Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Grocery Store Blues

I was just ROFL over this post and I couldn't agree more, but I can actually add one thing she missed.

I suspect the grocery store she frequents does not have the New-And-Improved-Employee-Replacing-Self-Checkout but if it does, this is a major complainable item, and the number one reason that I don't frequent [Fill In The Blank Megastore] Foods unless absolutely necessary.

If there was ever a device devised to slow you down and make your checkout experience as frustrating as humanly (now inhumanly) possible, it is the Self-Checkout. Before they arrived I would have agreed that the job of cash register clerk was one of the first that should be replaced by a computer, (Right after the DMV and the Post Office)

As anti-social as I am, I still would prefer a 16-year old, slacker, high-school dropout wearing an Ipod to scan my groceries. Why? Because they don't talk as much as that fucking machine. 'Please scan the next item!' 'Please scan the next item!' 'Please scan the next item!'

HOW DO YOU SHUT THIS FUCKING THING UP?

I've done the self-checkout several times (Hmm, maybe I should rephrase that...) enough to call myself 'proficient' at it. I don't need to be told to scan the next item, or where the credit card reader is, or to take my change. I don't need an annoying BOOP audio cue to tell me the bar code was properly scanned - an on-screen visual of the item added to the list is sufficient. What I need is the ability to turn the damn speaker off, which should have been the second control installed on this million-dollar-annoyance, right after the ON/OFF switch.

Also, which do you think is faster at scanning a hundred items UPC codes? A 16-year old, slacker, high-school dropout who scans bar codes all day and plays marathon HALO deathmatch all night....or you?

Furthermore, If I am going through the self-checkout, shouldn't I be getting some kind of discount on my bill? Aren't I doing the checkout for the store, so they can lay off some poor kid making minimum wage? Why don't they tie brooms to the bottoms of all the shopping carts, and I can sweep the fucking floor for them while I make my rounds, and they can lay off a janitor while they are at it....

Blog on,
-CZ

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Conrad Zero - Minneapolis Musician Author and Demonologist