Over the years, GoDaddy has filled that niche in the market and gone gangbusters with their tasteless Super Bowl advertisements. I bet they are the one of the few web hosts people know by name.  But as Thomas Umstattd Jr. points out 6 Reasons Why You Should Avoid GoDaddy on authortechtips.com, it’s pretty safe to say GoDaddy has gone to the dark side. I will only cover a couple of his points in more detail here, and I can add a seventh reason why you should look someplace else for a web host provider.

The Upsell

Thomas’s second reason to avoid GoDaddy.com is that they are expensive. I don’t agree. Thomas suggests some alternative hosts that are cheaper, but seriously, to save One Dollar and Seventy Cents PER YEAR??? Like I said, it’s important to have a provider that caters to people who can’t even spell SQL. I’d actually expect newbie web-designers to pay more for the hand-holding that GoDaddy provides. Less than a buck per month to keep your name registered is not “expensive.”

However, he does point out that GoDaddy makes it sound like web hosting is going to cost less than it really does, and then they come in with the upsell. This is completely accurate. GoDaddy has become a master of the upsell. Because their target market are newbies who don’t know their DNS from a hole in the ground, GoDaddy baits its users into purchasing services they don’t need. Authors especially are likely to be intrigued by GoDaddy’s marketing, promotional, and web-optimization products which are nothing but Virtual Snake Oil.

And charging a fee to move your site registration? There’s too many hosts out there to put up with that kind of behavior.

Difficult to use

Thomas’ third reason not to use GoDaddy.com is that it is “hard to use.” This is like saying wiping your ass with a chainsaw is “uncomfortable.”  Their attempts to make webhosting ‘simple’ for newbies only make it frustrating for people who know what they are doing. It’s like trying to browse the internet using AOL. Like Thomas, I roll my eyes every time I have to work on a client’s site via GoDaddy.com.

What generally happens is that Joe User wants a website, registers a domain name at GoDaddy.com, purchases a year of hosting, and then….? Contacts someone like myself to “make it work.” Unfortunately, GoDaddy isn’t made for people to use, it’s made to sell extra services. What should take two clicks takes twenty. And digging through page after ad-laden page to get to what you want requires the accuracy of playing a First Person Shooter. God forbid you don’t get a headshot on the link you wanted, or you’ll probably end up buying something.

Hard to Leave

I can add one more item that Thomas forgot:

#7 – GoDaddy is hard to leave.

GoDaddy makes it very difficult to transfer your site off to another host. Website names registered with GoDaddy belong to GoDaddy if I’m reading the contract right. And to move them to another website takes more than your fair share of work and money. Read the fine print of your EULA and see for yourself.

An Argument *For* Jubblies

Thomas’s sixth argument against GoDaddy is that “GoDaddy Uses Smut to Sell.” Let’s be honest, that pretty much exemplifies Marketing 101 here in America. So while it is a valid point, it would be a pretty long list of products and services we wouldn’t be buying if we used that as criteria.

For extra credit, listen to Stuart Davis’ song “Sex That Sells” from his album Big Energy Dream – a marvelous mock of the subject.

Go Daddy, Just Go

Short version? Go Away from GoDaddy. Honestly, if you can’t figure out website hosting and registration, then you shouldn’t be doing it. Find someone who knows what they’re doing and let them pick out a name registrar and host for you.

Thomas has recommendations for other website hosts in his post. Check them out.

I’ve been with dreamhost.com from day one, and I have nothing but good things to say about them. They offer an insane amount of bandwidth and storage space for a very reasonable price. The bells and whistles are there if you want them, but Dreamhost doesn’t push them down your throat. Dreamhost’s web  interface makes GoDaddy look like the joke that they are. And NO snake oil. Click here to check them out. (Full Disclosure – This is an affiliate link. I get some $ if you sign up with dreamhost through this link.)

-Zero

The show follows the exploits of two English blokes: Howard Moon (played by Julian Barrett) and and Vince Noir (played by Noel Fielding). Their everyday lives as zookeepers, storeowners, and musicians is interrupted every episode by the most strange and funny situations and the most bizarre characters imaginable:

• Old Gregg the scaly, man-fish
• The Spirit of Jazz
• Betamax (yes, the non-VHS tape format)
• The Crack Fox
• Black Frost, a creature who freezes people solid with smoke that comes out of his… um, you’ll have to watch the show…
• The Hitcher, a strange green man with a giant thumb wearing a doughnut over one eye.
• A giant wad of bubble gum
• A horrible demon in the form of a nice old Nana

In the tradition of Monty Python (and inexpensive movie production) you will see Julian Barrett and Noel Fielding appear in multiple roles in each episode.

After watching all three seasons I can tell you that The Mighty Boosh is awesome. I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. If there were more fun shows like this on TV instead of all the bullshit crime/courtroom/medical drama, I’d be tempted to actually start watching TV again.

To get your feet wet, head over to The Mighty Boosh YouTube channel and poke around. It won’t take long before the Power of the Crimp compels you.

All three seasons of The Mighty Boosh have been released on DVD, and it’s on Netflix too, so check it out, and make sure to catch The Legend of Old Gregg from Season Two. It’s even funnier if you follow Howard Moon and Vince Noir through their adventures from the beginning. Then when you get to the third season and watch “The Power of the Crimp” you’ll totally get it.

Crimping

Noel Fielding and Julian Barrett developed a synchronized-a-cappella-scat-song format they call a Crimp.  It was just this little thing they would do during their shows, but it eventually got popular enough that they gave it a name in the season three episode, The Power of the Crimp.

You can read more about Crimping here on Wikipedia.

The Future Sailors Tour

As I write this, The Mighty Boosh are touring the united states, but earlier sections of the tour have been recorded and you can catch them on this DVD called Thank Boosh It’s Friday.

The Documentary of the Future Sailors Tour

And if that’s not enough, someone is doing a movie of the Mighty Boosh on Tour called Journey of the Childmen:

The cover art is top-notch, causing the book to damned near leap off the shelf at me. So with a quick run through my nearly foolproof book pre-screening system, and I was ready for some tentacle-laden, Lovecraftian, horror-comedy.

Publisher’s Synopsis

A decade ago, college student Laura Harker was saved from a fate worse than death at the hands (and fangs) of a centuries-old vampire priestess and her Satanic minions. Her rescuer, an awkward, geeky folklore student named Teddy, single-handedly slew the undead occupants of the Omega Alpha sorority house, spurred into heroic action by fate itself, inexorably intertwining his and Laura’s destinies.

After navigating her way through law school, Laura is now a junior FBI agent assigned to the Bureau’s Boston office. Unfortunately, she finds her job involves more paperwork than adventure. Ted, on the other hand, has spent the past decade perfecting the ultimate latte, and works as a barista in a nearby corporate chain coffeehouse named for a character in Moby Dick.

When Ted stumbles onto a group of Cthulhu cultists planning to awaken the Old Ones through mystic incantations culled from the fabled Necronomicon, calling forth eldritch horrors into an unsuspecting world. He and Laura must spring into action, traveling from Boston to the seemingly-peaceful suburbs of Providence and beyond, all the way to the sanity-shattering non-Euclidian alleyways and towers of dread R’lyeh itself, in order to prevent an innocent shopping center from turning into… The Mall of Cthulhu.

-From http://nightshadebooks.com/cart.php?m=product_detail&p=119

My Review

At 235 pages, The Mall of Cthulhu was a quick read. The pace was snappy. The writing was clean and error-free.

The plot flowed well, although there were a couple leaps of faith that require you to not suspend your disbelief as much as tie it up in a rubber gimp outfit. I know Providence, Rhode Island isn’t very big, but running into a Cthulhu cultist (one that you are looking for, no less) buying bayberry spice candles at Ye Olde New England Candlery in the mall isn’t a stretch, it’s a tear in the space-time continuum. However, running into a Cthulhu cultist buying bayberry spice candles at the Ye Olde New England Candlery is damn funny. Seamus does a good job of using comedy as an effective plot-patching, hand-waving, rubber-chicken-waving tool. When the plot jumped, I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to get mad about it.

The story is written from 3rd person limited POV, bouncing back and forth between two protagonists: Ted, the scruffy and emotionally damaged barista with the inner resources to lop vampires heads off with an axe when necessary, but not the ability to cope with the memories of his actions, and Laura, the hot and proper, emotionally damaged, lesbian FBI agent. The dynamic between these two is great, and the way it changes through the story (when a little red pepper is added…) is well done.

Those expecting a HP Lovecraft clone may be disappointed. This is a parody. However, fans of Lovecraft will get more laughs out of this story. The part where Ted is stuck in R’lyeh and ponders “…his own reality with its comforting, Euclidean geometry…” had me laughing so hard my stomach hurt. And the name dropping of August Derleth and such… well, if you don’t get it, it won’t ruin the book for you, but it adds to the humor if you’re in on the jokes.

Yes, HP Lovecraft was a Racist

Many of the reviewers on Amazon.com gave this book poor reviews because of references to racism and politics. The Mall of Cthulhu has plenty of references to HP Lovecraft as a racist / white supremacist. There’s no question that he was racist in real life. If there was any doubt, a little poem discussing the Gods creating African Americans should clear this issue up:

“…A beast they wrought, in semi-human figure, Filled it with vice, and called the thing a Nigger.”

- HP Lovecraft ‘On the Creation of Niggers’

Q.E.D. HP Lovecraft. Racist. But we can all agree that he wrote some amazing stories, and I don’t understand why it’s such a task to separate the artist from the art. Walt Disney,  Wesley Snipes, and Phil Spector might each have some whacked-out values that few sane people would agree with, but do we need to disclaimer all their art: Warning – Contents created by a nazi / tax dodger / psychotic, homicidal maniac! Of course not.

Seamus had the opportunity to show us by example that he didn’t approve of Lovecraft’s views by leaving that kind of segregation and hatred out of his own work. Instead, he chose to “hate the haters” and he created bad guys who weren’t bad enough because they were trying to destroy the world, they also had white supremacist pamphlets in their bathrooms, and called those opposed to their plans “Race traitors” (Huh? Wouldn’t it be more accurate to call people trying to destroy the world “Species traitors”?)

Whatever. I would have enjoyed the story more without the racial and political undertones. They were unnecessary and took away from the plot and humor of the story. But they didn’t ruin the story for me as they did for some people. If you are sensitive to these issues, beware. If you are secure in your political and racial views, then this book won’t upset you.

The Author – Seamus Cooper

You won’t find much online about Seamus Cooper. This interview of Seamus Cooper on brendanhalpin.com makes him out as a Luddite when it comes to the internet and a Harlan Ellison-ite about most everything else. But he seems to have come around since then, since he can now be found on Twitter and Facebook:

• Seamus Cooper on Facebook
• Seamus Cooper on Twitter

Free E-Book Sequel

Seamus has posted a free e-book sequel to The Mall of Cthulhu called Dog Walk Of The Dead, and depending on interest in the free e-book, he just might write/release more material for The Mall of Cthulhu mythos.

Free E-book of The Mall of Chtulhu

Due to a falling out with his publisher, Night Shade Books, Seamus decided to release The Mall of Cthulhu for free on Scribd, and for $2.99 on Amazon’s Kindle, in an attempt to undercut his unpaying publisher.  I can’t find either version now, 17 July 2010. This might be related to Seamus and Night Shade Books coming to some resolution, which you can read about here.

Yours Darkly,
-Conrad Zero

[Editor's Note: There's a handful of micro-spoilers in here, but nothing that will keep you from enjoying the game.]

I’ve waxed philosophic before about breaking out of my assassin RPG niche. In the video game Oblivion, I played a  hyper-testostrinated human male fighter carrying the largest and longest weapon I could lift. In Jade Empire, I chose a female magic user. Throughout the Original Neverwinter Nights Trilogy (Neverwinter Nights / Shadows of Undrentide / Hordes of the Underdark) my avatar was a tricksy, elvish Shadowdancer.

Neverwinter Nights 2 (NWN2 for short) gave me a new option for avatar diversity.

It was 30 Dec 2007. The game installer chugged away as I read the back of the game box for the upteenth time. Bright letters across the box declared, “Everything you do has a meaning”. Other games have offered options for playing evil characters, but NWN2 seemed to go a step further, almost daring players to test the boundaries of morality. After all, the game designers had taken the time to plot out the repercussions of all your actions in the game. My Inner Philosopher pitched a denim pup-tent as he thought about turning the reins over to my Inner Evil Draconian Overlord.

Evil it is then. For while I’d played a diverse series of characters in the past, I’d always been on the Good side. The obviously-we-have-to-kill-the-shadowlord-because-he-wears-black-and-has-a-deep-voice side. What if I wanted to kill the shadowlord just so I could take his place? What would it be like to be the new evil on the block?

Pyro Firespawn and Posse. Yeah, We Bad

I decided to find out.

And so Pyro Firespawn was born. Don’t laugh. He’s a Chaotic Evil Tiefling. Tieflings are humans tainted with blood of a demonic heritage.  He’s got horns and a tail. He likes to burn things. He’s also a cleric, so he can kill people, raise them from the dead, and then kill them again. (That’s why I told you not to laugh.)

Xtna helped with the aesthetic creation of Pyro. He’s my first avatar to have any resemblance to my physical self. At least, as near as the game engine would allow us to create. Do you want to date my avatar?

The Difficulty of Evil

So I set out on my Evil Epic Adventure. It wasn’t as simple as it sounds. Right away, I discovered difficulties being evil. If I simply slay everyone who got between myself and what I wanted (merchants, for example) I’d have no one to back me up and the game would end with me in prison. That wouldn’t be a long game, and it wouldn’t be a satisfactory ending.

Evil Lesson #1 – Evil requires Power and/or Stealth. Pretty much all the sins require you to be stronger, faster or sneakier than someone else. When you’re a Level One Pissboy, you ain’t pushing anyone around. Therefore, I shied away from being what I called Stupid Evil. I had to keep my eyes on the big prize. Intelligent Evil is far more evil, don’t you think?

Evil Lesson #2 – Evil Looks Good. I often found myself weighing off which side of the fight would help me more in my evil goals. Should I be nice to this person because they might join my party or give me information? Should I kill the dragon and save the townsfolk, if that is the only way to get them to tell me where the uber-important evil magic sword could be found? Signs point to yes.

Evil Lesson #2 “The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Friend” One thing was always certain. I was literally hell-bent on defeating the King of Shadows, because he was coming to destroy everything.  In fact, some of my companions were happy to stand alongside me in battle although they did not agree with my alignment for the same reason – because the Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend.

I was so Good at Looking Good and being Evil, I could have run for the Republican Party.

Evil Lesson #4 – Evil Loves Company. Did Hitler have any friends? Probably more like “associates” or “companions”, which were another aspect to consider in NWN2. They have alignments too, and if I upset their more…delicate sensibilities, they could leave or worse, turn on me at a crucial moment. There’s no pleasing everyone, and some of my companions did leave me because of my choices. Others flat-out defected to the other team. (…and died some pretty spectacular deaths because of it. Seems their actions had repercussions too.) So, in order to keep the allegiance of my followers, I had to avoid certain evil tasks that I wanted to do. In order to increase their loyalty, I had to help them perform some good tasks I didn’t really want to do. Basically picking my battles and weighing off short term Goodness for Long-Term, Big-Picture Evil.

Halfway through the game, I had my evil system perfected. I was truly evil in (seemingly) unimportant interactions and lied and backstabbed when appropriate to further my larger objectives. On the surface I was just a Regular Guy who looked like he was following the rules. In this respect, I became less Chaotic Evil and more Lawful Evil. I was so Good at Looking Good and Being Evil, I could have run for the Republican Party.

Or so I thought.

Fate and/or the game designers were a step ahead here, because it wasn’t long before I was placed on trial for a crime I did not commit. I thought I had little to worry about… until they began to call in Character Witnesses.

Let’s put it this way – it was a long trial.

That aside, my philosophy of Evil-When-It-Matters worked well. I gained a lot of trust and respect with my companions, the Thieves Guild, and with good King Nasher himself. Eventually I was granted my own keep and knighted. I had a party of very powerful followers, some of whom could beat Mother Teresa on the Goodness Meter.

Then the time came, and I took my party of followers deep into the enemy’s domain to confront the Shadow-Lord himself.

Denouement – Evil is Good

Sunday November 15, 2009 I reached the ending of Neverwinter Nights 2. The inner sanctum of the Shadow Lord’s stronghold. Because of my evil affiliation, I was offered the opportunity to leave my companions and join with the Shadow Lord.  I saved the game and played out both possible endings. [Note: You might get the same opportunity for the alternate ending if you play a good character, but since I didn't do this, I can't be sure.]

I have to say, the evil ending was easier and more satisfying, but it was more because of the way the actual endings were written – something which has raised concern with more than one person who played through NWN2. If you’re interested in reading more about the NWN2 endings, check out this review by aeon (warning: spoilers) which does a good job of summing up the disappointing ending for good characters.

Was it Fun Being Evil?

It was certainly a lot more work. Often, I had to try and guess what the game designers meant to be Evil choices in the game. The ambiguous wording of my question-response options made me think, “Is that an evil thing to say?” The Good responses were mostly obvious, so it probably would have been easier to play a Good character.

Some of the evilness was fun. Double-crossing a dragon? Wow. Fun and rewarding. Happily throwing out promises you have no intention to keep was more of a relief than actual ‘fun’. Killing people who thought they could trust you, that was a tough one.

In short, being evil towards evil beings was wicked fun. Being evil towards good people wasn’t easy. Being evil towards helpless people brought me no joy at all.

Beyond Evil

With NWN2 behind me, I’m just in time for the next big thing… Dragon Age: Origins. Apparently, they’ve tried even harder to blur the line between good and evil.

Dragon Age: Origins is on my Christmas list. So expect a review when I finish it…two years from now…

-Z

Wait, let me rephrase that.

…those who like ACTION-ADVENTURE!

Damn, there’s more bullets in this book than a whole week’s worth of Minneapolis nightlife!

Story Premise for “Pulse”

A genetic research company is trying to perfect the process of human regeneration. They have experimented on test subjects who are able to regenerate at an amazing rate (Think the X-men’s “Wolverine” on speed) but there’s a problem. The more they regenerate, the more their mind devolves into a crazed state. They become maniacal and enraged, with an insatiable hunger.

When the research company discovers an ancient artifact and a scientist that might unlock the key to regeneration, it’s up to the ‘Chess Team’ (Code Names: King, Queen, Rook, Bishop, and Knight) to infiltrate this organization and stop their horrific experiments and recover their friend before its too late. But how to you destroy a creature that heals instantly and gets more and more insane and angry as it takes more damage?

Things go from bad to worse when an huge, ancient monster is awakened that not only has regenerative abilities and a hunger for human flesh, but also has multiple heads!

The Good

Fight scenes were well-done. It’s easy to write too much description into fights, which distracts from the story, but I think Jeremy Robinson nails it. He focuses on the heart of the fight, and I definitely learned some style tips to implement in writing my own fight scenes.

The characters were very memorable. The code names helped me remember our main character friends and each member of the Chess Team had the kind of personality you might expect of their respective chess pieces.

Good use of technology. Jeremy Robinson credits several people as sources for his military and genetic terms and descriptions. This gives the book a real feel to it; a grounding in reality (despite my frustration of weapon descriptions under Not-So-Good, see below). Wicked cool tech, from the stealth plane HALO jumps to the  Metal Storm weapons with three barrels, which throw three rounds per trigger pull.

Pulse has great pacing. The chapters are short and Jeremy Robinson knows how to use chapter breaks to build tension, which makes for a real page-turner. He knows how to keep the pace moving and not let things drag. Despite multiple characters experiencing multiple pieces of the story simultaneously all over the world, the plotline is simple and easy to follow. You won’t get lost, and you definitely won’t be bored.

Part of the quick pacing comes from the author’s use of narrative description to cover lots of storyline in a short time. It was well done; the equivalent of scanning FF through the boring parts of a movie.

Speaking of movies, Pulse would make a great movie. In fact, changing the Chess Team over to the cast from the recent movie G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra would not be a stretch.

The Not-So-Good

A touch of eye-rolling prose here and there, although this is not uncommon in military shooters. Descriptions of death sure to get a giggle out of the most stoic reader. (Campbell’s Chunky Soup?)

Lots of product placement. I hope Jeremy was paid for the product endorsements to Chevy, Metal Storm (and Campbell’s? LOL). I’ve been discussing the possibilities of paid product placement and in-book advertisement with other authors, and have yet to hear Jeremy Robinson’s take on it. If he was paid, then God bless, but it would be a first.

I felt there was a touch too much of the military weapon descriptions. I don’t really need to know the rate of fire of each weapon used, country of origin, or even its model name. “Pistol”, “SMG”, “Rifle”, “Grenade Launcher” – these are all definitive enough terms for me – add in the other details during mission briefings if you must, but not during a fight. This might not bother other readers, but I personally find it distracting to read something like, “…approached his target and drew his Chrome-Plated Colt Anaconda .44 Revolver with a mounted laser sight, custom pearl grips and mounted M203 Grenade Launcher, capable of turning an entire school of hammerhead sharks into tiny bits of cooked sushi…” as opposed to “…drew his .44 revolver…” and let the weapon show us what it can do through the story instead of telling us about it.

But these are all minor quibbles and none of these things ruined the story for me.

The Upshot

Pulse by Jeremy Robinson is a real page-turner, stuffed full of fast-paced military action, monsters, archeology/mythology and well-written fight scenes.

I enjoyed Pulse enough that I’ll be looking for the next installment. In the meantime, I’ll probably give his deep-sea thriller, Kronos a try.

Ripped

The entire book plays out like a game between the Musicians who want to get their music out, the Fans who want to get the music, the Internet that makes it possible, and THE RIAA who simply doesn’t get it, and fights tooth-and-nail against the whole process of internet file sharing.

Summary:

“Ripped” presents the first definitive account of the digital music revolution, which changed the way music fans have sought and acquired music and led to the end of the recording industry as we know it. In the mid-1990s, advances in Internet and digital technology made it easy for fans to store, play, and share music, and leveled the playing field between better-marketed major-label bands and smaller independent artists who communicated directly with their audience. Instead of embracing these new possibilities, the music industry turned their customers into criminals with lawsuits, even as on-line music sharing exploded. With firsthand access to artists such as Radiohead, Nine Inch Nails, Metallica, Death Cab for Cutie and Arcade Fire, “Ripped” chronicles the industry’s decline and the rise of a worldwide grassroots community that transformed music.

Source: http://www.gregkot.com/ripped.html

The Good:

There’s some great information here on how the music industry works, and especially how it does Not work.  Payola is explained in layman’s terms, with some dollars thrown in so you can understand the scope of the problem. You also get to read about Clear Channel’s involvement with band tours and ticket sales. The RIAA keeps showing up like Jason in a Friday the 13th movie, rearing it’s ugly head to cause problems just when you think things are going well.

I’d never heard the full story of Metallica’s legal dispute with Napster back in 2000, and I found that chapter very interesting. I wondered how a band so big could do something so absolutely guaranteed stupid as to sue their own fans for sharing their music, especially when they got to be famous because of file sharing (via mix tape trading) in the first place. According to the quotes in “Ripped”,  Metallica played it like they didn’t really understand the interwebs or what they were doing. I don’t blame them, since claiming stupidity is better than admitting they are evil, but everyone knows what they did, especially their audience, and they don’t have short memories. I hear Metallica are still making albums though, so I guess it didn’t wreck their career.

The chapter on Prince was also enlightening. It covered his break from his record label, and how he was 1 of the first big artists 2 attempt 2 run his own business over the internet, directly relating 2 his fans. Strangely, you’d think I would have heard about these ‘indie’ releases from Prince, being we both lived in Minnesota at the time.

The Bad:

After the first few chapters, the stories devolve into the less interesting and less innovative – Death Cab for Cutie, for example, were blissfully unaware of the internet. They were just surprised that people were coming to their shows and wondered how they were finding out about them.  No ‘revolution’ here.

I’d have rather seen shorter examples of more bands instead of the few detailed analysis of the handful of bands like Wilco and Arcade Fire which read more like band bios, and could have been condensed. Same thing with the rise of Pitchfork Media – some punk with an opinionated blog becomes a millionaire. Pitchfork’s effect on bands’ record sales was important and an interesting read, but hardly worth an entire chapter.

Sadly, there is no mention of  Jagged Spiral, who announced their intention to release their 2007 debut album “Days From Evil” with a ‘pay what you want’ system on the internet before Radiohead released “In Rainbows”.  (Even if Radiohead did beat them to the punch.)  And no mention of the band Atmosphere releasing an entire album online for free as a Christmas present for their fans in Dec 2007 (The album Strictly Leakage is still available at this link.)

Of course, Greg Kot hasn’t heard of Jagged Spiral, so I can’t really fault him, but established bands like Radiohead and NIN releasing their albums on the internet for free isn’t news. They were already releasing tracks for free over terrestrial radio. No revolution here. The revolution would be up-and-coming bands like Jagged Spiral and Atmosphere changing their tactics and releasing their music for free and trading in Fortune for Fame; a gamble to jump-start their careers using the internet.

I would have enjoyed a chapter on the RIAA. They only seem to pop up in the book to say “No. You can’t do that.” I would have enjoyed more detail on the RIAA’s decision to endorse DRM (Digital Rights Management) and to read about other copy-prevention methods they might have considered.

The Upshot:

A good overview of the past ten or so years as music and musicians get more tightly caught up in the internet, and the Recording Industry fights against it every step of the way.

-Zero

Blood Hollow came as a recommendation from an employee at Rebild and Romain Booksellers (Formerly JJ O’donoghue Books) in Anoka. The helpful person working there suggested that William Kent Krueger is one of the best crime fiction writers in Minnesota. That’s high praise from someone who works at a bookstore, so I gave Blood Hollow a shot.

Mr. Krueger’s pedigree looks really good. (If he were a dog, he’d be worth a lot.) He’s a local guy with plenty of novels under his belt, and enough awards to make me puke jealous. He’s also a member of Minnesota Crime Wave.

Full Disclosure

I won’t lie to you. Crime Fiction ain’t really my genre. This would be me taking a distinct break from Horror/Fantasy. So I went into this book quite cold to partly, with a high chance of low expectations. From the cover copy, I was taken more by the location (of both the story and the author) than the genre. I was also interested in reading a book which won an Anthony Award, was nominated for Minnesota Book Award and got tons of great reviews in the press.

Cover Copy

When the corpse of a teenage girl is discovered on a hillside three months after her disappearance on New Year’s Eve, all evidence points to her boyfriend, Solemn Winter Moon. Despite Solemn’s self-incriminating decision to go into hiding, Cork O’Connor, Aurora’s part-Irish, part-Ojibwe former sheriff, isn’t about to hang the crime on the kid, whom O’Connor is convinced is innocent. In an uphill battle to clear Solemn’s name, Cork encounters no shortage of adversity. Some he knows all too well—small-town bigotry and bureaucracy foremost among them. What Cork isn’t prepared for is the emergence of a long-held resentment hailing from his own childhood. And when Solemn reappears, claiming to have seen a vision of Jesus Christ in Blood Hollow, the mystery becomes thornier than Cork could ever have anticipated. And that’s when the miracles start happening…

The Good

The writing was very good. Enough description to get you into the story, but not so much that it slows the story down. Good pacing. Great phrases like a sky “…the color of an old nickel.” Read the first two chapters and you will be able to feel the cold of a Minnesota snowstorm.

The location was perfect. For those who enjoyed the movie Fargo, this story has the same ‘small town’ feel to it. Everybody knows everybody. The characters, scenery descriptions and little details (McCullough Chain Saw, Sorel Boots, Minnetonka Moccasins, etc…) made me realize that William Kent Krueger isn’t just a visitor here. He knows this place, and he does a good job of transporting the reader there.

He also does a great job with his portrayal of the Ojibwe culture. Blood Hollow includes plenty of the Ojibwe language and customs. I can vouch for his accuracy, as I have family who are Ojibwe and live on the rez in Minnesota . Very well done. I wanted more!

Mr. Krueger has a knack for names. There were plenty of characters, but I never got them mixed up (Hey, JRR Tolkien, are you listening? Sauron/Saruman ring a bell? Oh wait, he’s dead. Sorry.) The protagonist’s name is “Cork” and there’s a “Solemn Winter Moon” and “Dot”… the list goes on.  The last names of the townsfolk were particularly Minn-ee-soh-ten. “Soderberg”? I went to school with some Soderbergs…

The dynamics of the character relations were well done. The underlying tone of mistrust and prejudice between the townsfolk and the Ojibwe was a nice flavor. The miracles that occur and the problems they cause for the town add plenty of spice to the story.

The Bad

The plot was C.S.I. Aurora, MN. By that I mean linear, with the most meager of subplots. The entire storyline is a series of introducing new evidence pointing at a character as a potential suspect, then further investigation eliminates them as a suspect, and repeat until you swear that everyone in the whole town was involved and has some secret to hide.

This isn’t a mystery you will be figuring out on your own, the clues simply aren’t there. I read it passively, and tried not to guess where the story would go. I was just along for the ride, which I think you’ll find more enjoyable than the frustration of trying to solve the mystery before Cork does. Those looking for a Northwoods Sherlock Holmes story will be disappointed.

Cork O’Connor isn’t particular memorable for a main character. He has NO distinctive traits, and his family life is pretty emotionally sterile. He’s a bit like Sam Spade, only “over medium” instead of “hard boiled” and without the internal monologue. Cork is stoic, hard to read, and he goes light on the action. He’s an all-around-good-guy, and I mean that in a bad way. He needs a bad habit, or a patch over one eye, or a mysterious past that haunts him, or something to give him some depth.

The Upshot

Blood Hollow is a well-written, fast-paced crime story that takes place in a small mining range town in the northwoods of Minnesota. The story is flavored with small-town prejudice, miracles, and Ojibwe Culture. Light on the action and heavy on the investigation. Cross “Fargo” with “CSI” and you’re on the trail of a good read from a well-read author.

-Zero

The writer’s group met last Sunday and I was one of five authors on the critique hot-seat. If I learned one thing, it’s that getting honest criticism of your work is awkward. And sifting out good criticism from bad is difficult.

Wait, that’s two things I learned.

Actually, I learned a lot.

A Kick in the Balls… or not?

Opinions differed about many aspects of my story, but none as interesting as the division of opinions about our hero Nix kicking some jerk in the balls. There seemed to be no middle ground on this one. Half the group felt it was cliche and trite. The other half thought it was completely understandable and in-character.

My reasoning behind writing the kick-in-the-balls scene:

• I needed to disable the jerk character, and make sure he didn’t leave the scene, or put up resistance.
• It helps define the hero’s attitude.
• The hero needed a vehicle to make a hasty getaway. After kicking said jerk in the balls, the hero takes his keys.

Kicking him in the balls accomplishes these goals swimmingly, and has the following added bonus features:

• Most people know the effects of kicking someone in the balls (even those who haven’t experienced it firsthand) making it a very efficient narrative. One sentence conveys it all.
• It adds a touch of comic relief.
• It insinuates some sexual domination of the hero over the jerk.

The major drawback is that enough people (almost 50%) felt it was cliche enough to mention so in the critique. The majority of those who thought kicking a guy in the balls was cliche were women. Then again, the majority of the members of the MNSpec critique group were women.  I’ll let you make your own inferences.

I’ve decided that I’ll see if I can write up an action that disables the jerk, defines the hero,  and doesn’t take up much real estate in the story… without the cliche kick to the scrotum.

Inject the Venom… or not?

Another discussion that ensued was about our Hero ending an argument with her friend by injecting him with a drug that makes him pass out.  Some found this action impossible to justify, and some had no problem with it.

The argument was very similar to the argument about the hero kicking someone in the balls. Those against the action said that it was unnecessary – the hero could simply leave of her own accord. She’s an adult and doesn’t need to knock out this other character and run away. It was labeled ‘aggressively passive-aggressive’ behavior. Although like I said, some people thought it worked just fine.

In this case, I’d have to agree with voting it off the island. It was quick and easy to write. Simpler and faster to dodge the issue than talk about it at length.  I’ll change it, but I’m not exactly thrilled. Why? Because I’m writing an action/adventure story, not a fucking Throap like…

…Buffy The Vampire Slayer

It’s bound to happen.  Write a story about a kick-ass heroine, and the comparisons spew out like beer at a Nascar rally:

• Underworld
• Tomb Raider
• Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter
• V.I. Warshawski
• Buffy The Vampire Slayer
• Know more? Add them to the comments.

Alright, no one really compared my story to V.I. Warshawski. But I learned that I dislike my work being compared to hack TV shows that I’ve never seen. I guess if the genre is popular enough to be lumped into, then there must be a hell of a market.

I suspect that no matter what genre you write in (or what art you create for that matter) there will always be those who have to lump it in with all similar works. Guess I just need to get used to it.

Other Wisdoms

There were some things that everyone agreed on. They liked the pacing. They liked the fight scenes, even people who admitted they didn’t ordinarily like fight scenes, which I took as high praise. They all liked the description of the abandoned medical facility. Everyone liked the main character, Nix.

There were unanimous #EpicFails. Not searching characters for weapons once they are captured is a faux pas. Having weapons easily accessible; ditto. Handily-placed-syringes-labeled-in-the-Queen’s-English is frowned upon.

I don’t agree with all the critiques. Someone said that in a short story I should only have one thing blowing up in a fiery ball of fire and probably not at the start of the story. Obviously, this person has never seen a Michael Bay film.

Someone mockingly pointed out my instances of “Purple Prose” meaning phrases that are, “sensually evocative beyond the requirements of its context”. Point taken, and I appreciate the observation, if not the tone, which was a bit purple itself. I’m trying to take all criticism with a pound of salt, but my editor Sue might be right – she tells me that writers are cursed with terribly thin skin.

One suggestion was for me to ditch the fight scene at the beginning and start several pages into the existing story, with our main character in motion. I might do just that because it makes good sense for the work by itself. I have to remember that it’s detached from the full work. Once the short story becomes integrated into the full work (possibly in a later edition) I’ll likely add the fight scene back in. It means I have to rework the motivation for our hero to leave home.

The biggest praise came from the group organizer Hillary, who said I should try to sell the story before releasing it on the internet for free. I was surprised that anyone thought it worthy of publication. Another person said it had a “pulp sensibility” which I’ll take as a complement.

All in all, there’s plenty of resource in the massive stack of sequoia-killing redlined manuscripts I brought home from the group critique. I’ll rewrite “Yellow King” and pass it along to an editor, then release it for FREE either later this year or early in 2010. Those who are interested in reading it should sign up for the newsletter, or keep checking back here on the blog – you’ll be the first to know.

No joke. Here’s the list of songs.

• Night Ranger – “Sister Christian”
• Guns n’ Roses – “November Rain”
• Bon Jovi – “Wanted, Dead or Alive”
• Journey – “Faithfully”
• Scorpions – “Winds of Change”
• Poison – “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”
• Ozzy Osbourne/Lita Ford – “Close My Eyes Forever”
• Styx – “Come Sail Away”
• Heart – “Alone”
• Meat Loaf – “Anything For Love”
• Aerosmith – “Dream On”
• Mötley Crüe – “Home Sweet Home”
• Lynyrd Skynyrd – “Freebird”
• Queen – “We Are The Champions”

The talent behind this show are amazing. Dieter Bierbrauer, Randy Schmeling and Katy Hays are spot-on singers. The songs are done pretty much note for note, in some cases better than the originals. All the performances were stellar, but ones that stand out: Dieter’s rendition of Ozzy in “Close My Eyes Forever” was top notch, and likewise with Randy’s cover of Meatloaf’s “Anything For Love”. Katy’s cover of Heart’s “Alone” was worth the price of admission. The musicians are all pro: Mike Menard on Bass/Guitar, Jon Ehresmann and Mike Krajewski on Guitars, Dennis Curley on Keyboards and Andrew Thornbrough on Drums… This is not some lame bar band playing a kegger. These people are truly admirers of the genre, and you’ll be amazed at how close they get to the originals.

Of course it’s not possible to look back on some of this stuff and not laugh, especially the hair. You will see Katy attempt to run her hair through the “way back machine” in about 30 seconds (in exactly 30 seconds). You will see Randy put on a giant wig and cowboy hat and perform a minty rendition of Poison’s “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn”. You will see Dieter in a rowboat-turned-spaceship-pulled-by-aliens while singing “Come Sail Away”. Now I’m no Styx fan, but that part of the show had me laughing so hard, I was literally in tears.

More fun highlights: Free lighters (with built-in bottle openers) to hold up in a non-stop tribute, and some fun facts between songs about the bands that made these songs what they are. A medley halfway through the show touched on what was and was not a power ballad. There’s a T-Shirt Cannon, and if you’re really lucky, they will pull some person out of the audience to answer Power Ballad Trivia who is so drunk she scares the performers. (Hey, they only had to deal with her for a couple minutes. I sat right in front of her for the entire show.)

Oh, and for the grand finale: THREE FREDDY MERCURY’s. Top that.

The show runs through June 28th. Get tickets at the door or the official website, www.powerballadz.com There are no assigned seats. Drinks are served in the venue – CASH ONLY so come prepared. Unfortunately, the discount code I have to get half price tickets is only good for opening weekend, but if you are going, keep an eye out for specials and discounts.

The LAB theatre used to be called the Guthrie Lab, but after the Guthrie moved, now it’s just called The LAB.

Click here for the Google Map to the LAB Theatre

If you saw the show, let everyone know what you think in the comments. If you liked the show, spread the word!

Disclaimer Addendum (29 Apr 2009) – There’s been a lot of noise about the amazing similarity between the current Swine Flu pandemic and the story behind the Nation Undead website I cover in this blog post.  Patient Zero, the rise and spread of “Respiren Flu” and it’s cure “Toxicil” are astonishingly close to the rise and spread of the Swine Flu.

I can assure you that these  similarities  are coincidental.  If anything, the Swine Flu is ripping off the Nation Undead backstory, since Nation Undead has been around since Aug 2008

-Zero

What would happen if there was a concerted effort to organize and direct the mindless slew of independent videos bombarding the internet? What if there was a master plan to give independent filmmakers around the world a united purpose or focus?

What if it involved Zombies?

Patrick Pierson and the team at Nation Undead have taken this idea, put it in the blender with a flu pandemic, questionable pharmaceuticals (See the Toxicil add, right) and military intervention, and hit upon true creative genius. nationundead.com is a collaborative effort for filmmakers, musicians and other creatives to work on small pieces of a larger project.

NationUndead.com is a website dedicated to collecting the stories of all independent filmmakers as they create and film several stories within the larger framework of the Nation Undead universe.
www.nationundead.com

The scope of the project in Nation Undead is a story of a virus that spreads through the United States, culminating in a full-scale zombie infestation.

I got the opportunity to ask Nation Undead’s Patrick Pierson a few questions about the site.

What were the inspirations for Nation Undead?

There are plenty tricks up our sleeve. Using this kind of application opens up a new level of digital guerrilla theater. We are working on an iPhone application that’s pretty mind blowing, of which I cant say . Eventually we would like to set up a sort of moving set such as a military base. All of the filmmakers with their crews and cast from those areas would meet up and help make several films in the same location. Each filmmaker would get a set time where everyone focuses on their film and becomes the extras on the military base. Pretty exciting stuff.

My Experience on Nation Undead

Nation Undead’s clever use of crowd sourcing is setting the standard for an entirely new genre of collaborative entertainment.

I joined the madness on nationundead.com and set up a profile. It’s the  standard-issue username/password/e-mail/avatar. Reading through the overarching story doesn’t take long, but there’s more backstory on the site’s wiki and a useful forum and faq for questions.

Uploading music was quick and easy. (Just make sure you own the rights to the music!) The upload process lets you give a description of the music and pick the type of creative commons license you want, which is very slick. I posted the instrumental versions of all songs on Jagged Spiral’s “Days From Evil” album. Now all Nation Undead contributors can use our songs to score their films.

Filmmakers can upload their movies, (movie time limit is 7 minutes) Musicians can upload their songs, graphic artists can upload their pix, screenwriters can upload scripts, and people can ask questions and contribute through the forums. Forum responses are mostly same-day.

The Official Resources page has video clips and graphics you can use in your movie. This adds a greater level of consistency to the overall project.

Nation Undead is a fabulous idea. The resources to make simple indie movies are widely available, but no one knows what to DO with them. With nationundead.com, budding filmmakers around the world who have a video camera, a couple friends and a couple gallons of fake blood can take part in a fun project. (Hint: Don’t have fake blood? Shoot your video in black and white and use chocolate syrup.)

Nation Undead’s clever use of crowd sourcing is setting the standard for an entirely new genre of collaborative entertainment.

PS: Just make sure to score your film with music from Jagged Spiral! Share the Darkness:

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