Conrad Zero

Front Cover Showing The Back Side...

A leisurely stroll through the fiction section of your local bookstore will reveal a surprising number of book covers that are… ass.

Literally.

Primarily female ass.

I’m going to be the very, very, very last person in the world to complain if people want to put any portion of the female anatomy on book covers.  So blame my Inner Philosopher for asking “Why?”

The simple answer is that ’sex sells.’ But for the sake of a blog post, I’m going to pretend there’s more to it than that.

It’s important to realize that the author doesn’t always have input on the cover of his/her own book. The cover is generally the domain of the publisher if the author is traditionally published (as opposed to self-published) . That includes the book title, cover copy, graphics, colors, layout, font, blurbs, etc. Covers of books are usually developed or contracted by the publisher.

But that doesn’t really explain this:

Kim Harrison Book Covers

For the record, Kim Harrison did not start this trend, and she might not like it herself, but her publisher is clearly sold on it. Now, any one of these as a cover is fine. But as a repeated motif it’s questionable, and as a genre, I’d think someone somewhere would find it offensive. More than half of these covers don’t even show the woman’s head, and none of them show the face. What happened to women being pissed off at being objectified? If a male author had book covers like these, could we expect some outcry then?

No offense intended to Kim Harrison; quite the opposite. I think there is more substance to her books than than the covers give credit for. Check online reviews of her work and see for yourself. You will find that her writing is well-liked and her covers are not. In fact, I would say her work is selling well *in spite of* her publisher’s cover choices.

Attack of the Clones

For every person with an original marketing idea, there’s 1×10^3 people who simply copy that idea, rendering it un-original. My guess is that once upon a time, a good book with the female behind on the cover made the bestseller list, and now publisher’s marketing departments are making the decision to knock off a piece.

Why would I think this? Browse through the fiction section yourself and look for the books with the heroine derriere on the cover. They won’t be hard to find. This bunch came together quickly:

Karen Chance Book Covers

Carrie Vaughn Book Covers

Richelle Mead Book Covers

Again, I have nothing whatsoever against the authors or their writing. In fact, that’s my point. How do the publishers’ cover choices relate to the contents? Are the covers an accurate image of the product, or simply objectifying women? Should marketing people should be strangled to death with their own intestines?

If I were the author, I’d be pissed that my book cover looked like this. No originality whatsoever. Drowned in a sea of “Look at my ass too!”.

Branding

Origin of the famous "Three Quarter Twist" pose.

Of course we all recognize the classic pose of looking back over the shoulder originated by Bigfoot. (See picture, right.) My friend James has named this pose The “Three-Quarter Twist”  – not looking all the way behind you, but almost. Xtna pointed out that this pose allows the audience to see three aspects of the subject – the face, the curve of the chest, and the ass – all at once.

One could argue that showing the female backside on a book cover is a branding thing, like the Harlequin Romance ‘bodice rippers’ with the stereotypical picture of Fabio ravaging some harlot on the cover. Perhaps publishers think that consumers can put themselves in the place of the heroine on the cover. This would explain the disturbingly faceless/headless heroines. Maybe they think consumers see the cover pic of a heroine’s ass and think, “Oh, look! A modern day urban-fantasy featuring a female-dhampir protagonist, and told from first person point of view! I love these!”

What it tells me is that the author doesn’t have an original idea, and this book is just a knockoff of all the other books in the genre. Or worse, this book is trying to *look* like other books in a desperate attempt to sucker people into buying it. But keep in mind:

…the author doesn’t always have input on the cover of his/her own book… The cover is generally the domain of the publisher.

So the cover doesn’t have as much to do with the contents as you would think.

The Ass End

I should be thankful. Things could be worse. Much worse. They could be pictures of guys’ asses, or flabby bellies. Rob Zombie could probably think up far worse pictures of female anatomy to offend us.

The covers don’t lie. These books do in fact, contain female heroines, and the female heroines do in fact, have backsides. But what does this say about the publisher’s approach to the customer and the market as a whole? What does this say about the originality of the author/story?

What do you think?

-Z

In honor of the decomposing pumpkin that I shoveled off our front step this evening, I give you… Decomposing Pumpkin by Brainkrieg.

Thanks to Jess for the link…

An Apple is not Candy,

-Z

For those who don’t know about Sound Unseen, it’s a Music/Art/Film fest themed out by a slew of cool Minneapolis Artists and Venues.  Its for those people who need a damned reason to get off their ass and experience some local art. Sound Unseen 2009 runs from Sept 30th until Oct 4th.

One of the more original events that goes on during Sound Unseen is the “Rock and Bowl” where you get the chance to bowl with/against your favorite local bands.  More details (including band links) are below.

This year’s Rock and Bowl is on Monday, September 28 from 7pm -10pm at Memory Lanes in Minneapolis.

So set your Tivo up to record “Scrubs” then check the Sound Unseen website and your local news sources for more cool Sound Unseen events!

-Zero

All ages are welcome until 10pm.

Sound Unseen Music, Film and Art Festival Presents:

“ROCK AND BOWL“ – Come bowl against your favorite local bands at Memory Lanes!
2520 26th Ave S, Minneapolis, 55406
Cost: $10 – Includes Bowling and shoe rental.

John Kass will be selling records.

Reserve your spot today!  Sign up in teams of four. To do so, please email: karrie.vrabel@gmail.com

Participating Bands:

Now, Now Every Children
So It Goes
Communist Daughter
Total Babe
Switzerlind
LookBook
Gospel Gossip
Poor Weather Club
Magic Castles
Lucy Michelle and the Velvet Lapelles

$10 per person includes bowling and shoe rental.

The 2009 Minnesota Fringe Festival opens this weekend. The craziness begins on 30 July and runs until 9 August.

If you’re not familiar, the Fringe Festival is what happens when an ungodly number of indie theater productions land in town. They run all hours in all the theaters, back alleys and grocery-store produce sections in town. Its a great chance to see a wide variety of shows. In fact, the selection is almost overwhelming.

Newbies to Fringe Fest should check this handy link.

The beauty of the Fringe is that you get a lot of entertainment for your budget dollar.  Split the cost of a punch card with some friends and share – the punch card gets you into multiple shows. You’ll be surprised at how inexpensive they are.  Keep and eye out for 2-for-1 deals and discounts.

Download a pdf of the Fringe schedule here.

Fringe Fest on Twitter – Oh, and all things fringe-ish on twitter will be marked with the #mnfringe tag.

This is your chance. No excuses, get out there and  SUPPORT LOCAL ART!

Sodom, Gomorrah and Adam

I have it on good faith that the fringe show Sodom, Gomorrah and Adam will be worth attending, mostly because of the people involved instead of anything I actually know about the show, which would be about this much:

A tale of revelry and reformation: Young man recalls a lifetime of sin through rock songs. A bit like a cabaret only with more self-loathing and music created by a hybrid of Brian Wilson and Freddie Mercury.

Sodom, Gomorrah and Adam was created by Local-Mad-Evil-Genius Chris Strouth. If you don’t know about Chris, just buy me a pint or two after the show and I’ll tell you all about his lurid behavior back at Totino-Grace.

Here’s the schedule. I’ll probably hit the Saturday show and report back with a lovely review.

Sat., Aug. 1 @ 10:00 p.m.
Sun., Aug. 2 @ 5:30 p.m.
Wed., Aug. 5 @ 5:30 p.m.
Fri., Aug. 7 @ 5:30 p.m.
Sun., Aug. 9 @ 4:00 p.m.

Fringe Feedback

If you have a good/bad/indifferent experience at Fringe Fest, post it in the comments here, or on the fringe website so that others can benefit from your experience.

-Zero

In part one of this series on Audience Entitlement, we discovered that the author does not work for the audience.

In part two, I pointed out that the audience doesn’t have to take any crap from the author. (That’s what I’m here for. My amazing perception of the obvious.)

Now, let’s put these two parts together and find out, Will It Blend?

The Golden Rule

I listed “Honesty” and “Respect” as two things the audience can reasonably expect from an author. These are fluffy terms, and difficult to measure. In some cases, only the author knows if they are being honest or not. And there’s always some sum-bich who has to push the envelope. Who’s to say that intentionally leaving the third book out of a series couldn’t be Honestly and Respectfully done, if that’s the artist’s intention?

Plenty of gray area for us to all fight over, but the concept boils down to this:

Regarding the Audience/Author relationship, the best rule of thumb is The Golden Rule, which works in both directions. The author should respect the audience, and the audience should respect the author.

The Solution to Incomplete Series Malaise

Taking this discussion back to the original post by Neil Gaiman, the issue of audience entitlement was brought up regarding the phenomenon I titled “Incomplete Series Malaise”.

The problem summarized, is that the audience wants the next book in the series but the author isn’t working on it, or isn’t working on it as quickly as members of the audience would like.

For the author to simply say “I’m not your bitch” and leave it at that is disrespectful. The audience will say, “I’m not your bitch either,” and then see how many curses about you they can fit into a 140-character twitter post. Sadly this is where Mr. Gaiman left the matter hang, when I believe he is only half right.  I say that because the  solution to Incomplete Series Malaise comes in two parts:

If the audience respects the author, they won’t make demands.

When a member of the audience begins reading a series, they should not have any expectation of due dates or even of completion, except for what the author communicates. The audience can be as excited and enthusiastic as they want, and while they have every right to ask when the next book will be done, they have NO RIGHT to demand the next book in a series, or to get pissed off if it isn’t getting done when they’d like.

Audiences, if you can’t handle this, then don’t read a series until it’s complete. The author is not your bitch.

If the author respects his/her audience, he/she will tell them when the next book in the series is expected to be finished.

This is the part that I think Mr. Gaiman missed. True, the author does not work for the audience, but an author who does not at least have some respect for thieir audience doesn’t deserve one.

The wise author would have information about book release dates at a webpage/FAQ/blog post where excited fans can be directed. This is the official “I know, I got it, I already answered that, and you can find the official answer here…”

Authors, if you can’t handle this, then don’t write a series. Its disrespectful to the audience, and they are not your bitch.

And So On…

We can extend this simple solution out to ten-thousand other areas of the author/audience relationship. For example, social media responsiveness, web presence, the author’s right to privacy…

When I boil the whole thing down like this, it seems like the “Can’t we all just get along?” solution. And it is. You’d think we wouldn’t need this bit of common sense pointed out to us, but all it takes is one dickhead with a twitter account or an introverted author [Editor's Note: Aren't they all?] to ruin it for the rest of us.

So, when the inevitable happens, and you see authors/audiences getting into a pissing match, feel free to link them here for a dose of common sense.* And if you have any other applications for this bit of wisdom, feel free to leave a comment…

-Zero

*Except for me, naturally. Point me back to this post and I will totally fuck you up.

It isn’t supposed to happen like this, or so I’m told.

Back in Mar 2009, I tripped across a call for submissions to an anthology titled ‘The Blackness Within’.

The idea sounded refreshing and I needed a break from The Demonslayer’s Handbook. So, I took a week off to write up almost 5000 words, and sent it off, thinking no more about it than the fact that I should clear a virtual place for the rejection e-mail I was sure to receive.

On 2 May, I discovered that I’d made the “Short List” whatever that means, and on 5 June I received the following:

‘Big Game’ is a great story, fast paced and quite different…I’d love to accept the story for inclusion in ‘The Blackness Within’.

Like I said, it’s not supposed to happen this way. The first story I’ve shown outside my circle of friends and relatives, written in a fit of spontaneity… not to mention my first submission ever… accepted?

The princely sum of 15 Pounds is probably enough to buy myself a copy of the book when it comes out, with enough left over for a lovely cuban cigar to smoke while I read it. But the real prize is that I will forevermore be able to say that Conrad Zero is a published author. (And I just might refer to myself in third person when I do it. Adds to the importance, don’t you think?)

So now, with a 100% acceptance rate, I’m terrified to ever make another submission. Don’t want to tarnish that perfect record, eh?

Fuck it. I’m going to call it ‘beginners luck’ and press on.

Meanwhile, the anthology of The Blackness Within should be out later this year by Apex Book Company.

Stunned,

-Zero

Last week I tripped across an interesting opportunity over at Apex Book Company. (Click on their banner below to visit the site.)

On their Submissions page, they are accepting short story entries for an anthology called “The Blackness Within” All stories in the anthology will involve the Celtic pig-deity, Moccus.

I know, I’ve never heard of Moccus either. Neither has the internet. It didn’t even come up on GodChecker.com so this is like some seriously under-the-underground hidden knowledge. Or a hoax. Either way, I found the lack of information on Moccus to be refreshing. Finally, a deity that hasn’t been analyzed from all angles and run right into the ground. Authors are given a few guidelines and a few restrictions regarding their submissions, but for the most part left alone to explore and expand on this overlooked god.

So, I cooked up a story called “Big Game.” It’s a cross between The Office (sans humor), Scary Spice (sans music) and all those Cabin-by-the-lake horror films.

I can’t print any of the story here, because the publisher is asking for FNASR (or, First North-American Serial Rights) which precludes me from releasing it before they do. But fear not, if my submission is rejected, or after the limits of the contract have expired, I’ll post the 4866 words of “Big Game” here at conradzero.com for your edification.

-Zero

Harlan Ellison may be a self-important dick, but he has every right to be – his list of credits is longer than my first novel. So he’s actually a talented and prolific self-important dick. But I absolutely adore him, and he makes a great point in this video:

Harlan hits the nail right on the head. With an aircraft carrier. But the problem is bigger than just writers in Hollywood.

The new technology gives us new opportunities. Computers and the internet allow people who have always wanted to be a musician or writer or movie producer to have their chance. Anyone with a computer and a blog is a journalist, and anyone with a computer and a soundcard is a music producer, anyone with a computer and a videocamera is a movie director.

Is this bad? No, not entirely. Anyone who wants to try their hand at an art form can and should.

Unfortunately, the new technology not only gives us new opportunities, but new difficulties as well. In this case, media created with words/audio/video and the work required to create those media are decreasing in value.

I don’t have the answer, but here are some pieces of the larger problem:

Amateurs Putting the Pros out of Work?

Most people who dabble, putter or try out any artistic field in their spare time don’t generally rely on that work as a source of income. Therefore, many amateur artists can hire themselves out for “fun” or “experience” or “exposure” but for little or no money. This undercuts professionals, people who rely on the income their skills bring in.   Service matchup websites like Odesk, Elance, and VersusMedia allow you to post and find cheap/free labor for all kinds of electronic media work. Programmers, copy editing, ghost writing, audio/video production… you name it.

If you want to read an unhinged and delusional rant about how talentless amateurs (such as myself)  are wrecking product quality, the economy, the market and pretty much everything else, check out The Cult of the Amateur by Andrew Keen.

Foreign Labor

While this isn’t exactly the problem Harlan went on about, people who have a lower cost of living have an definite advantage in price setting.  This isn’t a new problem, companies have exported entire factories to other countries where the labor rate is lower.  But the internet moves it up to a global scale.

Look on Odesk.com and you will find writing services offered by people in foreign countries that are below the Minimum Wage here in the United States.

This undoubtedly has an impact on market prices, but it isn’t as drastic as people working for free.

Social Leverage

Sites like youtube.com make money off other people’s work. Youtube pays for the website hosting and servers, and users upload their vids for free. Let’s read that another way: The users generate the content for youtube.com for free.

There is no question that youtube captures hours of public viewing that would have otherwise been spent on cable/netflix/broadcast TV. One could see that as the public amateurs undercutting the professional market.

Flickr and Twitter are two more prime examples. Tons of info is generated for these sites, and not one of the users is being paid for their “work”.

Charity

Churches, the Salvation Army, the Goodwill, food shelves and others operate on the principal of charity.  Much like the social media sites which receive their content for free, these charities receive money, goods and services for free.

I doubt the church pays for any of its literature, brochures, fliers and other things which require a writer’s services. This is not viewed as undercutting the professional market, which could have been paid to do the job.

Other Things to Ponder

Other half-baked ideas my Inner Philosopher tossed out at me while writing this post:

• Are arts and media made up of words/audio/video worth anything at all? How about the work required to create them? Is it possible we should never have been charging for them in the first place, and only charging for physical products?
• Is it possible that the worldwide distribution of labor could create a shift in the supply/demand such that the prices will adjust themselves to a more accurate number? Perhaps we’ve been overpaying all this time, and we’re simply seeing prices un-inflate to more realistic numbers?
• Would it help if we could put a value or price on the intangible benefits offered by the job, like Exposure, Experience,  Fun, or Training? Could we standardize a system where these things were represented by an exchangeable format the way “buying power” is represented by money?
• Expanding the problem from the intellectual to the physical, what happens when robots get sophisticated enough to handle most manual labor tasks that a human can do, and start doing that labor for much less than a human could?

In Summation

I agree with Harlan Ellison that he should be paid for his work. I also agree that if Harlan wanted me to help him write his next novel for free, I certainly would. Actually, I’d help him because it would be a unique opportunity and there would likely be some exposure gained, but the point is I’d work for him for no money, and I guess I wouldn’t really care if Neil Gaiman didn’t get the job because I undercut him.

But imagine what would happen if a group of people showed up at Target and offered to stock the shelves for free? That is what’s happening in media industries right now, and it really puts a hitch in the giddy-up of the system.

Obviously I see both sides, and if there was any hope of a dark fiction author from Minneapolis solving this problem, it’s been dashed now. But if you have the solution, please post it below…  for free. I’ll take credit for your work, but think of how fun it will be for you to come up with the solution! Think of all the Exposure you’ll get!

Thanks to Michelle Raftner for the link.

Art Is Resistance
-Zero

Self-Publishing for Dummies by Jason R Rich is exactly what you expect, and what I really like about the “Dummies” line of books. They really aren’t written for dummies at all. But they don’t presume any previous knowledge of the subject, and explain all concepts and terms so everyone can understand them.

That said, Self-Publishing For Dummies isn’t going to be enough for you to get your Self-Publishing business off the ground. It’s enough of an overview to teach you what you *don’t* know, and point out some resources to fill in the gaps in your subject knowledge. There are different methods of self-publishing, just as there are many different methods of running your own business (and honestly,  self-publishing is running your own business.)  This book shows you much of what you are in for if you want to go the self-published route, but you’re going to need more specific texts and advice if you actually decide to go forward with self-publishing.

I’d recommend this book as the first (of many) books to read on the subject of Self Publishing.

-Z

Whilst doing research for The Demonslayer’s Handbook, I came across the site godchecker.com, which really does a fantastic job of addressing the demons and deities from many a mythos and pantheon (When have you ever seen a listing of Austrailian Deities?)

I spent way too much time here, looking for names of Elemental Deities, which will appear as characters in the DSH.

Egypt was right out, because it is so overused.

I was initially tempted by the Sumerian pantheon. It is the oldest documented religion known to man, and it has some of the coolest names. Lovecraft really made use of Sumerian deities throughout his writings.

I finally decided on the Aztec lineage, mostly based on the fact that they were well-versed in human sacrifice, and not quite as popular as the others. (When was the last time QUETZALCOATL made the news?)

Blog on,
-CZ