The Demonslayer’s Handbook is growing by leaps and bounds. Seven pages yesterday, and another seven the day before. Lots of dialog and confrontational scenes. Dialog is easy and fills pages quickly. Confrontation scenes do not. Four confrontation scenes overlapping at the same place at the same time on different planes of reality quadrupally do not. Keeping them all straight in my mind is easy. Keeping them straight in the readers mind is hard.

Stepping back and looking at the work completed so far, I can say this:

At just over 531 pages, double-spaced, the rough rough draft of “The Demonslayer’s Handbook: Part One” is done.

The story in my head is complete. The characters and their motivations are complete. The timing and order of events is complete. The mythos is as complete as it needs to be for this book. The ending is written, not to mention the plot outline for the second book. The story is almost completely written, and could even be read and understood ‘as is’.

There are still small holes of time to fill in, probably another 20 to 30 pages of fluff to tie loose ends together and to move the characters from one place to the next.

I guess I will have a rough draft that I can hand out by the end of the month for peer review. If you want to be on the reading list please let me know. Each copy will cost me over thirty bucks, so I will probably only have a couple hard copies made and then they will have to be shared. That means serious inquires only, and no lolly-gagging…

Anyone know of a good book agent?

Blog on,
-CZ

Disturbing News

I was  going to write Dan Brown a scathing e-mail, with all kinds of nasty language and accusations of plagiarism.

Four persons murdered around a city in a pattern.

Wow, that’s not new. I’m sure that’s been done before, and I’ve seen a map of a pentagram drawn over cities so often in movies that I actually make fun of it in my book.

…by a secret religious cult…

Again, nothing new. Matter of fact, they are the ones most likely to bother murdering people in a pattern around a city, right?

…each of the murder victims is marked with a symbol…

Well of course they are marked with a symbol, they are dedicated to some greater cause. Of course the bodies are marked. Goes without saying….

…representing the four elements of air, earth, fire, and water.

Um, wow. That’s cutting it kind of close. I mean…wow.

OK, so it’s at this point that I start the e-mail to Dan Brown, that is so flaming hot I have to turn on the air conditioning. I’m on the verge of throwing inanimate objects. I’m looking up Mr. Brown’s address, and saving for a plane ticket. I have been working on The Demonslayers Handbook for TWO FUCKING YEARS, and how dare he swipe a major plot point from my work….

…except for one thing. Dan Brown’s “Angels and Demons” was published in 2000, and I started on The Demonslayers Handbook in 2004.

Great. So two years of work just got fucked because Mr. Brown had the idea four years earlier. Who will possibly believe that I came up this plot concept on my own?

No one.

This has suddenly become one of the saddest days of my life.

Curse You, Dan Brown. I know it’s not your fault, but Curse You anyways…

Sincerely,
-Conrad Zero

Mr. J. A. Konrath,

I just read your entire ‘tips’ series on your site http://www.jakonrath.com/tips.html (including the video). Very informative and entertaining. This should be required reading for anyone considering a career in writing.

Thank you. Sincerely, thank you for sharing your experience, and for the sheer volume of useful, real-world information about writing and the publishing industry. Based on what I have learned, I’ve decided to burn my own book before it is even finished (I will have to print it out first), and as a replacement, take up Everquest 2 as my life’s pursuit.

I will also pick up copies of all your books, as payment in kind for the sage advice on my career path. It was well worth it.

A Future Fan, and Former Almost-Writer,
~Conrad Zero
conradzero@gmail.com
www.conradzero.com

So I’m working on the Demonslayer’s Handbook, trying to write a barfight scene, and it is just not working.

How come it makes perfect sense for barfights to erupt in movies and on television, but I can’t envision one happening at Psycho Suzi’s here in “friendly” Minneapolis, Minnesota?

The (stereo)typical barfight is like dropping a match into a can of gasoline; one punch, and everyone is swinging. In Minnesota, two people could shoot it out in a bar, with fists/rifles/grenades and everyone would either:

• leave quietly
• break out their cell-phone-cameras to take pictures.

Hmm. Might have to ditch the cause-and-effect logic and reach for the smoke-and-mirrors…

Watched “The Ring 2″ last night. It was surprisingly good. For a movie which has the lamest plot concept in the history of plot concepts, (watch a videotape and die 7 days later) it’s still pretty good. Not as creepy or artistic as the first, but kudos to the writer that the poor-decision-making-teens are notibly removed from the movie after the first five minutes. Refreshing, although the director did watch “The Sixth Sense” too many times. I am not a fan of shocking your audience just to shock them (IE: The Grudge, a terrible movie by the way) but the “spooky kid” thing totally creeps me out…

Ring on,
-CZ

The first 35 pages of The Demonslayer’s Handbook is ready for peer review. The middle of the book… reply hazy, ask again later. Meanwhile, the end of the book is in tatters.

I’m working on page 458 now. Who knew writing was so hard? You see people like Stephen King putting out a book per year and wonder how the hell he does it.

I have a list of beta readers, who are notoriously honest with me about the writing. After the book has been through peer review, and its as good as I can get it, I’ll start approaching editors and agents…

Blog on,
-CZ

Been offline for a while. I might be coming down with EverQuest2-itis…

Actually I have been spending much of my spare time writing. The Demonslayer’s Handbook is now up to 425 pages. The story grows and grows with no end in site, and writing it is like trying to “catch a deluge in a paper cup” to quote Crowded House.

During a rare Non-Writing and Non-EverQuest moment, I tripped across this wonderful website:

Strindberg + Helium

My favorite episode is “At Home with the Kids”.  It is Strange. Like you.

-C