[Ed Note: This movie review is dedicated to pattonjr5. See? I don't just watch blockbuster movies...]

Xtina and I were walking through our local Hollywood Video, and the cover of this DVD caught her eye.

"Oh my Gawd," she said, "Would you *Look* at this!"

"Ewww," I said, and made the face I usually reserve for people who put vinegar on their French Fries.

It was pretty bad. Scratch that - it was Mega-Bad. In a bad way. The cover was something I would never have even picked up off the shelf, a screaming blue face with poorly CG-ed hooks pulling on the skin. Whatever picture you have in your head right now, this was worse.

Not wanting to judge a DVD only by its cover, I immediately read the back. Turning the DVD over revealed a much Much MUCH better graphic, Tanya Dempsey (whom we All remember from The Coven, right? Um, Right?) holding a wicked looking shiv, in a total hero pose. I read the blurb on the back - a group of cultists unwittingly release a demon into LA, and two demon-hunters have to track it down.

Hmm, sounds familiar, since that's the basic premise of the book I'm currently writing, with the exception that my story is set in Minneapolis. I'm certain that there are plenty of demons walking around LA right now, but that town is so fucked up that no one notices. If a demon popped up here in flyoverland, we would be rolling out that giant semi truck with the big lightning-beam-gun-thing, and those trucks with the fifty or so rockets on it, that you see in the Godzilla movies (Yes, we have those.)

But I digress.

The plot outline alone was worth the three dollar rental; call it 'research' if you like, but honestly I'm always game for quality indie horror, although I know that sounds as much of a oxymoron as Jumbo Shrimp or Reality TV. But, I assure you it is out there, you just need to be brave, and take chances, and not be afraid to slog through a lot of shit to find the good ones. (They aren't even Crap, they are Shit, plain and simple).

So J-manand Spooncame over, and bravely volunteered to give 'Guardian of the Realm' a right proper MST3K viewing with the obligatory 2-drink minimum.

Wow. I was more than just pleasantly surprised. The movie refused to accept indie-mediocrity, and strove for a standard movie formula. They refused to let their own shortcomings hold them back, as so many B-grade horror films do. (By adding in Laughably Bad Effects or dialog, preposterous plot jumps, breaking the fourth wall, etc...) This is the movie I think a lot of indie horror filmsters wish they could make, and I wish more of them would try. Not that all indie filmers should take themselves seriously, but rather, the specific genre of B-Horror films could do better with their budgets, and remember that fake blood and bad jokes are no substitute for good writing.

This isn't to say that the movie was not funny. I mean, come on; when the demon-slayer is yelled at by his boss for wearing too much black leather? When the slain demons dissolve into Styrofoam packing peanuts? Spoon had a good point, "why didn't they use kitty litter?" Good question.

The acting varied, but the main characters were solid, likeable and even more-or-less believable. I was able to hold the dialog in check with a small suspension of disbelief.

The plot was really good, and well thought out. Maybe a touch contrived, but then again, if the plot involves supernatural beings, you gotta contrive a bit.

The music throughout the movie was bad. Not really bad, but just plain, lower-case-b bad. The music over the end credits was phenomenal, and made me want to bust out all my Enigma and Delirium CDs... Sound as a whole was OK, a little quiet overall, and when the demons talked it sounded like someone used every single audio effect plug-in at once.

The makeup job for the demons is better than I expected. I have always preferred monster-type monsters (Aliens, The Thing, etc...) to humans wearing masks, but I realize how difficult this is to pull off without blowing the HokeyMeter off the charts, and I have come to accept the contacts/mask/fangs/makeup as a reasonable 'monster' facsimile in lower budget films. I am not as forgiving for bigger budgets (you heard me, Star Trek...)

The CG deserves special mention, because the movie has plenty of After Effects in it. Mostly the FX were OK, but the elevator scene was unnecessary and overdone, and the ending turns a little 'ghostbuster-ish' with the sky and all.

The fight scenes were top notch. Tasteful wire-work, and short, solid bursts of fighting, which accentuated the story without becoming the story, like in many martial arts flicks. (...which is what makes them "martial arts" flicks, I suppose.)

...And what of the cover? The screaming blue face with the hooks through it? It had NOTHING to do with the movie whatsoever. (Although it looks the way I imagine Hollywood would look if I told it that 'Guardian of the Realm' was a better movie than 'King Kong'...) So the lesson of this sermon is not to judge movies solely based on the cover art.

Blog on,
-CZ

Labels: Hollywood, indie movies, movie reviews