Oddly enough, I did not buy "Dead Man Rising" for its front cover of a dark, attractive heroine; sword in one hand and a pistol in the other. I bought it for the back cover, which was facing out because someone at Shinder's didn't bother to put it back in the rack correctly.

The words "When the dead call, she answers" immediately piqued my interest. The rest of the jacket copy went on to tell of a half-demon-female bounty hunter in a futuristic/paranormal setting. At that point, my money was already spent. Then I flipped through the book, and found a glossary in the back (fantastic!) and even a transcript of a lecture on the Nine Canons of Magic, and a term paper on Demons. Seeing this level of detail in other books always makes me feel the story has more weight and depth to it. I did the same when I wrote "The Demonslayers Handbook", adding a glossary of terms and a description of how demons work. I'm thrilled to see other authors take this level of time and effort to enrich their works.

After reading "Dead Man Rising", I can say that Lilith Saintcrow is a Very Good Writer. Her work flows well and her story has excellent pacing. The world of Dante Valentine combines high-tech futuristica with a magical environment. For you gamers out there, just think Shadowrun. For the rest of you, imagine the world after an 'Enlightenment' of magic, where witches and shamans go to school to learn how to hone their abilities of spellcasting, and necromaces can commune with the recently dead. Demons, werewolves (called werecain), sexwitches and magicians living more or less together in a world loaded with high-technology. High-tech weapons, automated flying cars [Editor's Note: Don't even get me started about flying cars...] and hyper-synthetic materials. (Molecule-Drip Nail Polish? Plasteel? Reactive Paint?) All in all, a rich, well-conceived world, and Miss Saintcrow holds you in that world, never letting you forget where you are.

Miss Saintcrow writes from First Person Perspective only, which I despise, but since so many authors are doing it now, I won't dismiss a book right off for using it. Dead Man Rising is told from the perspective of the heroine, Dante (Danny) Valentine. Miss Saintcrow is truly able to put the reader into the head of the heroine, and remain in that perspective throughout the story. (Unlike Laurell K Hamilton's "Guilty Pleasures", which jumped noticably OUT of First Person on more than one distracting occasion.) Unfortunately, it is exactly this ability of Miss Saintcrow to put the reader into the head of her main character which ruined "Dead Man Rising" for me.

This is because I found the character Dante Valentine completely unlikable, and that's putting a heavy sugar-coat on it. Getting inside her head properly, as Miss Saintcrow arranges, only makes it worse. Telling the entire story from Dante Valentine's point of view only multiplies the problem ten-thousandfold.

Here's why:

-Dante Valentine is beautiful. Very very very beautiful. In fact, Dante Valentine continually reminds you about her beautiful, unblemished golden skin, and her black, Molecule-Drip Nail Polish, and how she looks like a holovid star, with her golden skin, and beautiful ringlets of dark hair. Of course it goes without saying that her bosoms are beautiful and natural, but Dante Valentine says it anyways, and...did I mention that her skin is golden? I did? Good, I wouldn't want you to forget, because Dante Valentine wouldn't let me forget how goldeny-smooth her golden skin was when she mentioned it in every chapter.

-Dante Valentine is powerful. Very powerful. If you thought she was beautiful, that ain't shit compared to how powerful she is. Sekhmet sa'es, she's a Half-Demon for Anubis' sake! Just her raised voice can wreck your house and set off car alarms in neighboring counties! The Power she wields would be devistating if unchecked by her only-slightly-more-powerful self control. When Dante Valentine isn't reminding you of how beautiful she is, she's reminding you of how much Power she has at her disposal. Simply too much for mere human "normals" (Interestingly, in "The Demonslayer's Handbook", I call them "Regulars"...)

-Dante Valentine hates everyone (except her Full-Blooded Demon Lover Who Was Killed By Satan And Died Tragically In Her Golden Arms). Examples of Dante Valentine's bitch-ness abound, but the most blatant and recurring examples involve her tagalong, normal-human-male-boytoy-servant "Jace", who follows her throughout the story like a puppy-dog, groveling for her attention and doing as he is told. Some of Jaces contributions to the story:

• Cleared a space off the table for Dante to work


• Booked her a hoverlimo for the evening, then stayed quietly at home as he was told. Good boy.


• Arranged meetings for Dante Valentine with various people, and sometimes he was even allowed to follow Dante Valentine to the meetings, as long as he stayed behind her and off to one side. Quietly. Who's a Good Boy? That's right! Jace! Jace is a Good Boy!


• Miscellaneous Manual Labor, and Looking Hot With His Shirt Off


• Researched all people on a list to see who was still living in the city


• Got Drunk and sleept nude in the same bed as Dante Valentine, but No Touch-Touchy! Because if you remember, Dante Valentine is Very Powerful, and one Powerful Touch of Her Goldeny Smooth Skin (I mentioned the golden skin before right?) and poor-old Jace would be ripped limb from limb by the devistating release of Powerful Power! Because in case you forgot...

-Dante Valentine is Powerful. Very Very powerful. She beats her own sensai at staff-fighting, bosses around the chief-of-police, and kills off werecain just as fast as her skin can instantly heal back to a goldeny smoothness. She can inject healing Power right into others! She can cast runes and spells, talk with the dead, and see into the future! She can see in almost total darkness! She has heightened speed and reflexes! She eats enough food to feed three football teams in a single evening and never gains a pound due to her Demonic Metabolism! Like Steven King said, she probably "farts purfume and shits petunias..."

-Dante Valentine is Misunderstood! Sure she's a stark raving bitch in the even numbered chapters and an erotic tease in the even numbered ones, but if they only knew about the italicized first person rationalizations, then they would know better than to..

• Disagree with Dante Valentine


• Question Dante Valentine's decisions


• Not jump when Dante Valentine tells them to clear the damn table off so she can have a place to work, and then sit quietly in the corner as they are told.


• Fail to notice her golden skin[Editor's note: Saw that one coming, didn't you? I'm telling you this isn't half as often as it's mentioned in the book.]


• Fuck with Dante Valentine! Who would dare to Mess with her? Don't they know....

-Dante Valentine is POWERFUL! VERY VERY VERY FUCKING POWERFUL! She does not age, and when she either outlives or kills off all the other Gods, her skin will still be golden and smooth. When The Devil (Yes, the Devil) calls her on the telephone because he can't breach her defensive spells, here is how Danny Valentine talks to him, "...you're just lucky I don't come after you..." and "Look here, you son of a bitch..." [Editors Note to Self: DO NOT FUCK WITH DANTE VALENTINE!]

So, you might like "Dead Man Rising" by Lilith Saintcrow if you can identify with a self-centered, egotistical bitch with the power of God herself and sexy, golden skin, who was continually demeaning to others, and then rationalizing it to the reader through First Person Italicized Thoughts.

I couldn't, so it brought "Dead Man Rising" from an 8 down to a 5. Plus, I learned a valuable lesson. Good writing skills are only half the story.

Read on,
-CZ

Labels: Authors, Book Review, Writing