Authors J.A. Konrath, Blake Crouch, Lee Goldberg, J. Carson Black, and Scott Nicholson are running up a lovely promotion for their combined 5-book “Ultimate Thriller Box Set” by giving away 10 Kindle Fires and other prizes. The promotion is called Big Kindle Boogie, and you can find out more at http://bigkindleboogie.blogspot.com/.

Digging around online, all the buzz revolves around the FREE KINDLE FIRES and the PRIZES, but I can’t seem to find out anything about the contents of this “Ultimate Thriller Box Set.” Can’t even find the titles of the stories involved. Are they a secret? It certainly is suspenseful.

What really is thrilling is finally seeing someone promote the Kindle Fire over the i-pad. But I wonder if there is an actual “box” involved in this “box set”? I”m guessing that these are e-books, since they’re giving away Kindle Fires and all, so I wouldn’t get my hopes up for a physical box.

Here’s the official press release:

WIN A KINDLE FIRE IN THE BIG KINDLE BOOGIE

10 Free Kindle Fires, 75 free ebooks, $300 in gift cards, a $500 library donation! Entries for 10 free Kindle Fires are already underway at http://bigkindleboogie.blogspot.com and gift cards are bing randomly awarded on Twitter for those who tweet about the Big Kindle Boogie.

On Feb. 1-2, bestselling thriller authors J.A. Konrath, Blake Crouch, J. Carson Black, Lee Goldberg, and Scott Nicholson are making 75 Kindle books free on Amazon. They are also making a $500 donation to the local library of one Kindle Fire winner. They are also releasing the five-book Ultimate Thriller Box Set for free during the event. Contest is international, no purchase necessary. You can also join the Facebook party at http://www.facebook.com/BigKindleBoogie.

Three easy ways to enter:

• Use the entry counters at http://bigkindleboogie.blogspot.com
• You can also enter manually by tweeting to be eligible for Kindle Fires and Amazon gift cards: 10 free Kindle Fires. 75 free ebooks. http://bit.ly/xWOoKN #bigkindleboogie RT to enter for a Fire!
• You can email bigkindleboogie@yahoo.com ONCE PER DAY with “Boogie entry” as subject line

Everything free, everything fun. Good luck!

So spread the word and best of luck!

I am legally required to tell you that “I was invited to a pre-release screening of The Devil Inside by Paramount”, which is how I’m able to review it before it’s technically released in theaters. Good thing too, otherwise you might actually have gone to see it.

I am not legally required to tell you that I actually watched the movie as research for the story I’ve been working on about Demons and Demonslayers, called Evil Looks Good.

I feel ethically required to tell you that the movie is a joke, and it actually makes The Blair Witch Project look good.

Review of The Devil Inside

Believe me, before seeing The Devil Inside, you’ll want to get a few spirits into your own body. I recommend Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey. One quart should be sufficient.

First of all, for a movie about demonic possession, it’s about as frightening as tepid queso dip. Here’s a hint to producers wanting to make a horror movie: if you feel the need to have something jump out (be it person, car, dog, cat, bird or whatever) to keep the suspense up… guess what? Your writing sucks. Try adding suspense to your script, and you won’t have to rely on stuff-jumping-out-at-you tactics as a crutch for your lame writing.

Also, is there some law that requires indie films to be shot as a “documentary”? Sure it worked great for Trollhunter, but no one fell for that bullshit with The Blair Witch Project, and no one’s falling for it with The Devil Inside. This story would have been much, much scarier if it were scripted, filmed and cut together like a regular horror film, using the exact same resources. Remember, there’s not much difference between a “documentary” and a “mockumentary”.

The heart of the story was not bad, but parts of the story were so bad that they were able to actually detract from the movie and scream “SCRIPTED”. For example, why did the cameraman follow the priest to a baptism which had NOTHING to do with the plot of the movie? Ah, that’s right, otherwise we would have missed an [IMPORTANT PLOT POINT]. Wow. Good thing the cameraman was there, or the screenplay writer(s) would have had to write that plot info into the script some other way. Who has time for that?

Why did a mom have to move her daughter to the basement of the house before calling the exorcists? Guess her daughter’s bedroom had too much lighting and not enough grungy textures and peeling paint in it for an exorcism. No, I’m not kidding. Moved her demonically-possessed daughter to a bed in middle of the fucking basement. Wow, good thing, because that dingy, poorly-lit basement was much creepier than any kid’s bedroom.

And the ending? The audience laughed out loud. And I heard several people actually say out loud: “Oh no they did-int!” and “Aw, hell no!” and there was even one “That’s it? Really? You gotta be shittin’ me!”  Wish I were kidding. It was the cheapest, “We’re out of time, so let’s wrap this up! Cut! Print! Where’s the Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey?” that I’ve ever seen. And the end credits were an exercise (pun intended) in patience, crawling across the screen slower than the credits in Pray For Daylight, and that had to be a challenge.

This Review of The Devil Inside Is Not, I Repeat, NOT Sanctioned By The Catholic Church

So much for the review. The movie sucked. But what I really want to talk about is the marketing genius of the promotional/street team who were on hand to introduce the movie The Devil Inside, because they were far, far more intelligent than the screenplay writers.

Just before the film started, three prim, young people stood up in front of the audience and made an announcement. A clean-cut kid dressed as a priest, wearing a banded collar and flanked by two Polly-pureheart-puritan girls. He produced a notecard, and in a head-down, self-conscious monotone, (soliciting some “louder” and “we can’t hear you” responses from the audience) he read off some gibberish about how he did not condone the film, and he would be available for discussion after the film.

Now these three were even more fake than film itself, if that were possible. He never said he was a priest, but that was obvious. No priests are that young, and they aren’t shy in front of crowds. They introduce themselves by name, and by religious branch, including the location of their place of worship. They know to project their voice. And they don’t read off notecards.

And the Polly Purehearts? They ain’t that pure. I checked.

But, the very idea of having people dressed as religious authority stand up in front of the entire theater audience and tell them that they DID NOT CONDONE your decision to watch the movie? That they did not endorse the movie content?

Sheer marketing genius? Definitely. But I can do better.

Here’s a Million Dollar Idea:

If you want people to remember your movie, you should have “plants” in the audience – members of the street team disguised as regular theater patrons, who scream, puke, and/or pass out at strategic moments during the film. I could have slept through The Devil Inside, but if someone near me barfed or passed out? Now there’s something to blog about!

Remember, you heard it here first. Drop me a thank-you if this idea works out for you.

And don’t waste your time with The Devil Inside. If you want to see a real horror movie, check out The Thing remake instead.

 

A Christmas gift straight off my Amazon Wish List, Leather Denim and Silver: Legends of the Monster Hunter is a compilation of modern writers tackling the subject of those who fight back against the darkness. The Van Helsings of the world who stand up against creatures that we hope do not exist.

The  compilation is divided by the type of monster being hunted:  Werewolves, Vampires,  Spirits, and Monsters. The book is a monster in itself by today’s standards. At 9.7 x 7.4 inches, the 271-page book packs 29 stories.

Overall, the compilation was well-written and bloody fun. The first story, Reasons to Kill by Shelley Ontis, sets the tone for the book nicely by presenting a werewolf hunter from the American Old West. Whiskey and whores! Revolvers and revenge! Gritty, dark and dirty! And that’s just the hero…

Alderwood and Old Lace by Jaleta Clegg is a great story about an old widow named Rose wearing fuzzy, pink slippers and wielding a feather-duster. But don’t be fooled. When a powerful vampire and his followers come to finish business started years ago, they discover that this retired vampire hunter still has some fight left in her.

Other favorites include Capitol Vices by Lina Branter, Tentacles and Petticoats by T.W. Garland, and the impossibly-epic story Finally, the Source by Christopher Nadeau, (H.P. Lovecraft would be proud) but this compilation contained many other great stories and interesting heroes.

Unfortunately, there was one poorly-written story, and the editing was dodgy throughout. I’m not an editor by any stretch of the style manual, but all the proof you need that editors cannot be replaced by a computer are here. Actual editors reading this book might burst into flames, but none of the issues kept me from enjoying  fighters, slayers, and hunters squaring off against real monsters.

Issues aside, Leather, Denim and Silver: Legends of the Monster Hunter delivers on its promise, with stories of heroes who load up and head out into the night to look evil in the eye and fight it to the death. If you’re tired of Monster-Soap-Operas, then you need this book.

Since the world will end on 21 Dec 2012, that means tonight at midnight will be the very last New Year’s Event for all of us. So while everyone else is telling you to be safe, I’m telling you to go out with a bang. Drink Jag-Bombs till your puke pukes, and you wake up in a foreign country with a hangover that lasts until the spring thaw.

But don’t drink and drive. Here in Minneapolis, the police have a new breathalyzer – it’s called a Glock 9mm. They just shoot you if they think you’re driving while intoxicated. I don’t even think they get out of their car to do it.

So don’t drive while intoxicated. I wouldn’t want you to miss the end of the world. I hear it will be pretty epic.

Being a dark fiction author has its drawbacks: food, clothing and shelter, to name a few. So by day, I have a paying job as a mild-mannered IT guy. This exposes me to lots of different software. Some are free. Some are useful. Some are both.

People ask me all the time what software I use, and what FREE alternatives are out there that actually work. So with the help of my fellow IT guru Saveau, I’ve put together a Free-And-Useful Software list that I update around Christmas each year as a gift to friends, fans, and readers of conradzero.com.  Here are links to previous year’s lists:

• Merry Christmas 2008 Free Software!
• Your 2009 I.T. Christmas Gift – Free Software!
• Free Software For Christmas 2010!

Some of this list will be the same as previous years, but there are several new additions that I’ve updated for Christmas 2011. This year, I’ve added apps for android smartphones. Everything referenced here has been IT tested and approved by myself. The programs are divided into 3 sections:

• APPS – for use on mobile devices. I use an Android smartphone myself, but other formats might be available for i-os, blackberry, windows etc.
• SOFTWARE – that you download and install on your computer. Mostly Windows based, but other versions might be available.
• SERVICES – that you log into on the internet to use through a web browser interface. These should work on any device that can browse the internet.

THE CHRISTMAS 2011 LIST OF AWESOME, FREE MOBILE APPS

Aldiko Ebook Reader

Why bother buying another device to read e-books when you can install Aldiko and read e-books on your phone? Aldiko is worth loading even if you have another e-book reader, since it allows you to “sideload” e-book formats or sources that your current bookreader might not handle.

Amazon

Manage your wishlist on Amazon.com year round with the Amazon App. Add items by picture, description or by zapping a product bar code.

Astrid Tasks

I tried over a dozen task-manager apps before I found Astrid. Now, I use it every day at work for keeping track of deferred tasks, long-term tasks and large IT projects. It syncs up with Google Tasks quite nicely.

Evernote

I’ve raved about Evernote before, and its value just goes up when you can add to, edit and access your own personal information database from your smartphone. I call my phone “my second brain” because of this app. Read more about Evernote below in the “Software” section of this blog post for more great reasons to use this app.

Hi-Q MP3 Recorder

This little app was difficult to find. Audio Recorder Apps abound, but ones which record directly to MP3 format are rare. Even the Hi-Q MP3 Recorder app will only record 10 min at a time unless you pay for the non-light version. But with a dead-simple interface and 44K 128 bit recording, the free “light” version works great.

Lookout Mobile Security

The Lookout App draws a lot of system resources, but it’s worth it. Three things make Lookout a must-have app for your smartphone.

• Security – Lookout provides anti-virus, anti-malware and anti-spyware on your phone, preventing bad apps from doing bad things.
• Find Lost Phone – Ever lose your cell phone then call it with another phone and wander the house, listening for the ring? Doesn’t help much if your ringer is off or the battery is dead. And did you actually bring it home, or is it still at work? Or the gym? Or the bar? Go online to the Lookout website and SEE exactly where and when your phone last “checked in” with a signal. Make your phone “scream” an alarm even if you left the ringer off!
• Backup – Lookout backs up your Contacts to the cloud, and lets you restore them back to your phone if they ever get lost or deleted.
  

The Premium version adds Remote Lockout/Wipe so if your cell phone gets stolen, lock it down or wipe it out from the lookout website.

Google Music

Since the world is about to end, there’s no point lying to yourself anymore. You know I-tunes sucks donkey balls. For those who want access to free music and drm-free music, there’s Google Music. The only bad thing about Google Music is that you still have a bunch of songs and credits at the I-suck store. Too bad. When you’re ready to ditch the shiny plastic i-thing and play any music on your phone or computer, try out the Google Music app.

Overdrive Media Console

Tie your library account to the Overdrive app, and check out e-books from the Library! Nuff said.

Paypal and Square

Mobile electronic transactions are here. Both Paypal and Square let you accept credit-card payments, but Square actually gives you a free credit card scanner and the app allows for signatures.

QR Droid

Decode QR codes from the real world (via your smartphone’s built-in camera) or from pictures or websites. Encode your own QR codes for sharing information. This is a great way to get information from one phone to another.

SugarSync

Remember what it was like to hook up a cable to download pix or music files off your smartphone to your desktop computer? That’s a thing of the past with SugarSync. Once you set it up, SugarSync simply syncs your cell phone data to the cloud and out to any of your computers with SugarSync installed.

WiFi Analyzer

If your smartphone has wi-fi capability, you’ll want to install WiFi Analyzer, which shows signal strength and names of all available hotspots.

Zippo Virtual Lighter

Ever held your cell phone up at a concert because you didn’t have a lighter? Install the Zippo Virtual Lighter app, and you’ve got a lighter that’s good for anything except lighting cigarettes or starting fires.

THE CHRISTMAS 2011 LIST OF AWESOME FREE ONLINE SERVICES

These items are not “software” in the traditional sense, because you don’t download them onto your computer (Although there are hybrid exceptions that allow you to load an app or software client.) You access most of these services by logging into a website with a username and password. They should work for any computer that can access the internet with a web browser.

Evernote Personal Information Database

More than just a picture/text/file storage site, Evernote is an upgrade for your brain. Here are just a few uses:

• Home Organization – Go paperless at home and move that entire cabinet of receipts and monthly statements up to the cloud.
• Engineers and Project Managers – Store and organize project data, task lists, website contents, pdfs and more.
• Writers – Save story ideas, plot outlines, characters, locations and more. Read more about why Evernote is great for writers.
• Students – Store and organize class notes, lecture audio files, online research and more.
• Save all your paid software install codes, CD keys, website passwords, etc.

Finding info in evernote is easy. Notes can be tagged, and searched in a miriad of ways. Evernote even has text recognition in uploaded pictures, so if you take a picture of something that has text in it (a road sign, wine label, paper document, etc.) you can search for the text within the picture!

The paid version lets you upload up to 1GB per month, but most people will be just fine with the free version which caps uploads at 60Mb per month. The mobile app has turned my android phone into my “second brain.” See the SOFTWARE section for more coolness about Evernote.

Shields Up at GRC.com Internet Security Testing

For techies only. Shields UP! tests your computer, router and firewall for vulnerabilities. No login necessary. Very useful when setting up your new router/internet service.

Gantter Online Project Management Software

Microsoft makes great products, but I have a hard time justifying a list price of $600 for Microsoft Project 2010. Especially when gantter.com is free. You don’t even make an account on Gantter, you simply use it. You either create a new project from scratch, or upload your own Microsoft Project file or access a project that you’ve previously saved in google docs.  When you’re done editing, simply download your project as XML, or as a Microsoft Project File (!!!) or stash it in Google Docs.

Gmail E-mail

Best. E-mail. Ever. Free. ‘Nuff said.

Google Docs Office Application Suite

If you’re looking for a FREE alternative to Microsoft Office, you could go with OpenOffice or IBM’s Symphony, but I don’t know why you would, since you already have access to Google Docs through your free gmail account.

Picassa and Flickr Picture-Sharing

These are becoming less relevant as more people move to the social media sites like Facebook for their filesharing, but Google’s Picassa and Yahoo’s Flickr websites still get the job done. They offer lots of free space, and make photo and graphics sharing a snap. If you already have a Google or Yahoo account, I’d recommend you stick with them just to reduce the number of username/passwords you have to remember. Otherwise, picking between them is a matter of taste. Try them both and see which seems more user-friendly to you.

Speedtest.net

Wanna know how fast/slow your internet connection really is? Go to speedtest.net (NOT DOT COM!!!) and click “Begin Test” (Watch out for other cleverly-named buttons on the site that are for other things) . In a few seconds you’ll have your real upload/download speed.

WordPress.org Free Website/Blog Development

It’s hard to believe WordPress software is free. WordPress lets users setup and customize a website without touching a single nybble of code. Setup is the hardest part, but the beauty of the plugins, themes, posting, widgets and website components makes WordPress worth paying for – only you don’t have to.  Add in the free website hosting on WordPress.com and there’s no reason someone with something to say or something to sell can’t have their own blog.

THE CHRISTMAS 2011 LIST OF AWESOME FREE SOFTWARE DOWNLOADS

These programs are software you download and install on your computer. Make sure you are downloading from a valid source and I recommend scanning any installers with the latest virus/spyware scanners before running them on your system.

BEWARE! – Many of the following softwares have both a free version and a paid version. Sometimes the paid version offers more functionality which you may not want or need. Make sure you are downloading the right version.

SugarSync Automatic File Backup, Sync and Sharing software

When I take a picture with my groovy Android phone, moments later it auto-magically appears on my desktop computer and laptop computers. How is this possible? Through the magical SugarSync program that runs in the background, monitoring folders on each computer and keeping them not only backed up to the cloud, but synchronized so that changes in files on one computer percolate over to other computers.

Dropbox is another popular auto-backup and sync software, but Sugarsync is better. I gave a detailed comparison of the two programs here: Great Software For Great Authors – Sugarsync vs Dropbox.

Steam Gaming Software

Originally created by Valve as an online security/license checking software for use with the Half Life 2 series of games, Steam is becoming the security method of choice for third party games, and the distribution method for smaller game studios around the world. Many games (like the latest kick-ass-RPG Skyrim) requires Steam in order to play on PC, even if you bought the product off the shelf. While some might find this a bit pushy, the benefits of Steam are too good to pass up.

The library function of Steam saves your game install software and license keys in the cloud. No need for the install media anymore. If you replace your computer, or you’re visiting a friend’s house and feel like playing, just install the steam client, (which runs on MAC or PC by the way) login and download/install/play. Not all games can be registered through Steam, but after using it, you’ll wish they could be. Game patches and updates are delivered seamlessly in the background. I only wish it could keep your saved games synced up to the cloud as well.

The community features let you friend up your posse and see when/what they are playing online. Voice chat or message your buddies through Steam and set up teams to play Left 4 Dead or Team Fortress 2, then voice chat in-game with Steam running in the background. Press F12 to grab screenshots of your game. These functions work even if you aren’t playing a steam-registered game!

The online store is evil genius. I’ve bought and downloaded more games through the Steam client in 2011 than I bought off the shelf. If you keep an eye out, you’ll be astonished by the prices. Oblivion was listed for $4.99 for one day only. I just picked up Portal 2 for $7.50. There are many free games and demos that you can get through Steam, including Alien Swarm. And purchasing games as gifts for friends is slick and easy.

Steam works on Windows or Mac. Make sure to friend me up on Steam, my user name is Conrad Zero.

Delicious Website Bookmarking

If you bounce between different computers, or different browsers on the same computer, you’ll quickly turn the word “Bookmarks” into a curse word. But Delicious.com‘s lovely online bookmarking service is an elegant solution. Install the delicious toolbar and your bookmarks are saved/synced to the cloud and all your computers/browsers .

FREE Antivirus Software from your Internet Service Provider

Many people are missing out on a free antivirus option. Comcast, Qwest, and other internet service providers (ISPs) offer you free antivirus software along with your internet service. Check your ISP’s website and see if they have a free antivirus program available. Usually, you will have to log in to the ISP website with your account info (username and password) and look in the support section, or search the site for antivirus download.

Avast FREE Antivirus Virus Protection

Avast works great, it’s low profile and QUIET, something I cannot say for other antivirus programs, even ones you have to pay for.

CCleaner Hard Drive Cleaner (older versions only)

Formerly “Crap Cleaner” and formerly free, I’m told the latest version is a 30 day trial, then you must pay to continue using it. But FileHippo has older versions of CCleaner which are still free to use and do the job.  (I’m not sure exactly where the versions change to trial versions, but I’m currently running version 3.03 which should never time out if you don’t update it.)

CCleaner does exactly what you think it does: it cleans crap off your hard drive. Temp files, browsing history, cookies, recycle bin… It’s a great way to tune up your slow computer and recover some hard drive space. I always run CCleaner before scanning for viruses/spyware and defragmenting hard disks.

Malwarebytes AntiMalware and Spybot Search and Destroy Malware Removal

Antivirus software is not enough. Malware is not the same as a virus, and virus scanners won’t find it. The horribly named programs  Malwarebytes AntiMalware and Spybot Search and Destroy will.  Update and scan with BOTH of these programs AND your antivirus software anytime you have odd or slow computer problems. Do this BEFORE you call your techie friend for help. Please.

Malwarebytes now has a paid version that runs in the background and provides continuous updated protection like your antivirus program, but most people can get by with the free version that must be updated and run manually. (Make sure to Decline the real-time version when you install, or you’ll end up with a 30-day trial of the paid version.)

Ashampoo Burning Studio Free CD/DVD/Blu-Ray Burning

Ashampoo is easy to use,  burns anything to anything, and it isn’t a background hog or “notice whore” like Nero and Roxio. Make sure you download the FREE version, and don’t upgrade this program. The updated version only works for a limited time unless you pay. The free version works great.

K-Lite Codec Mega-Pack Audio/Video Codecs

Saveau sez: K-Lite allows your computer to play back every form of non-mechanical media known to have been in use in this sector of the galaxy.  Ever.  It will integrate with Windows Media Player, or use the included Media Player Classic, or both, and runs without issue on XP, Vista, and Windows 7.  It can even allow older, slower computers to play back some modern HD content. If you run into a media file that Windows won’t play or you get a “missing codec” error, you need this program.

Imgburn The Ultimate Image Burner

Exactly what it says it is, imgburn does two things well: Creates ISO files from CD/DVD and creates CD/DVD from ISO files.

Virtual Clone Drive Virtual Drive Utility

Ever since discovering Virtual Clone Drive, I use it all the time instead of CD/DVD media. From the website:

Virtual CloneDrive works and behaves just like a physical CD/DVD drive, however it exists only virtually. Image files generated with CloneDVD or CloneCD can be mounted onto a virtual drive from your hard-disk or from a network drive and used in the same manner as inserting them into a normal CD/DVD drive.

The upshot is you can right-click ISO images and ‘mount’ them, then they become a drive in your computer just like you had put the CD/DVD in a drive. With Virtual Clone Drive you can move your entire catalog of games, movies and other optical media onto your hard drive! And accessing the virtual drives makes games load faster than from the CD/DVD drive.

Winimage Floppy Disk Imaging

In case you didn’t know, floppy disk technology is pretty much obsolete. But what if you still have a drawerful of recovery boot floppies, diagnostic programs and archaic hardware install floppies?

You need winimage. Winimage creates an executable image of many disk formats, including floppy disks. Running the executable file will ask for a target blank disk, which will be written with an exact duplicate of the original. This means you can now e-mail a bootable floppy disk, archive bootable floppy disks on your hard drive, and upload bootable floppy disks to the internet. Convert all those floppies to .exe files and store them on a USB drive or upload them to the cloud. Then, simply run the .exe and create clone floppies as you need them.

Winimage is trialware, meaning it is free for 30 days of use, but generally that’s all the time you need to archive that drawer full of floppy disks.

7Zip File Compression Utility

Saveau sez: Windows handles .zip files natively and WinZip and WinRAR can be used free with nag screens, but 7zip has the advantage of not merely being freeware, it is also a better program than either of those venerable commercial stalwarts. It is heavily multi-threaded to take advantage of multiple processor cores and can handle just about every compression scheme in existence.  I can’t imagine a computer without it as part of a standard build.

Evernote

Yes, I know I’ve already pointed Evernote out in the Apps and Services sections, but the Evernote software client is a must-have.  Install the local client on your computer and it runs in the system tray, ready to grab screenshots, selected text, or clipboard contents with a click. The browser plugin lets you grab full webpages, which makes it great for storing online purchase receipts, confirmations, website layout ideas… the uses are endless.

TeamViewer Remote Control and “MSTSC”

Teamviewer lets you remote control a computer across the internet with ease, even through firewalled network connections. The target user runs a small app which generates a session ID and password. You (the remote support person) type in the ID/Password of the target and whammo, you’re connected, controlling and viewing the target user’s computer, and showing grandma how to attach her cellphone camera pix to an e-mail. Again.

MSTSC stands for MicroSoft Terminal Server Connection, and it’s built into most Windows operating systems. If you Run this acronym a box will pop up saying “Remote Desktop Connection” and prompting you for a computer name to connect with. (Note: Remote Desktop must be enabled on the target PC.) This little tool is indispensable for accessing computers with video/keyboard problems or accessing virtual machines running somewhere on your network. Once you start using this handy built-in windows utility, you won’t soon forget how to spell it.

Clonezilla and MiniTool Disk Partition/Cloning Utilities

Clonezilla is a Linux-based Live CD that implements a command line interface for backing up and restoring a full image of your hard drive. If you didn’t understand that last sentence, you shouldn’t be using it. Clonezilla is not terribly user-friendly, but a workable free alternative to Symantec’s Ghost or Acronis Backup and Recovery software. Full Disclosure – I actually quit using Clonezilla once I purchased Acronis Backup and Recovery. Acronis is weapons-grade backup software, but it is not free, not even cheap. For those with more time and techieness than budget, Clonezilla works well.

Saveau recommends Minitool Partition Wizard and after a quick look, I will have to give it a try. Minitool Disk imaging is a marvelous suite of disk partition/backup/recovery tools that is  fully compatible with 64-bit versions of Windows even in the free version.  MiniTool also offers a free hard drive cloning utility that Saveau reports is a breeze to use.

SpaceMonger Hard Drive Graphical Representation

SpaceMonger shows you a visual representation of the files on your hard drive. File sizes are represented graphically instead of numerically. Larger files take up more space on the screen. This top-down view of your hard drive is far more intuitive than a listing of programs. Right away you can see where space is being wasted. SpaceMonger is a must for network admins running file servers.

Note that SpaceMonger was updated to a new version 2.1 that only works for a 30-day trial period, then you have to pay to continue using the software. You want the old-and-still-free version 1 which works just fine.

XBox Media Center Media PC Operating System

No, really. A fully free operating system for media PCs. Referred to me years ago on lifehacker.com, Saveau tells me the latest build of Xbox Media Center is absolutely phenomenal. If you have a spare box laying around, install XBox Media Center and throw it behind the TV in the living room, and enjoy photos, music and movies via a slick interface. Run it off the Live CD for a painless test-drive.

Virtual Box Virtualization Software

Saveau recommends Virtual Box software from Oracle that allows you to create virtual machines in your computer onto which you can install any compatible operating system you wish (provided you have the install disks for that OS).  Why would you want to do this?  Well, first of all it’s just plain cool   Secondly, Virtual Box differs from other similar packages in that it is much easier to install and configure, and it also gives your virtual machine low-level hardware access – meaning that you can install drivers for your graphics card and actually use them at a decent level of performance, something most virtualization software doesn’t even attempt.  Older programs which simply won’t run on Windows 7 can be installed on a virtual instance of Windows XP on your same machine and still use your existing hardware. Virtual Box is free, well documented, runs on Windows, OS X, Linux and Solaris, and loves multiple processor cores.

Happy Holidays! Enjoy your Free Apps, Software, and Services!

My thanks to Saveau for his help in building this list. If you have any comments or suggestions, add them to the comments section below.

I hope you enjoy this list of free, IT-approved software. Please spread the word. Link back to this post, and check back next year for the latest free goodness!

Like the film Snakes On A Plane, you should know what you’re getting into when you buy a ticket for a movie with a title like Hobo With A Shotgun. Unfortunately, that isn’t quite the case.

As someone who fondly remembers Rutger Hauer from his action-film heyday in the 80′s between Blade Runner and Blind Fury, I was saddened to see him reduced to a homeless old man. Furthermore I was warned that the movie was both loaded with preposterously violent content and bad writing, so I thought I was well prepared. I went in expecting to write this film off as one that you could guess your own review before you even saw it, then turn off your mind and go along for the ride.

I was wrong.

About halfway through the film, I realized that it wasn’t just the campy, schlock-horror gorefest I’d expected. The makers of Hobo With A Shotgun seem to be trying for some kind of retro, “bad” cult-movie status, like Chopping Mall or Jack Frost. Or taken to extremes in Asian films like Tokyo Gore Police or Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl. This is a different formula than Snakes on a Plane. These movies have more than just a zany concept, they embrace their own bad scripts, overacting and overuse of low-quality FX, while still managing to entertain. They transcend the standards of normal movies and somehow become “good”.

Like I said, it took me half the movie just to recalibrate my expectations. Once I understood the formula, I tried to tune out the bad parts and enjoy the movie for what it was.

It didn’t work.

Just because I understand what recipe the chef was “aiming for” doesn’t mean I like the way it tastes. There’s just too much unnecessary depravity in Hobo With A Shotgun; the kind of 13-year-old writing I’d expect to see in a Quentin Tarantino film:

• A man dressed as Santa Claus jacking off in his car while watching little kids in a playground.
• A guy who gives homeless people money if he can videotape them getting beat up and chewing glass.
• Topless girls laughing as they beat a man hung upside down like a pinata.
• Feeding a girl’s hand into a lawnmower. Slowly.
• Pimps playing poker for crying girls strung up from the ceiling like bloody cattle.
• A stripper dancing in a shower of blood that spews from the neck of a recently decapitated man.
• A school bus full of kids torched with a flamethrower.

Seriously, if any town was this bad, you’d just leave. And this list just scratches the surface of sick, depraved crimes committed in the sick, depraved town. But fear not! All of this evil is about to be avenged by…?

You guessed it. A Hobo With A Shotgun.

I can tell you that Rutger Hauer is the only believable character in this film, and his acting is very good, even when straddled with cheesy lines like this:

Hooker with a heart of gold: “You can’t solve every problem with a shotgun.”

Hobo with a shotgun: “It’s all I know.”

The rest of the characters are  stereotypes: the corrupt cop, the sociopathic bad guy, the hooker with a heart of gold. The  low-budget, real-world FX were a refreshing break from years of watching CG FX.

The target market for Hobo With A Shotgun is clearly 13-year old boys with anger management issues. They would LOVE this film. But they can’t (and shouldn’t) be allowed to watch it. If you are over 18 and you enjoy Rob Zombie movies and you are willing to explore the depths of human depravity, then you can probably enjoy Hobo With A Shotgun.

If there was an editor on hand to cut the bad ideas and bad dialog (easily half the movie) Hobo With A Shotgun could have been an enjoyable “Death Wish” derivative. But it seems the writers/producers were intent on trading fame for infamy.

The CDC Releases A Practical Preparedness Guide

Let it not be said that the CDC doesn’t have a sense of humor. (Sorry, double-negative. Let me try again.) The CDC definitely doesn’t lack a poor sense of non-humor. Check this out:

CDC has a fun new way of teaching about emergency preparedness. Our new graphic novel, “Preparedness 101: Zombie Pandemic” demonstrates the importance of being prepared in an entertaining way that people of all ages will enjoy. Readers follow Todd, Julie, and their dog Max as a strange new disease begins spreading, turning ordinary people into zombies. Stick around to the end for a surprising twist that will drive home the importance of being prepared for any emergency.

For those who’ve slogged through the Minneapolis Zombie Pub Crawl, you’d agree that the inevitable zombie apocalypse won’t be so bad. And anyone who lives in America might already think the Zombie Apocalypse has already occurred.

Whether you look forward to it or not, an Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse is, by definition, Inevitable. So you might wanna consider reading through the CDCs preparedness guide.

More Tools To Help You Make The Best Of The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse

Another tool to get you in the spirit of the Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse is the board game Pandemic, in which four players work together to stop the spread of four deadly diseases before they take over the world. After you play (and lose) this game a few times, you’ll have a new appreciation for the people who work to stop the pandemic.

You’ll also want something to read while you’re hiding beneath the stairs. I recommend this lovely dark fiction compilation.  You’ll probably want the paperback version, or a lot of batteries for your e-book reader.

Two more musts are hand sanitizer and keyboard/mouse cleaner. Get in the habit of using them now. Even if the Inevitible Zombie Apocalypse is years away, your IT guy will thank you.

What is Small Business Saturday?

I was surprised to learn that the idea to support local, independently owned and operated businesses over the holiday season was created by one of the biggest, nameless, faceless businesses of all time.

In November 2010, American Express promoted Small Business Saturday – a companion to  Black Friday and Cyber Monday, in which people were encouraged to patronize local brick-and-mortar stores instead of the mega-franchises.

This is clearly a Sign of the Apocalypse. But I think it’s a great idea. (Small Business Saturday, not the Apocalypse. No, wait. On second thought, they’re both pretty good ideas.) Actually, the idea behind Small Business Saturday isn’t altruistic. Small businesses take credit cards too, and American Express gets their cut whether you buy from a megastore or from an author who uses paypal or square to take credit cards at book signings/readings.

The Smallest Business is One Person

I’d actually suggest taking this concept a tiny step further. If you’re choosing to indulge in the post-thanksgiving consumerist binge, consider supporting products and services directly from local providers. I mean buying art directly from the artist. Not from a business. Not even from a small local business, but from PEOPLE.

Buy directly from the people who actually make the product or perform the service. 

It isn’t hard to find artists and crafters who live and work in your city: musicians, authors, salons, woodworkers, etc. Although they may not have a storefront. You may have to catch them at public appearances, or possibly through their websites. Finding them can be more fun than scouring the soul-crushing Mall of America.

I think this kind of gift is more thoughtful and meaningful to not just the gifter and the giftee, but also to your local artists. And it beats the hell out of a gift card to the mega-store.

I’ll take this opportunity to point out some independent artists from the Minneapolis area who are worth raving about. Want to make your gift extra-extra-special for no extra charge? Ask the artist to sign a personalized “Merry Christmas to…” for the recipient.

Minneapolis Musicians

Track down these great bands at a local show and buy the CD direct from the musician or through their websites.

• All The Pretty Horses have a CD release party on 2 Dec, along with Hastings 3000
• Check out the Phantom Tails/Fort Wilson Riot split vinyl release party on 3 Dec, and get two band releases for the price of one!
• Mark Mallman always has something going on.
• Mayda, Dosh, STNNNG, Tapes-n-Tapes, POS, Gay Witch Abortion, No Bird Sing, Haley Bonar, Peter Wolf Crier, and about a billion more to choose from. If all else fails, download Jagged Spiral’s album Days From Evil for free, burn it to a CD and say you paid for it.
• City Pages has an entire directory of Minneapolis bands.
• Check out vita.mn for local shows.

Minneapolis Authors

These authors have the occasional local reading/appearance, or contact them through their websites:

• Michael Merriam – Speculative Fiction, Paranormal Romance
• Abra Staffin Wiebe – Speculative Fiction, Steampunk and Fantasy
• Dana Baird – Young Adult Fiction
• Terry Faust – Speculative Fiction and Sci-Fi
• Christopher Valen – Crime
• Conrad Zero – Dark Fiction. Duh.
• Check out Magers and Quinn, Once Upon A Crime, Dreamhaven Books, and Uncle Hugo’s for more local author events, readings and recommendations.
• City Pages lists reading events here.

Minneapolis Artists

Musicians and authors are the company I keep, so it’s harder for me to list other local artists by name. But finding them for yourself can be half the fun.

• Anna Lee has some great fashion designs.
• Julia Leigh gives fun dance lessons, which would make a unique gift!
• Again, local news sources and search engines are your friend

Happy Consumering!

One thing that Buy Nothing Day and Small Business Saturday have in common is taking your money back from the fat-cats. You should consider where your money goes all the time, not just for one weekend of the year. Where does your money go if you buy at Walmart? Who knows? But if you buy from a local human being, you know. And there’s the added incentive that you are helping to improve the art in your community by supporting local artists.

If you know of more local artists people can support directly, list them in the comments.

And remember: consumerism is not the spirit of the holiday, and neither is giving each other gift cards.

 Yours Darkly,

Friends, Food and Firearms Make Great Gifts for Dark Fiction Authors

Many dark fiction authors are Nihilists and/or Buddhists, which makes gift-buying notoriously difficult.  What do you buy for someone who’s let go of material concerns and doesn’t want anything at all?

But don’t worry. I’ve compiled a short list of sure-fire gifts that will have the dark fiction author in your life smirking broadly. (They never smile. True.)

1 – A Thesaurus

As we all know, a thesaurus is the resultant offspring of a Magical Liopleurodon and a Balrog of Morgoth. Thesauri only eat live mammals, and they eat a lot. The City of Minneapolis bans walking thesauri during daylight hours, which makes them perfect companions for our dark fiction friends here in flyover-land.

I got one, and while I don’t see why a thesaurus is a MUST for authors in general, but I can tell you their temperament is a perfect match for dark fiction authors. They make very loyal pets, and they’re a great inspiration for story material.

Added Benefit: Having a thesaurus also keeps stalker fans and agents from visiting.

2 – Unicorn Meat

Even dark fiction authors have to eat. And where else can you get a full day’s supply of sparkles AND magic? Radiant Farms Canned Unicorn Meat is sure to hit the spot, and give any dark fiction author a boost of energy during those late-night manuscript revisions.

My thesaurus LOVES unicorn meat, but as I said, it only eats live mammals, which makes unicorn meat an extremely rare treat at my house.  Which is a good thing, because cleanup is a bitch.

3 – Mossberg 590A1 Tactical Shotgun

Dark fiction authors have manuscripts to defend. They got mouths to feed. And keeping unruly agents, stalker fans, unicorns and thesauri in line cannot be left to standard-issue armament.

Hence, the Mossberg 590A1 Tactical Shotgun:

9 shot. 12 gauge. An aluminum stock that does more positions than the Kama Sutra. And it comes in Dark-Fiction-Author-Black.

I highly recommend Glaser Safety Slugs for indoor use.

Comments?

It’s a short list, I know, but beyond friends, food, and firearms, there’s not much to pique the interest of your average dark fiction author.

If you know of other great gifts for authors of dark fiction, be sure to drop your suggestions in the comments below.

Most authors have blogs, and most bloggers know about problogger.net. It’s a great resource to help you build a better blog.

I’ve been following Darren Rowse over at ProBlogger.com for years now, and I have to admit that his 31 Days To Build A Better Blog e-book / workbook is well worth buying. This handy, concentrated source of blog-tastic info should be the first stop for authors looking to increase their traffic, networking and conversion rates on their blog.

I purchased last year’s edition of 31 Days to Build A Better Blog, and just the few changes I implemented from that book throughout 2011 have helped my blog traffic and subscriber count grow significantly. I can’t contribute all the traffic growth to Darren Rowse, but I know that 31DBBB helped. I didn’t think twice about buying the 2012 edition, which was just released.

Over the next several weeks I’ll work with the updated version of 31DBBB and work a little harder to implement the tips there. My goal is to double my existing traffic and subscription rates, just in time for the end of the world on 21 Dec 2012.