It recently came up that I don't approve/endorse/enjoy/participate in 'practical jokes' on April Fools Day. I just wanted to reassure people that I do, in fact, have a sense of humor. Its just that I have never found 'practical' jokes funny. Pulling someone's chair out from under them as they are about to sit down? Mixing blue food coloring into the shampoo? Hiding their car keys?

Yeah, hysterical.

I am trapped on a planet with enough fools to make every day Fool's Day. Two examples from last week should suffice:

Thursday - I'm making a left-hand turn at a lighted intersection, and some Fool comes the other way barrels through a Red Light making that infamous "Right Turn On Red Without Stopping Or Looking" Then when I slam on my brakes to avoid taking his pathetic life...

...he flips me off.

Friday - I'm in the grocery store, and I'm in a hurry. (Of course, these things never happen when I am not in a hurry) For some reason, the store is filled with only Senior Citizens. While I have to problem with this, they teeennnnd tooooooo mooooovvvveee sssssssssllllllllllloooooooowwwwwwwlllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. So, I do my best mad dash through the store and around several surprised patrons to get pork chops/toilet brush/I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, and race for the one checkout which just opened up. Amazingly, this little old lady with a nearly-full grocery cart, whose rate of speed could be most effectively measured in inches per hour, suddenly turns into a fucking Human Lightning Bolt, dashing as though she had just downed an entire 695mL bottle of Jolt Cherry Bomb, and she was trying out for the Olympics fifteen-meter dash. Guess what happens once she is in front of me in line? Yyyyyyyooooooouuuuuu gggguuuueeeeeesssseeeddddd iiiiittttttt.......

Shit like this happens to me all the time, and it proves two things:
1)There is a God
2)God thinks that every day Is April Fools Day

When I die, I am going to break into God's house, and put Saran Wrap over her toilet, so when she takes a leak, it's going all over her bathroom floor. Then we will see how funny it is...

Blog on,
-CZ

Labels: A Day In The Life, idiots