech2. Redescribed problem. He asked what OS I was running.
12:13 - Put back on hold.
12:15 - New tech support person.
Tech3: "Are you sure the hub you are trying to connect to is a gigabit hub?"
Me: "Yes, it's a Belkin Gigabit 8-port switch, model F5D5141-8. I have five other people connected to it at one Gig, so I know it works."
Tech3: "Hold on."
12:16 - back on hold. I'm wondering at this point if they realize that I'm enjoying the quiet time they are giving me. At least three people poked their head in and the speakerphone pumping out smooth jazz and assurances of how bloody important my call is keep them all at bay. Good thing I called so early in the day. I've completely caught up on all my e-mail, news, and blogs at this point. Even sent an e-mail request to Belkin's online tech support to see if the e-mail support might be faster, which would be kind of funny.
12:20 - Just about to try validating playing sugarcrash at work when an voice rudely interrupts my websurfing.
Tech4: "What I want you to do is to uninstall and reinstall the card please."
Me: "I already did that."
Tech4: "I know, but sometimes these things just get screwed up, and uninstalling then reinstalling fixes the problem."
Me: (internally - 'Um, that's why I already tried it...') "Sure. Fine. I need to go get a screwdriver, can you hold on?"
Tech4: "Yes."
12:24 - Tech4 is on hold as I look for a screwdriver. I couldn't find one in the bathroom, (although I did take the opportunity to use the facilities and wash my hands. Twice.) Also could not find a screwdriver in the breakroom, although someone had left some orange juice in the fridge, so that was pretty close. I settled for a Diet Coke.
12:28 - Finally found a screwdriver in my office, and returned to the computer and (surprisingly) tech4, still on hold.
Me: "Are you still there?"
Tech4: "Mmm Hmm."
12:30 - I proceed to remove the card, restart the computer, remove and reload the drivers. Shutdown, insert the card, restart the computer. The problem is still there.
12:45 - back on hold
12:48 - Another tech (not tech4 or tech1, but possibly tech2) tells me the card is bad, and they are sending another one. I can't wait, because the problem is not with the card, and I could use another hour of relaxing 'tech support time'...
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life, Business Phenomena
Sunday, August 06, 2006
The Long Path
My step-grandmother passed away recently, and the funeral was yesterday. My step-grandfather is a member of the Ojibwe tribe in Hinkley, MN and therefore, part of the funeral ritual was conducted by a Medicine Man, which included 'smudging' all of us with sage, and 'passing the pipe'.
It was a much more moving ceremony than the traditional pastor-in-the-pulpit, rambling on some jibber-jabber that sounded more like a lecture, and even more like it was written out in advance, all the blanks filled in with the appropriate names.
Instead of an hours worth of rhetoric, the medicine man told us about a dream he had. It was not only short, but also meaningful and memorable. I don't think I will ever forget it, and I can quote it to you here.
Life is a like a path through the woods. The path is long, and sometimes people want to take a shortcut. But those who try to take a shortcut get lost, and have to go back, and start over. Those who take the long way get to the end first.
At the end of the path, you meet the Creator. He looks at some and says, 'You are ready to come with me, your work here is done.' To others he says, 'I am leaving you behind, because you still have something here to do.'
So if your're reading this, I guess you still have some work to do. And I bet it's not reading this lame-ass blog.
Blog on,
-CZ
1 Comments
Permalink
It was a much more moving ceremony than the traditional pastor-in-the-pulpit, rambling on some jibber-jabber that sounded more like a lecture, and even more like it was written out in advance, all the blanks filled in with the appropriate names.
Instead of an hours worth of rhetoric, the medicine man told us about a dream he had. It was not only short, but also meaningful and memorable. I don't think I will ever forget it, and I can quote it to you here.
Life is a like a path through the woods. The path is long, and sometimes people want to take a shortcut. But those who try to take a shortcut get lost, and have to go back, and start over. Those who take the long way get to the end first.
At the end of the path, you meet the Creator. He looks at some and says, 'You are ready to come with me, your work here is done.' To others he says, 'I am leaving you behind, because you still have something here to do.'
So if your're reading this, I guess you still have some work to do. And I bet it's not reading this lame-ass blog.
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life, Philosophy
Monday, July 31, 2006
Trees + Sue + Alcohol = LaughRiot
On Saturday, Xtina and I had a full plate. In the morning we helped an old friend move. His wife had passed on, and he moved to a smaller apartment in the Assisted Care Community. Not such a cheerful morning.
I hammered on the bassline for Monsters for a couple hours, until I thought I would get blisters on my blisters. Then I put down the bass and railed on Oblivion for a bit. Finished a couple quests, and sold a bunch of crap I was carrying. How many swords does the discriminating adventurer need, anyways? I had more swords than Xtina has shoes. Joined two more guilds, one which hunts Vampires and one which is just a frat-rich-boy-adventurers-club. I think I am in seven secret societies now, and I wonder if there is a contest to see how many secret societies you can join at one time.
Then it was off to an old friend of Xtina's who was having a party. Xtina and I sat and talked together, and ate, and watched some people perform Karaoke and then we sat some more. Together. We moved to another place and sat together some more. And then we moved inside to get away from the mosquitoes the size of golf balls, and we sat some more. Together. Not that anyone was outright rude, or blatantly ignoring us, but it reminded me of lunchtime at high school. Everyone has their group to sit with, and if you aren't part of the group... then you aren't part of the group.
Afterward, we went to Tree's place for a fire-pit party which was inside thankfully. (Without the fire and without the pit, in case you were wondering, but also without the heat and mosquitoes...)
What a culture shock, to go from a party where the clique is Not interested in newcomers to one that is accepting and inclusive. (Trees even jumped up an down in excitement when we arrived! Talk about making you feel welcome!) We had a blast at Trees place, playing 'Apples to Apples' and Jenga whilst drinking/schmoozing/socializing. Of course, the fact that Sue was there made the party all the more enjoyable, and the interaction of Sue+Trees+Alcohol=LaughRiot.
I just wanted to throw a Great Big Thank You to Trees and Sue and Friends, for a great time, which was all the more appreciated coming from a party where you don't click with the clique.
The more interesting thing about Saturday is what I did Not do: Attend my High School Reunion. But that's another post...
Blog on,
-CZ
3 Comments
Permalink
I hammered on the bassline for Monsters for a couple hours, until I thought I would get blisters on my blisters. Then I put down the bass and railed on Oblivion for a bit. Finished a couple quests, and sold a bunch of crap I was carrying. How many swords does the discriminating adventurer need, anyways? I had more swords than Xtina has shoes. Joined two more guilds, one which hunts Vampires and one which is just a frat-rich-boy-adventurers-club. I think I am in seven secret societies now, and I wonder if there is a contest to see how many secret societies you can join at one time.
Then it was off to an old friend of Xtina's who was having a party. Xtina and I sat and talked together, and ate, and watched some people perform Karaoke and then we sat some more. Together. We moved to another place and sat together some more. And then we moved inside to get away from the mosquitoes the size of golf balls, and we sat some more. Together. Not that anyone was outright rude, or blatantly ignoring us, but it reminded me of lunchtime at high school. Everyone has their group to sit with, and if you aren't part of the group... then you aren't part of the group.
Afterward, we went to Tree's place for a fire-pit party which was inside thankfully. (Without the fire and without the pit, in case you were wondering, but also without the heat and mosquitoes...)
What a culture shock, to go from a party where the clique is Not interested in newcomers to one that is accepting and inclusive. (Trees even jumped up an down in excitement when we arrived! Talk about making you feel welcome!) We had a blast at Trees place, playing 'Apples to Apples' and Jenga whilst drinking/schmoozing/socializing. Of course, the fact that Sue was there made the party all the more enjoyable, and the interaction of Sue+Trees+Alcohol=LaughRiot.
I just wanted to throw a Great Big Thank You to Trees and Sue and Friends, for a great time, which was all the more appreciated coming from a party where you don't click with the clique.
The more interesting thing about Saturday is what I did Not do: Attend my High School Reunion. But that's another post...
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Goodbye Phyllis
I'm not much one to go on about the dead, for it does little good (neither does my incessant whining about the living, but I digress...). That said, I have to say "goodbye" to our former neighbor, Phyllis Skiff. Phyllis and her husband, "The Skipper" were absolutely the nicest neighbors anyone could ask for, and basically adopted Xtina and I the day we moved in next door to them. While I am not a fan of the desert 'Divinty' Xtina tells me that Phyllis made the best.
My sympathies to The Skipper in his time of loss.
Blog on,
-CZ
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My sympathies to The Skipper in his time of loss.
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Pimentos
So I got a letter from the U.S. Government yesterday, stating that the top secret, classified file they keep on me has been stolen. Apparently, I am not to worry that my name, SSN, birthdate, and several risque pictures of me have been compromised.
The reason I am not to worry is that "No evidence of illegal use of your information has been found."
Whew! Thank goodness! Fortunately, I have a plan for dealing with someone who tries to steal my identity.
I'm going to let them have it.
The nanosecond someone pretends to be me, I am GONE, and let's see them try to dodge the MN Dept of Corrections, my Parole Officer, my Psychoanalyst, my Bookie, the Child Support Collections Office, the IRS, and...
...my Student Loan Officer. Holy shit is she mean. Not to mention I owe Satan a favor or two.
So I kind of feel sorry for the son-of-a-bitch who tries to open an account in my name.
Meanwhile, I have a new life all mapped out, on a Pimento farm in California (the side that IS NOT going to fall into the ocean any day now...) I will get some cornrows, change my name to Iggy, and wear sandals and clothing made from hemp.
Blog on,
-CZ
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The reason I am not to worry is that "No evidence of illegal use of your information has been found."
Whew! Thank goodness! Fortunately, I have a plan for dealing with someone who tries to steal my identity.
I'm going to let them have it.
The nanosecond someone pretends to be me, I am GONE, and let's see them try to dodge the MN Dept of Corrections, my Parole Officer, my Psychoanalyst, my Bookie, the Child Support Collections Office, the IRS, and...
...my Student Loan Officer. Holy shit is she mean. Not to mention I owe Satan a favor or two.
So I kind of feel sorry for the son-of-a-bitch who tries to open an account in my name.
Meanwhile, I have a new life all mapped out, on a Pimento farm in California (the side that IS NOT going to fall into the ocean any day now...) I will get some cornrows, change my name to Iggy, and wear sandals and clothing made from hemp.
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Motorcycles
Got an e-mail from a friend today; a Chicago Tribune article telling about how the author sold his motorcycle.
Because they are dangerous and you could die by riding one.
Really?
The e-mail was much longer than that of course, and well written, with lovely colorful descriptions of a motorcycle accident you could pull out of any newspaper on any given month. The author's point, near as I can tell, boils down to this line: "...at least I won't die on a motorcycle."
Hmm. Sold his motorcycle because then he won't die on one. That makes some kind of sense.
But I'm wondering if he also sold his car so that he would not die in a car crash? Did he also sell his home so he would not die in a house fire? Did he give up fast food and simple carbs and Evil White Bread...?
Probably not.
My take on the article was that the author was becoming more and more concerned about dying as he got older, and getting rid of the motorcycle was simply making him better odds. I can respect that. Motorcycling is a hobby (unless you are counting it as a cheap mode of transportation) and if it isn't enjoyable to you anymore, then you should sell your bike. But don't call the kid you sold it to 'dumb' just because you're a coward.
Personally, I would much rather die in a fiery explosion of gasoline and metal shrapnel, my last words being ones my mother would not approve of, than to die of a heart attack muttering feeble prayers of forgiveness for all those years of not going to church. Closed casket, definitely.
Maybe someday I will change my mind and decide my reflexes aren't what they used to be, or perhaps a near-miss close enough to make me wet myself will give me a new perspective. Regardless, if I hand my motorcycle over to someone else, I won't write a story about how stupid and dangerous it is to ride one...
Blog on,
-CZ
PS: (Is White Bread still Evil? What about Eggs? I never keep up with the food fashion trends...)
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Because they are dangerous and you could die by riding one.
Really?
The e-mail was much longer than that of course, and well written, with lovely colorful descriptions of a motorcycle accident you could pull out of any newspaper on any given month. The author's point, near as I can tell, boils down to this line: "...at least I won't die on a motorcycle."
Hmm. Sold his motorcycle because then he won't die on one. That makes some kind of sense.
But I'm wondering if he also sold his car so that he would not die in a car crash? Did he also sell his home so he would not die in a house fire? Did he give up fast food and simple carbs and Evil White Bread...?
Probably not.
My take on the article was that the author was becoming more and more concerned about dying as he got older, and getting rid of the motorcycle was simply making him better odds. I can respect that. Motorcycling is a hobby (unless you are counting it as a cheap mode of transportation) and if it isn't enjoyable to you anymore, then you should sell your bike. But don't call the kid you sold it to 'dumb' just because you're a coward.
Personally, I would much rather die in a fiery explosion of gasoline and metal shrapnel, my last words being ones my mother would not approve of, than to die of a heart attack muttering feeble prayers of forgiveness for all those years of not going to church. Closed casket, definitely.
Maybe someday I will change my mind and decide my reflexes aren't what they used to be, or perhaps a near-miss close enough to make me wet myself will give me a new perspective. Regardless, if I hand my motorcycle over to someone else, I won't write a story about how stupid and dangerous it is to ride one...
Blog on,
-CZ
PS: (Is White Bread still Evil? What about Eggs? I never keep up with the food fashion trends...)
Labels: A Day In The Life, idiots
Friday, May 12, 2006
Charles Conrad, Jr.
According to my mother, this is the person after whom I was named. Charles Conrad Jr, the third person to walk on the moon. 'Conrad' apparently stands for 'bold counsel' I wouldn't call him very bold if he waited for two other dudes to make sure it was OK before he ventured outside Apollo 12...
The 'Zero' is derived from the Tarot, and I'll let you figger that one out as a homework exercise to ponder while you are up north on Lake X, in the rain, trying to catch The Dangerous And Elusive Lunker. I will be at Red Lobster, eating Cheddar Bay Biscuits till I pass out...
Blog on,
-CZ
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The 'Zero' is derived from the Tarot, and I'll let you figger that one out as a homework exercise to ponder while you are up north on Lake X, in the rain, trying to catch The Dangerous And Elusive Lunker. I will be at Red Lobster, eating Cheddar Bay Biscuits till I pass out...
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Blood and Coffee
This conversation took place at work today. More or less. I don't actually remember much of it.
Coworker: "How's it going Conrad?"
Me: "mmmm...."
Coworker: "You take your coffee black?"
Me: "Yeah, it's the scalding heat and bad taste that actually keeps me awake. I'm immune to caffeine."
Coworker: "You know, maybe if you injected the coffee right into your veins it would work better, heh!"
Me: "mmm..."
Coworker: "That reminds me, I gave blood the other day, and I swear chocolate came out! heh! Have you ever given blood?"
Me: "I can't. My blood would kill a normal human being."
Coworker: "Really! How do you know that?"
Me: "Well, it dissolved the plastic bag they put it in, so now I'm on some kind of black list."
Coworker: "Wow, maybe you could sell it to some bioresearch company."
Me: "mm.."
Blog on,
-CZ
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Coworker: "How's it going Conrad?"
Me: "mmmm...."
Coworker: "You take your coffee black?"
Me: "Yeah, it's the scalding heat and bad taste that actually keeps me awake. I'm immune to caffeine."
Coworker: "You know, maybe if you injected the coffee right into your veins it would work better, heh!"
Me: "mmm..."
Coworker: "That reminds me, I gave blood the other day, and I swear chocolate came out! heh! Have you ever given blood?"
Me: "I can't. My blood would kill a normal human being."
Coworker: "Really! How do you know that?"
Me: "Well, it dissolved the plastic bag they put it in, so now I'm on some kind of black list."
Coworker: "Wow, maybe you could sell it to some bioresearch company."
Me: "mm.."
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life, Caffeine
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
We Hates Weatherbug!
Alright, for those who don't know, I am (among many other things) 'The I.T. Guy' where I work. And Lo, it came to pass, that on one particular 25th of April in the Year Of Our Lord Two-Thousand-And-Six, that I found myself sitting between two identical computers. Two twins from Dell that have never been more than ten feet apart since their manufacture. Here are the stats for those who care of such things:
Hardware: Dell Optiplex GX100 666MHZ PIII 128MB Ram WinXP SP2 Blah Blah Blah
Software: Acrobat Reader 7, NAV 10, and MS Office Pro 97
Really these are simple Internet/E-Mail/Light Office Use machines. Same hardware, same software (or so I thought).
So I'm updating the antivirus and tossing another 128MB memory in each, when I notice a significant difference in speed between the two machines.
That's right. A Difference between two machines that are supposedly the same. What do you suppose the difference was? Any IT person could tell you, and although I knew it intuitively, I now have proof. The difference was User1 had not loaded any software, but User2 did.
iTunes
Adobe Photoshop Elements 2.0
Yahoo Toolbar
Cubis Gold
That is all. But that is all it took for User2's computer to open the door for the Adware.180search spyware to crawl onboard and hose the works. The difference in performance is staggering - at least a fifty percent decrease in the speed of User2's computer for common tasks like startup and launching Outlook.
No, little freeware programs that run in the background *aren't* supposed to have any measurable impact on system performance. Sorry, I meant they aren't *supposed* to have any measurable impact. But they do.
Just realize that when your IT person walks away from the initial setup of your machine, IT IS NOT GOING TO GET FASTER. Like when you drove that 1978 GMC Gremlin off the showroom floor, that is the most power, speed, torque, acceleration, etc, you will get from it. Loading Windows onto the computer is like installing a ball hitch and pulling a trailer from the back of it. Every application you add is going to fill up that trailer and slow down the works (unless it removes other applications...) So if you load Weatherbug(shudder), and music software, and every gorram toolbar for Internet Explorer, you will soon end up pulling a trailerhome full of shit.
And then, when you complain to your IT person, "Goodness! I've been meaning to tell you! My computer is So Slow! Whatsoever could be wrong with it?" That IT person goes and blogs about how stupid you are.
Now you know.
Blog on,
-CZ
0 Comments
Permalink
Hardware: Dell Optiplex GX100 666MHZ PIII 128MB Ram WinXP SP2 Blah Blah Blah
Software: Acrobat Reader 7, NAV 10, and MS Office Pro 97
Really these are simple Internet/E-Mail/Light Office Use machines. Same hardware, same software (or so I thought).
So I'm updating the antivirus and tossing another 128MB memory in each, when I notice a significant difference in speed between the two machines.
That's right. A Difference between two machines that are supposedly the same. What do you suppose the difference was? Any IT person could tell you, and although I knew it intuitively, I now have proof. The difference was User1 had not loaded any software, but User2 did.
iTunes
Adobe Photoshop Elements 2.0
Yahoo Toolbar
Cubis Gold
That is all. But that is all it took for User2's computer to open the door for the Adware.180search spyware to crawl onboard and hose the works. The difference in performance is staggering - at least a fifty percent decrease in the speed of User2's computer for common tasks like startup and launching Outlook.
No, little freeware programs that run in the background *aren't* supposed to have any measurable impact on system performance. Sorry, I meant they aren't *supposed* to have any measurable impact. But they do.
Just realize that when your IT person walks away from the initial setup of your machine, IT IS NOT GOING TO GET FASTER. Like when you drove that 1978 GMC Gremlin off the showroom floor, that is the most power, speed, torque, acceleration, etc, you will get from it. Loading Windows onto the computer is like installing a ball hitch and pulling a trailer from the back of it. Every application you add is going to fill up that trailer and slow down the works (unless it removes other applications...) So if you load Weatherbug(shudder), and music software, and every gorram toolbar for Internet Explorer, you will soon end up pulling a trailerhome full of shit.
And then, when you complain to your IT person, "Goodness! I've been meaning to tell you! My computer is So Slow! Whatsoever could be wrong with it?" That IT person goes and blogs about how stupid you are.
Now you know.
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life, idiots, Technology
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