Help! Someone Call A Demonologist!
You probably already guessed. After years of diligent study and research pouring over arcane tomes, videos, and photographs from all parts of the world, sifting through case histories and trying to discern fact from fiction... Until finally one day, you write a book, and put the word "Demonologist" in the title of your website...
...and the e-mails start coming in. Every goth kid on the planet wants to tell you about the demon that is either A) After them, because they 'accidently' performed a summoning ceremony, or B) Possessed their step-parents / bully at school / math teacher. I'll be honest with you, I don't really think a demon would be wasting day after day teaching kids math. Think about it.
Like I said, you probably already guessed that I get plenty of interesting e-mails. Eventually, I'll post a forum so we can all be inspired by human creativity, or a FAQ to sift out the common questions, but in the meantime, this short list of frequently asked questions should cut my e-mails by about 99 percent.
- "Do Demons really exist?"
- Yes, in fact, they really do.
- "How do you summon / dispel a demon?"
- Um, you really don't.
- "My Parents / Math Teacher / Scottish Terrier is a Demon! What Should I Do?"
- Kill them, of course, and spend the rest of your life in jail. Duh.
- "So, like, in the fifth grade, I was..[Fill In The Ten-Page-Long Blank]"
- I'm sure that's a compelling story, and I think if you want people to hear it, you should take it to your local writers group or open mic night. Better yet, write a book like I did. Just make sure you send your story to people who *want* to read it.
Sorry if I sound bitter. So, if you can get past this simple BS filter, keep reading...
Interviewing a Demonologist
If you want to contact me to interview for your magazine / radio show / podcast / discussion group / whatever, just send me an e-mail and I'll be glad to help you out. I can even provide some more focused topics of discussion on request.
So Really, How Do I Contact You?
Contacting me is simple. My e-mail is zero@conradzero.com.
Getting a reply from me is not so simple. There's several ways you might possibly get a response from me.
- If I know you.
- If you want me to do an interview, book signing, lecture or discussion group.
- If you're investigating or experiencing paranormal phenomenon, which you think might involve demonic activity. Mind you, I will want substansial evidence of any demonic involvement. Not just stories, but actual physical evidence like a dead body, or a car folded in half or something.
- If you want to pay me for my services, plus travel and expenses.
- If you actually want to share information with me, instead of getting a free "Demonology for Dummies" tutorial over e-mail.
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