The Accidental (and Ironic) Pirate

While researching different authors perspectives on e-book piracy, I tripped over a blog post by a New York Times Bestselling Author. Let’s call her Jenn. (Not her real name) Jenn’s blog post explains how piracy affects people she knows in the music industry, and her own career as an author. She experiences the direct impact of piracy firsthand, and she is clearly against the theft of intellectual property.

And yet the irony is that Jenn, herself, is a pirate.

That’s right. A New York Times Bestselling Author, a person who is directly affected by pirates stealing electronic versions of her work, a person who knows and understands piracy and even fears that it may be destroying the publishing industry…

…is a pirate herself.

At the top of her article, she used a graphic of a pirate flag which looks similar to the one at the upper-right of this post.

Unfortunately, the watermark on the image Jenn used shows it to be a copyrighted image, unlicensed and unapproved for public use.

Its ironic (in lots of ways) that an author opposed to piracy would use a pirated version of a pirate flag in her anti-piracy post.

You probably noticed that I’m not linking to Jenn or providing her real name. I’ve informed the author of her indiscretion, and she took the image down immediately. I know Jenn didn’t mean to use an image without permission. But there’s something we can all learn from this, and this simple oversight by someone who should know better hits the nail on the head with an aircraft carrier.

Jenn is a particular kind of pirate, one most people don’t think of when they talk about pirates. I’m calling this type of pirate a Zombie Pirate.

Zombie Pirates

Jenn never meant to break the law, she simply didn’t know better. She didn’t know the image was copyrighted. There’s tons of free graphics on the internet and she grabbed that one just like it was any other.

Full stop. Let’s reword that thought quickly and play it back again:

Jenn never meant to break the law, she simply didn’t know better. She didn’t know the music was copyrighted. There’s tons of free songs on the internet and she grabbed that one just like it was any other.

And again:

Jenn never meant to break the law, she simply didn’t know better. She didn’t know the e-book was copyrighted. There’s tons of free e-books on the internet and she grabbed that one just like it was any other.

I call this Zombie Piracy because the people doing it have their brains turned off. They know piracy is wrong, (Hells, Jenn just blogged a whole post about how piracy was damaging her personally!)  but they don’t realize they are doing it. They aren’t paying attention.

Here is another example of Zombie Piracy performed by a national commercial newspaper!

How about people who install torrent clients, unaware that they’ve just turned their computers into webhosts for copyright media files.

Brain. Turned. Off.

Causes of Zombie Piracy

Granted, there are some people who opt-in to Zombie Piracy by embracing their own ignorance. Copyright law is confusing, (even to newspapers and bestselling authors, apparently) and it takes a bit of work to dig up the owner and copyright status of any electronic file. Easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, right? So they throw their hands up and say, “Aw Hells, I dunno!”  Then Right-Click, Save-As, and live the life of the blissfully ignorant zombie pirate.

There are websites out there that make it easy for the casual user to become a Zombie Pirate… they’re called search engines.

Jenn found her pirate flag graphic using the ubiquitous Google Image Search. But Google can’t be blamed for Zombie Piracy.  Knowing the copyright status of the media is the users responsibility. To their credit, Google does provide the lukewarm warning, “Image may be subject to copyright” beside every graphic it presents.

Threat Level of Zombie Pirates

I suspect the Zombie Pirate is the most common of the pirate types. I also suspect they are the easiest to cure.

Unlike other types of pirates, Zombie Pirates don’t intend any harm. They would be likely to buy a song, graphic or e-book if they knew they were supposed to pay for it. In that respect, these pirates do cost the industries in potential lost sales.

They’re also the most likely to get caught, because they aren’t aware they are doing anything wrong, so they also aren’t aware that they should cover their tracks. But Piracy is Piracy right? The music and publishing industry think so, and history has  proven that they don’t accept ignorance as an excuse.

The Cure for Zombie Piracy

In Left 4 Dead, the cure for Zombies is the combat shotgun. But the cure for Zombie Piracy is awareness.

Remember this: All artwork is copyright of the artist immediately upon creation by default.

Assume that any media you come across on the web is copyright, and it’s your responsibility to track down the usage rights before you use it.  You should have the copyright source and status of media you use, just like you should be able to provide proof-of-purchase for physical products that you own.

If you are looking for free media, your best bet is to look for items which are in the Public Domain. That stuff is FREE as in, EFF ARR double “E”.

You can also look at media released under Creative Commons licensing, but be careful. The umbrella term “Creative Commons” doesn’t mean “Free.” There are different license types within Creative Commons which have different requirements or restrictions. Explanations of Creative Commons licenses can be found here: http://creativecommons.org/about/licenses

And please, if you are going to use Google Image Search, make sure to use the Advanced Search Settings and under “Usage Rights” select from the list of available filters.

Better yet, check out this post which lists a plethora of sources for free media.

Now you know. Turn. Brain. On.

Yours Darkly,
-Conrad Zero

Resources for Free Media

To help prevent the spread of Zombie Piracy, I’ve collected some resources to help you find media files (audio, video, e-books etc…) which are free to use. Make sure to read and adhere to the terms of use carefully. Some media might not be free (or even usable) for commercial purposes, author attribution might be required, or there may be other conditions:

Free Media (Images, Sounds, Video, etc…)

• http://search.creativecommons.org/ – A search engine for media released under Creative Commons licensing. This does a sub-search of several other sites, including Flickr and Google Image Search.
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Public_domain_image_resources This site lists many websites with content available in the Public Domain.
• http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Main_Page A database/wiki of media which are free to use. It also has a handy list of license types.

Free Pictures and Graphics:

• Morguefile.com/ Free images for use even in commercial applications, but you cannot claim ownership of, or resell the images.
• Flickr.com A popular picture-sharing site. The copyright and usage info for each picture can be found under “Additional Information”
• Google Image Search is useful for finding free pictures and graphics, if you know how to use it. Use the  Advanced Search Settings and under “Usage Rights” select from the list of available filters.
• Deviantart.com has tons of amazing art, but not all of it is free. You have to look at the details for each picture to see the copyright restrictions.

Free Sounds and Music:

• The Freesound Project at Freesound.org is filled with free sound effects licensed through Creative Commons. See here for more info about usage rights.
• Jagged Spiral’s debut album, “Days From Evil” is free to download, and licensed through Creative Commons Music Sharing License. (Full Disclosure – We Rock!)

Free E-books:

• Project Gutenberg has plenty of free e-books which are in the public domain.

If you know of other good sources for free-to-use material, please post them in the comments section.

Here are some bonus features for you to think about as you download all that “free” media…

Fair Use?

Those who want to know the truth about “Fair Use” can get it straight from the horse’s mouth here: http://www.copyright.gov/fls/fl102.html

But here is all you really need to know, from the website:

The distinction between fair use and infringement may be unclear and not easily defined.

and this:

The safest course is always to get permission from the copyright owner before using copyrighted material.

Besides, you don’t really want to argue over the definition of “Fair Use” in court, right? It isn’t worth it.

One thing you can do to help avoid issues from the start is…

Attribution of Your Sources

Some “free” media require you to attribute the author/source/owner of the media. Attribution is simply mentioning the copyright holder. This could be as simple as putting their name near a quote like this:

Twitter is about as useful as a wet-nap is to a scuba diver.

-Conrad Zero

Or it could be listing the copyright holder in the tag of an mp3 file or movie credits.

Seems like every copyright holder has a different definition of “attribution” which makes it a pain in the ass to seem compliant.  I imagine that’s probably why very few websites actually do it. And even proper attribution to the copyright holder is no protection from accusation of unfair use. But providing attribution (even if it isn’t a requirement of use) certainly makes you look better, both online and in a court of law.

For more on attribution, check out this news article on the Blog Herald discussing “How to Provide Attribution in the Blogging World” or, examples of Copyright Attibution for Creative Commons Media(pdf).

And while WordPress thoughtlessly strips links out of image captions, making it near impossible to attribute graphics, this kind soul has developed a working solution, which I now implement here at conradzero.com.

Commercial/Business use

Much of the “free” media is only free for non-commercial use. As you can imagine, the definition of “Commercial Use” has become a slippery topic. If you have Google Adwords running on your personal blog, is that “Commercial”? What if you use your blog as a focal point for adding readers to an e-mail list where you send out ‘exclusive offers’? What if you have a Paypal ‘Donate’ button at the bottom of your site?

Again, I recommend erring on the side of caution. If you are making money, then you should use media that allows for commercial use.

Editing, Remixing and Derivative Works

If you plan on editing a graphic, pic, sound file or video, make sure the usage license allows for derivative works, otherwise contact the media’s copyright holder for permission.

Other Resources

Yours Darkly,
-Conrad Zero

Nineteen Hundred and Eighty-X

Remember when you wrote out checks to pay your bills? Those little slips of paper you stuffed into an envelope and mailed off? (Don’t forget the stamp!)

Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-X

Remember when the “Debit Card” was invented? Remember how most stores wouldn’t take it? They called it “funny money.”

Remember when ATMs were going to replace banks? There was going to be one on each street corner (next to each pay phone.)

Twenty Hundred and X

Remember Microsoft Money? Quicken? Programs that enabled you to pay your bills over the magic of the interwebs? I used Microsoft Money to monitor my banking transactions, categorize my spending, set budgets, pay bills, and administrate invoices and payments. It really simplified tax-time.

Eventually, utilities  offered the ability to pay over the cell phone and the web. The gas, electric and phone bills were easy (and most were free) to check and pay over the phone and web.  So I shifted away from Microsoft Money’s bill paying feature for the convenience of paying by phone.

Life was good, until…

Twenty Hundred and Ten

No sign of flying cars, but most utilities have strapped turbo-jet-packs to their service “Fees.” Compounding the problem, Microsoft has discontinued their Money program, and Quicken went to a monthly charge (currently $9.95) to make payments through their software.

Companies have been raising their fees, or charging a fee where there was none before. My phone company, which had free phone-pay system for a while now, recently added a FOUR DOLLAR FEE to pay your bill over the phone.

Four.

Dollars.

Let’s add this up:

• Before: An administrative assistant opens payment envelopes, makes sure checks are properly filled out, matches them to customer account invoices. An accounting assistant keys them in to the ERP system, signs all the checks, and makes a  ‘nightly deposit run’.
• Now: Administrative and accounting assistants are replaced with one computer. Data entry is done by the customer, and money transfers directly into the business account. The company IT guy has one more computer to keep running /backed up  (for the same paycheck)

For this new system they ADD a fee? For a service that costs them LESS to operate? Never mind the fact that YOU are paying them a fee so you can pay them for their product/service to begin with. The price of their service should have decreased to reflect the decrease in operating expense. The price could have stayed the same, and no one would have complained.  They could have added a token fee of a dime or a quarter, even a dollar, and most people wouldn’t think twice. But Four Dollars? This works out to as much as %20 of some of my bills.

Why don’t businesses simply raise the price of their services? I would understand that. But to charge people MORE for a service that costs the business LESS to operate? That’s downright American. Who do they think they are? The Recording Industry?

Going Forward – 3 Methods I Use to Fight the Fees

I’ve decided not to tolerate unnecessary fees any longer. Here’s a handful of ways I have changed my system and saved myself over $400 per year:

1. No longer using payment types that require a “fee” – I will not pay fees to my utilities so that I can pay them… by phone or any other method. I actually considered sending them physical checks out of spite (even though those do set me back the price of a stamp.) Fortunately for them, my bank has a free online bill payment system.
2. Categorizing and Budgeting with Mint.com – I’ve read a lot of good things about mint.com, and the fact that they were purchased by Intuit (makers of Quicken) makes them even more attractive. Mint.com is a “read only” service, meaning it can only pull information from your accounts, it can’t move money around, or send money from your accounts. In that respect it’s very safe, but at the same time, it’s very limiting. If I trust a service enough to give them my account login credentials, then I would also trust them to make transfers at my request. So mint.com is worthless for bill paying and it won’t do invoicing, but it has plenty of features to help categorize my expenses for tax time, and set budgets and analyze spending patterns.
3. Invoicing using Freshbooks.com – I only have a handful of clients, so I can invoice using Freshbooks.com for free. Freshbooks.com is extremely intuitive and dead simple to use.

By using these three methods, I’m saving myself the cost of a Microsoft Money upgrade each year (around $80) and $32 per month in unnecessary “fees”. That’s not enough to save up for a flying car, but since I don’t think we’ll get any flying cars before the end of the world in 2012, I can still use that $400 for something to make the most of the short time left to this planet.

Got any other Fee Killing Tips? Drop them in the comments. And check out MSN’s list of fees that are even more outrageous than the pay-so-you-can-pay fees.

Yours Darkly,
-Z

The Devolution of Twitter

The creators of Twitter will tell you that they didn’t know what the hell it was for when they released it. They created a way to send a txt message to the world and watched to see how people would use it.

Like several people I’ve dated, Twitter is fast and easy. The microblogging and public text-chat format is perfect for sharing links, updating status, asking questions or blurting out random props that don’t require the treatment of a fully-formed blog post. Way back in Feb 2009, I guessed what twitter might evolve into.

Unfortunately, twitter didn’t evolve. It devolved.

Automatic for the Tweeple

Automation is one of the cool things twitter had going for it. The open-source platform allows companies like youtube, myspace, facebook and others to tie in to your twitter account and auto-post tweets for you. In fact, this blog post here at conradzero.com will auto-post a link to twitter through the twitterfeed service. Saves me the time and effort of doing it myself. Coolness, right?

Kind of.

Automation is one of the suck things that is killing twitter. The open-source platform allows people to upload a spreadsheet of 10,000 senseless posts which automatically post to twitter on a schedule of about once per second. While the posts on twitter were already nearly mindless bits of fluff, now accounts drown twitter in completely mindless bits of fluff. The goal of these New Media Spambags is to post as many times as inhumanly possible. Post more = get seen more. Get seen more = get followed more. More followers = bigger market for your advertising messages.

Does this work? Of course it does.

Does it suck? Of course it does.

And of course, twitter only encourages that you follow people with lots of followers, because…that’s how you get more followers.

Invasion of The New Media Spambags

Of course the people who wreck almost all online things are those who REALLY REALLY want to sell you something. Whether their product is good or not is irrelevant – getting it out in front of people is all they care about. Using the automation I mentioned before, these Twitter Spambags stream continual posts – jokes, quotes, facts… and of course, repeated references to their product.

These are the same douchebags who use e-mail SPAM to sell their products. The idea is the same; a high volume of public contact will lead to a small percentage of click-thru, which leads to an even smaller percentage of sales. The higher the quantity of contact, the larger the number of click-thru, the larger the number of sales.

I’ve included a screenshot of just such a Twitter Spambag. No particular reason I’m picking on this person, there’s thousands of profiles just like this one. But here’s some tips on how to spot a Spambag in the wild.

First, note the frequency of posts. No human can write consistent posts like this every three minutes (Exactly three minutes apart, mind you.)

Second, note the content of the posts. Two tweets of generic quotes or factoids, then every third post is a link to a “Make Money Now” page. Because links take up part of the precious 140 character twitter-post limit, services are used to shorten the post down to a smaller size. Because of the shortening, the links are hidden and you can’t see where they go until you click on them.  But notice that the link in the first post is repeated in the last post. If you scrolled down the list of tweets, you would see this particular Spambag alternating between two links over and over.

Third, note where the posts originate. In this case, they all come from API, meaning they are being sent through a third-party service. Likely, an automated one.

This is another spam artist turning the new social media into a quagmire of auto-babble. Is this illegal? Of course not. But it’s also not illegal for people like this to starve to death because no one buys their shit.

#TwitterRebellion – Block the Twitter Spambags

If no one clicked on the SPAM e-mails and if no one clicked their links and if no one bought the crap they sell, e-mail SPAM would stop. E-mail SPAMmers only continue to send e-mail SPAM because it works.

If no one followed the Spambags on Twitter and no one clicked their links, twitter spam would stop. Twitter Spambags only continue to spam twitter because it works.

Why follow Spambags? It’s time to take Twitter back to the Tweeple. But how?

Simple.  Block the fucking spambags.

If you see someone you’re following post once per minute of all hours, check their profile page and look through their tweets. If they are interlacing mindless quotes and jokes between links to their snake oil, Use the “Block and Report SPAM” feature. If enough people call a spammer on their BS, their account will be pulled, and you will have done a great public service.

It’s not hard to tell a human from a Spambag.  Follow the humans. Block the spambags. Rebel and take back twitter!

Yours Darkly,
Conrad Zero

Where have all the Scary Monsters gone?

I’m noticing a trend that fewer and fewer works of Monster fiction are being classified as “Horror.” Stories containing non-humans characters such as Demons, Vampires,  Ghosts, Werewolves, Aliens, and anything with Tentacles, used to be clear-cut Horror. Now they’re about as frightening as getting a flat tire.

Have we gotten used to the idea of monsters? Have they been watered down until they just aren’t scary anymore? “Diet Horror”? “Horror Lite”?

Of course, media geared toward kids have always brought monsters down to an un-scary level; nothing new there, and Disney certainly isn’t helping things.  Monsters, Inc. turned monsters into cute, cuddly creatures who were Frightened Of Kids! And now Monsters vs. Aliens turns monsters into our allies!

But that’s all kids stuff. What I’m talking about is more than simple cartoonification of monsters. Media across the board have sucked the horror right out of the monster market.

Before I get started, just a disclaimer that I don’t believe that all horror stories must contain a monster. I bet the majority of horror stories written don’t have a “monster” in them. I’m just suggesting that the modern monster has lost some – if not most – of its bite.

How far have the horrific fallen? Let’s take a look:

#1 – The Fanpire Shift

I’m going to single Vampires out for two reasons. They really weren’t that scary to begin with, and they have become more popular than all the other monsters combined.  These two points perpetuate each other in what I’m going to call the Fanpire shift.

Think Vampires are scary? Guess again. If there was a list of “Pleasant Ways to Die” then getting your blood sucked out of your neck in the embrace of a hot vamp would be at the top of it. If you think Stephenie Meyer or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any of the Underworld movies depict vampires as scary, try watching 30 Days of Night and you will probably piss your pants. Then you will realize why I think the way modern vampires are depicted, they barely classify as monsters at all.

Keep in mind the original Dracula by Bram Stoker was more Gothic than Horrific. Simply the idea of someone drinking the blood of others to prolong their own life was horrific enough. But Dracula-Done-Right had a sense of inhumanness about the vampire character that was at least unnerving if not flat-out frightening. 30 Days of Night was able to capture the alien feel of vampires, but the majority of books and movies today portray vampires as regal, bureaucratic, pompous socialites. Well-dressed dandies with pointy teeth who drink blood from wine glasses with their pinkys out while listening to Bach. In other words, about as frightening as 70’s fashion.

Because of (or in spite of) this, the popularity of the vampire genre cannot be contained. From the massive success of Anne Rice’s series of vampire books, and the “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” franchise which took the vampire genre out of Horror and into the Throap (Part Thriller, Part Soap Opera) vampires are IN. People can’t get enough, or water them down enough. Stephanie Meyer is doing her best to continue this trend,  placing vampires in the least frightening genre ever created; heartfelt, awkward, teenage relationship stories.

Adding the popularity of the Vampire genre to the fact that they’re barely tall enough to make it into the monster pool without a parent or guardian, means the entire monster pool gets watered down.

Hey, if it gets kids to read, I’m all for it. But even if the surge in interest of Vampires actually Raises the number of monster books across the board, if sure feels like there’s less and less media focused on the particularly horrible horror monsters when the market is drowned in Horror-Lite.

#2 – The Paranormal Romance

Proof that Romance will sleep with anything, Paranormal Romance is the bastard offspring of Horror and Romance genres that extends on the notion of ‘Love Conquers Death’ – the belief that Love persists beyond the demise of one or both partners.  Paranormal Romance takes ‘love from beyond the grave’ to its extreme. Ghosts and spirits used to be something that you AVOIDED. But Paranormal Romance bravely stepped from the shadows to explore the ATTRACTION to the (un)dead!

Borderline necrophilia. Spirituophilia? But there’s more than just ghosts to love here. Romance knows no bounds, especially in the Para-normal.

It should be no surprise that Vampire Romance is growing in popularity. Of the 66,722  Vampire books listed at Amazon today, 1,491 of them are listed as “Vampire Romance”.

One would have expected that werewolves might have escaped being dehorrified,  (with the exception of Teen Wolf, natch) A quick search of ‘werewolves’ on Amazon.com will show you the truth. Out of the 1529 Werewolf books, 279 are “Werewolf Romance”.

Borderline bestiality. Lycanthrophilia? Like I said, love knows no bounds. Even Sharks are finding themselves subject to loving de-horrification:

What’s next? Borderline Tentacle Porn? Chuthluphilia? A search for ‘chuthulu romance’ returned no hits. Thank the gods. Maybe someday when the stars are right…

I don’t dislike Paranormal Romance stories any more than I dislike Romance stories. But turning monsters into love interests wrings the horror right out of them. The rise in popularity of Paranormal Romance alone is enough to un-horrify the monster market.

#3 – The Zombidy and Horror/Comedy

Zombies have always been funny. Undead, true, but they’re slow; both physically and mentally, which makes them more disturbing than frightening. That is, until you add in the fact that they generally come in large numbers, and the whole “Eat Your Brains” thing (crossed with poor table manners) gives them a more secure seat on the horror bus than Vampires nipping daintily at your Jugular vein.

There’s nothing new about horror/comedy, but the success of well-done films like Black Sheep and “Zombidys” like Shaun of the Dead and Fido raised the bar and ushered in a new wave of films and books that weren’t just laughably bad low-budget B-movies like Chopping Mall or Jack Frost.

Even people who don’t like Horror can appreciate a Horror/Comedy, making that market larger, and simultaneously eroding the pure Horror market; which includes our Scary Zombie and Monster friends.

#4 – Chasing the Horror-Lite Market

Dark Fantasy is the kissing cousin of Horror. It appeals to a wider audience, and it’s growing.

Part of the rise in this trend comes from the explosion of the Young Adult book market. Ever since the success of the Harry Potter series, the publishing and movie industries have launched a massive assault on the teen market.  In this market, it seems that monsters are less of a main course and more of a side dish adding flavor to a plot, and not a plot in and of themselves. For example, each book of the Harry Potter series contains some kind of monster or terrifying creature, but the books are labeled ‘Fantasy-Adventure’ not ‘Horror’.

Because of the larger market for Dark Fiction, Horror authors and other artists looking for a bigger audience might tone down the Horror and play up the Dark Fantasy aspect in order to give their work a broader appeal. The results are stories like The Graveyard Book, and Twilight, books that were inspired by, but never intended for, the horror section.

So where are the scary monsters?

I want to reassert here that I’m not opposed to any of the genres or movements listed above. Mostly. But I like my monsters scary damnit, and I’m on the verge of calling scary monsters an endangered species.

While horrific horror monsters might not be extinct, there’s no question that the points listed above have conspired to shove the monster market back under the bed. The  increase in Vampires, Paranormal Romances, Horror/Comedy and the growth of the Young Adult market may have increased interest in works of darker fiction, it certainly seems to have drowned out the small slice of authors and filmmakers creating frightening Monsters.

But like the things hiding under your bed, just because you don’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t there, lurking in the dark and forgotten corners of the bookstore… Stories about creatures that could kill you just by stepping into broad daylight, their very wrongness would rip your sanity asunder.

I’ve compiled a list of modern-day monster stories in the carousel widget on the side of this post, and I’ll add my own books to this list someday. I haven’t read all these books myself (yet), but I picked a handful of books with good reviews that according to the reviews actually contain scary monsters. If you know of any scary monster stories I should add, throw me a comment.

-Zero

Whether you are an ASPCA-er or not, you won’t want to miss tonight’s Benefit to Fight Animal Cruelty at the 7th Street Entry. There’s a great lineup of bands for a good cause, but mostly you will want to see Revolver Modele. This is Revolver Modele’s last show. So come and say goodbye to one of the best bands Flyover Land has to offer:

• The Birthday Suits
• Revolver Modele
• Mercurial Rage
• The Retainers

7th Street Entry – 701 1st Avenue North, Minneapolis.

Thursday, August 20th, 8:00pm
Tickets : $8
Ages : 18+

I hear there’s a lot of bad art out there. Bad movies. Bad TV shows. Bad books. Bad music. Bad paintings. Bad sculpture.

And worst of all… bad interpretive dance.

How Bad Is It?

Is it true? Is there a lot of bad art out there? When there’s an entire gallery dedicated to Bad Art, I’d say that signs point to yes.   But there’s a lot of good art out there too. The problem is, it’s tough to see the good art going on around you at any given time.

Take movies for example. There are more movies available than ever before from more sources than ever before. 16-screen mega-theaters? DVD players in laptops and cars? Cable/Dish-On-Demand/Netflix/Redbox/YouTube/I-Pod/BitTorrent?

And music? Like movies, only more so. Every group of hacks who can stumble across the audio input jack on their computer are releasing their music on their myspace site.

And books? Don’t get me started at the quantity of “literature” being released. The last conservative estimate I heard was 1,100 books PER DAY being released in the United States alone.

Interpretive dance? Sorry, I can’t help there. I did see a kid at the grocery store having a tantrum that could be classified as interpretive dance, (and I’d say it was better than most) but that’s where my experience with that art form ends.

McArt

The massive influx of art is awesome for art junkies, but at the same time it can be easily overwhelming.  It doesn’t help that the internet free-for-all lends itself to the McDonald’s method of art production where Quantity trumps Quality.

But you know there is good art out there. Movies that would blow your socks off, Books that you’d want to read again as soon as you finished the last page, songs that prevent you from turning the car off because they’re So Damn Good. But you haven’t heard of them, because they’re lumped in with all the crap. Swamped.

Some people would tell you this is a bad thing, but they would be wrong. It is a problem, but it’s a problem that hasn’t changed with the internet, it’s just been amplified. In fact, I’d say its a nice problem to have. And there is a simple solution.

Time is the solution, or rather, the filter of time that hasn’t yet been applied to art coming out today. It will take time for the cream of the crop to rise, and all of the over-hyped poop to sink to the bottom. It is difficult to see what will stand the test of time until some time has passed, and the luster of evil marketing, advertising and product placement has worn off, and the public is left with simply the product.

And things are going to get worse before they get better. As the world  gets more tightly connected to the internet, and as the internet reaches higher speeds and takes wireless wings, the volume of art available at any given time/place will increase exponentially.

“But Conrad, I don’t wanna wait!”

Hey, who’s running this blog, you or me?

“Sorry Bro, but I just really really really want good art now!”

Typical American. Fine. If you really can’t wait; if you really want to know what’s going to stand the test of time before too much time has passed…

“Oh, I do! Please tell me!”

Here’s the secret:

If you want to find good art that’s being made right now, you have to get off your ass and find it.

No charge for this wisdom.

“:( “

I know, it’s not the answer you were looking for. But if you want it, you’re going to have to work for it. You’ll have to dig. And that means getting your hands dirty.

There’s two ways you can do this, and one way you can wuss-out. Either filter through the existing filters to find one that works for you, or dig in yourself.

Option 1 – Find a filter for good art

Are you really going to agree with all the choices at Pitchfork? Rolling Stone? NME? The New York Times? I doubt it, but for every one of these well-known sites, there’s ten thousand indie blogs trying to be the voice of authority, and if you’re lucky you might find a particular reviewer who you agree with more often than not.

You might also look at user-generated filters like IMDB, Amazon, GoodReads etc, and see what others are saying is good, but these take time to get all the opinions weighed in, and that’s what we’re trying to avoid, right? Because you can’t wait, right?

With this option you still are going to have to do some slogging.  Finding a filter you can trust; one that’s right for you, will take some work.

This option is a shortcut, and it comes with two disadvantages. First, some things that are good might slip past their radar. Second, there’s no guarantee your likes will align perfectly, and you might end up with some referrals that you think are awful. When your favorite radio station plays a song you don’t like, then you’ll know what I’m talking about. The key here is to find a source that gives you a better ratio of successes to failures than you would get through random chance.

Option 2 – Be the art filter

This option takes work. It means you’re going to have to become your own art critic. It means you’ll have to do some critical analysis (ie: thinking) for yourself. It also means you’ll have to read ten horror novels to find a good one, and thirty to find a great one.

The good news is that if you focus on doing this, you can’t help but get good at it. You’ll be able to explain WHAT you liked/disliked and WHY – the two things every art critic must do.  Then you can add your three cents into the collective pool of the internet, and maybe someone will seek out Your opinion on what’s good or bad.

In the end, this is the only real option. Because we all have different tastes, we’re all going to have a different list of Good art. So you’re going to be doing this anyway. So get over it.

Option 3 -Opt Out

You can always give up on arts entirely. I know people who don’t read books anymore. I know people who don’t play video games anymore.  I personally don’t watch television anymore. Opting out can be an act of cowardice, or it can be as simple as saying “I have no interest in that, and I’m focusing my energies elsewhere.”

But life without any art would be boring. So in some respects even bad art is better than no art at all. Hopefully when you give up on Country Music (a wise decision), you’ll be able to spend more time listening to Northern Rock.

“But Bro, I only want to read awesome books by awesome authors!”

No, you’re a greedy,  lazy and mindless automaton who wants to be told what to read. Marketers, Politicians and Organized Religions love people like you. I don’t. Bro.

It also means you’re stuck with the classics; art that has withstood the test of time, and the majority have agreed is ‘good’.  There’s no guarantee you’ll really like it, but then again, if you’re that kind of person, you’ll like it if you’re told to. Furthermore, you think this blog post is spectacular, and you want to give me all your money.

合計 (In Summation):

Bad art has a purpose.

One thing to consider is that if there wasn’t any bad art, there wouldn’t be any good art. We need a reference. If you waved a magic wand and dispelled all the bad art from the world… well, for one thing this blog wouldn’t be here, but also there wouldn’t be anything to hold the good art up against to show its “goodness”.

Another thing to consider is that all the masters  got good at their craft by practicing. By trial and error. By releasing art and getting feedback on what people thought was good and bad about it. In other words, by releasing bad art. It’s part of the process, and even if you aren’t an artist yourself, you can become part of the process by providing that feedback.

-Zero

The full article on billboard.biz requires subscription, but you can read enough excerpts here and from the Motley Crue fan club site to get the point:

Gene Simmons is an Idiot with a Capitalist I.

“Free Music Nonsense”

In a recent interview with Billboard magazine, Gene Simmons admits that all of this “Free Music Nonsense” could have been prevented if the Recording Industry had taken action from the beginning:

Simmons: The record industry doesn’t have a f*cking clue how to make money. It’s only their fault for letting foxes get into the henhouse and then wondering why there’s no eggs or chickens. Every little college kid, every freshly-scrubbed little kid’s face should have been sued off the face of the earth. They should have taken their houses and cars and nipped it right there in the beginning. Those kids are putting 100,000 to a million people out of work. How can you pick on them? They’ve got freckles. That’s a crook. He may as well be wearing a bandit’s mask.

Gene Simmons must be the RIAA’s wet dream. He’s so entrenched in “the way we’ve always done it” that it is simply outside of his understanding that the world has changed.

And blaming the industry’s poor earnings on pirates instead of the RIAA’s own short-sightedness? Classic. Good luck with that, or haven’t you heard? Johnny Depp and Keith Richards have made pirates cool again.

Sorry Gene, that the internet has made things complicated for you. Here is something for you to think about (when you can break away from your book about all the prostitutes you’ve paid to have sex with)

• You can go online and view a picture of the Mona Lisa any time you want. For Free.
• You can also go to the Louvre and pay to see the real thing  for a short time.
• For slightly more money you can own a poster copy.
• With all of the money Gene Simmons has made, you could own the real thing.

Now, why would people pay to see the Mona Lisa, or pay for a poster-sized copy of the Mona Lisa, or pay to own the Mona Lisa, when they can see it online for Free? OH MY FUCKING GOD! HOW CAN THE ARTIST MAKE ANY MONEY WHEN YOU CAN ACCESS THE ART ONLINE FOR FREEEEEEeeee….. [insert sound of Gene Simmons screaming as he falls into the abyss of his own stupidity here]

As a musician, I would rather give my music away online for free (as a matter of fact, I do give it away for free) than to see a dime go into the pockets of the Recording Industry. Until they wise up and change their business practices to work with the technology available they are irrelevant – by their own choice, or lack thereof.

Hey, it’s a free country and it isn’t against the law for them to maintain business practices leading them into obscurity and uselessness. It also isn’t against the law for them to all die of starvation because they refused to change.

You think the system still has some value because it helped make you rich? Perhaps we should all go back to using cassette tapes, so the cassette tape manufacturers can stay in business?

Meet the RIAA’s new way of doing business… Oh wait, it hasn’t changed

Billboard: But some artist [SIC] like RADIOHEAD and Trent Reznor are trying to find a new business model.

Simmons: That doesn’t count. You can’t pick on one person as an exception. And that’s not a business model that works. I open a store and say “Come on in and pay whatever you want.” Are you on f*cking crack? Do you really believe that’s a business model that works?

Someone points the way out of Gene Simmons stupidity, and he asks them if they are on drugs.

You know Gene, as a matter of fact, opening a store with almost negligible overhead and upkeep, ZERO manufacturing and distribution costs, GLOBAL DISTRIBUTION and open 24×7x365, and then asking for donations is a fucking phenomenal business model.

How do you think wikipedia.org is still in business? How do you think the projects on sourceforge are funded? Are you aware that Radiohead are actually making an average of $6 per download by Giving Away their music and letting people donate what they want? And not a penny goes to the RIAA middleman. $6 average per customer, Gene. Do YOU make that much?

I’m not saying the industry should adopt Radiohead’s buisness practices, but at least Radiohead are willing to try something, because it seems like the recording industry would sooner destroy the internet than to learn how to profit from it.

I wonder if the RIAA got this upset about the invention of electricity. “OMG! Electricity is going to ruin our industry! People will stop going to concerts! They are going to stay at home and listen to music broadcast over radio waves for FREE! How will we ever survive? PI-RATES!”

A Lesson In Value

Billboard: So what if music just becomes free and artists make their living off of touring and merchandise?

Simmons: Well, therein lies the most stupid mistake anybody can make. The most important part is the music. Without that, why would you care? Even the idea that you’re considering giving the music away for free makes it easier to give it away for free. The only reason why gold is expensive is because we all agree that it is. There’s no real use for it, except we all agree and abide by the idea that gold costs a certain amount per ounce. As soon as you give people the choice to deviate from it, you have chaos and anarchy. And that’s what going on.

Damn Gene, you almost figured this out. Things have always been worth what people are willing to pay for them. Now, change “Physical CDs” into “Bits on the internet”, and let’s see what happens…

When the value of the product decreases, the sticker price should also decrease. But that isn’t happening. The cost of a physical CD with 15 songs is around $15.00. The price of 15 songs on I-tunes is around… $15.00

And you want to know why people aren’t buying?

And you want to know why people are turning to piracy?

Change is Good… just not yet

Gene, calling this change “chaos and anarchy” may be your perception, but in reality it’s just Change. Change from one system to another system, one that you don’t like, because you don’t know how it will make you money. Your diatribe is just another dying gasp from an industry that is choking itself to death, because it isn’t smart enough to move to where the air is.

And blaming pirates. Honestly.

Gene, I know you worked hard using the system you had available at the time, and it worked out well for you. Congratulations. But the rules have changed. Clinging to the old way won’t help. And if people like you and the RIAA won’t figure out how to use the new way, others will. And it will seem like “chaos and anarchy” to you.

We don’t need people like you complaining that “change is bad.” We need people adapting to the change and figuring out how to make things better for both artists and consumers.

Yours Darkly,
-Conrad Zero

Just to set the record Straight (pun intended) I am, in fact, Heterosexual. Homosexuality between men? I don’t understand it, but help yourself. Homosexuality between women? I don’t understand it, but can I watch?

I feel the need to bring this up because I recently wore white pleather chaps and a matching vest for Halloween, and if nothing else, it should prove that I am secure in my masculinity.

Thanks to Bob Mould for his timely link to a drug called Hetracil, a so-called ‘Anti-effeminate medication.’

Seriously.

What does it do, make you want to putter around in the garage with power tools? Does it make you want to watch old, black-and-white War movies? Subscribe to Soldier of Fortune magazine? What happens if you overdose?

Is there a reverse drug that could make you a homosexual? What if terrorists slipped that drug into Minneapolis’ water supply? Do we all turn into pooftys?

And who knew that Homosexuality was a disease that could be ‘cured’ with medication? Makes one proud to be an American, doesn’t it? Is there anything we can’t cure with pills? Maybe we could come up with some pills to make people a little fucking smarter? Oh, I forgot, then they wouldn’t fall for crap like Hetracil….

Sorry folks, I have to stop, but this is too easy, so I leave the rest to you as a homework exercise.

Blog on,
-CZ

Last night I was putting together my costume for Halloween. I used up almost two full cans of flat white spray paint, in an enclosed garage, at four in the morning. (It’s beginning to scare me how little sleep I really need.) I held my breath for about half an hour, and got a headache like I haven’t had since the last time I drank shots of Jagermeister with the Jagerettes on St. Patrick’s Day… but I digress.

Anyway, I stopped in at the local fabric store in Brooklyn Park, Harris something-or-other, and my out-of-body-experience went something like this:

“Can I help you?” An older lady behind the counter asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “I’m looking for a polyurethane-based, synthetic leather nicknamed Pleather. Have you heard of it?”

Long pause. A second woman comes over to help/eavesdrop.

“Sure.”

Another pause, and a more-than-cursory inspection, not unlike my Drill Sergeant would perform just before a formation. They probably think I’m a City Inspector or with ‘Americas Funniest Home Videos’ or something. At least, I don’t think I look like a terrorist.

“What, um, what color were you looking for?”

I now notice a third woman attempting to get as close to this conversation as possible without getting caught. She isn’t very good at it.

“White” I say, as casually as possible.

“OH!” All three ladies gasp in unison, their hands shooting to cover their mouths as thought I had suddenly contracted the Avian Flu. The third lady pretends not to be shocked (because she isn’t really listening) but she clearly catches about a quarter inch of air.

“Its over there,” the first lady says, pointing with the hand not covering her mouth.

Weird. The rest of the clientele were buying floral-print fabrics which would make the cover of Country Home Magazine puke, and they’re looking at me like I just asked to purchase several yards of Human Flesh.

Oh well, I’ll post some pix when my costume is finished…

Blog on,
-Z