Today the MNSpec writer’s group gave me feedback on my story ‘Pinky, The Invisible Flying Pony Who Saves The World.’

Overall, people appreciated it for the mindless bit of fluff that it is – a dark parody, mashing Lovecraftian Evil with a children’s story. But there were several useful points drawn to my attention which could be used to improve the story:

Conrad, your- punctuation? Sucks.

I was aware of this already but it never hurts to be reminded. Actually it does kind of hurt but it’s the good kind of hurt – the kind easily remedied if someone would only read a gorram book on punctuation. Or hire a quality proofreader. Or even a budget proofreader.

How old are Payton and her peers?

The story mentions that the main character, Payton enjoys Spongebob Squarepants and ‘…running through the sprinkler on sunny days…’ which would make one think she was just a little kid. But Payton does have some unsupervised internet activity, and some language which would make one think she’s slightly older.

Guess I never really thought about how old Payton is, because it isn’t important to the story. She’s a kid. She likes cartoons. She rides the bus to school. But the consensus of MNSpec was that a more specific age is important to some readers because it allows them to paint her picture more vividly in their minds.  I’ll  specify which grade Payton and her friends are in, which will give readers a more accurate fix on the character’s ages.

Evisceration (part I) – Gaa!

I kind of figured the word ‘evisceration’ would add a bit of shock factor to the story. I hate being right. Unfortunately readers weren’t shocked so much by the fact that an evisceration occurred, they were shocked that an evisceration occurred in a book they assumed was a children’s story. The opening of Pinky was pretty Dick & Jane, and the descent into horror was a slow one, but The E Word was a harsh jump.  My bad. Readers understood my intent in the genre-shift because they read the story through to the end, but the  average reader would quickly toss it in the I Don’t Read Children’s Stories pile, long before they got to the E-word.

Definitely something I have to fix. One person suggested adding a subtitle reflecting the Non-Kiddishness of the book.  More than one person suggested a bit of foreshadowing right away, to lock-in the story genre from the beginning.

Evisceration (part II) – Let the punishment fit the crime

There are those who feel that bullies who pick on other kids, beat up other kids, take their lunch money and the like, shouldn’t be eviscerated. What a horrible thing to do!

Maybe not. But then again, nice quiet kids who wouldn’t dream of hurting anyone shouldn’t be bullied. What a horrible thing to do!

Most of the time, the bully gets away with it. But sometimes, the victim comes back to school with a gun, or an Invisible Flying Pony who is disturbingly adept at performing eviscerations.

Society considers the poor kid getting bullied, smiles knowingly, and says “Sucks to be you, but life’s not fair.”

I consider the poor bully getting eviscerated, smile knowingly, and say “Sucks to be you, but sometimes, life is a little too fair.”

Invisible Flying Ponies Can’t Do That!

Sifting through the fridge for a can of Squeezy-Cheese? Moving a dead body around like it was a zombie? Evisceration?

Invisible Flying Ponies don’t have hands!

You’re right. They don’t.

So they can’t do those things!

You’re right. They can’t.

Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

Overall,

I’m happy with the way Pinky was received. People loved the characters and they all got a good laugh out of it. Everyone loved the title, and even the mere suggestion to change the title started an uprising. I thought the guy suggesting the change might get eviscerated by the group. Or worse.

I’ll implement some of the suggested changes, and put one more coat of gloss on the story, (including a high-quality proofreading) then turn Pinky out to the public.  I haven’t quite decided on the method of distribution, but members of the Cult of Zero will receive a free copy of the e-book.

-Z

In honor of the decomposing pumpkin that I shoveled off our front step this evening, I give you… Decomposing Pumpkin by Brainkrieg.

Thanks to Jess for the link…

An Apple is not Candy,

-Z

A Review of Playing Evil in the Video Game “Neverwinter Nights 2″

[Editor's Note: There's a handful of micro-spoilers in here, but nothing that will keep you from enjoying the game.]

I’ve waxed philosophic before about breaking out of my assassin RPG niche. In the video game Oblivion, I played a  hyper-testostrinated human male fighter carrying the largest and longest weapon I could lift. In Jade Empire, I chose a female magic user. Throughout the Original Neverwinter Nights Trilogy (Neverwinter Nights / Shadows of Undrentide / Hordes of the Underdark) my avatar was a tricksy, elvish Shadowdancer.

Neverwinter Nights 2 (NWN2 for short) gave me a new option for avatar diversity.

It was 30 Dec 2007. The game installer chugged away as I read the back of the game box for the upteenth time. Bright letters across the box declared, “Everything you do has a meaning”. Other games have offered options for playing evil characters, but NWN2 seemed to go a step further, almost daring players to test the boundaries of morality. After all, the game designers had taken the time to plot out the repercussions of all your actions in the game. My Inner Philosopher pitched a denim pup-tent as he thought about turning the reins over to my Inner Evil Draconian Overlord.

Evil it is then. For while I’d played a diverse series of characters in the past, I’d always been on the Good side. The obviously-we-have-to-kill-the-shadowlord-because-he-wears-black-and-has-a-deep-voice side. What if I wanted to kill the shadowlord just so I could take his place? What would it be like to be the new evil on the block?

Pyro Firespawn and Posse. Yeah, We Bad

I decided to find out.

And so Pyro Firespawn was born. Don’t laugh. He’s a Chaotic Evil Tiefling. Tieflings are humans tainted with blood of a demonic heritage.  He’s got horns and a tail. He likes to burn things. He’s also a cleric, so he can kill people, raise them from the dead, and then kill them again. (That’s why I told you not to laugh.)

Xtna helped with the aesthetic creation of Pyro. He’s my first avatar to have any resemblance to my physical self. At least, as near as the game engine would allow us to create. Do you want to date my avatar?

The Difficulty of Evil

So I set out on my Evil Epic Adventure. It wasn’t as simple as it sounds. Right away, I discovered difficulties being evil. If I simply slay everyone who got between myself and what I wanted (merchants, for example) I’d have no one to back me up and the game would end with me in prison. That wouldn’t be a long game, and it wouldn’t be a satisfactory ending.

Evil Lesson #1 – Evil requires Power and/or Stealth. Pretty much all the sins require you to be stronger, faster or sneakier than someone else. When you’re a Level One Pissboy, you ain’t pushing anyone around. Therefore, I shied away from being what I called Stupid Evil. I had to keep my eyes on the big prize. Intelligent Evil is far more evil, don’t you think?

Evil Lesson #2 – Evil Looks Good. I often found myself weighing off which side of the fight would help me more in my evil goals. Should I be nice to this person because they might join my party or give me information? Should I kill the dragon and save the townsfolk, if that is the only way to get them to tell me where the uber-important evil magic sword could be found? Signs point to yes.

Evil Lesson #3 “The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Friend” One thing was always certain. I was literally hell-bent on defeating the King of Shadows, because he was coming to destroy everything.  In fact, some of my companions were happy to stand alongside me in battle although they did not agree with my alignment for the same reason – because the Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend.

I was so Good at Looking Good and being Evil, I could have run for the Republican Party.

Evil Lesson #4 – Evil Loves Company. Did Hitler have any friends? Probably more like “associates” or “companions”, which were another aspect to consider in NWN2. They have alignments too, and if I upset their more…delicate sensibilities, they could leave or worse, turn on me at a crucial moment. There’s no pleasing everyone, and some of my companions did leave me because of my choices. Others flat-out defected to the other team. (…and died some pretty spectacular deaths because of it. Seems their actions had repercussions too.) So, in order to keep the allegiance of my followers, I had to avoid certain evil tasks that I wanted to do. In order to increase their loyalty, I had to help them perform some good tasks I didn’t really want to do. Basically picking my battles and weighing off short term Goodness for Long-Term, Big-Picture Evil.

Halfway through the game, I had my evil system perfected. I was truly evil in (seemingly) unimportant interactions and lied and backstabbed when appropriate to further my larger objectives. On the surface I was just a Regular Guy who looked like he was following the rules. In this respect, I became less Chaotic Evil and more Lawful Evil. I was so Good at Looking Good and Being Evil, I could have run for the Republican Party.

Or so I thought.

Fate and/or the game designers were a step ahead here, because it wasn’t long before I was placed on trial for a crime I did not commit. I thought I had little to worry about… until they began to call in Character Witnesses.

Let’s put it this way – it was a long trial.

That aside, my philosophy of Evil-When-It-Matters worked well. I gained a lot of trust and respect with my companions, the Thieves Guild, and with good King Nasher himself. Eventually I was granted my own keep and knighted. I had a party of very powerful followers, some of whom could beat Mother Teresa on the Goodness Meter.

Then the time came, and I took my party of followers deep into the enemy’s domain to confront the Shadow-Lord himself.

Denouement – Evil is Good

Sunday November 15, 2009 I reached the ending of Neverwinter Nights 2. The inner sanctum of the Shadow Lord’s stronghold. Because of my evil affiliation, I was offered the opportunity to leave my companions and join with the Shadow Lord.  I saved the game and played out both possible endings. [Note: You might get the same opportunity for the alternate ending if you play a good character, but since I didn't do this, I can't be sure.]

I have to say, the evil ending was easier and more satisfying, but it was more because of the way the actual endings were written – something which has raised concern with more than one person who played through NWN2. If you’re interested in reading more about the NWN2 endings, check out this review by aeon (warning: spoilers) which does a good job of summing up the disappointing ending for good characters.

Was it Fun Being Evil?

It was certainly a lot more work. Often, I had to try and guess what the game designers meant to be Evil choices in the game. The ambiguous wording of my question-response options made me think, “Is that an evil thing to say?” The Good responses were mostly obvious, so it probably would have been easier to play a Good character.

Some of the evilness was fun. Double-crossing a dragon? Wow. Fun and rewarding. Happily throwing out promises you have no intention to keep was more of a relief than actual ‘fun’. Killing people who thought they could trust you, that was a tough one.

In short, being evil towards evil beings was wicked fun. Being evil towards good people wasn’t easy. Being evil towards helpless people brought me no joy at all.

Beyond Evil

With NWN2 behind me, I’m just in time for the next big thing… Dragon Age: Origins. Apparently, they’ve tried even harder to blur the line between good and evil.

Dragon Age: Origins is on my Christmas list. So expect a review when I finish it…two years from now…

-Z

The Future of #TwitterRebellion

The Devolution of Twitter

The creators of Twitter will tell you that they didn’t know what the hell it was for when they released it. They created a way to send a txt message to the world and watched to see how people would use it.

Like several people I’ve dated, Twitter is fast and easy. The microblogging and public text-chat format is perfect for sharing links, updating status, asking questions or blurting out random props that don’t require the treatment of a fully-formed blog post. Way back in Feb 2009, I guessed what twitter might evolve into.

Unfortunately, twitter didn’t evolve. It devolved.

Automatic for the Tweeple

Automation is one of the cool things twitter had going for it. The open-source platform allows companies like youtube, myspace, facebook and others to tie in to your twitter account and auto-post tweets for you. In fact, this blog post here at conradzero.com will auto-post a link to twitter through the twitterfeed service. Saves me the time and effort of doing it myself. Coolness, right?

Kind of.

Automation is one of the suck things that is killing twitter. The open-source platform allows people to upload a spreadsheet of 10,000 senseless posts which automatically post to twitter on a schedule of about once per second. While the posts on twitter were already nearly mindless bits of fluff, now accounts drown twitter in completely mindless bits of fluff. The goal of these New Media Spambags is to post as many times as inhumanly possible. Post more = get seen more. Get seen more = get followed more. More followers = bigger market for your advertising messages.

Does this work? Of course it does.

Does it suck? Of course it does.

And of course, twitter only encourages that you follow people with lots of followers, because…that’s how you get more followers.

Invasion of The New Media Spambags

Classic Automated Twitter Spambaggery - Note he admits the pic isn't his either!

Of course the people who wreck almost all online things are those who REALLY REALLY want to sell you something. Whether their product is good or not is irrelevant – getting it out in front of people is all they care about. Using the automation I mentioned before, these Twitter Spambags stream continual posts – jokes, quotes, facts… and of course, repeated references to their product.

These are the same douchebags who use e-mail SPAM to sell their products. The idea is the same; a high volume of public contact will lead to a small percentage of click-thru, which leads to an even smaller percentage of sales. The higher the quantity of contact, the larger the number of click-thru, the larger the number of sales.

I’ve included a screenshot of just such a Twitter Spambag. No particular reason I’m picking on this person, there’s thousands of profiles just like this one. But here’s some tips on how to spot a Spambag in the wild.

First, note the frequency of posts. No human can write consistent posts like this every three minutes (Exactly three minutes apart, mind you.)

Second, note the content of the posts. Two tweets of generic quotes or factoids, then every third post is a link to a “Make Money Now” page. Because links take up part of the precious 140 character twitter-post limit, services are used to shorten the post down to a smaller size. Because of the shortening, the links are hidden and you can’t see where they go until you click on them.  But notice that the link in the first post is repeated in the last post. If you scrolled down the list of tweets, you would see this particular Spambag alternating between two links over and over.

Third, note where the posts originate. In this case, they all come from API, meaning they are being sent through a third-party service. Likely, an automated one.

This is another spam artist turning the new social media into a quagmire of auto-babble. Is this illegal? Of course not. But it’s also not illegal for people like this to starve to death because no one buys their shit.

#TwitterRebellion - Putting Twitter Spambags Out Of Our Misery since 2009.

#TwitterRebellion – Block the Twitter Spambags

If no one clicked on the SPAM e-mails and if no one clicked their links and if no one bought the crap they sell, e-mail SPAM would stop. E-mail SPAMmers only continue to send e-mail SPAM because it works.

If no one followed the Spambags on Twitter and no one clicked their links, twitter spam would stop. Twitter Spambags only continue to spam twitter because it works.

Why follow Spambags? It’s time to take Twitter back to the Tweeple. But how?

Simple.  Block the fucking spambags.

If you see someone you’re following post once per minute of all hours, check their profile page and look through their tweets. If they are interlacing mindless quotes and jokes between links to their snake oil, Use the “Block and Report SPAM” feature. If enough people call a spammer on their BS, their account will be pulled, and you will have done a great public service.

It’s not hard to tell a human from a Spambag.  Follow the humans. Block the spambags. Rebel and take back twitter!

Yours Darkly,
Conrad Zero

Stretching the meaning of “Bestseller”

What do these people have in common? They are all Bestselling Authors. But lately, there have been a plethora of authors claiming “Bestseller” status. The problem is that they are bestsellers – technically . But you should know that some authors are using a new-and-improved definition of the term that might not match up with what you think of when you use the term “Bestseller.”

There’s little argument that a Bestselling Author is the Author of at least one Bestselling Book. Once Upon A Time, a Bestselling Book was defined as a book that had made it onto the New York Times Best-sellers List. But the more generic definition is a book that sells the best out of a specific category in a specific time. With this more generic definition in mind, a little technical help from online booksellers like amazon.com, and a little ethical flexibility, we can manipulate the category and the time period to raise almost ANY book (and its author) to bestseller status.

The more generic definition of “bestseller” is a book that sells the most out of a specific category in a specific time… we can manipulate the category and the time period to raise almost ANY book (and its author) to “bestseller” status.

Best of…something-or-other

Ever since the birth of Consumer Reports, marketing people realized that the ubiquitous title of “Best” has a high impact with consumers. (Especially American consumers.) Car companies realized that a midsized car with average fuel mileage and average price couldn’t really be considered “best” at anything except being a “midsized car with average fuel mileage and average price.”

Add a dash of Evil Marketing Genius and the problem is solved. They narrowed down the specs to weed out their competition until their car was the ‘best’ within the specified sub-section. The term for this status is “Best in Class,” a phrase likely to be found in any car commercial.

This same approach can be taken regarding published works. If you break the market down to a sub-sub-subsection where your book is the best out of those remaining…then you’re the best! Best of Class, of course, but you’re still the best. It’s like being King of your own tree-fort. You get all the bragging rights of being “Best” but there’s a big disclaimer that comes with that definition of Best-ness.

Applying this approach to Bestselling books, Amazon and other booksellers allow authors and audiences to sort the list of best sellers to sub-categories. Authors can use this to their advantage.

For example, the list of bestselling books at Amazon.com can be broken down into some pretty questionable categories. Just find a niche that isn’t being currently dominated, and drop your book in. If Literature>Genre Fiction>Horror>Dark Fantasy is too crowded, how about fiction authors whose first name starts with the letter “C”?

The values are recalculated Every Hour, which leads us to the next piece of best-seller-ness, Timing.

Timing The Bum Rush

Because sites like Amazon measure sales instantaneously and the Bestseller lists are recalculated every hour, it isn’t hard to get your book moved to the top of the list by gathering your friends, and leveraging your social media connections (with added gifts, discounts and other time-limited offers) and launching a timed, all-out purchasing assault in an attempt to “best-ify” books or music This activity is nicknamed a “Bum Rush”

Bum Rush the Charts Logo

A famous Bum Rush was performed on 22 Mar 2007. A website called  Bum Rush The Charts planned the large-scale push of the independent band Black Lab up onto music charts worldwide. It worked. The band peaked at #11 on the American I-Tunes charts and in the top 100 of most other countries. An UNSIGNED band broke the charts using nothing more than a strategically timed social media event.

The theory behind a Bum Rush is simple. Get a large number of people to purchase your book on a particular hour of a particular day. It won’t take a lot to get your book moved to the “Best” of your selected category for that one hour. Collect your title and brag forevermore that you are indeed a Bestseller.

Sneaky? No doubt. But there’s also no doubt that the Bum Rush works. In fact, certain book publishers expect their authors to participate in a Bum Rush, (probably called a “Release Event” or some other legal-speak) and will even add a clause requiring author participation into their “Book Deal” contracts.

In Perpetuity

The beauty is that once achieved, the Bestseller title stays with the author for the rest of his/her lifetime, as though they had achieved a doctorate or a Nobel Peace Prize. All the author’s marketing materials will have the words “…by the Bestselling Author of…” and whether the new material is “Bestselling” quality or not, it still says “Bestselling” on it.

Like I said, Evil Marketing Genius.

Backlash

Because of the glut “Bestselling Authors” out there, you will see authors who became Bestsellers using the traditional method refer to themselves as “New York Times Bestselling Author” and their books as “New York Times Bestseller” or possibly other, more specified titles which gives more detail about where their pedigree comes from and how they differentiate themselves from the rank-and-file “Bestsellers”.

The Upshot

I didn’t write this article so you could run out and become a Bestselling Author. My goal was to inform you that the term Bestseller doesn’t hold the same meaning it did before online booksellers came into play. And nothing against those who have achieved their bestseller status the old-fashioned way. Unfortunately, the new definition of Bestseller does water down the prestige of the title.

From now on, you know to be wary of the term “Bestselling” Anything. When you see an author or book listed as “Bestselling” the first thought in your mind should be “Best What out of Which, exactly?”

-Conrad Zero, Bestselling Author (of all published dark-fiction authors over 30 years of age, with a last name beginning with the letter “Z,” and living in Minneapolis metro area)

Where have all the Scary Monsters gone?

Wanted - Scary Monsters for Fiction Market

I’m noticing a trend that fewer and fewer works of Monster fiction are being classified as “Horror.” Stories containing non-humans characters such as Demons, Vampires,  Ghosts, Werewolves, Aliens, and anything with Tentacles, used to be clear-cut Horror. Now they’re about as frightening as getting a flat tire.

Have we gotten used to the idea of monsters? Have they been watered down until they just aren’t scary anymore? “Diet Horror”? “Horror Lite”?

Of course, media geared toward kids have always brought monsters down to an un-scary level; nothing new there, and Disney certainly isn’t helping things.  Monsters, Inc. turned monsters into cute, cuddly creatures who were Frightened Of Kids! And now Monsters vs. Aliens turns monsters into our allies!

Monsters for Kids are nothing new...

But that’s all kids stuff. What I’m talking about is more than simple cartoonification of monsters. Media across the board have sucked the horror right out of the monster market.

Before I get started, just a disclaimer that I don’t believe that all horror stories must contain a monster. I bet the majority of horror stories written don’t have a “monster” in them. I’m just suggesting that the modern monster has lost some – if not most – of its bite.

How far have the horrific fallen? Let’s take a look:

#1 – The Fanpire Shift

You know you're in trouble when Underworld makes fun of you.

I’m going to single Vampires out for two reasons. They really weren’t that scary to begin with, and they have become more popular than all the other monsters combined.  These two points perpetuate each other in what I’m going to call the Fanpire shift.

Think Vampires are scary? Guess again. If there was a list of “Pleasant Ways to Die” then getting your blood sucked out of your neck in the embrace of a hot vamp would be at the top of it. If you think Stephenie Meyer or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or any of the Underworld movies depict vampires as scary, try watching 30 Days of Night and you will probably piss your pants. Then you will realize why I think the way modern vampires are depicted, they barely classify as monsters at all.

Keep in mind the original Dracula by Bram Stoker was more Gothic than Horrific. Simply the idea of someone drinking the blood of others to prolong their own life was horrific enough. But Dracula-Done-Right had a sense of inhumanness about the vampire character that was at least unnerving if not flat-out frightening. 30 Days of Night was able to capture the alien feel of vampires, but the majority of books and movies today portray vampires as regal, bureaucratic, pompous socialites. Well-dressed dandies with pointy teeth who drink blood from wine glasses with their pinkys out while listening to Bach. In other words, about as frightening as 70′s fashion.

Because of (or in spite of) this, the popularity of the vampire genre cannot be contained. From the massive success of Anne Rice’s series of vampire books, and the “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” franchise which took the vampire genre out of Horror and into the Throap (Part Thriller, Part Soap Opera) vampires are IN. People can’t get enough, or water them down enough. Stephanie Meyer is doing her best to continue this trend,  placing vampires in the least frightening genre ever created; heartfelt, awkward, teenage relationship stories.

Adding the popularity of the Vampire genre to the fact that they’re barely tall enough to make it into the monster pool without a parent or guardian, means the entire monster pool gets watered down.

Hey, if it gets kids to read, I’m all for it. But even if the surge in interest of Vampires actually Raises the number of monster books across the board, if sure feels like there’s less and less media focused on the particularly horrible horror monsters when the market is drowned in Horror-Lite.

#2 – The Paranormal Romance

A smooch from beyond the grave...

Proof that Romance will sleep with anything, Paranormal Romance is the bastard offspring of Horror and Romance genres that extends on the notion of ‘Love Conquers Death’ – the belief that Love persists beyond the demise of one or both partners.  Paranormal Romance takes ‘love from beyond the grave’ to its extreme. Ghosts and spirits used to be something that you AVOIDED. But Paranormal Romance bravely stepped from the shadows to explore the ATTRACTION to the (un)dead!

Borderline necrophilia. Spirituophilia? But there’s more than just ghosts to love here. Romance knows no bounds, especially in the Para-normal.

It should be no surprise that Vampire Romance is growing in popularity. Of the 66,722  Vampire books listed at Amazon today, 1,491 of them are listed as “Vampire Romance”.

One would have expected that werewolves might have escaped being dehorrified,  (with the exception of Teen Wolf, natch) A quick search of ‘werewolves’ on Amazon.com will show you the truth. Out of the 1529 Werewolf books, 279 are “Werewolf Romance”.

Borderline bestiality. Lycanthrophilia? Like I said, love knows no bounds. Even Sharks are finding themselves subject to loving de-horrification:

What’s next? Borderline Tentacle Porn? Chuthluphilia? A search for ‘chuthulu romance’ returned no hits. Thank the gods. Maybe someday when the stars are right…

I don’t dislike Paranormal Romance stories any more than I dislike Romance stories. But turning monsters into love interests wrings the horror right out of them. The rise in popularity of Paranormal Romance alone is enough to un-horrify the monster market.

#3 – The Zombidy and Horror/Comedy

Scene from "Fido"

Zombies have always been funny. Undead, true, but they’re slow; both physically and mentally, which makes them more disturbing than frightening. That is, until you add in the fact that they generally come in large numbers, and the whole “Eat Your Brains” thing (crossed with poor table manners) gives them a more secure seat on the horror bus than Vampires nipping daintily at your Jugular vein.

There’s nothing new about horror/comedy, but the success of well-done films like Black Sheep and “Zombidys” like Shaun of the Dead and Fido raised the bar and ushered in a new wave of films and books that weren’t just laughably bad low-budget B-movies like Chopping Mall or Jack Frost.

Even people who don’t like Horror can appreciate a Horror/Comedy, making that market larger, and simultaneously eroding the pure Horror market; which includes our Scary Zombie and Monster friends.

#4 – Chasing the Horror-Lite Market

Seriously bro, this movie is like so totally scary, its sick! I think it's Rated PG-8!

Dark Fantasy is the kissing cousin of Horror. It appeals to a wider audience, and it’s growing.

Part of the rise in this trend comes from the explosion of the Young Adult book market. Ever since the success of the Harry Potter series, the publishing and movie industries have launched a massive assault on the teen market.  In this market, it seems that monsters are less of a main course and more of a side dish adding flavor to a plot, and not a plot in and of themselves. For example, each book of the Harry Potter series contains some kind of monster or terrifying creature, but the books are labeled ‘Fantasy-Adventure’ not ‘Horror’.

Because of the larger market for Dark Fiction, Horror authors and other artists looking for a bigger audience might tone down the Horror and play up the Dark Fantasy aspect in order to give their work a broader appeal. The results are stories like The Graveyard Book, and Twilight, books that were inspired by, but never intended for, the horror section.

So where are the scary monsters?

I want to reassert here that I’m not opposed to any of the genres or movements listed above. Mostly. But I like my monsters scary damnit, and I’m on the verge of calling scary monsters an endangered species.

While horrific horror monsters might not be extinct, there’s no question that the points listed above have conspired to shove the monster market back under the bed. The  increase in Vampires, Paranormal Romances, Horror/Comedy and the growth of the Young Adult market may have increased interest in works of darker fiction, it certainly seems to have drowned out the small slice of authors and filmmakers creating frightening Monsters.

But like the things hiding under your bed, just because you don’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t there, lurking in the dark and forgotten corners of the bookstore… Stories about creatures that could kill you just by stepping into broad daylight, their very wrongness would rip your sanity asunder.

I’ve compiled a list of modern-day monster stories in the carousel widget on the side of this post, and I’ll add my own books to this list someday. I haven’t read all these books myself (yet), but I picked a handful of books with good reviews that according to the reviews actually contain scary monsters. If you know of any scary monster stories I should add, throw me a comment.

-Zero

“That’s it,” I said.

Four Hundred and some-odd slices of dead tree stood stacked up on the desk. Nearly One-Hundred-Thousand words that have taken me years to choose and arrange…

…and I was looking for lighter fluid and my lucky Zippo lighter.

I’d just read a Real book from a Real author, then I looked back at my own work, something I had the audacity to actually print out. I felt bad for the tree that was killed so I could redline the latest version of the Demonslayer’s Handbook manuscript. Turns out a red pen wasn’t enough. I was going to need a 12″ wide red paint roller. It would have been easier to highlight the sections that weren’t complete garbage. There wouldn’t be many.

There’s lots of names for this phenomenon, Burnout, Inner Critic, Self-Doubt, and more, but I call it “Hitting the Wall”.

What is “The Wall”?

You Are Here.

Some who discuss this anomaly are quick to label it as a form of Writer’s Block. This gives them immediate access to the wealth of books, advice and ready-made solutions for that particular problem.

Unfortunately, hitting the wall is not writers block. It’s motivation block.  I’ve had both, and believe me, they are two different animals. Their only similarity is that when you have either of them,  you don’t get anything written.

Hitting the wall isn’t writers block. It’s motivation block.

Writers block is when you are Stuck For Something To Write (hence the name). When you hit the wall, You Don’t Want To Write Anything At All.

With writers block you stare at a blank page, desperate for some spark of creativity, or some muse to come flirt with your brain. You want to write.

When you hit the wall, you don’t stare at a blank page. You stare at the television, or a video game, or another book, or perhaps (ironically) a wall, because even that is preferable to wasting your time trying to be a writer when you know you are a hack who won’t ever amount to anything and this delusion of being a writer, this temporary insanity that anything you write will ever be read or is even worthy of being read saps all your motivation away, and not only do you not want to write ever again, but you’re compelled to cut your own hands off with a bandsaw as a public service….

Sorry.  I digress.

Let’s take a look at some likely de-motivators that can create a wall between you and  completion:

Brick in the Wall part 1 – Burnout or Overexposure

I think the reason I hit the wall with my story is because I spent too much time on it. It isn’t hard to do. Musicians do this all the time. You can keep working on a song or book forever, supposedly making it “Better”. But after working on the same thing for an extended period you will eventually get sick of it, like eating the same meal for lunch every day. Some people call this phenomenon “Burnout”.

If you run into Burnout or Overexposure, the cure is to minimize contact with your own work. Limit the amount of time that you allow yourself to work on a piece. (Especially the duration measured in weeks/months.) Put it away for a while and work on another section or better yet, another story.  Lock it away for a while, and come back to it later with a clearer mind and fresher eyes. Then, give yourself a deadline for completion. If you are your own publisher, start acting like it and make some deadlines and hold your author (yourself) accountable.

Brick in the Wall part 2 – Unhealthy Comparisons

What really lit my fuse was reading another author’s work that was an example of really good and inspiring writing. Then I read my own work…yikes! Nothing will taint your own work like comparing it to someone else’s professionally edited  (and proofread, and published, and bestselling… you get the idea) book.

To avoid this scenario, avoid comparing the perceived ‘quality’ of your work to the work of other authors. This is the ‘grass is always greener on the other side of the fence’ dilemma. It may be better than yours, it may not, but the fact that you’ll never write like someone else also implies that no one else can write like you. No one else can write your story but you. Know that when you’re done, someone else is going to look at your story and feel bad about their own. But this won’t happen if you don’t finish it!

Brick in the Wall part 3 – The Fear of Completion

One type of wall you might hit is the Fear of Failure disguised as Fear of Completion. This can make you doubt if not outright sabotage your own efforts, especially if it happens when your story is nearly finished. If you never complete the book, then it never gets judged. If you pre-emptively judge it as ‘sucky’ and never release it, it spares you the possibility that anyone else might judge it as ‘sucky’. It’s the same philosophy of people who don’t enter contests. They don’t want to lose, and if they don’t play, then they don’t lose, right?

Wrong.

To overcome this version of the wall, you have to change the definition of failure, and make it work in your favor. Realize that failure = You Not releasing the best book that you can at this time and place in your writing career. Re-writing the same book over and over won’t help you to become a better writer. At some point, you are simply changing the book, and not making it better, you’re just wasting your time. You won’t get better if you don’t finish your work and get it out there. If you don’t complete it, you Lose. Or better – you’re a Loser until you complete it. Success isn’t releasing the best book ev-ar, it’s releasing your book as the author you are now. Don’t worry about making this book better than it is, make it the best you can right now, and get it behind you so you can grow. Then you can worry about making your next book better than this one. Continuing to release better and better books is how you progress as a writer.  If you can get this mindset, it will help you to overcome the fear of failure and motivate you to completion.

Tear Down The Wall!

The way out is through.

It was a huge relief for me to recognize The Wall for what it is. Both a fantastic album by Pink Floyd, and a step in the writing process.  Just the knowledge that others go through this phase (often enough that there’s a name for it) makes it more tolerable.  It isn’t just this story you’re working on, and it isn’t just you.

The Wall is a test.There’s ten thousand things that will get in the way of you writing a book. This is just one of those ten thousand things. A conflict for you to overcome the same way the hero in your story overcomes their conflict. One of the very first conflicts is getting started, and some people never get past that point. If you’re up to the point where you are having problems like hitting the wall and motivational block, be thankful because you have actually made it further than most people.

Remember, to breach the wall of motivation block you don’t need jump starts to your creativity, you don’t need to tickle the muse, what you need is motivation. There’s ten thousand places you can get it. Here’s just one.

Outside the Wall

My lighter didn’t work (lucky, eh?), and so my manuscript is safe. For now.

Realizing that others have this problem is a big help, and I hope I’ve helped other writers recognize this problem for what it is. If you have other suggestions on how to avoid, circumvent, pierce, penetrate, or otherwise ‘tear down the wall’, drop them in the comments section. Best of luck, and I’ll see you on the other side.

Yours,

-Zero

Mythology meets high-tech in this thrilling military shooter by Jeremy Robinson. ‘Pulse’ is the first installment in Jeremy Robinson’s ‘Chess Team’ series, and sure to be a hit with those who like action-adventure…

Wait, let me rephrase that.

…those who like ACTION-ADVENTURE!

Damn, there’s more bullets in this book than a whole week’s worth of Minneapolis nightlife!

Story Premise for “Pulse”

A genetic research company is trying to perfect the process of human regeneration. They have experimented on test subjects who are able to regenerate at an amazing rate (Think the X-men’s “Wolverine” on speed) but there’s a problem. The more they regenerate, the more their mind devolves into a crazed state. They become maniacal and enraged, with an insatiable hunger.

When the research company discovers an ancient artifact and a scientist that might unlock the key to regeneration, it’s up to the ‘Chess Team’ (Code Names: King, Queen, Rook, Bishop, and Knight) to infiltrate this organization and stop their horrific experiments and recover their friend before its too late. But how to you destroy a creature that heals instantly and gets more and more insane and angry as it takes more damage?

Things go from bad to worse when an huge, ancient monster is awakened that not only has regenerative abilities and a hunger for human flesh, but also has multiple heads!

The Good

Fight scenes were well-done. It’s easy to write too much description into fights, which distracts from the story, but I think Jeremy Robinson nails it. He focuses on the heart of the fight, and I definitely learned some style tips to implement in writing my own fight scenes.

The characters were very memorable. The code names helped me remember our main character friends and each member of the Chess Team had the kind of personality you might expect of their respective chess pieces.

Good use of technology. Jeremy Robinson credits several people as sources for his military and genetic terms and descriptions. This gives the book a real feel to it; a grounding in reality (despite my frustration of weapon descriptions under Not-So-Good, see below). Wicked cool tech, from the stealth plane HALO jumps to the  Metal Storm weapons with three barrels, which throw three rounds per trigger pull.

Pulse has great pacing. The chapters are short and Jeremy Robinson knows how to use chapter breaks to build tension, which makes for a real page-turner. He knows how to keep the pace moving and not let things drag. Despite multiple characters experiencing multiple pieces of the story simultaneously all over the world, the plotline is simple and easy to follow. You won’t get lost, and you definitely won’t be bored.

Part of the quick pacing comes from the author’s use of narrative description to cover lots of storyline in a short time. It was well done; the equivalent of scanning FF through the boring parts of a movie.

Speaking of movies, Pulse would make a great movie. In fact, changing the Chess Team over to the cast from the recent movie G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra would not be a stretch.

The Not-So-Good

A touch of eye-rolling prose here and there, although this is not uncommon in military shooters. Descriptions of death sure to get a giggle out of the most stoic reader. (Campbell’s Chunky Soup?)

Lots of product placement. I hope Jeremy was paid for the product endorsements to Chevy, Metal Storm (and Campbell’s? LOL). I’ve been discussing the possibilities of paid product placement and in-book advertisement with other authors, and have yet to hear Jeremy Robinson’s take on it. If he was paid, then God bless, but it would be a first.

I felt there was a touch too much of the military weapon descriptions. I don’t really need to know the rate of fire of each weapon used, country of origin, or even its model name. “Pistol”, “SMG”, “Rifle”, “Grenade Launcher” – these are all definitive enough terms for me – add in the other details during mission briefings if you must, but not during a fight. This might not bother other readers, but I personally find it distracting to read something like, “…approached his target and drew his Chrome-Plated Colt Anaconda .44 Revolver with a mounted laser sight, custom pearl grips and mounted M203 Grenade Launcher, capable of turning an entire school of hammerhead sharks into tiny bits of cooked sushi…” as opposed to “…drew his .44 revolver…” and let the weapon show us what it can do through the story instead of telling us about it.

But these are all minor quibbles and none of these things ruined the story for me.

The Upshot

Pulse by Jeremy Robinson is a real page-turner, stuffed full of fast-paced military action, monsters, archeology/mythology and well-written fight scenes.

I enjoyed Pulse enough that I’ll be looking for the next installment. In the meantime, I’ll probably give his deep-sea thriller, Kronos a try.

For those who don’t know about Sound Unseen, it’s a Music/Art/Film fest themed out by a slew of cool Minneapolis Artists and Venues.  Its for those people who need a damned reason to get off their ass and experience some local art. Sound Unseen 2009 runs from Sept 30th until Oct 4th.

One of the more original events that goes on during Sound Unseen is the “Rock and Bowl” where you get the chance to bowl with/against your favorite local bands.  More details (including band links) are below.

This year’s Rock and Bowl is on Monday, September 28 from 7pm -10pm at Memory Lanes in Minneapolis.

So set your Tivo up to record “Scrubs” then check the Sound Unseen website and your local news sources for more cool Sound Unseen events!

-Zero

All ages are welcome until 10pm.

Sound Unseen Music, Film and Art Festival Presents:

“ROCK AND BOWL“ – Come bowl against your favorite local bands at Memory Lanes!
2520 26th Ave S, Minneapolis, 55406
Cost: $10 – Includes Bowling and shoe rental.

John Kass will be selling records.

Reserve your spot today!  Sign up in teams of four. To do so, please email: karrie.vrabel@gmail.com

Participating Bands:

Now, Now Every Children
So It Goes
Communist Daughter
Total Babe
Switzerlind
LookBook
Gospel Gossip
Poor Weather Club
Magic Castles
Lucy Michelle and the Velvet Lapelles

$10 per person includes bowling and shoe rental.

Ripped by Greg Kot covers the effects of the internet on music and bands over the last decade, touching on some stuff back in the 90′s like the Beastie Boys mad sampling on Ill Communication, but really starting around the time of Napster file sharing and RIAA’s first acknowledging the internet as a threat. The book ends with Radiohead and NIN‘s ‘pay what you want’ internet marketing strategies in late 2007 / early 2008.

The entire book plays out like a game between the Musicians who want to get their music out, the Fans who want to get the music, the Internet that makes it possible, and THE RIAA who simply doesn’t get it, and fights tooth-and-nail against the whole process of internet file sharing.

Summary:

“Ripped” presents the first definitive account of the digital music revolution, which changed the way music fans have sought and acquired music and led to the end of the recording industry as we know it. In the mid-1990s, advances in Internet and digital technology made it easy for fans to store, play, and share music, and leveled the playing field between better-marketed major-label bands and smaller independent artists who communicated directly with their audience. Instead of embracing these new possibilities, the music industry turned their customers into criminals with lawsuits, even as on-line music sharing exploded. With firsthand access to artists such as Radiohead, Nine Inch Nails, Metallica, Death Cab for Cutie and Arcade Fire, “Ripped” chronicles the industry’s decline and the rise of a worldwide grassroots community that transformed music.

Source: http://www.gregkot.com/ripped.html

The Good:

There’s some great information here on how the music industry works, and especially how it does Not work.  Payola is explained in layman’s terms, with some dollars thrown in so you can understand the scope of the problem. You also get to read about Clear Channel’s involvement with band tours and ticket sales. The RIAA keeps showing up like Jason in a Friday the 13th movie, rearing it’s ugly head to cause problems just when you think things are going well.

I’d never heard the full story of Metallica’s legal dispute with Napster back in 2000, and I found that chapter very interesting. I wondered how a band so big could do something so absolutely guaranteed stupid as to sue their own fans for sharing their music, especially when they got to be famous because of file sharing (via mix tape trading) in the first place. According to the quotes in “Ripped”,  Metallica played it like they didn’t really understand the interwebs or what they were doing. I don’t blame them, since claiming stupidity is better than admitting they are evil, but everyone knows what they did, especially their audience, and they don’t have short memories. I hear Metallica are still making albums though, so I guess it didn’t wreck their career.

The chapter on Prince was also enlightening. It covered his break from his record label, and how he was 1 of the first big artists 2 attempt 2 run his own business over the internet, directly relating 2 his fans. Strangely, you’d think I would have heard about these ‘indie’ releases from Prince, being we both lived in Minnesota at the time.

The Bad:

After the first few chapters, the stories devolve into the less interesting and less innovative – Death Cab for Cutie, for example, were blissfully unaware of the internet. They were just surprised that people were coming to their shows and wondered how they were finding out about them.  No ‘revolution’ here.

I’d have rather seen shorter examples of more bands instead of the few detailed analysis of the handful of bands like Wilco and Arcade Fire which read more like band bios, and could have been condensed. Same thing with the rise of Pitchfork Media – some punk with an opinionated blog becomes a millionaire. Pitchfork’s effect on bands’ record sales was important and an interesting read, but hardly worth an entire chapter.

Sadly, there is no mention of  Jagged Spiral, who announced their intention to release their 2007 debut album “Days From Evil” with a ‘pay what you want’ system on the internet before Radiohead released “In Rainbows”.  (Even if Radiohead did beat them to the punch.)  And no mention of the band Atmosphere releasing an entire album online for free as a Christmas present for their fans in Dec 2007 (The album Strictly Leakage is still available at this link.)

Of course, Greg Kot hasn’t heard of Jagged Spiral, so I can’t really fault him, but established bands like Radiohead and NIN releasing their albums on the internet for free isn’t news. They were already releasing tracks for free over terrestrial radio. No revolution here. The revolution would be up-and-coming bands like Jagged Spiral and Atmosphere changing their tactics and releasing their music for free and trading in Fortune for Fame; a gamble to jump-start their careers using the internet.

I would have enjoyed a chapter on the RIAA. They only seem to pop up in the book to say “No. You can’t do that.” I would have enjoyed more detail on the RIAA’s decision to endorse DRM (Digital Rights Management) and to read about other copy-prevention methods they might have considered.

The Upshot:

A good overview of the past ten or so years as music and musicians get more tightly caught up in the internet, and the Recording Industry fights against it every step of the way.

-Zero