Alright, I’ll admit it. I would pay the cost of a movie ticket just to watch Halle Berry put away her groceries. So it was a safe bet that I would line up at the theater to see Catwoman.

Alright, I’ll admit it. The movie was bad. At best. I went in hoping for good and expecting fair, and I was still disappointed. [Editor's Update Mar 2007: Catwoman ended up on the 2007 'worst 100 reviewed movies list' at rottentomatoes.com]

Catwoman trying to pick up a good movie on her head-mounted Dish Network Transciever

I was disappointed in the silly head-mounted satellite dish they made her wear. Just a pair of ears would have been fine. (Think “Josie and the Pussycats” movie.)

The plot was one of the movie’s many weak points. Even for a comic-book plot, this is pretty bad. The unnecessary genesis of the Catwoman character was cheesy and distracted me from the real plot, if there was one. I thought Hollywood would have learned that the superhero/villian genesis is not some magical “Story” all by itself, it has to have meaning in the context of SOME BIGGER PLOT. Watch “Batman Begins” to see what I mean.

But hey, any day now, that writer’s strike in Hollywood will be over… you know, the one that started in the ’60s?

The villain (played by Sharon Stone) really wasn’t so much of a villain and more of your classic rich-bitch. And really, the “super” power? Come on. It would have been far superior to have her turn into the supervillain Clayface.

Visually, the movie was OK. The sets were fine. I liked the cameras moving through the sets, and the transitions from C.G. to real life were imperceptible.

The script was a turd, but it pains me to point out that what really landed this movie in the litterbox was the acting of Halle Berry. I thought she could carry the movie no matter how bad the script was, but I was wrong. I kinda wish it was just Halle Berry putting away the groceries. That might have been better.

L8R,
-Z

This Wonderful Life by Liam Kemp is a masterpiece of animation on so many levels. Technically, he’s done an amazing job with a limited amount of hardware. Years from now, people will wonder how he was ever able to complete this in the year 2002 with such hardware:

Athlon 600mhz, 32mb GeForce, 768mb RAM — UPGRADE: Athlon 1.4ghz, 64mb GeForce MX, 1.5gb RAM

Visually, the story is stunning. The cinematography, focus, depth, picture composition, light and shadow… I could go on.

Emotionally, his heroine does more in these short movies than most actors pull off in their entire careers.

I won’t pretend to understand the story, but prepare to have your emotions run through a workout.

This Wonderful Life -Part one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=em3NmxUQI-0

This Wonderful Life – Part Two: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VI8zXqM3duY&NR=1

Someone please give this man a movie contract.

Blog on,
-Z

Angry Alien Productions

bring you entertainment for busy people.

Watch classics like:

• The Exorcist
• The Shining
• Jaws

In 30 seconds.

With bunnies.

Blog on,
-Z

[Jan 2010 Update] And for those of you who like their vampires with sprinkles:

• Twilight

How to Ruin A Superhero Movie

So you want to know how to wreck a superhero movie?

Simple:

• Start with a popular superhero.
• Make him cry. A lot.
• Add a soundtrack from Dashboard Confessional.
• Add midichlorians (Optional)

See? Its that simple. If Sam Raimi can do it, so can you!

Blog on,

-Z

I use this handy Earth Impact Effects Calculator every day to calculate the effects of different sized objects smashing into the earth. Very useful.

Blog on,
-Z

This is the kind of transportation I am looking for!

NASA’s new X-43A scramjet set a new world’s record. From the website:

It’s Official. X-43A Raises the Bar to Mach 9.6
Guinness World Records recognized NASA’s X-43A scramjet with a new world speed record for a jet-powered aircraft – Mach 9.6, or nearly 7,000 mph. The X-43A set the new mark and broke its own world record on its third and final flight on Nov. 16, 2004.

Seven Thousand miles per hour. That’s 9.6 TIMES the speed of sound, or 116.67 miles per second, which means I could get to work in about 0.068 seconds!

Unfortunately, the stereo speakers would have to be in front of the drivers seat, or you couldn’t hear the radio. Not that I’d be in it long enough to listen to anything.  I mean,  0.068 seconds doesn’t give you much time to get into a song.

I was looking for a used one. Maybe a lease/return with low miles (black, of course) but no luck. Do you suppose NASA has an outlet store?

Blog on,
-Z

I was unloading groceries from the trunk of my car when a large, bald butcher named Max (No, I’m not making this up) walked by and noticed that my grocery bags all proclaimed, “I (Heart) my CUB!”

Unfortunately, Max is from the local, independently owned and operated grocery store.

Just as Max the Butcher prepared to carve me into thin slices, my neighbor showed up. Fortunately, my neighbor is the friend whom Max was about to visit. My neighbor calmly reassured Max that I was simply lost, starving, drunk, and new to the neighborhood, and that I ALWAYS patronize my local small business establishments, and would NEVER make such a mistake again.

What does this have to do with this compelling Computer User article by James Matthewson? The article discusses the long-term effects big stores like WalMart have on our economy. If you are upset at poor customer service, overseas outsourcing of jobs, unemployment, and jobs with low pay and no benefits, you can thank businesses like Wal-Mart and the people who choose to shop there.

I guess I didn’t need to be threated by a large, bald, butcher named Max to realize that keeping your money in the community is a wise consumer policy. It won’t stop me from buying computer parts from Newegg.com, but now I’m much more conscious of where my money goes when I shop.

-Z

The Myers-Briggs Personality Test is an interesting bit of self-revelation. Based on your (honest) answers to a group of questions, the Myers-Briggs Personality Test lumps you into one of several personality stereotypes.

The test divides personality types into four primary categories:

• (I) Introvert vs (E) Extrovert
• (N) Intuitive vs (S) Sensing
• (T) Thinking vs (F) Feeling
• (J) Judging vs (P) Perceiving

I’ve taken many styles of this test (including the official version) many times over the years and the results for me have been very repeatable. My results proclaimed me to be an INTX – The “X” meaning a rough balance between the type INTJ and INTP, but always leaning slightly toward the INTJ.

The stereotype of the INTJ personality is the “absent-minded professor” I guess I put more stock in this assessment of my personality than my Zodiac sign…

Take the test yourself here for free: Myers-Briggs Personality Test

-Z

Things are tough all over, and not just here in the Divided States of America.  The economy’s in the crapper, unemployment is up and rising, and now the automotive industry wants money from the government because people won’t buy their SUVs.

But few  industries can complain as much as the Horror Industry. They were already at the bottom before it fell out. I mean on the pie-graph of consumer spending, Horror Publishers and Authors didn’t even get a sliver of the pie, they got to *see* the empty pie plate, and there wasn’t even a crumb left to tell what kind of pie it was.

Many horror publishers/authors are realizing what their parents told them all along, “When are you going to get a real job?”

So the entire horror industry is feeling the pinch. Actually, it’s not so much of a pinch, but more like a wallop in the back with a baseball bat and waking up with a broken collar bone, a large hospital bill and a missing wallet. Many horror publishers/authors are realizing what their parents told them all along, “When are you going to get a real job?”

But it ain’t over yet, my friends. Mr Gregory L Hall over at choateroad.com has a solution. He calls it the 2009 Horror Bail Out. The beauty of his plan is in its simplicity: everyone in the (currently) Free Market, go out once a year and spend $20 on an independent horror author at an independent horror publisher. It doesn’t matter which one. Take that money you were going to use to buy the Twilight DVD and all the  Fanpire swag to go with it (for shame!) and put it towards Real art from Real artists.

It’s a sad day when the actions of the American Automotive Industry are more terrifying than any story the American Horror Industry can come up with, but with your help, we can turn things around. Please participate in the 2009 Horror Bail Out.

-I’m Conrad Zero, and I approve this message