From my new friends at Totse.com, some useful projects for you high school kids to kill some time over the winter break...

Damn, I wish I had the internet back when I was in high school.

Warning: The content on totse.com is downright insane, and makes "the shaving cream incident" pale in comparison. Doing any of this shit will get you into a world of trouble with the Local Law Enforcement, not to mention your Parents. I don't even think that as King of the United States I would be able to get you off the hook on this one. You are on your own...

KaBoom,
-C

Labels: Cool Website, Ubercool

[No Worries, No Spoilers]

Don't cry for me Minneapolis, but late last night I had to work. I had to go help a friend preview the freshly-delivered reel of 'Serenity' the day before its release. The worst part is, I didn't even get paid for it.

As a kid, I watched every episode of the following crappy TV shows: Hart to Hart, Love Boat, Good Times, Fantasy Island, The Dukes Of Hazzard, What's Happening, Riptide, Simon and Simon...

But No More. TV is not free. It takes time away from other things I would rather be doing (Music, writing, posting to the blog...) Ever since Xena and The X-Files ended their seasons several years ago, I have not watched more than a few hours total of television. I have never watched Seinfeld, Friends, Survivor or COPS. I did watch an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, and it was OK, but laugh tracks annoy the hell out of me, almost as much as "reality" TV.

Therefore, I surprised myself when I accidently caught the premere of Firefly, and enjoyed it enough to watch it the following week. I don't recall how many episodes I watched before they moved the time slot to some bizarre timeslot, (I think it was 3AM on Wednesday mornings) and I was bummed, but not enough to change my viewing habits or record the shows. I might have seen five or six episodes total, before the network cancelled the show.

Firefly should not have been cancelled. It is a fresh perspective that blows the doors off of Star Trek and all of its cash-in-clones.

Every character in Firefly is more interesting and more believable, and has more depth than any character from any Star Trek show or movie, with the exception of Spock. (Allright, the character Q was interesting for one episode...)

The mix of Old West meets High Tech meets Asian Culture is a great idea, and well done. Finally, we have a group who do NOT wear clean-pressed and startched Federation uniforms. They carry handguns, not phasers. They get into fistfights. They don't have transporters, or clean plastic hallways with running lights. They don't have and endless supply of dilithium crystals. They use ladders, not elevators. They can't just say "Computer, Earl Grey: Hot" and "Computer, Beam Me Up" and "Computer, Wipe My Ass For Me". They actually delivered cattle to an outer-rim planet, fercrissakes. They take any job they can get to keep gas in the tank and food on the table.

A Fresh, Unique and Interesting variation of the Sci-Fi theme, with interesting characters, having interesting dialog throughout interesting plots in an interesting world.

Did I mention that it was Interesting?

Did I mention it was Cancelled?

The movie Serenity remains faithful to the TV show, and finishes the season (although it is not necessary to have seen the series, it helps) It has all of the great elements of the TV show. The story is well written, it is even better if you know the story, and already have the questions in your head ("What happened to River?" "Why does the Federation want her back so badly?"). The dialog is great, plenty of quotable one-liners, which I really enjoy. The SFX go without saying, so I won't say. The music is an odd combination of Spanish/Western/Asian/Classical mostly on Acoustic guitar; very fitting to the movie, and very NOT Linkin Park.

I had high expectations for this movie, and was not disappointed. It is a must-see for any sci-fi fan. I really hope this teaches the network not to move the time slots of new a series, and show them out of order. Don't put them up against the Super Bowl, and them pull them because the numbers were low that day. I suspect that the popularity of this movie could prompt the TV series to be returned to us.


Blog on,
-C

Labels: movie reviews

Im sure you have all read the news about The War on Porn But fear not; the War is over. The Dickhead Formerly known as the President of the United States is no longer in charge: I am. Those who have kept up with my blog know that I have supplanted him as the Self-Proclaimed King of the United States. And in my continuing struggle to make America a better place, here are some more commandments which go into effect immediately:

-Porn is not a problem, American attitudes are a problem. Europeans have had topless advertisements forever, but Janet Jackson whips out a mammary, and Americans have a fucking Grand Mal. NO MORE! I am hereby disbanding the FCC, the RIAA and whatever ridiculous task force the government might have put together to waste taxpayer money, and save us from bestiality videos. If people would like to volunteer their free time to putting together a list of websites you should be prevented from seeing, they have the right to do so. If you would like to take their advice, you have the right to do so. If someone wants to videotape themselves being tied up, stripped and whipped, and post it to their website, then they have the right to do so, and God Bless Em! You also have the right NOT to watch it.

-The National Anthem has now been changed to Nirvanas Nevermind

-Regarding New Orleans, two items of note: 1-New Orleans is right next to An Amazingly Large Body Of Water. 2-New Orleans is Lower In Altitude Than Said Large Body Of Water. Do the Fucking Math. Therefore, what was formerly known as 'New Orleans' is now officially called 'New Orleans Bay', and instead of wasting money on restoration so this catastrophe can repeat in a decade or two, the money will be spent on relocating the people and businesses to places Above Sea Level.

-Californians should take note of the above item, and when the SanAndreas Fault breaks, and California slides off into the ocean, I want those of you living there to remember how little you paid to live on a dangerous. . . huh? whats that? You Paid HOW MUCH? (Boy are you stupid. Never mind.)

-All overseas military are to be returned home, where they can serve and protect their country. There will be plenty of spies sent out to foreign countries, and any country which acts up will be obliterated into a flat, black, radioactive parking lot. No Joke.

-United States currency will switch over to the Euro, along with a solemn apology for dumping all that tea in the ocean years ago. Lets let bygones be bygones, and work towards One World Currency.

-The owner of the Buick Corporation will immediately be burned at the stake for using the Aerosmith song 'Dream On' in a car commercial. Just because there is no more RIAA, doesnt mean we take timeless classics and debase them by using them to sell shit cars.

Plenty more commandments to come.

Conrad, King of the United States

Labels: A Day In The Life

So after a lovely viewing of Josh and Sarah's video, "Cope" at the Bryant Lake Bowl, we got word that there was some fantastic stormage in the area. Not ten minutes later, we ended up driving home in it! There was no rain, and the lightning was spectacular! It turns out that just north and south of us there were serious winds and possibly some tornados.

I'm too tired to post at length, but I will say that "Cope" is a great video, and Josh and Sarah should be proud. I hope to see more projects from them in the future.

Blog on,
-CZ

Labels: indie movies, Minneapolis Event, movie reviews

I've decided that the Republicrat system of government we currently have in place is not working, and have declared myself as the First King of the United States. My first acts as King are as follows:

-The Metric System. Right Fucking Now.
-Tom Green, Adam Sandler and Howard Stern are to be Stoned to Death for crimes against comedy.
-Bruce Springsteen can choose between Exile and being Stoned to Death. (Reason? 'The Rising' is an unforgivable cash-in on the 9-11 tragedy. Nice try, Jerk. Get the hell out of my country.)
-George Lucas is hereby ordered to retract the Star Wars episodes I, II, and III, and refund all the money. He is then given one year per episode to remake them, and if they suck as bad as his first attempts, he will be Stoned to Death for crimes against humanity. If there is any mention of 'midoclorians' he will be Burned at the Stake.
-No More Death Row. Instead of being sentenced to life in prison, guilty parties will be Burned to Death in the town square. This will be televised and free for public viewing (Rating PG-13)
-No More Traditional Prisons. Those who cannot abide by the laws set down by the King, (and the Former Government), will work on self-sufficient farms, providing services for the community; farming, cleaning, recycling, and maintenance of roadways and public areas.
-No more Traditional Courtrooms. Since you like your "reality TV" so much, all trials will be moved to live television, and the audience can vote for free via phone or internet. It is every person's moral obligation to vote on these issues. One vote per person. (For those of you who don't understand how this works, look up the word 'Democracy'.)
-All people will have a RFID/GPS chip attached to their brains, so the government can know where you are at all times. Cameras will be mounted at every corner and recorded. There is no longer an expectation of privacy in public areas.
-No person can own more than one billion dollars worth of assets, cash, stocks, etc. The very idea is ridiculous. Anything above and beyond this margin will go to a fund, managed by the King.
-The King will have a secret group of Smokin-Hot Female Ninja Assassins to make sure these laws are enforced.

Rule on,
-C

Labels: political

I love quizzes, but I HATE politics. So I was kind of 'middling' when I took the political placement test at okcupid.com (See the results below)

There are plenty of people whose lives are beyond their own control and who feel worthless, so they (over)compensate for their inferiority complex by running for office, where their they have some level of control or power over others. Those who don't have that kind of ambition simply put the bumper sticker on their SUV, vote every four years, bitch like mad when their rep is not in office, and laugh at the political jokes endorsed by their party, even if they don't understand them.

Hate me for this if you like, but I am more than happy to let those people run the country. I call them Republicrats, because they are all the same to me. At this point, I would probably be happier with a King and Queen, or better yet, a government run by a computer (Preferably running DOS 6.22) I would even take a shot at a year of Anarchy. Then the critical functions of the government would come to light...but I digress.

Here's how my political bent turned out. Be aware that the questions on the quiz were very poor (read: ambiguous) and that could have skewed my score substantially. Anyone know of an Accurate test for political placement?

You are a Social Moderate (56% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (30% permissive) You are best described as a: Democrat Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid

Blog on,
-CZ

Labels: Online Tests, political

Aargh! I missed it!

Yesterday, 19 Sept, was "Talk Like A Pirate Day"!

Well, I won't miss 'er next year...

Arrrr Matey,
-C

Labels: holidays

[Feb 2007 Update]

The song "Let It Out" has been moved from this blog to the band website, somewhere on www.jaggedspiral.com or you can probably still hear it on the Jagged Spiral MySpace page: www.myspace.com/jaggedspiral

Colin - Rhythm and Lead Guitars
Yusef - Lead Guitar
Josh - Drums
Zero - Bass, Yelling, Grunting, and Whispering

Blog on,
-CZ

Labels: Days From Evil, Jagged Spiral, music

[Editor's Note: Updated post and download link removed. - March 2007]

The second draft of the Demonslayer's Handbook is done. I've incorporated much of the feedback from my first draft readers, mostly simplifying the plot and clearing up inconsistancies. The second draft will be handed out to another group of readers and their feedback implemented for the final draft.

Blog on,
-CZ

Labels: The Demonslayers Handbook, Writing

Like I said, I love quizzes, and so I simply had to discover which kind of Werewolf I was...


You are a Black Talon, a breed of black werewolf that is usually seen in a pack or 2 or more, they have a muscular frame and are the largest breed of werewolf. You are normally quiet but if provoked will be tempted to bite rather than
bark. You prefer the darkness and seclusion of your den but will venture outside often...


Blog on,
-CZ

Labels: Online Tests

All,

Just printed Draft 2 of The Demonslayer's Handbook. The first 196 pages worth, and it weighs in at 3.78MB. Since I am tight on space for my website, I will have to do some creative cleaning, or send it out by e-mail request only. Since the timestamp is correct on this post, and it really is 4:xx in the morning, I cannot think straight, and will have to handle this all later, probably this weekend.

In the meantime, anyone interested in a .pdf of the draft, just e-mail me, and I will be happy to send it off to you.

Blog on,
-CZ

Labels: The Demonslayers Handbook, Writing

OK, I knew there was something wrong with the prevailing theories, and now the truth is revealed. The world was, in fact, created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Further Useful Info from the website:


You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s.


The author requests, nay Demands that the FSM theory be taught in schools alongside the the other popular creation theories.

[UPDATE]
You know when Wikipedia lists it, it's gospel.

And, here is a link to the game (Warning: Popups)


Blog on,
-CZ

Labels: Cool Website, Funny, Philosophy, Religion, Ubercool

You might have heard me rave about Revolver Modele before, you can check out some sounds on their website, but better yet, show up to see them live: 1 Oct 2005 at the Turf Club, MN. They put on a Fantastic live show..

Also check out the video for 'Les Diaboliques' in which Xtina and Myself cameo, and possibly the only video you will see of me wearing White. (True.)

-C

The long awaited debut full length from Revolver Modele has arrived. All new recordings that are more energetic/danceable than previous tracks if you can imagine that. Produced/Recorded and Mixed by Brad Kern primarily at Third Ear.

"discothèque crypt" CD Release Show

Saturday, Oct. 1st @ The Turf Club - St. Paul, MN
Special tokens of affection at the door while supplies last!
With Guests
Solid Gold
The Deaths
Revolver Modele
9pm I.D.

Join us Oct 10th at Oak Street Cinema in Mpls 5pm for the screening of Spectrum MN Sountracks Vol. 3 DVD - Sound Unseen Music Film Festival www.soundunseen.com
Revolver Modele's video "Les Diaboliques" is on the DVD.

Labels: indie movies, Minneapolis Event, music, music reviews, Music Videos, new release, Ubercool, Videos