I've decided that the Republicrat system of government we currently have in place is not working, and have declared myself as the First King of the United States. My first acts as King are as follows:

-The Metric System. Right Fucking Now.
-Tom Green, Adam Sandler and Howard Stern are to be Stoned to Death for crimes against comedy.
-Bruce Springsteen can choose between Exile and being Stoned to Death. (Reason? 'The Rising' is an unforgivable cash-in on the 9-11 tragedy. Nice try, Jerk. Get the hell out of my country.)
-George Lucas is hereby ordered to retract the Star Wars episodes I, II, and III, and refund all the money. He is then given one year per episode to remake them, and if they suck as bad as his first attempts, he will be Stoned to Death for crimes against humanity. If there is any mention of 'midoclorians' he will be Burned at the Stake.
-No More Death Row. Instead of being sentenced to life in prison, guilty parties will be Burned to Death in the town square. This will be televised and free for public viewing (Rating PG-13)
-No More Traditional Prisons. Those who cannot abide by the laws set down by the King, (and the Former Government), will work on self-sufficient farms, providing services for the community; farming, cleaning, recycling, and maintenance of roadways and public areas.
-No more Traditional Courtrooms. Since you like your "reality TV" so much, all trials will be moved to live television, and the audience can vote for free via phone or internet. It is every person's moral obligation to vote on these issues. One vote per person. (For those of you who don't understand how this works, look up the word 'Democracy'.)
-All people will have a RFID/GPS chip attached to their brains, so the government can know where you are at all times. Cameras will be mounted at every corner and recorded. There is no longer an expectation of privacy in public areas.
-No person can own more than one billion dollars worth of assets, cash, stocks, etc. The very idea is ridiculous. Anything above and beyond this margin will go to a fund, managed by the King.
-The King will have a secret group of Smokin-Hot Female Ninja Assassins to make sure these laws are enforced.

Rule on,
-C

Labels: political