Conrad Zero

I was just a kid during the 80’s, but I remember the ever-present threat of Global Thermonuclear War. The Government “Star Wars” programs. Books about how to create a fallout shelter in your backyard. The “Tornado” drills in school, that we all knew weren’t just for tornadoes.

So while movies like “War Games” and “Red Dawn” are period pieces that hold a certain charm for me, I have to admit they won’t work for everyone. The same goes for Warner Bros new release: The Watchmen. The story is an alternate history, dated in the 80’s. (The Watchmen was released in 86-87) The “alternate” part is that superheros rise to power and help America to win The Vietnam War. President Richard Nixon is elected for a third term, and a comedian is killed in New York…

The Good

The movie intro is great, and I appreciated the quick overview of the alternate history of how the Watchmen came to be, and then came to Not be. (All backed by Bob Dylan’s ‘The Times They are A Changin.’)

While the movie’s alternative time period didn’t seem as surreal as the real 80’s were, it was very distinct, and gave the movie an other-worldly feel. More than one person mentioned a feeling reminiscent of Blade Runner.

The heroes were fallible, to a fault. The good and bad are not clear-cut, and I love that. Too many years of Disney handing us Good and Evil on clearly-labeled trays so we know who to like and who to hate; you won’t find that in the Watchmen. The characters Rorschach (Played by Jackie Earle Haley) and the Comedian (Played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan) are as deep and as real as any superheros I’ve ever seen on the big screen.

Disjointedness aside, the plot was great.  Big.  Great Big. Earth-shatteringly earth shattering. Once it gets rolling, its a Juggernaut, and it isn’t boring. The mythos of the Watchmen was well thought out, and it shows.

The Bad

The first third of the movie is a mystery. The mystery is, “What the hell is this movie about?”  The movie’s dyslexic buildup made me wonder if it was a political drama, superhero saga, mystery, or soap opera. The movie didn’t try too hard to pander to those unfamiliar with the mythos, the philosophy was, “Start the movie and the audience will catch up eventually!”

The music was trying too hard. Way too hard. I never thought I’d say this because I’ve said the opposite so many times but here is a movie that would have benefited by replacing some of the songs with musical score. I guess they couldn’t get Danny Elfman so they bought up the rights to every song played in the 80’s except “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult. And they might have played that one while I was in the bathroom.

And if I *never* hear the accursed song “Hallelujah” again, it will be too soon. I don’t know who decided to include this song, much less why they thought it might work over a sex scene, but people in the theatre were laughing, myself included.

And if I *never* **ever** see an uncircumcised blue penis again, it will be too soon.

The Twitter Review

#MovieReview The Watchmen is good. A great character study, even if you don’t like superheros. Soundtrack tries too hard. The 80s were cool

Prediction

I’m predicting that the 80’s gigantic earrings, neon pastel colors, and Nagel prints will make a comeback because of this film.

From Darren Aronofsky, the twisted bastard who brought you the movie Pi, comes an absolutely depressing and horrific mess called Requiem for a Dream. Pi was visually interesting, entertaining, and kept me wondering what was going on,and I went into Requiem with these same expectations. However, the movie continually raised two questions:

How much worse can it get?

How much longer can it go on?

I am not saying this to be funny. I am saying this because it is true. I wasn’t sure what the movie was trying to tell people, so I made a list of the possible messages the movie could hold:

• following your dreams to excess is bad
• following your dreams is bad
• dreams are bad
• the American pharmaceutical industry is no different than the American street-gang drug industry
• drugs are bad
• drugs are bad because they can wreck your dreams
• drugs are bad because they can make you create a movie like ‘Requiem for a Dream’

The movie might actually not have had any message at all, which would truly suck. The effects, editing and time lapses are good (much like Pi or Spun, or Memento) and the movie gives a good sense of ‘trippiness’ without being ridiculous.

It might be useful to teach High School students that “Drugs are Not Cool.” Or, if you thought your life sucked, you could watch this movie and not feel so bad about it. But it will be a true test of your willpower to see how far down the spiral of depression you are willing to ride.

Blog on,
-CZ

Come on now, if you go to see DOOM and you are disappointed, then you are an idiot. Go with no expectations at all, and then there is no way you can be disappointed. Remember, if it truly sucks so badly that you would rather watch a double feature of The English Patient and Legends of the Fall, just remember that you can always walk out during the movie, and trade your ticket for the next Serenity showing. And save your bitchy-whining-blog-post for people less intelligent than yourself. (If there are any.)

This movie was Surprisingly Good in the way that ‘Alone In The Dark’ was Surprisingly Bad. It helped that the preview for DOOM was poorly done to start with. The First-Person-Shooter-View which was emphasized in the preview made up a very small (and very humorous) part of the movie. From the preview, you might have guessed the entire movie was simply a recorded video game, but the FPS view was about five minutes, tops, and all in one giant snippet, and one of the funniest parts of the movie, so no worries.

The FX were really good, and like the movie ‘Aliens’ they don’t show the monsters right away. They did a good job in building a suspenseful environment that is such a crucial part of the game’s success. The movie did not rely on a ton of CG, which I appreciated.

The plot (yes, there was a plot) was just enough to hold the action together, and keep characters moving from place to place (much like either of the Resident Evil movies). This is above and beyond what a film like DOOM requires, and I for one was pleasantly surprised by it. Don’t expect the story to follow the premise of the game.

The ringing endorsement came from Xtna, who said it best: “It wasn’t that awful”

Blog on,
-C

[No Worries, No Spoilers]

Don’t cry for me Minneapolis, but I had to work last night. I had to go help a friend preview the freshly-delivered reel of the movie ‘Serenity‘ the day before its release to the public. The worst part is, I didn’t even get paid for it. The best part is, I didn’t have to pay to see it.

Firefly

As a kid, I watched every episode of all the prime-time TV staples: Hart to Hart, Love Boat, Good Times, Fantasy Island, The Dukes Of Hazzard, What’s Happening, Riptide, Simon and Simon…

But No More. Television is not free. It takes time away from other things I would rather be doing (Writing, music, blogging…) Ever since Xena and The X-Files ended their seasons several years ago, I have not watched more than a few hours worth of television.

I don’t recall how I ended up watching the premere of Joss Whedon’s “Firefly”, but I enjoyed it enough to watch it the following week. And the next week too.

It is a fresh perspective on sci-fi that blows the doors off of Star Trek and all of its cash-in-clones. The mix of Old West meets High Tech is a great idea, and well done. Finally, we have a group who do NOT wear clean-pressed and startched Federation uniforms. They carry revolvers, not phasers. They get into fistfights. They don’t have transporters, or clean plastic hallways with running lights. They don’t have an endless supply of dilithium crystals. They use ladders, not elevators. No computer to make them “Earl Grey, hot.” They deliver cattle to outer-rim planets, fercrissakes. They take any job they can get to keep gas in the tank and food on the table.

Every character in Firefly is more interesting and more believable, and has more depth than any character from any Star Trek show or movie without becoming a Political Science case study, like Deep Space Nine.

Firefly was a fresh and unique variation of the Sci-Fi theme, with great writing, realistic characters and dialog, and clever plots in an interesting world.

Did I mention I was hooked?

Well, that hook was forcibly removed by the networks using something I will henceforth call “The Firefly Effect.”

The Firefly Effect

I don’t recall how many episodes I watched before the network moved the time slot of Firefly. I think it got bumped to earlier in the day on Friday. Then, they moved it again. At one point it was moved to Sunday, where one episode was aired at the same time as the Super Bowl.

The networks also chose to show the Firefly series out of order, meaning that the overarching plot was difficult to follow.

When the series changed time slots again, I gave up.

All in all, I probably caught six episodes before the network cancelled the show due to poor ratings. The great plans Joss Whedon had for a second season or a follow up movie were trounced.

But the truth was, that there was an audience who enjoyed this show. People like me, who really were hooked, but gave up on trying to follow the network’s constant re-scheduling.

In the end the networks only hurt themselves. I skipped the rest of the season, (and all their advertising) and bought the DVD. And going forward, I think I’ll continue this trend. There’s no need for me to readjust my schedule and put up with commercials, not anymore. All thanks to the Firefly Effect.

A lot of other people bought the DVD too. The industry couldn’t understand how a series with such low numbers would snatch up the DVD so fast they couldn’t keep it on the shelves.

Fans fumed the online forums. The truth came out – the real reason Firefly was cancelled was that the network jacked around their audience. Joss Whedon heard it, and took action. He got funding and approval to make a movie to end the series. A movie I got to see for eff-arr-double-ee last night. The movie called Serenity.

Regarding Serenity

Serenity remains faithful to the Firefly TV series, and finishes the story arc set up throughout the season (although it is not necessary to have seen the series, it helps.) Serenity retains all of the great elements of Firefly, but it does stand alone.

You might say, “Well then, isn’t Serenity just like two of the TV episodes, except now you have to pay to see it on a big screen?”

Yes. It is. But instead of belittling the movie, I think the proper response is to point out how amazing the TV show was. It’s not that the Serenity movie is like a double episode of the TV series, it’s more like the TV episodes are mini-movies.

The story is well written. It’s even better if you know the story, and already have the questions in your head (“What happened to River?” “Why does the Federation want her back so badly?”).

The dialog is great, plenty of quotable one-liners, which I really enjoy. The SFX go without saying, so I won’t say. The music is an odd combination of Spanish/Western/Asian/Classical mostly on Acoustic guitar; very fitting to eclectic feel of the movie.

I had high expectations for this movie, and I was not disappointed. It is a must-see for any sci-fi fan. Hopefully, the success of Serenity and the Firefly DVD teaches the industry a lesson not to jack their audience around. Shouldn’t this have been obvious?

Blog on,
-C

Last night, the Minnesota Independent Filmmaker Project held a presentation at Bryant Lake Bowl. For those who don’t know about the IFP, here’s some info from their website:

The goal of IFP Minnesota’s programs is to facilitate interaction between the creative, technical and business aspects of filmmaking and photography. The organization does this through targeted programs that aid in the professional development of its members, supports individual projects, teaches both new technology and classic mediums, cultivates audiences for independent media, and provides outreach to communities and individuals new to media making. The IFP Minnesota Center for Media Arts continues to serve as a destination for those seeking to develop, nurture and embrace independent thinking and expression.

IFP presentations consist of showing short films, then holding a Q&A session with the filmmakers, where both the host and the audience ask the filmmakers questions. Its a great opportunity to network with others in the field of film-making, and to get some tips and ideas for your own projects.

Josh and Sarah’s video “Cope” was shown, and Sarah fielded questions about the film.  “Cope” is a short film which explores OCD (Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder) Josh was diagnosed with OCD and came up with a script which really shows how someone with OCD operates on a day-to-day basis. The main character in Cope is afflicted with OCD, and we get to see how he interacts with a new love interest.  Josh and Sarah filmed “Cope” themselves with volunteer help.

“Cope” is a great video, well received by the IFP audience, and Josh and Sarah should be proud. I hope to see more projects from them in the future.

Driving home from the BLB, Xtna and I ran into some fantastic stormage.  There was no rain, but the lightning was spectacular! Made me wish I had a videocamera to capture it…

Blog on,
-CZ

So I’m working on the Demonslayer’s Handbook, trying to write a barfight scene, and it is just not working.

How come it makes perfect sense for barfights to erupt in movies and on television, but I can’t envision one happening at Psycho Suzi’s here in “friendly” Minneapolis, Minnesota?

The (stereo)typical barfight is like dropping a match into a can of gasoline; one punch, and everyone is swinging. In Minnesota, two people could shoot it out in a bar, with fists/rifles/grenades and everyone would either:

• leave quietly
• break out their cell-phone-cameras to take pictures.

Hmm. Might have to ditch the cause-and-effect logic and reach for the smoke-and-mirrors…

Watched “The Ring 2″ last night. It was surprisingly good. For a movie which has the lamest plot concept in the history of plot concepts, (watch a videotape and die 7 days later) it’s still pretty good. Not as creepy or artistic as the first, but kudos to the writer that the poor-decision-making-teens are notibly removed from the movie after the first five minutes. Refreshing, although the director did watch “The Sixth Sense” too many times. I am not a fan of shocking your audience just to shock them (IE: The Grudge, a terrible movie by the way) but the “spooky kid” thing totally creeps me out…

Ring on,
-CZ

Christopher Bahn poses some thoughtful answers to the question: Can Star Wars Episode III Be Saved?

I have my doubts. If it wasn’t the final piece of the StarWars hex-ology, I would refuse to see it just based on Episodes I and II. My justification? I will give you five, each of which are enough to justify having George Lucas exiled from this planet:

1. Midichlorians.
2. Midichlorians. No really, Midofuckingchlorians.
3. Hayden Christensen. Seriously.
4. Half-hour of Pod racing. No really, half an hour.
5. Jar-Jar Binks.

Christopher Bahn makes some recommendations for salvaging the last episode of the series, and I agree with him 100%, especially on how to deal with George Lucas,

“…knock him out, encase him in a block of frozen carbonite and put him out of the way somewhere until the movie is out in theaters.”

But will resurrecting Ed Wood from the grave and having him direct the film save it? I dunno. It could already be too late.

Blog on,
-Z