Wednesday, May 31, 2006
America the Strange
Ugly = Beautiful Just ask the designers of the H2, Aztec, and all the other square Humvee-Wannabees. Just ask the people who put Julia Roberts face on magazines.
Stupid = Clever Just ask the marketing genius behind Arby’s “Oven Mitt” ad campaign.
Untalented = Talented Dashboard Confessional, Kid Rock, q.e.d.
Old = New Starsky and Hutch? The Dukes Of Hazzard?
Boring = Interesting – The Apprentice, Survivor, and pretty much any “reality” TV show nameable. Brad and Jen.
Not Funny = Funny King of the Hill, South Park, Family Guy. Tom Green. Adam Sandler. I could go on and on...
Poor Quality = Good Quality Especially in the music spectrum (where it is called “Indie” or “Lo Fi”) but also in video (Blair Witch Project, Independent Films...)
Evil = Good I will let you PoliSci Majors fill this one in for me
And people wonder how I am able to use the word “American...” as a condescending adjective. Heh. People who call used cars “pre-owned” as though it were some kind of advantageous selling point? People who use SUV’s as a single passenger vehicle, driving them to work each day and complaining about the price of gasoline?
I've decided that I am from Canada.
Blog on,
-CZ
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Stupid = Clever Just ask the marketing genius behind Arby’s “Oven Mitt” ad campaign.
Untalented = Talented Dashboard Confessional, Kid Rock, q.e.d.
Old = New Starsky and Hutch? The Dukes Of Hazzard?
Boring = Interesting – The Apprentice, Survivor, and pretty much any “reality” TV show nameable. Brad and Jen.
Not Funny = Funny King of the Hill, South Park, Family Guy. Tom Green. Adam Sandler. I could go on and on...
Poor Quality = Good Quality Especially in the music spectrum (where it is called “Indie” or “Lo Fi”) but also in video (Blair Witch Project, Independent Films...)
Evil = Good I will let you PoliSci Majors fill this one in for me
And people wonder how I am able to use the word “American...” as a condescending adjective. Heh. People who call used cars “pre-owned” as though it were some kind of advantageous selling point? People who use SUV’s as a single passenger vehicle, driving them to work each day and complaining about the price of gasoline?
I've decided that I am from Canada.
Blog on,
-CZ
Monday, May 29, 2006
Movie Review: X-men 3 The Last Stand
As a lad back in my school daze, my required comic book reading list was:
X-Men
Punisher
Ghost Rider
Spider Man
As you can see, the X-men were at the top of the list. So it should be no surprise that I was stoked to see the X-men movies. I loved the first two movies, with only three minor criticisms:
First, why the hell does Storm just stand around, and occasionaly make some fog? This isn't such a problem, since as I have always said, I would pay just to watch Halle Berry paint her kitchen, but as an original member, she should have had a more active role.
Second, Where is Kitty Pride?
Third, couldn't they have picked out some better villans? (I mean, TOAD fer crissakes?)
All three of these issues are resolved in X-men 3, where Smoking-Hot Storm finally opens a can of whoop-ass, Kitty Pride not only shows up, but takes on Juggernaut by herself, and...well... OK, only two of the three are resolved. I mean Juggernaut is no better a villan than Toad, but then again, Spider Man always got the best villans. On second thought, Dark Phoenix is about 'off the charts' as your villans get, I mean we're talking Beyonder/Galacticus territory here, so I guess it ain't that bad.
I'm glad for all the lukewarm reviews concerning X-Men: The Last Stand, because it lowered my expectations about the movie, and trust me, they were in serious need of some lowering. Anyway, I find that the reviewers who did not like the movie always compare it to the first two. (Hmm, looks like I just did it myself) If the director changes, then I think the work should be judged on its own. No, maybe X3 isn't as good as the first two, but it was still a great movie. Try to balance a movie with that many characters in it, working in character/relationship development, plot and subthemes, and action action action? Brett Ratner did, and made an awesome installment of the series, which I hope will continue.
I see I am not the only one who enjoyed it, Trees gave her review of X-Men 3 here.
Blog on,
-CZ
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X-Men
Punisher
Ghost Rider
Spider Man
As you can see, the X-men were at the top of the list. So it should be no surprise that I was stoked to see the X-men movies. I loved the first two movies, with only three minor criticisms:
First, why the hell does Storm just stand around, and occasionaly make some fog? This isn't such a problem, since as I have always said, I would pay just to watch Halle Berry paint her kitchen, but as an original member, she should have had a more active role.
Second, Where is Kitty Pride?
Third, couldn't they have picked out some better villans? (I mean, TOAD fer crissakes?)
All three of these issues are resolved in X-men 3, where Smoking-Hot Storm finally opens a can of whoop-ass, Kitty Pride not only shows up, but takes on Juggernaut by herself, and...well... OK, only two of the three are resolved. I mean Juggernaut is no better a villan than Toad, but then again, Spider Man always got the best villans. On second thought, Dark Phoenix is about 'off the charts' as your villans get, I mean we're talking Beyonder/Galacticus territory here, so I guess it ain't that bad.
I'm glad for all the lukewarm reviews concerning X-Men: The Last Stand, because it lowered my expectations about the movie, and trust me, they were in serious need of some lowering. Anyway, I find that the reviewers who did not like the movie always compare it to the first two. (Hmm, looks like I just did it myself) If the director changes, then I think the work should be judged on its own. No, maybe X3 isn't as good as the first two, but it was still a great movie. Try to balance a movie with that many characters in it, working in character/relationship development, plot and subthemes, and action action action? Brett Ratner did, and made an awesome installment of the series, which I hope will continue.
I see I am not the only one who enjoyed it, Trees gave her review of X-Men 3 here.
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: movie reviews
Friday, May 26, 2006
Disturbing News
Well, I was just going to write Dan Brown a scathing e-mail, with all kinds of nasty language and accuasations of plagarism.
>Four persons murdered around a city in a pattern.
Wow, that's not new. I'm sure that's been done before, and I've seen a map of a pentagram drawn over cities so often in movies that I actually make fun of it in my book...
>by a secret religious cult
Again, nothing new. Matter of fact, they are the ones most likely to bother murdering people in a pattern around a city, right? Almost cliche
...
>each of the murder victims marked with a symbol
...well of course they are marked with a symbol, they are dedicated to some greater cause. Of course the bodies are marked. Goes without saying....
>representing the four elements of air, earth, fire, and water.
Um, wow. That's cutting it kind of close. I mean...wow.
OK, so it's at this point that I start the e-mail to Dan Brown, that is so flaming hot I have to turn on the air conditioning in the house. I'm on the verge of throwing inanimate objects. I'm looking up Mr. Brown's address, and saving for a plane ticket. I have been working on The Demonslayers Handbook for TWO FUCKING YEARS, and how dare he swipe a major plot point from my work....
...except for one thing. Angels and Demons was published in 2000, and I started on The Demonslayers Handbook in 2004.
Great. So two years of work just got fucked because Mr. Brown had the idea four years earlier. Who will possibly believe that I came up this plot concept on my own?
No one.
This has suddenly become one of the saddest days of my life.
Fuck You, Dan Brown. I know it's not your fault, but Fuck You anyways...
Sincerely,
-Conrad Zero
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>Four persons murdered around a city in a pattern.
Wow, that's not new. I'm sure that's been done before, and I've seen a map of a pentagram drawn over cities so often in movies that I actually make fun of it in my book...
>by a secret religious cult
Again, nothing new. Matter of fact, they are the ones most likely to bother murdering people in a pattern around a city, right? Almost cliche
...
>each of the murder victims marked with a symbol
...well of course they are marked with a symbol, they are dedicated to some greater cause. Of course the bodies are marked. Goes without saying....
>representing the four elements of air, earth, fire, and water.
Um, wow. That's cutting it kind of close. I mean...wow.
OK, so it's at this point that I start the e-mail to Dan Brown, that is so flaming hot I have to turn on the air conditioning in the house. I'm on the verge of throwing inanimate objects. I'm looking up Mr. Brown's address, and saving for a plane ticket. I have been working on The Demonslayers Handbook for TWO FUCKING YEARS, and how dare he swipe a major plot point from my work....
...except for one thing. Angels and Demons was published in 2000, and I started on The Demonslayers Handbook in 2004.
Great. So two years of work just got fucked because Mr. Brown had the idea four years earlier. Who will possibly believe that I came up this plot concept on my own?
No one.
This has suddenly become one of the saddest days of my life.
Fuck You, Dan Brown. I know it's not your fault, but Fuck You anyways...
Sincerely,
-Conrad Zero
Labels: Open Letter, The Demonslayers Handbook, Writing
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
The end of ze world
The Ice Punk Princess of Darkness tipped me off about this video:"The End Of Ze World"
Note that it is better written and more entertaining than current television programming.
Seriously. I turned on the TeeVee the other day, and suddenly realized why I usually don't. People bickering, blaming, and talking over eachother in frustrated, heated tones? Funny, I just got home from a whole fucking day of that. And I got paid for it. I'm not going to sit at home and listen to that shit for free. If the network wants me to watch Donald Trump and a bunch of high-school rejects work their product-placement into the program because people don't watch the commercials anymore...
...I have very reasonable rates.
Blog on,
-CZ
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Note that it is better written and more entertaining than current television programming.
Seriously. I turned on the TeeVee the other day, and suddenly realized why I usually don't. People bickering, blaming, and talking over eachother in frustrated, heated tones? Funny, I just got home from a whole fucking day of that. And I got paid for it. I'm not going to sit at home and listen to that shit for free. If the network wants me to watch Donald Trump and a bunch of high-school rejects work their product-placement into the program because people don't watch the commercials anymore...
...I have very reasonable rates.
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: consumerism, Funny, Videos
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Second Thoughts
Alright, maybe I won't actually burn my own book. I mean, it can't be that bad, right? Maybe I'm just my own worst critic? Maybe it doesn't suck half as badly as I think it does? Maybe my book will sell better than some other books I won't mention here?
Right. The Demonslayer's Handbook probably doesn't suck quite as bad as that...
Fine. Pressing on...
Blog on,
-CZ
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Right. The Demonslayer's Handbook probably doesn't suck quite as bad as that...
Fine. Pressing on...
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: The Demonslayers Handbook, Writing
Microsoft Privacy: Take Three
Dear MSN and Windows Live Privacy,
Someone over there is either not reading, or not understanding my question. For the THIRD time, please read the clearly outlined question below, and don’t dream of sending me yet another copy of your privacy policy, since what I am asking for IS NOT COVERED THERE.
________________________________
I have read and understood your policies regarding your customer lists, also known as the 'account holders'. I am NOT asking about how that information is treated. I am asking about the Contact data the account holders store using Windows Live. Since this is confusing to you, I will use an example:
Pretend that your customer/account holder (Lets call him Bill Gates) opens his Windows Live Contacts Beta, and he puts in address, phone number, e-mail, birthday, SSN, etc for several people, (Lets call them Sally, Johnny, and Jimmy)
In this case, my question is: What are your privacy policies regarding Sally and Johnny and Jimmy's personal data? Is that data shared in any way, shape or form?
It is disturbing to know that you have access to the information of others and the ability to share it without their permission or knowledge. It is far more disturbing to see that your "Privacy Policy" only regards the account holder (Bill Gates, in our example) and says Nothing at all about how the data of other people (Sally, Johnny, and Jimmy in our example) is treated.
Hopefully you now understand what I am asking, and can send your response to me at your earliest convenience.
_________________________________
Last chance, so you really should try hard with this one.
Sincerely disappointed,
Conrad
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Someone over there is either not reading, or not understanding my question. For the THIRD time, please read the clearly outlined question below, and don’t dream of sending me yet another copy of your privacy policy, since what I am asking for IS NOT COVERED THERE.
________________________________
I have read and understood your policies regarding your customer lists, also known as the 'account holders'. I am NOT asking about how that information is treated. I am asking about the Contact data the account holders store using Windows Live. Since this is confusing to you, I will use an example:
Pretend that your customer/account holder (Lets call him Bill Gates) opens his Windows Live Contacts Beta, and he puts in address, phone number, e-mail, birthday, SSN, etc for several people, (Lets call them Sally, Johnny, and Jimmy)
In this case, my question is: What are your privacy policies regarding Sally and Johnny and Jimmy's personal data? Is that data shared in any way, shape or form?
It is disturbing to know that you have access to the information of others and the ability to share it without their permission or knowledge. It is far more disturbing to see that your "Privacy Policy" only regards the account holder (Bill Gates, in our example) and says Nothing at all about how the data of other people (Sally, Johnny, and Jimmy in our example) is treated.
Hopefully you now understand what I am asking, and can send your response to me at your earliest convenience.
_________________________________
Last chance, so you really should try hard with this one.
Sincerely disappointed,
Conrad
Labels: idiots, Open Letter, Technology
Motorcycles
Got an e-mail from a friend today; a Chicago Tribune article telling about how the author sold his motorcycle.
Because they are dangerous and you could die by riding one.
Really?
The e-mail was much longer than that of course, and well written, with lovely colorful descriptions of a motorcycle accident you could pull out of any newspaper on any given month. The author's point, near as I can tell, boils down to this line: "...at least I won't die on a motorcycle."
Hmm. Sold his motorcycle because then he won't die on one. That makes some kind of sense.
But I'm wondering if he also sold his car so that he would not die in a car crash? Did he also sell his home so he would not die in a house fire? Did he give up fast food and simple carbs and Evil White Bread...?
Probably not.
My take on the article was that the author was becoming more and more concerned about dying as he got older, and getting rid of the motorcycle was simply making him better odds. I can respect that. Motorcycling is a hobby (unless you are counting it as a cheap mode of transportation) and if it isn't enjoyable to you anymore, then you should sell your bike. But don't call the kid you sold it to 'dumb' just because you're a coward.
Personally, I would much rather die in a fiery explosion of gasoline and metal shrapnel, my last words being ones my mother would not approve of, than to die of a heart attack muttering feeble prayers of forgiveness for all those years of not going to church. Closed casket, definitely.
Maybe someday I will change my mind and decide my reflexes aren't what they used to be, or perhaps a near-miss close enough to make me wet myself will give me a new perspective. Regardless, if I hand my motorcycle over to someone else, I won't write a story about how stupid and dangerous it is to ride one...
Blog on,
-CZ
PS: (Is White Bread still Evil? What about Eggs? I never keep up with the food fashion trends...)
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Because they are dangerous and you could die by riding one.
Really?
The e-mail was much longer than that of course, and well written, with lovely colorful descriptions of a motorcycle accident you could pull out of any newspaper on any given month. The author's point, near as I can tell, boils down to this line: "...at least I won't die on a motorcycle."
Hmm. Sold his motorcycle because then he won't die on one. That makes some kind of sense.
But I'm wondering if he also sold his car so that he would not die in a car crash? Did he also sell his home so he would not die in a house fire? Did he give up fast food and simple carbs and Evil White Bread...?
Probably not.
My take on the article was that the author was becoming more and more concerned about dying as he got older, and getting rid of the motorcycle was simply making him better odds. I can respect that. Motorcycling is a hobby (unless you are counting it as a cheap mode of transportation) and if it isn't enjoyable to you anymore, then you should sell your bike. But don't call the kid you sold it to 'dumb' just because you're a coward.
Personally, I would much rather die in a fiery explosion of gasoline and metal shrapnel, my last words being ones my mother would not approve of, than to die of a heart attack muttering feeble prayers of forgiveness for all those years of not going to church. Closed casket, definitely.
Maybe someday I will change my mind and decide my reflexes aren't what they used to be, or perhaps a near-miss close enough to make me wet myself will give me a new perspective. Regardless, if I hand my motorcycle over to someone else, I won't write a story about how stupid and dangerous it is to ride one...
Blog on,
-CZ
PS: (Is White Bread still Evil? What about Eggs? I never keep up with the food fashion trends...)
Labels: A Day In The Life, idiots
Monday, May 15, 2006
My e-mail to J. A. Konrath
Mr. J. A. Konrath,
I just read your entire ‘tips’ series on your site http://www.jakonrath.com/tips.html (including the video). Very informative and entertaining. This should be required reading for anyone considering writing as a career.
Thank you, sincerely, thank you for sharing your experience, and for the sheer volume of useful, real-world information about writing and the publishing industry. Based on what I have learned, I have decided to burn my own book before it is even finished (I will have to print it out first), and as a replacement, take up Everquest as my life’s pursuit.
I will also pick up copies of all your books, as payment in kind for the sage advice on my career path. It was well worth it.
A Future Fan, and Former Almost-Writer,
~Conrad Zero
conradzero@gmail.com
www.conradzero.com
0 Comments
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I just read your entire ‘tips’ series on your site http://www.jakonrath.com/tips.html (including the video). Very informative and entertaining. This should be required reading for anyone considering writing as a career.
Thank you, sincerely, thank you for sharing your experience, and for the sheer volume of useful, real-world information about writing and the publishing industry. Based on what I have learned, I have decided to burn my own book before it is even finished (I will have to print it out first), and as a replacement, take up Everquest as my life’s pursuit.
I will also pick up copies of all your books, as payment in kind for the sage advice on my career path. It was well worth it.
A Future Fan, and Former Almost-Writer,
~Conrad Zero
conradzero@gmail.com
www.conradzero.com
Labels: Open Letter, Writing
Friday, May 12, 2006
Charles Conrad, Jr.
According to my mother, this is the person after whom I was named. Charles Conrad Jr, the third person to walk on the moon. 'Conrad' apparently stands for 'bold counsel' I wouldn't call him very bold if he waited for two other dudes to make sure it was OK before he ventured outside Apollo 12...
The 'Zero' is derived from the Tarot, and I'll let you figger that one out as a homework exercise to ponder while you are up north on Lake X, in the rain, trying to catch The Dangerous And Elusive Lunker. I will be at Red Lobster, eating Cheddar Bay Biscuits till I pass out...
Blog on,
-CZ
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The 'Zero' is derived from the Tarot, and I'll let you figger that one out as a homework exercise to ponder while you are up north on Lake X, in the rain, trying to catch The Dangerous And Elusive Lunker. I will be at Red Lobster, eating Cheddar Bay Biscuits till I pass out...
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Neil Young: Demigod
Fine, so Neil Young might not be a God, but I won't let anyone strip the title 'Demigod' from the man, he has covered more ground and released more respectable works of art than almost any other artist I know: folk to rock to grunge to electronica to...well check here for the details.
Needless to say, I like Neil Young a lot. He's the Johnny Depp of the music industry - consistently odd, and not afraid to drop all of the world's expectations and redefine himself by doing something different. I also understand if people don't like him, the same way that people understand that I think Bruce Springsteen is a talentless hack.
It's all personal opinion, right?
Subjectivity. Right. Check.
So yesterday, Xtina and I are painting the stairway, and listening to Neil Young's Greatest Hits (Which strangely, is a single CD containing 16 songs. This from a man who releases an album per year on average?) And in my head, I am singing along with Neil on 'After The Gold Rush' a song which you either love...
"How can anyone stand this crap?"
...or hate.
"Um, how's that, Buttercup?"
"Neil Young! I mean, he sucks, so why is he so popular?"
Exactly. if you dropped in from another planet and the first thing you heard on the radio was 'After the Gold Rush' you would take off and napalm this blue-green sphere into this Galaxy's Sun#2. So why does Neil Young with his nasal droning grunging broody melodic-ing rate among my top ten artists of all time?
Simple. Because Neil Young is a demigod.
It isn't subjective after all - Neil Young writes objectively insanely fucking cool songs. Songs so good, in fact, that many of them are beyond his own talent to perform! Sure, Yngveyekay Malmsteen might be a more technically proficient guitar player, but he can't write a decent song. Ditto to Soulless Eric Clapton, and double ditto to the man whose initials are B.S. Neil Young has a spirit and creativity that shows through in his music despite the imperfect voice, and the slightly-off-time, slightly-off-key, and just-slightly-off-altogether guitar playing.
I do think that for a Canadian, he is awfully outspoken about American politics...oh well, there has to be a fault somewhere, otherwise, he wouldn't be a *demi*god.
Of course, you are free to disagree...but you would be wrong.
Blog on,
-CZ
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Needless to say, I like Neil Young a lot. He's the Johnny Depp of the music industry - consistently odd, and not afraid to drop all of the world's expectations and redefine himself by doing something different. I also understand if people don't like him, the same way that people understand that I think Bruce Springsteen is a talentless hack.
It's all personal opinion, right?
Subjectivity. Right. Check.
So yesterday, Xtina and I are painting the stairway, and listening to Neil Young's Greatest Hits (Which strangely, is a single CD containing 16 songs. This from a man who releases an album per year on average?) And in my head, I am singing along with Neil on 'After The Gold Rush' a song which you either love...
"How can anyone stand this crap?"
...or hate.
"Um, how's that, Buttercup?"
"Neil Young! I mean, he sucks, so why is he so popular?"
Exactly. if you dropped in from another planet and the first thing you heard on the radio was 'After the Gold Rush' you would take off and napalm this blue-green sphere into this Galaxy's Sun#2. So why does Neil Young with his nasal droning grunging broody melodic-ing rate among my top ten artists of all time?
Simple. Because Neil Young is a demigod.
It isn't subjective after all - Neil Young writes objectively insanely fucking cool songs. Songs so good, in fact, that many of them are beyond his own talent to perform! Sure, Yngveyekay Malmsteen might be a more technically proficient guitar player, but he can't write a decent song. Ditto to Soulless Eric Clapton, and double ditto to the man whose initials are B.S. Neil Young has a spirit and creativity that shows through in his music despite the imperfect voice, and the slightly-off-time, slightly-off-key, and just-slightly-off-altogether guitar playing.
I do think that for a Canadian, he is awfully outspoken about American politics...oh well, there has to be a fault somewhere, otherwise, he wouldn't be a *demi*god.
Of course, you are free to disagree...but you would be wrong.
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: music reviews
Monday, May 08, 2006
Stick It To The Man - No Gas in 2007!
If everyone in the USA, Canada, Belize, Antarctica and Micronesia did not purchase a drop of gasoline/petroleum for one year, and all at the same time, the oil companies would choke on their stockpiles!
At the same time, it would hit the entire industry with a net loss of over...well...billions and billions! It would end jobs for thousands of gas station workers and managers, truck drivers, refinery workers, utility companies, etc..., and most likely upset the global economy, but what's *really* important is that it will STICK IT TO OPEC!
Therefore, 2007 has been formally declared "Stick It To OPEC, Along With Thousands of Petroleum Industry Employees Year"! and no one should buy any gas or petroleum products for the entire year! Turn off the gas appliances in your house, (Stove, Clothes Dryer, Furnace...) and put all the keys for your gasoline-powered vehicles in a safe deposit box for just one year, and "Stick It To OPEC, Along With Thousands of Petroleum Industry Employees"!!!
The only way this can be done is if you forward this e-mail to as many people as you can, and as quickly as you can to get the word out! Waiting for the government to step in and control the prices is not going to happen. [Editors Note: Sorry, should have ended that last sentence with an exclamation point!]
Remember one thing - not only is the price of gasoline going up, but at the same time airlines are forced to raise their prices (OK, that's two things), trucking companies are forced to raise their prices (Fine, three things, but that's it!) which effects prices on everything that is shipped! Things like food, clothing, building materials, and Humvee parts! Who pays in the end? We do!
Make no mistake, we can make a difference! Think of how much tax money we can save in road repair alone by not driving on the roads for an entire year! Not to mention auto insurance and those expensive Humvee parts!
If they don't get the message after one year, then we will do it again and again!
So do your part and spread the word! Forward this e-mail to everyone you know! Mark your calendars and make 2007 a year that the citizens of USA, Canada, Belize, Antarctica and Micronesia band together and say, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"!
Blog on,
-Conrad Zero
www.conradzero.com
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Permalink
At the same time, it would hit the entire industry with a net loss of over...well...billions and billions! It would end jobs for thousands of gas station workers and managers, truck drivers, refinery workers, utility companies, etc..., and most likely upset the global economy, but what's *really* important is that it will STICK IT TO OPEC!
Therefore, 2007 has been formally declared "Stick It To OPEC, Along With Thousands of Petroleum Industry Employees Year"! and no one should buy any gas or petroleum products for the entire year! Turn off the gas appliances in your house, (Stove, Clothes Dryer, Furnace...) and put all the keys for your gasoline-powered vehicles in a safe deposit box for just one year, and "Stick It To OPEC, Along With Thousands of Petroleum Industry Employees"!!!
The only way this can be done is if you forward this e-mail to as many people as you can, and as quickly as you can to get the word out! Waiting for the government to step in and control the prices is not going to happen. [Editors Note: Sorry, should have ended that last sentence with an exclamation point!]
Remember one thing - not only is the price of gasoline going up, but at the same time airlines are forced to raise their prices (OK, that's two things), trucking companies are forced to raise their prices (Fine, three things, but that's it!) which effects prices on everything that is shipped! Things like food, clothing, building materials, and Humvee parts! Who pays in the end? We do!
Make no mistake, we can make a difference! Think of how much tax money we can save in road repair alone by not driving on the roads for an entire year! Not to mention auto insurance and those expensive Humvee parts!
If they don't get the message after one year, then we will do it again and again!
So do your part and spread the word! Forward this e-mail to everyone you know! Mark your calendars and make 2007 a year that the citizens of USA, Canada, Belize, Antarctica and Micronesia band together and say, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"!
Blog on,
-Conrad Zero
www.conradzero.com
Labels: americans, idiots, Million Dollar Idea, Open Letter
Friday, May 05, 2006
New Word: Biddiots
This one comes from Teresa's friend Sue who, despite my warnings, is continuing to read my blog. Fortunately, she works somewhere that she can receive swift medical attention, although I can't say how she can recover from any moral or spiritual damage this blog might induce.
Anywho, Sue presented a great new word: Biddiots. It can be used to refer to two classes of people.
First, Biddiots refers to old Biddies who are mean. I'm sure you know who I'm talking about. The ones who cut you off at the supermarket checkout lines. The ones who fake senility to get discounts at IHOP. The ones whose Sunday drives are so slow, they don't get home till Monday, because it takes them a day-and-a-half to make it up to the bingo hall in Brooklyn Park and back. The ones who are constantly *Shush-ing* other people in church, probably because they need to ask forgiveness for all the people they pissed off with their rude behavior and poor driving. Strangely, there is no male counterpart to the Biddiot; the male of the species tends to become chock-full of dirty jokes. I don't have a word for that one yet, but Dirty Old Man has worked in the past.
Secondly, Biddiots can refer to the class of people who will bid on anything they see on E-bay. Things like Elvis' Toe Nail for example.
Blog on,
-CZ
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Anywho, Sue presented a great new word: Biddiots. It can be used to refer to two classes of people.
First, Biddiots refers to old Biddies who are mean. I'm sure you know who I'm talking about. The ones who cut you off at the supermarket checkout lines. The ones who fake senility to get discounts at IHOP. The ones whose Sunday drives are so slow, they don't get home till Monday, because it takes them a day-and-a-half to make it up to the bingo hall in Brooklyn Park and back. The ones who are constantly *Shush-ing* other people in church, probably because they need to ask forgiveness for all the people they pissed off with their rude behavior and poor driving. Strangely, there is no male counterpart to the Biddiot; the male of the species tends to become chock-full of dirty jokes. I don't have a word for that one yet, but Dirty Old Man has worked in the past.
Secondly, Biddiots can refer to the class of people who will bid on anything they see on E-bay. Things like Elvis' Toe Nail for example.
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: New Word
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Talkin' Bout My Generation (X)
Trying to give defining characteristics to generations is really no different than the daily horoscopes: "Wow, I'd better be careful, my Horoscope says that I will be attacked by a drunken skydiver on the way home from work!"
Of course I'm kidding, horoscopes are never that specific. They are more likely to say things like; all Taurans will have "...conditions favorable for romance..." which could mean anything at all, and suddenly hearing David Sanborn while listening to The Current on the way home qualifies, making horoscopes about as accurate as my Magic 8-Ball
Of course applying any specific characteristic to any group is stereotyping, and generally frowned upon. "All Americans Are Fucking Idiots" is not only an easy claim to disarm ("Well, Americans invented TIVO, the light bulb and Family Guy, right?"), it also does not go over well when speaking with Americans.
TIP: A simple adjustment, "Most Americans Are Fucking Idiots" is a pretty solid surface to host an argument, especially if the person you are talking to is American, because we all know they are all fucking idiots.
Anyways,you can probably guess my reaction when someone comes along and tries to tell you what you are like, based on your race, religion, the lines on your palm, or when you were born.
This analysis of Generation X-ers was a surprising read for me, since I immediately tend to shatter any kind of label put on myself. Of course, this 'instinctive rebellion' makes me a great candidate for Reverse Psychology Behaviour Modeling...but I re-digress. I was surprised that I agreed with some of the defining characteristics, and while I could quote the entire article, I put the highlights below.
Despite their generational attitude against collectivism, Generation Xers take some group pride in their generation. In math, "X" stands for 'substitute anything', and Gen X takes some collective pride in their own tolerance, diversity and inability to be labeled.
While Gen X childhood was filled with Brady Bunch/Happy Days/Eight-is-Enough, their teen/college years included "Married With Children", an internally-competitive family yet a unified team/unit if the family was threatened. This is one example of a new Gen X paradigm: individual competitiveness yet loyalty as compatible and healthy societal concepts.
Some have suggested Xer's generational pride translates into active rebellion against what Gen X believed was the shallow, misguided and self-serving (and hypocritical) idealism the Boomers advocated in the 1960s such as escaping the draft. Some would also argue that it is not merely that Generation Xers reject the idealism of the 1960s, but that they bear a deeper cynicism of the fact that such "idealism", inevitably doomed in its gratuitous naïveté, so quickly gave way to an era unequivocally focused on commercial and industrial 'progress'.
And finally my favorite:
It has been said that a "Gen-Xer" differs from a savings bond, in that eventually, a savings bond will mature and earn money.
An interesting read, even if you arent from that generation, there is the entire list of generations at wikipedia, and even if they aren't that accurate, they are certainly entertaining, and make for wonderful 'water cooler conversation starters' For example:
"Hey Spab, how are you today?"
"Oh, I dunno."
"You seem kind of down. Are you sure that you arent bearing a deep cynicism of your parent's self-serving idealism which was inevitably doomed in its gratuitous naïveté, and gave way to an era unequivocally focused on commercial and industrial 'progress'?"
"Huh?"
"Oh, sorry I forgot, you're an American, aren't you?"
Blog on,
-CZ
0 Comments
Permalink
Of course I'm kidding, horoscopes are never that specific. They are more likely to say things like; all Taurans will have "...conditions favorable for romance..." which could mean anything at all, and suddenly hearing David Sanborn while listening to The Current on the way home qualifies, making horoscopes about as accurate as my Magic 8-Ball
Of course applying any specific characteristic to any group is stereotyping, and generally frowned upon. "All Americans Are Fucking Idiots" is not only an easy claim to disarm ("Well, Americans invented TIVO, the light bulb and Family Guy, right?"), it also does not go over well when speaking with Americans.
TIP: A simple adjustment, "Most Americans Are Fucking Idiots" is a pretty solid surface to host an argument, especially if the person you are talking to is American, because we all know they are all fucking idiots.
Anyways,you can probably guess my reaction when someone comes along and tries to tell you what you are like, based on your race, religion, the lines on your palm, or when you were born.
This analysis of Generation X-ers was a surprising read for me, since I immediately tend to shatter any kind of label put on myself. Of course, this 'instinctive rebellion' makes me a great candidate for Reverse Psychology Behaviour Modeling...but I re-digress. I was surprised that I agreed with some of the defining characteristics, and while I could quote the entire article, I put the highlights below.
Despite their generational attitude against collectivism, Generation Xers take some group pride in their generation. In math, "X" stands for 'substitute anything', and Gen X takes some collective pride in their own tolerance, diversity and inability to be labeled.
While Gen X childhood was filled with Brady Bunch/Happy Days/Eight-is-Enough, their teen/college years included "Married With Children", an internally-competitive family yet a unified team/unit if the family was threatened. This is one example of a new Gen X paradigm: individual competitiveness yet loyalty as compatible and healthy societal concepts.
Some have suggested Xer's generational pride translates into active rebellion against what Gen X believed was the shallow, misguided and self-serving (and hypocritical) idealism the Boomers advocated in the 1960s such as escaping the draft. Some would also argue that it is not merely that Generation Xers reject the idealism of the 1960s, but that they bear a deeper cynicism of the fact that such "idealism", inevitably doomed in its gratuitous naïveté, so quickly gave way to an era unequivocally focused on commercial and industrial 'progress'.
And finally my favorite:
It has been said that a "Gen-Xer" differs from a savings bond, in that eventually, a savings bond will mature and earn money.
An interesting read, even if you arent from that generation, there is the entire list of generations at wikipedia, and even if they aren't that accurate, they are certainly entertaining, and make for wonderful 'water cooler conversation starters' For example:
"Hey Spab, how are you today?"
"Oh, I dunno."
"You seem kind of down. Are you sure that you arent bearing a deep cynicism of your parent's self-serving idealism which was inevitably doomed in its gratuitous naïveté, and gave way to an era unequivocally focused on commercial and industrial 'progress'?"
"Huh?"
"Oh, sorry I forgot, you're an American, aren't you?"
Blog on,
-CZ
Blood and Coffee
This conversation took place at work today. More or less. I don't actually remember much of it.
Coworker: "How's it going Conrad?"
Me: "mmmm...."
Coworker: "You take your coffee black?"
Me: "Yeah, it's the scalding heat and bad taste that actually keeps me awake. I'm immune to caffeine."
Coworker: "You know, maybe if you injected the coffee right into your veins it would work better, heh!"
Me: "mmm..."
Coworker: "That reminds me, I gave blood the other day, and I swear chocolate came out! heh! Have you ever given blood?"
Me: "I can't. My blood would kill a normal human being."
Coworker: "Really! How do you know that?"
Me: "Well, it dissolved the plastic bag they put it in, so now I'm on some kind of black list."
Coworker: "Wow, maybe you could sell it to some bioresearch company."
Me: "mm.."
Blog on,
-CZ
0 Comments
Permalink
Coworker: "How's it going Conrad?"
Me: "mmmm...."
Coworker: "You take your coffee black?"
Me: "Yeah, it's the scalding heat and bad taste that actually keeps me awake. I'm immune to caffeine."
Coworker: "You know, maybe if you injected the coffee right into your veins it would work better, heh!"
Me: "mmm..."
Coworker: "That reminds me, I gave blood the other day, and I swear chocolate came out! heh! Have you ever given blood?"
Me: "I can't. My blood would kill a normal human being."
Coworker: "Really! How do you know that?"
Me: "Well, it dissolved the plastic bag they put it in, so now I'm on some kind of black list."
Coworker: "Wow, maybe you could sell it to some bioresearch company."
Me: "mm.."
Blog on,
-CZ
Labels: A Day In The Life, Caffeine
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