We're told that everyone has a story inside them.

Somehow, mine escaped.

I looked over at the printer, and there it was. Over four-hundred, tree-killing pages of adjective-laden, occult/action/adventure nonsense, sure to send even the most patient copy editor into conniptions. (Unless they charged by the mistake.)

As you read this, several copies of "The Demonslayer's Handbook - Book One" are circulating a tightly scrutinized list of pre-readers. In the meantime, I've drowned myself in books, websites and RSS feeds on writing/publishing from insiders and outsiders, those who've succeeded and failed, those who swear by the system, and those who swear at it. After what seems like ages of introspection and research, I've come to several conclusions.

First, any writer foolish enough to go through the traditional publishing route for a 'book deal' (esp. for fiction) is... a complete fool. Whatever can be said about the recording industry for music goes equally well for the publishing industry. You'd be money ahead using those printed manuscript pages to heat your home this winter.

Second, anyone foolish enough to try to self-publish their work of fiction is... an utter fool. Publishers will tell you that Print On Demand is the new 'vanity press' and Amazon is destroying the printed world by enticing authors to 'the Dark Side' of self-publishing their own works. Why would anyone buy your crap that's about as low-quality and apocryphal as the average blog post? You're better off taking all the money you would have put into the set-up fee for Print On Demand, and take it to the casino instead.

The upshot here is that anyone foolish enough to try to write a work of fiction now-a-days is...well, a complete and utter fool. Especially niche-y, urban fantasy that sounds like a knock-up of Dan Brown's "Demons and Angels" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer".

So the vote is in. Conventional Wisdom has Spoken. Don't do it. Don't be a complete and utter fool.

Ha! Good thing I'm a rebel who only listens to conventional wisdom long enough to decide what I can do to piss everyone off. The book's very existence is as unplanned as a broken condom; no reason it can't be leveraged into a Happy Accident.

I've no doubt that I'll be not only a complete and utter fool, but also a complete and utter failure. However, if I may be so bold as to quote the wise King Theoden:

"If this is to be our end, then I would have them make such an end, as to be worthy of remembrance."

In other words, if I can't be astounding, then perhaps I can be an astounding failure. I could very well end up the publishing industry's poster-boy for Why You Should Never Ever Self Publish!

I'm going to put together a list of goals, and a timeline. I'll track all the time and expenses spent on this Beautiful Disaster, and I'll be sure to post all the cold, hard numbers right here on www.conradzero.com.

Just you watch...

Art Is Resistance
-Zero

Labels: The Demonslayers Handbook, Writing