God, I wish I was making this up. Uwe Boll, the man responsible for such atrocisities against humanity as "Alone In The Dark" and "Bloodrayne" is somehow still employed making movies based on video games, and currently is wrapping up shooting a movie based on the game Dungeon Siege. Once finished, the worst filmmaker in the world will hack out a movie based on the worst video game in the world: Postal.

For those who don't know, Postal is based loosly around a postal worker who goes bonkers and starts killing people (I seem to remember this was an ongoing occurance, Workers of the US Post Office going on killing sprees, which actually spawned this strange use of the phrase "Going Postal" meaning go into a beserker killing rage - Strange days indeed.) The game was simply a top-down shooter strategy game you can check it out and even download the demo from gamespot. I believe this was the first game to have a flamethrower as a weapon. The goal of the game was just to kill people, and it got all kinds of bad press, and all kinds of kids like me to rush to download the demo.

Imagine the world's surprise when a second version of the game was released, even more over the top, and to give you an idea, one of the weapons at your disposal was your, um..., your well, your penis. Yes that's right, you could piss on anything in the game, including yourself if you pissed straight up in the air, (which was actually how you put yourself out if you caught on fire) And the sound effects were disturbingly good.

No I'm not making this up.

The Postal game series was intended to push the limits of what is acceptable in gaming, just like Uwe Boll's movies push the limits of what is acceptable for entertainment, so the two should be a perfect match.

Now the good part.

Uwe Boll is sick of the criticism he recieves on his dreadful films, and has challenged his detractors to a boxing match. Those who wrote anything negative about Boll before 2006 can send a copy to info@boll-kg.de and some will be selected to go toe-to-toe with Boll in the boxing ring. The boxing matches between Boll and 'those who dont understand his work' will be recorded and parts used in the upcoming Postal movie.

No, really, I am NOT making this up.

Among the challenged is yet another horseshit movie maker: Quentin Tarantino.

Remember when the two geekiest kids in your school fought eachother to see who was at the very bottom of the pecking order? Who will win? Who cares! I personally think they should fight eachother in the ring with flamethrowers, then everyone wins!

Blog on,
-CZ

Labels: Funny, Movie News