Im sure you have all read the news about The War on Porn But fear not; the War is over. The Dickhead Formerly known as the President of the United States is no longer in charge: I am. Those who have kept up with my blog know that I have supplanted him as the Self-Proclaimed King of the United States. And in my continuing struggle to make America a better place, here are some more commandments which go into effect immediately:

-Porn is not a problem, American attitudes are a problem. Europeans have had topless advertisements forever, but Janet Jackson whips out a mammary, and Americans have a fucking Grand Mal. NO MORE! I am hereby disbanding the FCC, the RIAA and whatever ridiculous task force the government might have put together to waste taxpayer money, and save us from bestiality videos. If people would like to volunteer their free time to putting together a list of websites you should be prevented from seeing, they have the right to do so. If you would like to take their advice, you have the right to do so. If someone wants to videotape themselves being tied up, stripped and whipped, and post it to their website, then they have the right to do so, and God Bless Em! You also have the right NOT to watch it.

-The National Anthem has now been changed to Nirvanas Nevermind

-Regarding New Orleans, two items of note: 1-New Orleans is right next to An Amazingly Large Body Of Water. 2-New Orleans is Lower In Altitude Than Said Large Body Of Water. Do the Fucking Math. Therefore, what was formerly known as 'New Orleans' is now officially called 'New Orleans Bay', and instead of wasting money on restoration so this catastrophe can repeat in a decade or two, the money will be spent on relocating the people and businesses to places Above Sea Level.

-Californians should take note of the above item, and when the SanAndreas Fault breaks, and California slides off into the ocean, I want those of you living there to remember how little you paid to live on a dangerous. . . huh? whats that? You Paid HOW MUCH? (Boy are you stupid. Never mind.)

-All overseas military are to be returned home, where they can serve and protect their country. There will be plenty of spies sent out to foreign countries, and any country which acts up will be obliterated into a flat, black, radioactive parking lot. No Joke.

-United States currency will switch over to the Euro, along with a solemn apology for dumping all that tea in the ocean years ago. Lets let bygones be bygones, and work towards One World Currency.

-The owner of the Buick Corporation will immediately be burned at the stake for using the Aerosmith song 'Dream On' in a car commercial. Just because there is no more RIAA, doesnt mean we take timeless classics and debase them by using them to sell shit cars.

Plenty more commandments to come.

Conrad, King of the United States

Labels: A Day In The Life